Favorite profiles

[tallslenderguy]

The title is tongue in cheek. 

i'm big on profiles. i'm often guilty of writing books when writing a profile, especially on sites that are more dating focused than hook up... though i have often wondered if gay guys only date in movies?  

Thought it might be fun, or maybe cathartic, to have a thread where we can post some of our 'favorite' profiles. Who knows, this could be educational too.

i just read one today on a gay site that is relationship oriented: "Looking to meet a man with similar interests."   That was it. No attempt to mention what those interests might be, he didn't even have a profile pic. 

Another favorite, and common among scammers: "Looking for LTR" or similarly: "looking for the love of my life."  But again, nothing else. Okay, maybe they check some of the boxes indicating they are "top" "bottom," or "versatile,"  but nothing to idicate who they are or who/what they are looking for or distinguish them from bots or scammers. 

Another: "i never know what to write, if you have questions, feel free to ask, i'm an open book."  lol, more like a blank book. If there isn't anything to indicate what the 'book' is about, how's a person to know if they want to read it?

THen there's: "i like to watch movies, eat out and walk on the beach."  That one is really distinctive. 

What are some of the profiles that just make you shake your head in wonderment?

[leatherpunk16]

The very transactional "Just fuck me, sir". 

Okay, you're a cumdump. Anything else? So generic, and you want me to give you my spunk. What do I get? A hole to unload in. That's easy enough to find, so you're not special. These types usually have only one pic, and it's usually a grainy photo of their buttcheeks, or them lying face down in a dark room, but you (annoyingly) can't see anything physical about them beyond that. And the profile is blank. 

[blackrobe]

I like profiles that tell me about the personality of the man who wrote them. They give me a sense of who he is and is fuel for finding a connection between us.

I've also heard from men that they don't care to know anything about me except what I'll do for them and when I can do it. Knowing I love to cook and feed people doesn't matter to them, and I'm sometimes mocked for showing some of who I am. At the same time, I'm really clear I'm there for intense bareback fucking and breeding and that, depending on their vibe, I'm a submissive bottom. What the experienced and intelligent breeders know is that good food and good sex are strongly correlated. 

The profiles that really make me shake my head are the obvious scam profiles. A set of very professional looking pics of generically handsome men that are, let's face it, TGTBT (Too good to be true) with "Looking for the love of my life" and "Only interested in LTR". I get between 1 and 4 of these TGTBT "Love scam" profiles approaching me a day on Grindr. As a rule the pics are of Boy-band handsome Asian men (so it sucks extra hard to be a nice genuine Asian guy on Grindr right now) and the English language skills of the people trying to chat you up are pretty terrible.

I've found telling them you're only interested in intense bareback fucking and breeding makes them lose interest in you as a mark. How dumb are these scammers? I mean, isn't looking for love and marriage on Grinder like looking for a christening robe in a whorehouse?

It's not impossible, but it's sure as hell not likely.

[ErosWired]

36 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

"Looking to meet a man with similar interests."   That was it.

His interest is obviously in telepathy.

37 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

THen there's: "i like to watch movies, eat out and walk on the beach."  That one is really distinctive. 

I like to watch movies, eat out, and walk on the beach - essentially, live life on vacation, and you’re paying.

[hntnhole]

3 hours ago, blackrobe said:

looking for a christening robe in a whorehouse?

I'm out of responses .... but THAT line made me just laugh my ass off .... You've got a beautifully tart tongue, so please don't hesitate to share it.  🤣

[kinky]

Found this on reddit. Clever and funny.

 

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

If I am looking in an app for a fuck, I like profiles that tell me EXACTLY what they are looking for. That way I'm not wasting their time and they aren't wasting mine. I gave up on the one liner "looking for fun" ads a long time ago. Are you looking to top/bottom/switch? Age range? Or are you one of those guys that is only looking for someone's replies to beat off to then disappear?

If you REALLY want to get me going, tell me exactly what you want so I know if we are a match, and then hint that you may like more but would rather talk about it in person. Knowing that we are pretty much a sure thing to begin with and that there could be more that awakens my curiosity (and kinky side) will get my reply.

