What am I doing?

[bihusband]

I'm married to a woman and recently came out to her as bisexual. She wasn't surprised but very accepting. We talked about how I would like to have sex with men and she gave me her blessing. We agreed I would let her know what I'm doing and when I meet someone I tell her when and where. She asked me to get tested but that's about it. I love spending time with her but it's easier to hook up when she's not around. She's out of town in a few weeks and I plan to get wild. I even bought some nice jocks I always wanted to try and wear without her knowing.

Thing is I've been reading and watching a lot of bareback porn lately and find myself very attracted to it. During one of those jerk off sessions I got so horny about it that I ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it. And yet I'm wondering Where is this going? Would I really bareback and let someone cum in me?

What am I doing?

[Bottom Jim]

Go for it. There is nothing better than letting a guy cum in your ass. 

[BootmanLA]

2 hours ago, bihusband said:

I'm married to a woman and recently came out to her as bisexual. She wasn't surprised but very accepting. We talked about how I would like to have sex with men and she gave me her blessing. We agreed I would let her know what I'm doing and when I meet someone I tell her when and where. She asked me to get tested but that's about it. I love spending time with her but it's easier to hook up when she's not around. She's out of town in a few weeks and I plan to get wild. I even bought some nice jocks I always wanted to try and wear without her knowing.

Thing is I've been reading and watching a lot of bareback porn lately and find myself very attracted to it. During one of those jerk off sessions I got so horny about it that I ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it. And yet I'm wondering Where is this going? Would I really bareback and let someone cum in me?

What am I doing?

What are you doing? Only you can answer that.

She's given her consent to you having sex with men (Kudos to her). She asked you to get tested, which suggests she's aware of health concerns.

So: why not go on PrEP, and suggest to her that she go on it as well, to protect herself in the (hopefully unlikely) event you contracted HIV while with another man? Only you can guess whether she'd consider that as being supportive of her health and keeping her safe, or as a warning sign you planned to "get wild" as you noted.

While that wouldn't address concerns about other STIs - and you should get screened for them regularly if you're on PrEP, and even if you don't - it would take care of "the big one", as they say. And while it's true that HIV meds are now widely available, covered by most insurance, and pretty effective, they're a lifetime commitment. With PrEP, if you ever decided to give up on outside sex, or if you two split up down the road (that's a valid concern), she can go off PrEP if it's no longer relevant in her life. If she were to contract HIV through you and your "getting wild", there's no off-ramp for the treatment.

Other than that, as long as you stay within the guardrails of whatever limits she puts on your outside sex, the rest is details. If you like the shirt, wear it when you're having sex with men. Ditto for the jocks. I suspect she doesn't want to know the details of your experiences, and that's what those are - details. Just keep them from spilling over to the rest of your life (ie PrEP, STI testing, etc.).

[Guest]

If she gave you the ok then it’s fine just keep to her rules as well she want you to tell her so on my wife wants me and is going to let me have sex with others as long as she knows about it or is in the room watching it happen that’s her rules she always know I was bi and so is she and she also knows I dress as a woman but as I say if your with her keep to the rules s long as you want to be with her and still if not when meeting people off the internet it’s always a good idea to tell a friend where you are going who you going to see also get them to call you see it your ok or if going to a pub cafe so on you could get them to go with you make out your not with them so on to be safe 

[DarkroomTaker]

Be upfront with her, she seems understanding. If you dont want to tell her then bide by her requests to keep you both safe, especially her.

Why dont you go on Prep if that works for you.

Keep well

 

[just_mike69]

I am also married to a wonderful woman. I told her when we started dating I was bisexual and loved sucking cock and anal sex. 
  She accepts me for me. I am on prep and enjoy bareback sex. Unless you are really a chaser It is the start thing to do.
   I will be honest. I have taken med vacation and had risky sex for the thrill of it.  

[Roughme101]

Your doing all the right things being responsible... 

So reap the rewards and play bare as nothing beats the feeling of raw cock sliding in (accept being breed lol).

[PozBearWI]

23 hours ago, Iwantpozzing said:

If she gave you the ok then it’s fine just keep to her rules as well she want you to tell her so on my wife wants me and is going to let me have sex with others as long as she knows about it or is in the room watching it happen that’s her rules she always know I was bi and so is she and she also knows I dress as a woman but as I say if your with her keep to the rules s long as you want to be with her and still if not when meeting people off the internet it’s always a good idea to tell a friend where you are going who you going to see also get them to call you see it your ok or if going to a pub cafe so on you could get them to go with you make out your not with them so on to be safe 

Indeed this is an option.   We could follow her 'rules' to the letter. 

