What am I doing?

[ErosWired]

3 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

That sucks; but it wasn't the fact you had your single encounter.  It was because your mate at the time lied about being open to accepting you as you are.  

That’s not the case. She thought she was, at least in principle. Practice, however, made things real. It always does. For my part, I was prepared to put that part of me back on the shelf and let it remain there, but the damage was done. I could not altogether blame her; that kind of permission and acceptance is a remarkable thing from a spouse, and uncommon. That she was willing to even put her heart at risk for the attempt is to her credit. I merely caution the OP not to take the degree of acceptance he has for granted.

[Nclchub]

On 4/24/2022 at 2:58 PM, bihusband said:

I'm married to a woman and recently came out to her as bisexual. She wasn't surprised but very accepting. We talked about how I would like to have sex with men and she gave me her blessing. We agreed I would let her know what I'm doing and when I meet someone I tell her when and where. She asked me to get tested but that's about it. I love spending time with her but it's easier to hook up when she's not around. She's out of town in a few weeks and I plan to get wild. I even bought some nice jocks I always wanted to try and wear without her knowing.

Thing is I've been reading and watching a lot of bareback porn lately and find myself very attracted to it. During one of those jerk off sessions I got so horny about it that I ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it. And yet I'm wondering Where is this going? Would I really bareback and let someone cum in me?

What am I doing?

So speaking seriously, it can't be overstated just how lucky you are to have a partner that accepts your sexuality and need to explore it. That said you're at serious risk of ruining your relationship. It looks like you're letting your dick do the thinking and are about to jump into things way too fast. 

Others have talked about how you're putting her at risk if you go bare so i won't dwell on that. More concerning to me is that you're immediately considering getting fucked by multiple guys. Have you had a serious talk with your wife about how this is gonna work? Do you even have any rules? Things to consider:

-Condoms and Prep. You need to figure out together if you're gonna use them before you consider going bare. If she wants you to use protection and you go bare anyway that's a huge betrayal. 

-Does she want to know any details or does she want things to be strictly don't ask don't tell?

-are you going to let her explore fucking other people? Does she even want that? 

-Just because you're free to fuck other guys doesn't mean you can neglect your wife. Make sure her needs are satisfied too

I'm really not trying to be a downer. However it sounds like you and your wife care about each other. Remember, even if she decides you need to use Condoms for now she might ease off on that once she sees you can be trusted. Good luck. 

[bihusband]

On 4/26/2022 at 7:39 AM, ErosWired said:

@bihusband - Your wife has accepted this aspect of your nature, and has made allowance for you to express it. She has acknowledged that you are introducing a measure of unknown risk into both of your lives - not just yours, but also hers - and is requesting only that you take a reasonable measure to ensure both her safety and your own.

Do not abuse her trust. She has not given you a blank check to go run amok indulging your homosexual fantasies. You already realize this, or you wouldn’t be asking us this question.

But you have asked it: “What am I doing?”

So I’ll give you an straight-up answer. You’re stepping out of line. You’ve been given an inch but you’re taking a mile. You know damn well that she’s worried about the risk of you bringing a sexually transmitted disease into that house and possibly transmitting it to her - and she’s being realistic - and what are you doing? You’re putting her concerns, her safety, and her trust second to your fantasies. You’re not just contemplating going bare and unsafe, you’re planning on it. You’ve already ordered the outfit.

Unlike the hedonists above, I’m not going to encourage you to go satiate your appetites. The world is full of Earthly Delights that tempt our flesh, but just because something tempts you doesn’t mean you can have it, or should have it, or are in a position to have it at that time. You have to make choices, and some of those choices mean that other choices aren’t available later. You chose to marry her, and to live within the constraints of the relationship as negotiated. (Apparently the terms have been rather generous on her part in this regard.) If your conscience is pricking at you, it’s probably because you already know that “what you’re doing” isn’t on the menu.

The way you do this in the clear is that you discuss it with her and make sure she is okay with it, and on what terms. If she’s not okay with it, then you make a decision which is more important to you, your wife or your fantasy. If the answer is your wife, then you accept that fantasy as just a fantasy that doesn’t get acted on; if the answer is the fantasy, you release her to find someone who will truly care for her.

I don’t write this as abstract philosophy - my experience along these lines ultimately led to the end of my marriage. At first she claimed to be open about it, but after a single encounter where a guy sucked me off (I didn’t do anything to him) her perspective changed completely. I can tell you first-hand how badly wrong it can go, even when the lines of communication are open.

 

On 4/27/2022 at 1:59 AM, Nclchub said:

So speaking seriously, it can't be overstated just how lucky you are to have a partner that accepts your sexuality and need to explore it. That said you're at serious risk of ruining your relationship. It looks like you're letting your dick do the thinking and are about to jump into things way too fast. 

