Why is there so little versatility in gay sex?

[LetsPOZBreed]

Also, had this exchange on BBRT the other week:

(guy with vers as his profile position):  Hot pics and profile.  Sounds like a lot of fun.

(me):  Thanks, I'd gladly let you have your way with me 🙂  

(guy with vers as his profile position):  I just wish you were more versatile, though.

(me):  all the true bottoms say that

And then I got blocked...  😄 

[Guest]

On 6/28/2022 at 9:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

As someone who has always been at least verse curious, and has been fully versatile since my 1st time bottoming, I can't wrap my head around why so many gay (and bi guys when they have sex with men) have such a strong tendency towards bottoming. While there have been more bottoms than, tops and versatile guys for the entire 30 odd years I have been having sex with men, it seems like the tendency towards bottoming has been increasing significantly over the last 5- 10 years.

I've always enjoyed gay sex as an act between equals, not necessarily fit for that, but with the idea that we all have cocks and balls to be enjoyed as well as holes to be fucked. In 30 plus years I have only hooked up with 2 or 3 guys that topped me on multiple occasions that did not eventually take my dick in their ass, yet I have probably had multiple hookups with a 1000 guys or more who will never top anyone, or "versatile" guys who won't even consider topping a guy once they have bottoms for them. The rarest of the rare, and my favorite are the guys that flip with me on most of our encounters.

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

 

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Since the advent of PrEP, more and more gay men want to experience the raw sex which was denied to us for so long due to HIV / AIDS period. Obviously, there was the raw fucking and then the top would pull out thus minimising the HIV risk. However, many bottoms feared that ´technique´ as no one could guarantee that the top would pull out before cumming.  Now, with the wide-use of PrEP and many men being UD, that initial fear has disappeared and it has been replaced by the desire of skin on skin sex, including the cumming inside act which completes the sexual act.  Naturally, the overwhelming majority of men would need some time to recover between orgasms / cumming. Not to mention that for many, once they cum they´re pretty much done for the day. A bottom however, does not need to necessarily cum during sex, and hence bottoms wouldn´t just go home after the top is done. This brings me to the point of greed, desirability and fulfilment for the bottom. That is the more men would fuck the bottom and load their holes, the more fulfilled the bottom would feel. In his own eyes, more loads mean higher desirability and hence higher recognition within the gay social circle.

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Not really. I've been travelling the world my entire life (I am myself a third culture product - Google the term if you're not familiar), and I can honestly say that given the right circumstances the vast majority of men (not all) are both tops and bottoms. In some countries / cultures / societies, being a bottom is seen as a degrading role, e.g. arab muslim ones. However, behind the closed doors, I had more Arab men taking my cock and loads than I care to remember. But the beauty of it is that they could equally fuck like the new and improved FuckMaster 2000 🙂  Same in Italy or Sweden: I had fucked and been fucked equally good by the same men. 

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

Use of drugs, both prescription and over the counter, as well as illegal drugs have a severe impact on sexual functions. There are significantly more men on all sorts of medication than ever before for all sorts of ailments from diabetes to stress, from heart problems to stomach illnesses. These drugs do affect severely the sex life. The sad thing is that we now have a medicine for every problem which, by the way, in vast majority of cases we create ourselves. Diabetes caused by so much sugar we get from drinking too many sugary drinks and eating all sorts of sweets and junk food, Heart problem caused by our arteries fattened by the gross amount of fats we eat in fast foods joints, or eating copious amount of chips in front of TV. And the list can go on.   

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

I label myself as a cumdump. However, I equally like to fuck and get fucked. I am probably in minority here because i have a very high sex drive and I can easily cum 3-4 times within a couple of hours with no problem, irrespective of how many times I've been fucked or how many holes I fucked. For this reason I rarely meet only tops or only bottoms in a 1-on-1 scenario. In 99% of case I prefer to go to a sex club where I can fuck as many holes as I desire and take in as many loads as I please. I can shove my cock in the hole of a 75 year old bottom and load him up well while being fucked by a 300 lbs, 5'5 ethnic man who thinks his 4 inch dick is the biggest gift from high above LOL  I think more men should embrace their versatility and drop their own self-imposed mental barriers like :I'm a bottom and I only get fucked, or I'm a total top and nobody goes near my hole.  

[NWUSHorny]

6 hours ago, EuRawBottom said:

However, I equally like to fuck and get fucked. I am probably in minority here because i have a very high sex drive and I can easily cum 3-4 times within a couple of hours with no problem, irrespective of how many times I've been fucked or how many holes I fucked. For this reason I rarely meet only tops or only bottoms in a 1-on-1 scenario. In 99% of case I prefer to go to a sex club where I can fuck as many holes as I desire and take in as many loads as I please. I can shove my cock in the hole of a 75 year old bottom and load him up well while being fucked by a 300 lbs, 5'5 ethnic man who thinks his 4 inch dick is the biggest gift from high above LOL  I think more men should embrace their versatility and drop their own self-imposed mental barriers like :I'm a bottom and I only get fucked, or I'm a total top and nobody goes near my hole.  