Somehow for me that just doesn't fit.  My partner isn't "in my way" sexually.  In fact my mate isn't "in the way" on any front.  We have a partnership we've openly agreed to for life, knowing the pitfalls we sometimes stumble on; and full well knowing that one of us is going to the others funeral.  We care about each others happiness.  And we are curious to experience how our relationship is evolving.  There is nothing we can't discuss and resolve.  Given that and the fact we are completely open sexually; it seems my most loving behavior would be to do my best to do more than "follow the rules" when and how I can.  If we're sharing our lives, why would we do otherwise?  

[viking8x6]

On 4/24/2022 at 9:58 AM, bihusband said:

...ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it.

It looks to me like this is your point of conflict. You want to wear it... and by extension, you want to have a man fuck you bare and cum in you. But you don't want her to see that shirt. Ask yourself: Why not? You don't know what she would think, or how she would feel - she hasn't seen it yet! And yet she asked you to get tested. The implication of that is that she believes it is likely that you already have had a man fuck you bare and cum in you (or at least encountered that much risk of HIV exposure). And, from your observation, she's not freaked out by that, she's supportive.

My advice (worth its weight in gold, remember!) is to get your hungry ass on PrEP and fulfill your needs... with your wife's blessing. And rejoice and be thankful that you are in such a wonderfully healthy relationship!

And if you want that blessing explicitly ahead of time - there's only one way to get it (ask her). Just remember, neither you nor she knows for sure ahead of time how you will feel about it. You can guess, but the proof of the pudding is only in the eating.

[bihusband]

Thanks for all the great replies.

Yes I'm very lucky she's so open, accepting and understanding. She really means a lot to me and I would never want to hurt her. 

When she said I should get tested she said it would only be fair because I would expect the others to be tested and negative as well. At least that's how I understood it when she said it. We have actually never talked about condoms but I assume she wants me to use them. I guess that's something we need to talk about even though I think I already know the answer.

Going on PrEP is a good idea and I might need to do that. I plan on going to the clinic this week to get tested and I can ask about that too.

Here's what made me write what I did. I'm very glad she consented to me having sex with men. It opened up something I had kept from a long time. I finally felt free. I allowed myself to express my desires. I think that also led to me ordering the shirt as an acknowledgment of my desires. But while I've had sex with men the desire to bareback was never real, it was a fantasy. Ordering that shirt was as if that fantasy spilled over into reality. It's ridiculous, I know, but that made me freak out a bit. Because now there is this object that has my desire on it, plain to see. If that's what happens when I get horny, what's keeping me from actually going through with it? 

The other thing that made me freak out a bit was that after finally being open with my wife and her accepting me as I am, I have something else that I keep hidden from her, quite literally. I'm scared to think of what happens when she finds that shirt. Back to square one. It feels like I'm breaking her trust. Which I guess I am. I'm still afraid about being open with her, for fear of rejection. 

[hntnhole]

On 4/24/2022 at 9:58 AM, bihusband said:

What am I doing?

First, get on PReP, and get the shots against the various bugs that will come  your way sooner or later.  Then, put on your shirt, shuck your pants and start taking as much raw Cock up your gut as you can.  Just make sure to be as honest with her as she wants you to be.  Tell her what she wants to know, and no more; she probably doesn't want to know any more.

Good luck, bud 

[RealCute]

Follow the advice given above but remember if you are allowed to play she too should be granted the same freedom.  It's very possible she all so will find new play buddies, which in turn could allow her to fall in love with some else 100% committed to her.

 

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, RealCute said:

Follow the advice given above but remember if you are allowed to play she too should be granted the same freedom.  It's very possible she all so will find new play buddies, which in turn could allow her to fall in love with some else 100% committed to her.

Theoretically possible. But honestly: any person who will happily fuck another person who's married and in an open relationship is unlikely to want a closed relationship with that person for himself. 

[ErosWired]

@bihusband - Your wife has accepted this aspect of your nature, and has made allowance for you to express it. She has acknowledged that you are introducing a measure of unknown risk into both of your lives - not just yours, but also hers - and is requesting only that you take a reasonable measure to ensure both her safety and your own.

