Why is there so little versatility in gay sex?

[tallslenderguy]

On 6/28/2022 at 1:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

As someone who has always been at least verse curious, and has been fully versatile since my 1st time bottoming, I can't wrap my head around why so many gay (and bi guys when they have sex with men) have such a strong tendency towards bottoming. While there have been more bottoms than, tops and versatile guys for the entire 30 odd years I have been having sex with men, it seems like the tendency towards bottoming has been increasing significantly over the last 5- 10 years.

I've always enjoyed gay sex as an act between equals, not necessarily fit for that, but with the idea that we all have cocks and balls to be enjoyed as well as holes to be fucked. In 30 plus years I have only hooked up with 2 or 3 guys that topped me on multiple occasions that did not eventually take my dick in their ass, yet I have probably had multiple hookups with a 1000 guys or more who will never top anyone, or "versatile" guys who won't even consider topping a guy once they have bottoms for them. The rarest of the rare, and my favorite are the guys that flip with me on most of our encounters.

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

 

i think this is a great topic for discussion, thanks for posting it  NWUSHorny.

i only have a few minutes before having to go to work, but here's a start of a response. 

i tend to think the reasons for role choice are more psychologically wired in. Which is not to say i think we choose our desires/needs. i also think there are a lot more gray reasons than black or white answers to these questions. 

i was married to a woman for half my life and i functioned in the top position with her, both physically and psychologically. The reasons i married were mostly from religious cultural conditioning, but i still love/loved my former wife, i just was not compatible with her. One of the things i saw happening while i was married was a part of me was being starved to death, it was as if i could feel that part of me dying and i realized it would have left me permanently damaged if i let it happen. That "part" was the 'bottom' in me that desired and needs a Man. 

Apparently it is possible for me to function physically as a top, but it violates something in me to do so? Not physically. Sex having my penis serviced feels good physically, having an orgasm feels good physically, but it doesn't feel right or complete for me psychologically. 

damn, gotta go to work.

[Sharp-edge]

I think that many guys have an issue with staying hard (which is required for a top but not required for a bottom). And maybe a desire to get dominated?

[newbieLND]

I think in part is about to what you get used to. I used to be more versatile before but many guys couldn't take my cock so I got used to bttm and getting different types of orgasms 

[VersGuyAnon]

On 6/28/2022 at 9:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

As someone who has always been at least verse curious, and has been fully versatile since my 1st time bottoming, I can't wrap my head around why so many gay (and bi guys when they have sex with men) have such a strong tendency towards bottoming. While there have been more bottoms than, tops and versatile guys for the entire 30 odd years I have been having sex with men, it seems like the tendency towards bottoming has been increasing significantly over the last 5- 10 years.

I've always enjoyed gay sex as an act between equals, not necessarily fit for that, but with the idea that we all have cocks and balls to be enjoyed as well as holes to be fucked. In 30 plus years I have only hooked up with 2 or 3 guys that topped me on multiple occasions that did not eventually take my dick in their ass, yet I have probably had multiple hookups with a 1000 guys or more who will never top anyone, or "versatile" guys who won't even consider topping a guy once they have bottoms for them. The rarest of the rare, and my favorite are the guys that flip with me on most of our encounters.

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

 

I've been top for years and now very happily heading back to bottoming more often. I'm not well hung, but guys seem to like me topping them, which shows not everyone is a size queen! Topping satisfies me less than it used to, unless it's a particular scenario (e.g. hotel anon). I think a lot of guys might flip flop in the same way, just through boredom more than anything. I might be wrong, but it makes sense. I know one thing - my hole is definitely more sensitive than my cock.  

[KylerIsTrash]

7 hours ago, newbieLND said:

I think in part is about to what you get used to. I used to be more versatile before but many guys couldn't take my cock so I got used to bttm and getting different types of orgasms 

Back in college I broke my tailbone while riding some dude visiting from Hong Kong.  I topped for about 18 months out of necessity. I never got used to it. I was done being a TOP as soon at I was able to go back to BTM. 

7 hours ago, Sharp-edge said:

I think that many guys have an issue with staying hard (which is required for a top but not required for a bottom). And maybe a desire to get dominated?

Staying hard makes topping easier but it’s not a requirement. I can gape my hole open to the point where the top fucks me with a flaccid or semi-hard dick. I can adjust my hole with my hands to provide some resistance while keeping the dick from falling out with each thrust. Honestly, I really enjoy getting fucked by a soft cock as much as a hard one.  Guys with ED can still blow massive loads 🤤. 

Edited July 1, 2022 by KylerIsTrash

[NWUSHorny]

I find both topping and bottoming to be amazing. I don't want to top less, but would love to bottom more. I also love flipping with a guy, which seems to be a problem even for a lot of versatile guys. In too many cases versatile only top with certain types, and those types seem to be more restrictive than the types they will bottom for. I think we need more sexual exuberance, with fewer inhibitions and restrictions.