This paragraph very accurately describes me. I just wish it was true in my local sex clubs. These last 2.5 years of limited travel have nearly driven me insane.

[hungry_hole]

On 7/4/2022 at 12:11 PM, Bimarried001 said:

I am one of those bi married men that only bottoms. There was a time that I thought I was in the minority. My thinking was that married men are use to using their cock so they would continue to do so if in a gay relationship. But I soon found out that a lot of bi married we’re just like me, bottoms. 

It makes total sense. We forget that many times men feel the pressure of getting a hard-on with a woman on a sex date, so if this man decides to have sex with men being a bottom he can have sex without having to worry about getting an erection. One of the reasons men like to bottom.

[hntnhole]

I think it's really a simple answer:  Most of us have a natural preference for one or the other.  Some guys simply won't perform the non-preferred role, more will given the right situation, and some guys are just wired to only perform in one way.  We can, when inspired to do so, learn to participate in our less-desired role, often to make the entire event more of a success.  I've learned to do that, despite the gritting of teeth, but the only times are when I'm already getting so much out of it that I want the other guy to get as much as I am.  Truly versatile men aren't all that common, in my experience.

[BlindRawFucker1]

I’ve never seen any numbers on the percentage of guys who are versatile to any extent.

 

All you ever hear is that there are 2 or 3 times as many bottoms as tops.  Are men listening to those numbers and believe they have to adhere to them?

 

I am versatile.  The best of both worlds. I do prefer to bottom before topping though.

[Barebacksletje]

I am a bottom most of the time. I really love cocks in my ass. But to be honest I can also fuck a sloppy hole. The only things is that I cannot fuck for long and do not want to come. If i come I lose my slutty feeling for an hour or two. And poppers also make my dick go soft.

[NWUSHorny]

2 hours ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

I am versatile.  The best of both worlds. I do prefer to bottom before topping though

I may be the rarest of all, I prefer to flip and don't really have a preference which I do 1st as long as I get both. The unfortunate reality is I waste 2 or 3 times the time and effort trying to find guys willing to top me as I do finding guys willing to bottom for me and still top at least 2 to 3 times as many guys as I bottom for. I learned over 30 years ago that if you don't make the effort to get fucked, you don't get fucked. Most gay and bi men will do everything they possibly can to pigeon hole you as a top if you are willing to top.

[faggotsub]

I think it's in my DNA to be a total sub for MEN  i get no enjoyment from fucking or even having my cock sucked. Over the years I was groomed by MEN to TAKE cock not give it. So now it's psychological. I don't hook up with versatile men, I consider them bottoms and I don't understand the "flip fuck" mentality. I had the first cock in my mouth at 8 yrs old..didn't think much of it other than it was just exploring with a friend..i didn't even know what sucking cock was all about. When i was 12 a buddy and i were out in the woods camping one night..we wrestled and i lost, he forced his cock in my mouth and raped me. A week later we we wrestled again..I won pinned him down but i didn't do anything sexual to him..It didn't seem right. That same friend convinced me to suck off a friend of his he was using on a regular basis. They told me they would give me 10 bucks if i did it. It seemed right...Turned out the kid only had 2 bucks. He still owes me 8$. I was USED. After being married for 3 years I started hanging out in the rest areas..MEN always wanted to use me..i got conditioned to go in the woods stand behind a tree and drop my pants so they could see my ass. MEN would walk up behind me and either push me down to suck their cock or just fuck me up the ass.

   There were a couple times when a guy would beg me to fuck him, I DID but it never felt right, they liked my dick, the same with getting blown. Now some of the MEN i see or talk to tell me my cock is too big and steps should be taken to reduce it's size. I'm in total agreement with them and am embarASSed at it's size. Lucky for me there are a lot of young MEN out there with hard cocks that don't give a shit about my cock and just want to unload in a hole.

  i gravitate to MEN who like to control a sub  both its mind and it's body. If they are in my head, the body follows..I just don't understand and can't embrace the "Versatile" mentality. It's not a choice for me.

[tallslenderguy]

i think the notion that there are more bottoms than tops is wrong.  i think it's probably the other way around that there are more top men than bottom, or there are more men who tend to be top more often than bottom in their needs/desires. 

Okay, lol, reality check, i am speaking all men in general: straight, bi, gay, etc..  If i am feeling particularly horny, i go to an ABS at lunch or 'quitting time', when all the guys coupled with women are getting their other needs met on the dL at lunch time or before going home to the woman. IOW, if culture allowed men to have sex as they need/want, i think there would be a lot more balance than there is in a sub culture called the "gay community."  

i was married to a woman for 30 years and performed as a 'top' in that relationship (and it almost killed something in me). I'd be lying if i said there was not a part of me that both enjoyed being top and enjoyed even being with a woman. The key is, it was a very small "part" of me. Looking at the big or whole picture of 'me,' neither being top or being with a woman is/was healthy or sustainable for me (or her) because the relationship did not meet enough of the physical, emotional, cognitive (and spiritual?) needs of who each of us is/was to sustain a healthy relationship. 

