Question for HIV poz bottoms….

[Pozguyinchi]

Has anyone had to educate a top on HIV conversion during a hook up? In the last year I have had three separate instances where I have had to stop and explain HIV transmission to a top. Most recent was yesterday afternoon. I was playing with this guy at the video store and he wanted to fuck me. I turned around and he started rubbing his (unimpressive) cock on my hole. At that point I was really just in it for the load so I asked if he was poz. He said no and asked if I was. I said yes, undetectable. I said is that an issue? I expected to hear the usual no but instead he said “ am I going to get AIDS? I was like what rock did this guy climb out from under? First, if you are going to be having bareback sex with an anonymous guy you should at least know the risks. Second, understand what undetectable is. He had a better chance of winning the lottery than me giving him HIV. There is a lot of information out there to educate yourself. Have any other bottoms run into this issue?

Edited June 27, 2022 by Pozguyinchi
Needed to correct

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Pozguyinchi said:

“ am I going to get AIDS?

Best answer would have been: yes, but definitely not from me as I'm safer than anybody you'll ever fuck.

Edited June 27, 2022 by Guest

[hungry_hole]

4 hours ago, Pozguyinchi said:

At that point I was really just in it for the load so I asked if he was poz.

If you were just in it for the load, why do you bring up HIV status?

4 hours ago, Pozguyinchi said:

Has anyone had to educate a top on HIV conversion during a hook up?

Educate a guy I don't even know? When I'm cruising for sex, always anonymous, I never discuss HIV status.

[phukhole]

The ones I get that are THAT oblivious are the "straight" ones who're playing on the side.  I usually point out that they should educate themselves - especially because they could bring something ELSE home too.  Sometimes, that's the end of the discussion and he breeds me anyway.  Other times, that's the end of the discussion and I never see him again.  Once, that was the end of the discussion until I bumped into him years later after he'd finally came out and was living openly as a gay man now.  

 

[austin_submale]

I never discuss status with someone I meet at the bookstore booths or theater, at least not until after I have their load in me.

 

[Guest]

I’m not poz and I’ve educated tops on the topic of HIV. Did I have to? No. Is there there still a lot of ignorance amongst gay men on the topic of HIV? Yes. Is it my responsibility to educated ignorant men on the topic of HIV? No. People need to be responsible for themselves sometimes. 

[crawford912]

Yeah, I've run into this a bunch. Often it ends up being a before-and-then-again-after thing, after he pulls out and need reassurances that he won't die in a month's time (there's a LOT of 'straight' married guys who fuck around where I'm from).

[1stimebare]

There is a lot of that EVERYWHERE.  It's just male human nature.

[PhoenixGeoff]

On 6/27/2022 at 6:12 AM, Pozguyinchi said:

Has anyone had to educate a top on HIV conversion during a hook up?

Yes.  It arises most often in places where closeted guys hang out.  Bookstores for sure.  Also sites that cater to anonymity like sniffies or doublelist.

On 6/27/2022 at 9:25 AM, BareLover666 said:

Best answer would have been: yes, but definitely not from me as I'm safer than anybody you'll ever fuck.

Yes.  I've used a similar line when it's been appropriate.  And I've also explained why that is.

On 6/27/2022 at 10:19 AM, hungry_hole said:

If you were just in it for the load, why do you bring up HIV status?

Maybe he gets turned on by getting bred by poz guys?  Seems to be a fairly common fetish.

On 6/27/2022 at 11:00 PM, dmvnewbie said:

I’m not poz and I’ve educated tops on the topic of HIV. Did I have to? No. Is there there still a lot of ignorance amongst gay men on the topic of HIV? Yes. Is it my responsibility to educated ignorant men on the topic of HIV? No. People need to be responsible for themselves sometimes. 

Here's my approach to this question:

When I first was coming out of the closet, waaaaaay back more than 30 years ago (back when being poz meant you were gonna die horribly), I was very fortunate to run into a guy who helped me overcome my trepidation about coming out.  Back then, I wouldn't even walk through the local gayborhood for fear that some random passerby might see me and think I was gay.  We actually met online, believe it or not (if you ain't ever used vi to compose an email, elm to send it, news to catch up on things, and irc to chat, then you're an internet n00b.  Also, get off my lawn.)  He took me out to dinner at a restaurant in the ghetto, then took me across the street to my first gay bar, then took me to his place for sex.  Afterwards I told him, "Well, if there was any doubt in my mind that I was gay, you've completely dispelled it."