[Guest]

16 hours ago, YourNoLimitsBottom said:

If I am looking in an app for a fuck, I like profiles that tell me EXACTLY what they are looking for. That way I'm not wasting their time and they aren't wasting mine. I gave up on the one liner "looking for fun" ads a long time ago. Are you looking to top/bottom/switch? Age range? Or are you one of those guys that is only looking for someone's replies to beat off to then disappear?

If you REALLY want to get me going, tell me exactly what you want so I know if we are a match, and then hint that you may like more but would rather talk about it in person. Knowing that we are pretty much a sure thing to begin with and that there could be more that awakens my curiosity (and kinky side) will get my reply.

When someone asks me what I 'EXACTLY' want I feel thy can go fuck themselves as I'm not an automat... 😉 

[tallslenderguy]

17 hours ago, YourNoLimitsBottom said:

If I am looking in an app for a fuck, I like profiles that tell me EXACTLY what they are looking for. That way I'm not wasting their time and they aren't wasting mine. I gave up on the one liner "looking for fun" ads a long time ago. Are you looking to top/bottom/switch? Age range? Or are you one of those guys that is only looking for someone's replies to beat off to then disappear?

If you REALLY want to get me going, tell me exactly what you want so I know if we are a match, and then hint that you may like more but would rather talk about it in person. Knowing that we are pretty much a sure thing to begin with and that there could be more that awakens my curiosity (and kinky side) will get my reply.

 

48 minutes ago, BareLover666 said:

When someone asks me what I 'EXACTLY' want I feel thy can go fuck themselves as I'm not an automat... 😉 

Interesting feedback BareLover666.  As i read it, YourNoLiimitsBottom is not talking about "ask[ing] what [you] EXACTLY want"  but stating what gets his attention (and why) when a person voluntarily states in a profile who they are and what they are looking for. i see a difference.

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

 

Interesting feedback BareLover666.  As i read it, YourNoLiimitsBottom is not talking about "ask[ing] what [you] EXACTLY want"  but stating what gets his attention (and why) when a person voluntarily states in a profile who they are and what they are looking for. i see a difference.

thanks

just making the point that people differ in how we like to search out sex, are found or want to communicate.   There's a lot of ways I find online that people imitate in real life I find a HUGE turn-off.  But that's just my feelings and preference.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Guest

[Guest]

On 9/6/2022 at 5:42 PM, ErosWired said:

I like to [...] eat out

I know you do...

[tallslenderguy]

4 minutes ago, BareLover666 said:

thanks

just making the point that people differ in how we like to search out sex, are found or want to communicate.   There's a lot of ways I find online that people imitate in real life I find a HUGE turn-off.  But that's just my feelings and preference.

Your use of the word "automat" got my attention. i often compare app hook up sex to "fast food sex" lol, so Your use of the descriptor automat struck me. i'm grateful for Your perspective. i'm one of those guys who "writes endless messages" in an attempt to get to know more about the person because i love connecting with an individual vs a generic commodity.  

Cheers

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, BareLover666 said:

I know you do...

Actually, that’s not a service I offer, but for the guy who wrote that profile, it would be a good test response.

So, when you say you like to eat out - I’ve got an all-you-can-eat buffet.

[SpectreAgent]

I’ve reached the age where all I require to know is that they can stand unaided and have (most of) their own teeth…

Seriously, I prefer descriptive brevity than a biography longer than War And Peace. For a long time, I described myself as “sarcastic, occasional nihilist and equally comfortable in a leather jacket or a dress suit”, which is all I felt compelled to say. If I’m looking for a shag, I really don’t need to know. If I’m looking for more (rare, as I don’t really use apps for that) then I’d rather find out over dinner or a few drinks. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Actually, that’s not a service I offer,

Men!  Useless... all of us/them. 😉

I'm disappointed. 

3 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Your use of the word "automat" got my attention. i often compare app hook up sex to "fast food sex" lol, so Your use of the descriptor automat struck me. i'm grateful for Your perspective. i'm one of those guys who "writes endless messages" in an attempt to get to know more about the person because i love connecting with an individual vs a generic commodity.  

Cheers

I think it was a accidental Dutchism, in my mother tongue 'automaat' means 'devise'.
Might have been thinking about automatons. 

Anyhoo... it got your attention. Yay.  

Do YOU eat out?