Others have talked about how you're putting her at risk if you go bare so i won't dwell on that. More concerning to me is that you're immediately considering getting fucked by multiple guys. Have you had a serious talk with your wife about how this is gonna work? Do you even have any rules? Things to consider:

-Condoms and Prep. You need to figure out together if you're gonna use them before you consider going bare. If she wants you to use protection and you go bare anyway that's a huge betrayal. 

-Does she want to know any details or does she want things to be strictly don't ask don't tell?

-are you going to let her explore fucking other people? Does she even want that? 

-Just because you're free to fuck other guys doesn't mean you can neglect your wife. Make sure her needs are satisfied too

I'm really not trying to be a downer. However it sounds like you and your wife care about each other. Remember, even if she decides you need to use Condoms for now she might ease off on that once she sees you can be trusted. Good luck. 

Thank you! I think I needed to hear that and you are right.

This thread is about that, I don't want to break her trust. But I caught myself giving in to fantasies I wasn't comfortable sharing with her.

If I have to choose between living out these fantasies and her I'll take her any time!

[downtownswallow]

No wife, consenting or not, deserves to contract HIV because her bi hubby wants to breed or be bred.  Either agree that you and your wife will stop being intimate, consent to a no contest divorce, always wear a condom with her, go on Prep or only have protected sex with men.  Her consent shouldn't be interpreted as her surrender to being given an incurable disease.  Prep obviously seems to be the only Win/Win here and if you're wife is one-in-a-million, perhaps she'll want to take Prep too.

 

Good luck.

[bihusband]

So I've been a good slut husband these last few months. I told my wife whenever I met a guy. More and more I don't actually meet a guy but go cruising. I love it.

I'm getting myself tested regularly and haven't caught anything so far. But I've also been using condoms for all my meets. 

I still have the Cum In Me Bro shirt and I wear it sometimes when I watch bareback porn. Then I imagine skipping the condom while cruising. Most guys don't use condoms and some turn me down because I insist on them. I've always used one, especially when cruising. But more and more I feel the urge to just go bare. 

I'm ready to go on PrEP, now all I have to do is tell her.

[UKbbry]

This is so hot to read. Once you go raw you’ll struggle with condoms. It’s extremely erotic having a guy cum in you. Enjoy it!

[garsento]

You need to be very clear with your wife, and with yourself. Getting on PrEP is an excellent idea.

[HoneyBuns1980]

On 9/11/2022 at 8:57 AM, bihusband said:

So I've been a good slut husband these last few months. I told my wife whenever I met a guy. More and more I don't actually meet a guy but go cruising. I love it.

I'm getting myself tested regularly and haven't caught anything so far. But I've also been using condoms for all my meets. 

I still have the Cum In Me Bro shirt and I wear it sometimes when I watch bareback porn. Then I imagine skipping the condom while cruising. Most guys don't use condoms and some turn me down because I insist on them. I've always used one, especially when cruising. But more and more I feel the urge to just go bare. 

I'm ready to go on PrEP, now all I have to do is tell her.

I think you're going to do it regardless if she knows or not. You won't be able to get it off your brain until you do. After that, you might not be able to stop. At the very least, you will likely want it even more and won't be able to rest because you're so preoccupied with it. 

[bihusband]

A small update.

I have not yet gone on prep.

But I bought poppers. I feel like I'm making dumb decisions.

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, bihusband said:

A small update.

I have not yet gone on prep.

But I bought poppers. I feel like I'm making dumb decisions.

Just recall the saying: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Or the other saying: Fuck Around and Find Out.

[PozBearWI]

His wife would do well to go on PrEP.  

[BootmanLA]

2 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

His wife would do well to go on PrEP.  

Of course she would benefit from that. But realistically, unless she understands the extent to which her own health is being placed in jeopardy by her husband - and she may not, given that he's withholding some information from her - she's unlikely to see the value of doing so.

[PozBearWI]

17 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Of course she would benefit from that. But realistically, unless she understands the extent to which her own health is being placed in jeopardy by her husband - and she may not, given that he's withholding some information from her - she's unlikely to see the value of doing so.

LIkely true, which is sad.  But she knows hubby is with men and if she chooses to assume, that is at her own peril.  

Fortunately, HIV is treatable.

[hntnhole]

I think it's time for a real, down to the nitty-gritty conversation between the two.  And it's past time for him to go on Prep.  We should never suppress our natural needs.  More, we shouldn't be sexually dangerous when there's an intimate "other" involved, until we're completely protected from bugs to the extent possible.  The wife gave him a lot more rope than most wives would, and it's starting to sound like he's not focusing enough on protecting someone he professes to love.  

Bihusband, get on PReP.  Get all the inoculations against the various std's that exist.  Do it soon.  Once the waiting period (for efficacy to develop) has been fulfilled, put on your fuckshirt, and get your hungry ass fucked full.  And by all means, fulfill your promises to your wife.  

Good luck !!