[NWUSHorny]

7 hours ago, newbieLND said:

I think in part is about to what you get used to. I used to be more versatile before but many guys couldn't take my cock so I got used to bttm and getting different types of orgasms 

There are lots of size queens, admittedly there are quite a few with eyes bigger than their holes, but most still want to try taking a big dick.

[hungry_hole]

On 6/28/2022 at 4:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

It has to do with the physiology of the male orgasm. What do I mean? KylerIsTrash's comments say it all:

On 6/28/2022 at 10:46 PM, KylerIsTrash said:

I cum fast and I am 1-and-done when I cum. When I hit the bathhouse I plan to spend 12+ hours. If I accidentally nut at any point I pack up and go home. There is no getting me horny for several hours after I unload. 

I realized decades ago that in order to maximize the fun I had to avoid shooting my load so I would remain horny as hell, and that meant becoming a bottom. In order to enjoy topping guys have to be able to (1) fuck for long periods of time and (2) control their urge to shoot. As KylerIsTrash says, he cums fast so topping is not very enjoyable, therefore not a good top.

Before AIDS the roles top/bottom were not as clear as they are now. Nobody talked about breeding either. The Internet has made it possible to define these roles. I was then in my early 20's and because I was also in good shape I didn't notice any problems getting guys to fuck me. Once AIDS appeared, what we now call bareback-bottoms were nowhere and all bottoms requested condoms.

Then in the mid-late 90's, before Meds and PrEP, barebacking became a thing, few bottoms were taking loads at the saunas. It was a paradise for bareback bottoms because guys were willing to fuck bareback but would not allowed any raw cocks in their hole, and the few bottoms who were taking loads were in high demand. I was one of them and I started to advertise my raw hole with great success. I was taking multiple loads several days a week and when I went to the local sauna some guys knew I took loads and were eager to fuck me and be able to shoot inside. They didn't even ask the common question in those days "Can I shoot inside?" because they knew they could.

 

 

[hntnhole]

On 7/1/2022 at 9:00 AM, tallslenderguy said:

damn, gotta go to work.

We'll be waiting patiently !!!

(hmmmm .... no pun intended)

[120DaysofSodom]

A lot more versatility than if you were straight...?

[Guest]

I think this is a common problem and not just in gay sex. I am gay with men but I can say I too am bisexual and having talke to women they complain with the same problem. I have heard women say often to me that their boyfriends or partners fucked them and it was over. and they did not get pleasure out of it. Sex is not just penetration, it can be much more, role play and being very creative and doing and exploring new ideas. and sex ideas be it kinky or even bondage. i have spoken with men and they get horny in our communication, because i have no taboos in sex all is open to explore and try and try new ideas. I am a submissive bottom, but always ready to explore and try new ideas and make a point of saying I am open to anything, just dont do any damage to my body and i am clean and safe and want to remain this way. but i am always open to dirty verbal abuse, bondage, SM, and all types of sex even those that are considered unappropriate, as between two or more consenting people all is good and fun. my sex experience i have to admit it as been limited as men just want to fuck, only the rare men who have done kissing, spanking,  and fucked me and made me suck their cock after they fucked me. Even if a top as had his orgasm and cum inside of me, I would not mind if he just wipped his cock out and shoved it in my mouth and made me suck him till he got hard again, mean while treat me as his bitch or whore be it physically and verbably. As well feel his hands spank, probe my body and enjoy it. sex does not have to end with an orgasm is over. I always most often got fucked and only had my orgasm when i got home because my top was done and said get fuck out bitch or just walked away. where was my pleasure? I had not other then knowing i got a sore asshole and have is cum inside of me. it could last a lot longer and more pleasureable and memorable. i have had the rare occassion that a top finger fucked me, but would love it if he even finger fucked me and then made me taste my juice hole. recently I had a dominant female tell me her fantsasy would be to see a submissive bottom being fucked by two males. while she watched or was having her pussy licked. i admit it would be erotic and exciting, being submissive, shy and even timid i feel shame with a woman watching me getting fucked by another male but yet its so erotic getting fucked with an audiance.

If anything there is a lack of imagination when it comes to sex, as tops tend to focus on his cock, and penetration of a hole and squirting his cum inside that hole and sex is over for him. but the truth sex never started for the other as they never achieved their orgasm, the only issue is that the one with a hole as a mission and purpose to pleasure and please the top and keep him satisfied and never challenges him to go on further, so he seeks other tops to fuck him as well, Same story goes for women!

[hntnhole]

I think that we have "inborn" aims/goals/alignments that only surface when we become sexually aware.  That can happen at any age, of course, but at some point relatively early in our lives we begin to sense that we're more interested in one (T or b) than the other.  There are many equally interested in both, and more power to them.  Maybe I'm wrong, but the instinct to fuck other men - or get fucked by men - is something that's waiting for the right time to surface in our consciousness.  At some point, maybe in (grade school?) little girls stop hating boys, and boys begin to notice girls.  It just happens to straight kids, so why not the same for us?  We begin to notice other boys, maybe not even sure why, and that "notice" eventually awakens our sexual Lust. 