Do not abuse her trust. She has not given you a blank check to go run amok indulging your homosexual fantasies. You already realize this, or you wouldn’t be asking us this question.

But you have asked it: “What am I doing?”

So I’ll give you an straight-up answer. You’re stepping out of line. You’ve been given an inch but you’re taking a mile. You know damn well that she’s worried about the risk of you bringing a sexually transmitted disease into that house and possibly transmitting it to her - and she’s being realistic - and what are you doing? You’re putting her concerns, her safety, and her trust second to your fantasies. You’re not just contemplating going bare and unsafe, you’re planning on it. You’ve already ordered the outfit.

Unlike the hedonists above, I’m not going to encourage you to go satiate your appetites. The world is full of Earthly Delights that tempt our flesh, but just because something tempts you doesn’t mean you can have it, or should have it, or are in a position to have it at that time. You have to make choices, and some of those choices mean that other choices aren’t available later. You chose to marry her, and to live within the constraints of the relationship as negotiated. (Apparently the terms have been rather generous on her part in this regard.) If your conscience is pricking at you, it’s probably because you already know that “what you’re doing” isn’t on the menu.

The way you do this in the clear is that you discuss it with her and make sure she is okay with it, and on what terms. If she’s not okay with it, then you make a decision which is more important to you, your wife or your fantasy. If the answer is your wife, then you accept that fantasy as just a fantasy that doesn’t get acted on; if the answer is the fantasy, you release her to find someone who will truly care for her.

I don’t write this as abstract philosophy - my experience along these lines ultimately led to the end of my marriage. At first she claimed to be open about it, but after a single encounter where a guy sucked me off (I didn’t do anything to him) her perspective changed completely. I can tell you first-hand how badly wrong it can go, even when the lines of communication are open.

[PozBearWI]

9 hours ago, ErosWired said:

@bihusband - Your wife has accepted this aspect of your nature, and has made allowance for you to express it. She has acknowledged that you are introducing a measure of unknown risk into both of your lives - not just yours, but also hers - and is requesting only that you take a reasonable measure to ensure both her safety and your own.

Do not abuse her trust. She has not given you a blank check to go run amok indulging your homosexual fantasies. You already realize this, or you wouldn’t be asking us this question.

But you have asked it: “What am I doing?”

So I’ll give you an straight-up answer. You’re stepping out of line. You’ve been given an inch but you’re taking a mile. You know damn well that she’s worried about the risk of you bringing a sexually transmitted disease into that house and possibly transmitting it to her - and she’s being realistic - and what are you doing? You’re putting her concerns, her safety, and her trust second to your fantasies. You’re not just contemplating going bare and unsafe, you’re planning on it. You’ve already ordered the outfit.

Unlike the hedonists above, I’m not going to encourage you to go satiate your appetites. The world is full of Earthly Delights that tempt our flesh, but just because something tempts you doesn’t mean you can have it, or should have it, or are in a position to have it at that time. You have to make choices, and some of those choices mean that other choices aren’t available later. You chose to marry her, and to live within the constraints of the relationship as negotiated. (Apparently the terms have been rather generous on her part in this regard.) If your conscience is pricking at you, it’s probably because you already know that “what you’re doing” isn’t on the menu.

The way you do this in the clear is that you discuss it with her and make sure she is okay with it, and on what terms. If she’s not okay with it, then you make a decision which is more important to you, your wife or your fantasy. If the answer is your wife, then you accept that fantasy as just a fantasy that doesn’t get acted on; if the answer is the fantasy, you release her to find someone who will truly care for her.

I don’t write this as abstract philosophy - my experience along these lines ultimately led to the end of my marriage. At first she claimed to be open about it, but after a single encounter where a guy sucked me off (I didn’t do anything to him) her perspective changed completely. I can tell you first-hand how badly wrong it can go, even when the lines of communication are open.

As I am in the group of "the hedonists above"; I certainly don't completely disagree.  However, there is nothing wrong with being a hedonist.  What typically becomes destructive to a relationship is lack of clear and honest communication.  Sadly a lot of this is trained in us in stories and music as if all relationships must include crappy communications with one another.  That is also a choice often made and it rarely if ever turns out well.  

If we're given permission to have an ice cream bar, and then get whacked when we do; that is clearly a defect of the person giving permission.  Something similar to this has happened to most of us at least once and clearly happened to you @ErosWired.  That sucks; but it wasn't the fact you had your single encounter.  It was because your mate at the time lied about being open to accepting you as you are.