A question on etiquette: rejecting someone on Grindr

[Philip]

Hello,

Was wondering what the socially accepted etiquette is for rejecting someone on Grindr (or other platform) if someone sends you a message and you are not interested in that person? 

I have usually ignored messages, but I sometimes receive compliments on my profile or photo and I feel bad for not replying, but I am unsure what to say in response in relation to rejecting them. Any advice? 

Edited August 24, 2022 by Philip

[Guest]

Just block them. Anything else can be interpreted as interest. Skip the niceties. Everybody has the attention span of one second it takes to swipe to next person. Why bother with antiquated apologies. Block and next. 

[ellentonboy]

I know if it were me, saying "thanks not interested" would be the most appropriate.  I had moved to a new city and saw that on a particular site a member had already blocked me.  Now this is someone who I had sex with over 50 times so I could understand he had enough of me, but still I wasn't even officially in my apartment a day and he went to that extreme.

But to your point, I think if you say "thank you, but I am not interested" they should get the hint.  Now if they continue to ask why?, how come? etc.  then block their ass.

[JamesL100]

Some sites used to have the last option as a stock response should you choose to be polite. I had a few of those 'no thanks' over the years and I appreciated something back.

[Medwaym]

If someone makes the effort to message me, I will try my best to reply politely saying no thanks, sorry not my type etc and wish them well on their search. If they continue to tap/message etc then I may end up resorting to the block button. I find instant blocking to be quite rude and very judgemental. There is a real person on the other side of a message. That said, I know there have been instances where I have ignored/not answered and that is usually when i am in a down moment....and that is why I try not to ignore/block.

[HoneyBuns1980]

I’ve never been on Grinder, but I recently signed up with a similar hook-up site that seems to have an unusually high amount of crybabies when it comes to non-responses to messages. I don’t understand why they go out of their way to publicly inform the world that someone didn’t respond to their private message, and that they now want that someone to just block them instead. Just because they’re not responding to or even ignoring your message(s)? Seems kinda petty. 
 

Truth is, those are probably the same ones who continue to attempt to engage in conversation after you’ve already told them you’re not looking or not interested. 
 

Yeah, I ignore messages at that other site all the time. But, that’s also because a lot of guys can’t get beyond a thumbnail pic and don’t bother to actually read a profile before messaging. Fuck no I’m not going to reply to you if you’re skating past my profile containing my likes and dislikes. It’s all right there for you. Don’t come crying to me about being ignored if you’re not going to actually fucking read it. 

[NWUSHorny]

I don't use Grindr, but on most sites if there is absolutely nothing compatible in our profiles I just ignore it. If there is compatibility, I usually respond back with a "hey" and see where it goes. If it evolves into endless messaging without confirming they want to hookup and fuck, want to "hookup" and not fuck (actually the most common where I live), or are pursuing a bug chasing fantasy, I will politely tell them "no" and if they can't accept that block them.

[pervinmt]

A simple no thanks should always be used. Like previous poster said, there's still a live person on the other side. I know the internet is one giant shit show, but some relevance of basic manners should still exist. Again, if they don't take the hint and persist, then blocking is fair game.

[tallslenderguy]

idk, etiquette is an evolving thing. i think online can really bring out the self absorbed asshole in some people. Too blunt? lol my take is, if someone approaches you politely, it's good to take a few seconds to acknowledge their effort.  

i'm happy to see that the majority so far have voted for some sort of honest, polite reply.  If walking down the street someone smiled and said "hi,"  would you ignore them? Would you make the effort to build a wall between you and that person?  But for some reason, online has changed simple courtesy. 

[backdoorjimmy]

I usually say "hey" back and then see what they're looking for. If it's another bottom, I just let them know I'm looking for cock and that I don't top. If it's a top that I'm not feeling, I'll usually tell them I've already got something lined up and move along. If they're rude, I block them.

The only time I had to block a rude bottom was when he hit me up and I told him I was cruising for cock. He asked me to send him pics so I sent him my ass pics. When he asked for a dick pic I told "sorry, I'm a bottom." Then he called me a faggot so I blocked him.

Some people. 🙄

[LetsPOZBreed]

It's the addage of theory vs. practice.  

In theory, a polite reply is warranted; something as simple as a "no thanks".  This theory presumes the receipient will take it with the grain of salt intended and just move on.

In practice, (and I'm not condoning this), the polite reply begets the "why", or some other form of trying to convince the sender of the err of his ways.  Some guys have been so burned by this that they have resorted to just not responding or blocking.  Another (poor) excuse from the good ol' days of Manhunt and other websites is that non-paying members are limited to a certain number of messages a day...if a guy isn't interested and he has limited replies, the idea is by ignoring it, I've saved a message for someone that might interest him.  

[FunCheerSlut]

Isn't the "etiquette" in this scenario what we refer to as the "Golden Rule"?

The "Golden Rule" is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated.

[BootmanLA]

Bear in mind I'm not prescribing this as the "proper" responses for everyone to use. This is just what I do. But I find it effective and I also feel it's polite.

If a person pays me a compliment, I always say "Thank you". If there's no compatibility (another bottom saying I'm hot - why?), then I just say that, no more.

If the compliment comes from someone where there might be some compatibility, but I don't know for sure, I usually say "Thank you, that's very nice of you" and see where it might lead. (If it's from someone I think is hot, of course, I respond back more enthusiastically.)

Now: if someone messages me and his profile clearly says he's looking for love or a husband, and no other option, especially if they're hundreds of miles away, I typically ask "Um, did you read my profile at all before messaging?" because all my profiles indicate I'm taken but in an open relationship, which SHOULD let such people know I'm not their future husband. It's especially irksome when the profile indicates they're "ONLY interested in monogamous relationships" because then it's pretty clear they didn't bother to read a damned thing.

The only messages I outright ignore are the ones from 6,000 miles away or more (because that suggests the person is in Moscow, the Middle East or Asia, and is probably some sort of scam), or the ones that start out with opening private pictures.

To me, immediately blocking someone in whom you have no interest is just rude. It's saying, in essence, you are not even worth the three seconds of my time it would take to say "thank you" back. 

[BootmanLA]

Oh, and if that apparently godawful, worthy-of-scorn, horrific thing happens and the guy I'm not interested in actually wants to keep talking (the horror!) I just repeat the thank you, or eventually tune them out. I realize that's not as satisfying to the pitiful bruised egos of the hoi polloi who think it's an insult that someone they aren't interested in has the audacity to try to converse as blocking them is. But then my ego would fit inside an olive and still leave room for the pimento. 

[ejaculaTe]

17 hours ago, Philip said:

but I sometimes receive compliments on my profile or photo and I feel bad for not replying

The appropriate response is along the lines of "thanks for the compliment" or "thank you." You've acknowledged the comment which is all any sensible person can expect, and you haven't left an opening for the other person to continue the conversation.