And he also talked to me about HIV, how to protect myself, etc.  In short, he did his best to help me along with coming out as an empowered and informed homo.

I only saw him one more time after that.  Can't remember much of anything about him really, except how kind and patient and caring he was with me.  But I'm grateful for him to this very day.

So I always try to play that role for others when the opportunity presents itself.  I remember how scared I was back then, of other people finding out, of how my life would change, and yes, of dying.  As soon as I made the connection in my head and "came out" to myself as gay, one of my first follow-on thoughts was that there was no way I'd ever live to see 30.  This guy showed me that that didn't have to be the case.  So I try to do the same for others who are just beginning to explore their sexuality.  Very often, they don't know where to find answers, or even what questions to ask.  Even in this day and age.

There are times I don't want to.  I get tired of being confronted with HIV stigma yet again.  There have been times where my response to some guy rejecting me on sniffies because I'm poz has been to go on a bit of an educational rant in the public advertising area and work out my frustration that way.  

Do I have to?  Yes, I think I do.  I think we all have the obligation to care for each other.  To help take that fear away.  To help empower our fellow faggots.  To show our peers that, you know what?  Maybe your family is shit and your "friends" are homophobes and your neighborhood sucks, but here, in our community, I am going to look out for you and show you how to look out for yourself and most important of all, respect and love and care for you for who you are.

That's the gay community I want to live in.  Slutty and demented and nasty and piggy but also caring and respectful.  So that's who I try to be.

[Guest]

I never discuss nothing with no one esp not fucks outdoors, only time i will discuss anything is with friends & my doctor, the rest is private information.

[Slocbr42]

I honestly did not read any replies so if someone has said this I apologize. 
 

The modern sex Education (1860s to present) is mostly based on abstinence online which according to old research only leads to higher STD rates. As well as teenage pregnancies take for example the state of Colorado where they made birth control free and accessible to all persons with uteruses over the age of 12/13. They saw a decrease in the amount of teenage pregnancies over five years with that in mind a lot of the country is still basing their sex education on abstinence only because it’s quite frankly the lazy way to do it and avoid uncomfortable conversations that children should be having both in and out of schools. And while I understand the main part of this site is about purposeful HIV infection analytically speaking if we were teaching comprehensive heterosexual and homosexual sexual education things like asking am I going to get aids would be nonexistent. 

 

I graduated high school in 2008 and I had a pretty fucking awesome sex education as far as what I got told and what I was informed of in 2004 but by no means was it comprehensive we got taught about what different STDs/STI‘s there are what they mean some of their symptoms how to prevent them common practices of how to treat them what birth control is what condoms are but never how to use condoms fort anything about homosexual sex all of my sex education with based on heterosexual activity and once we move to a point where we are comprehensive we teaching both heterosexual and homosexual education  things like this will go away but as a sidenote I doubt it will ever happen because in this country of the United States we’re more concerned about what people feel and what they believe then facts and reality 

[BannedWord]

On 6/29/2022 at 12:50 AM, PhoenixGeoff said:

if you ain't ever used vi to compose an email, elm to send it, news to catch up on things, and irc to chat, then you're an internet n00b.  Also, get off my lawn.

🤣😂 This. ❤️ Part of me still wishes the Internet was still this arcane to weed out those who shouldn't have ever been here. The difference between then and now is like the chasm between a massive darkroom and Disney World. Thank you for the trip down memory lane.

[Hairypiglet]

Monkeypox scares me more than AIDs ever did.

[hntnhole]

On 6/29/2022 at 12:50 AM, PhoenixGeoff said:

but here, in our community, I am going to look out for you and show you how to look out for yourself and most important of all, respect and love and care for you for who you are.

That's the gay community I want to live in.  Slutty and demented and nasty and piggy but also caring and respectful.  So that's who I try to be.

Beautifully said, PhoenixGeoff.  Thanks.  

[Japbtm]

Guys still ask me if I’m poz …. My profiles clearly says neg on Prep …. Kind of irritating but you do what you gotta to do to get that load.