We come up with these "labels," that no one seems to completely like or love, but they are part of our effort to communicate. Perhaps ironically, the impetus behind their use is a desire to be seen as the individuals we are, not as a number in a group. 

i have long thought one of the more challenging ways to be wired is "versatile" "gay."  i think a lot of guys end up assuming that means a versatile guy can choose Top or bottom at any given time as their position of need/desire. But i think reality is the other way around, i.e., our need/desire dictates our position, not the position dictates the need/desire.  i think it's a hell of a lot simpler to be more at one or the other end of the spectrum.  There's a fairly frequent complaint that versatile guys are really just bottoms faking it, but i suspect that complaint is from bottoms who want to "pigeon hole" a versatile guy into being top, when what they need/desire, is both. 

Great discussion!

[NWUSHorny]

46 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

 There's a fairly frequent complaint that versatile guys are really just bottoms faking it, but i suspect that complaint is from bottoms who want to "pigeon hole" a versatile guy into being top, when what they need/desire, is both. 

I think this is probably true. I've also found that there are a lot of versatile, probably more versatile bottom than versatile, men who won't top a man once they have bottomed for them. As well as versatile men who only top men who are physically smaller than they are, and at 6'2", with a large build and larger than average dick that can be a problem as well.

I've never been particularly fond of gloryhole sex, even though I have no problem with random anonymous hookups, I simply crave more than can be had through a dick sized hole in the wall. (The gloryhole would partially negate my size difference complaint.) I admit that I don't frequent the ABS type venues very much, and if I do tend to gravitate to the "theater"/group viewing rooms if they have them.

Edited July 19, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[tallslenderguy]

7 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I think this is probably true. I've also found that there are a lot of versatile, probably more versatile bottom than versatile, men who won't top a man once they have bottomed for them or won't top a man. As well as versatile men who only top men who are physically smaller than they are, and at 6'2", with a large build and larger than average dick that can be a problem as well.

I've never been particularly fond of gloryhole sex, even though I have no problem with random anonymous hookups, I simply crave more than can be had through a dick sized hole in the wall. (The gloryhole would partially negate my size difference complaint.) I admit that I don't frequent the ABS type venues very much, and if I do tend to gravitate to the "theater"/group viewing rooms if they have them.

i like theater type venues better, and am with you re glory hole sex, but 'any port in a storm' lol. When i lived in KY, there were theater venues i liked much better, and still found a similar population since it was near a military base. Timing was a surprising part of it i found, which is how i put together that a lot of the guys who were there at that time were on the dL and in relationships with women. i cannot count the number of tops i got in quick, short order on their way home. i think they are out there, just in a different context. 

As to the size thing... yeah, i'm a 6'5" bottom. i try and stay skinny for the reason you state. i'm particularly turned on by opposites though, so i like when a smaller guy is into topping me. 

[NWUSHorny]

@tallslenderguy I don't think "skinny" is ever going to happen for me. Even when I was a twink with a 32" waist I wieghed 225 so did not get the benefit of being seen as skinny.

[hntnhole]

6 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

But i think reality is the other way around, i.e., our need/desire dictates our position

Exactly. 

Or, put another way, we're "wired" to grow up associating with one of the two positions that fulfills our innermost needs and desires the most.  It's instinctual - like left handedness or right.  True, we can learn to function - become proficient, even - in the less-desired position when we feel we must, but that's in no way indicative that the basic wiring has changed.  

I have never felt attracted (sexually) to women.  In high school, before I even knew guys were possible, I "made out" with grrrls, just like every other high school kid.  But I found them unappealing.  They're soft, spongy, shapeless, either lumpy or boney, they make the most irritating squeaky, squealing noises, and there's that unmentionably off-putting, disagreeable olfactory issue issue.  And the worst is, they think they've got gold between their legs.  They think that they own you if they give you some, when, in fact, there's nothing there in the first place.

Boys (and now, men) are the complete antithesis of women's sexually repellent qualities.  Guys have it all. The more men get fucked, the better they smell.  The more they get fucked, the more delicious their Holes.  When a man groans in pleasure, the decibel meter stays well within bounds.   When man says Shoot it up my Hole, you Pig, it's guaranteed to be a hottttt fuck. 

Women have nothing at all attractive to me (other than a well-trained Soprano or Alto, who knows how to breath properly).

[JamesL100]

Maybe I was fortunate in my formative years to meet older tops and older btms. So I could try both roles and enjoy both.