It's said that the gene that controls sexuality is passed from the mother, which would imply that it's something that's there from birth. Just as our Cocks begin to sprout, get hard, pubes start to grow, and sexual maturity begins, the object of our sexual needs also becomes apparent.  

Once clarity dawns, it's off to a wonderful life of sating those Lusts, and it's really nothing more than becoming the men we were born to become. Or is that too simplistic?

[NWUSHorny]

4 hours ago, 120DaysofSodom said:

A lot more versatility than if you were straight...?

I'm bi and fully versatile for gay sex. So in my case I doesn't get much more versatile as far as the actual sex act.

[NWUSHorny]

3 hours ago, mikeboi1 said:

I think this is a common problem and not just in gay sex. I am gay with men but I can say I too am bisexual and having talke to women they complain with the same problem. I have heard women say often to me that their boyfriends or partners fucked them and it was over. and they did not get pleasure out of it. Sex is not just penetration, it can be much more, role play and being very creative and doing and exploring new ideas. and sex ideas be it kinky or even bondage. i have spoken with men and they get horny in our communication, because i have no taboos in sex all is open to explore and try and try new ideas. I am a submissive bottom, but always ready to explore and try new ideas and make a point of saying I am open to anything, just dont do any damage to my body and i am clean and safe and want to remain this way. but i am always open to dirty verbal abuse, bondage, SM, and all types of sex even those that are considered unappropriate, as between two or more consenting people all is good and fun. my sex experience i have to admit it as been limited as men just want to fuck, only the rare men who have done kissing, spanking,  and fucked me and made me suck their cock after they fucked me. Even if a top as had his orgasm and cum inside of me, I would not mind if he just wipped his cock out and shoved it in my mouth and made me suck him till he got hard again, mean while treat me as his bitch or whore be it physically and verbably. As well feel his hands spank, probe my body and enjoy it. sex does not have to end with an orgasm is over. I always most often got fucked and only had my orgasm when i got home because my top was done and said get fuck out bitch or just walked away. where was my pleasure? I had not other then knowing i got a sore asshole and have is cum inside of me. it could last a lot longer and more pleasureable and memorable. i have had the rare occassion that a top finger fucked me, but would love it if he even finger fucked me and then made me taste my juice hole. recently I had a dominant female tell me her fantsasy would be to see a submissive bottom being fucked by two males. while she watched or was having her pussy licked. i admit it would be erotic and exciting, being submissive, shy and even timid i feel shame with a woman watching me getting fucked by another male but yet its so erotic getting fucked with an audiance.

If anything there is a lack of imagination when it comes to sex, as tops tend to focus on his cock, and penetration of a hole and squirting his cum inside that hole and sex is over for him. but the truth sex never started for the other as they never achieved their orgasm, the only issue is that the one with a hole as a mission and purpose to pleasure and please the top and keep him satisfied and never challenges him to go on further, so he seeks other tops to fuck him as well, Same story goes for women!

If you want that kind of variety, I recommend visiting the Pacific Northwest of the United States. They are very, very into almost any and every kink and fetish. What they don't seem to have much interest in is actual penetrative sex. I run into a lot of guys that won't touch my cock and won't let me touch theirs, yet want to have "sex" for hours. Even if they do want to involve the cock in their play, there is still a large number of them that neither fuck ass or get fucked in the ass. Sorry, but that just isn't my thing and I'm not going to waste hours hanging out with them. 

I am more than willing to eat a hole I have just fucked or suck the cock that just came in my ass, and go multiple rounds if all parties want to, I'm also into groups of 3,  or more and more than happy to fuck or get fucked publicly in front of mixed company. What I do not enjoy is the guys who think 30 seconds of fucking in private at a sex club, should buy them 3 hours of cuddling or to have me spend the rest of day/night with them. That is not the purpose of a sex club as I understand it.

Edited July 2, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[Ieatcumholes]

When I was "versatile," it was mostly because I hadn't realized yet that I am multi-orgasmic. As a top, I cum pretty quickly the first time so thought I was a premature ejaculator. So instead of putting a bottom through that, I would claim to be versatile and top first and cum so that I could then bottom. (Unlike many guys, I can still bottom after I cum.) Once I discovered in my mid-30s that I'm multi-orgasmic, I gravitated more and more towards topping until that's pretty much all I do. (As I have said in another thread, there are precise circumstances under which I will bottom now that I consider myself top-only.)

For me, prepping for bottoming is a two-day process. I firmly believe that the session should last at least as long as the round trip travel to have the session. (And I do my best to ensure that for the bottoms I hook up with!) Preparation for the session should be included in that! And since most tops that I've experienced don't last long enough to justify the amount of prep it takes, a two-day prep process isn't worth it for me. (Now, of course, that was back before multiple tops in a day/night was on my radar.)

Yes, as a top-only, there is a limit to how many times I can cum (3, max) in a session, while there isn't necessarily a limit to how many times I could get fucked as a bottom if I were versatile. But I'm OK with that.