Media portrayal of gay life vs reality

[tallslenderguy]

i'm re-watching the series "Looking" on HBO, and recently finished watching the more cynically titled "Uncoupled" gay series on Netflix.  

i confess, i have a decided romantic side to me. While i do not particularly 'long' for a romantic relationship, it is ever a lingering part of who i am. i've watched a million gay movies, lots of series with gay characters, but have never experienced anything like what is portrayed in the media in real life.  Okay, i know, it's fiction... but isn't some of it trying to portray something real, or maybe an ideal? idk, just cogitating here.

Couple of the things that kept slapping me while watching "Looking" last night was how spontaneous sex always is. True about all the gay movies as well. i have never seen one where you hear the scratch of the record sound and the bottom stops the heat of the moment action saying: "wait, i have to clean out."  Something else i noticed in "Looking" is how they are always  eating yet are always gym fit. Hell, if i think there's a possibility He may wanna breed me, i'm fasting. And there is no way i could eat like these guys. 

Besides the romantic tangles, the media also portrays friendships. i recently had a one year 'relationship' end. At first, it ended sadly/badly. It was tough, we really love each other, but sexually it wasn't working (for me). He has ED and i'm a total bottom, so you can prolly do the math. i wanted to continue having a friendship even though sex was out of the picture, but He is sexually attracted to me and could not have a platonic relationship, so he ended it completely. i get it, but am sad about the loss of all the other stuff we had in the relationship. 

i've tried to have a 'gay' social life, but it's hard to have even gay friends it seems. Most of my gay social life is online, which while i am grateful for that, seems sorta pathetic. What about all those gay dinner parties with lively interaction while feasting those gym fit bodies on unhealthy food?

What are your experiences/desires/wants when it comes to  gay romance and friendships? Are you getting what you want and need? 

[hungry_hole]

On 11/6/2022 at 11:12 AM, tallslenderguy said:

i've tried to have a 'gay' social life, but it's hard to have even gay friends it seems.

I've never been interested in the gay social life, just interested in anonymous sex either in parks, saunas or bookstores. I used to go to a gay bar but go straight to the third floor where the darkroom was. But I never spent any time socializing at the bar. 

[NWUSHorny]

I'm not personally interested in having a separate gay social life. Common interests outside of sex are more important considerations for friends I want to spend time with, I don't want to limit it to any one aspect.

I'm also bi, and I have never really developed a romantic attachment with another man, and suspect I never will. I have had romantic attachments with a handful of women, but when it comes down to it, I've never been able to make a commitment to anything that resemble faithfulness. I'm okay with being friends with benefits with another man, but my main attraction to gay sex has always been the variety and ease that come with random hookups.

 

[hungry_hole]

42 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I have never really developed a romantic attachment with another man,...

I can sort of fall in-love but only with young guys, but never with anyone over 40. In terms of anonymous sex, the only sex I like, age doesn't matter much to me. As long as there is a hard-on.

[BootmanLA]

For starters, bear in mind that media depictions aren't documentaries (usually) - they're fictional stories, which may or may not bear any resemblance to reality as we know it, and that's not limited to depictions of LGBT persons. Think the bright, cheerful, enormous apartments of the "Friends" characters - in Manhattan, where one or more of the cast is always job seeking and where some of them hold jobs that wouldn't allow them to share a studio in farthest Queens.

More specifically: if the characters had normal lives, would anyone watch? People tune in to see drama and hijinks, not the everyday reality of most people's lives. And it's not infrequent that the areas that are most drama-filled in our own lives, the things that cause us the most angst, are the things that TV and film characters have figured out. Why?

Because when we watch characters, we want to relate to them, but see both someone (a) who's overcome the problems we face - it gives us hope that we might, someday, too - and (b) nonetheless has other issues, things we don't necessarily worry about, because that teaches us that even those people who have it figured out have problems.

And remember, too, that most TV/film depictions of LGBT life focus on living in big cities, where the dating AND sexual opportunities are ample. Close friendships of the sort depicted in such shows are rarer than we might think and harder to maintain, because they require just the right balance of "sameness" (where you agree on enough things to be thoroughly compatible as friends, through thick and thin) and "difference" (where different experiences can give you something to talk about, to learn from, and so forth). In a city that only has 50,000 people, say (roughly Albany,  Oregon's population), even if a full 5% of the population is LGBT, that's only 2,500 people. Start overlaying filters on that for the kind of person who you'd be very comfortable in a deep friendship with, or a romantic relationship with - and recognizing that the other party/parties are doing the same kind of filtering - and you hit the outer limits pretty quickly.

About 30 years ago, I was part of a small social circle of six guys who, without planning it, formed a little social group of our own - biweekly dinner parties, meeting up at the bar or club together, occasionally going to a cultural event together, etc. We were all in the 25-30 bracket, representing two couples and two single individuals. I was one of the latter. We were a tight group for a couple of years, even throwing a joint Christmas party as the home of one of the couples (they had the most space). But it proved hard to maintain for several reasons (one of the couples separated, the other single person was regularly morose about being single) and it just fell apart. None of us ever found a group of friends like that again - and that's in an urban area five or six times where you are.

[PozBearWI]

I suspect if someone where to video my daily routine on TV it might cure insomnia!  🙂

[Piggyybttmm]

On 11/6/2022 at 11:12 AM, tallslenderguy said:

i'm re-watching the series "Looking" on HBO, and recently finished watching the more cynically titled "Uncoupled" gay series on Netflix.  

i confess, i have a decided romantic side to me. While i do not particularly 'long' for a romantic relationship, it is ever a lingering part of who i am. i've watched a million gay movies, lots of series with gay characters, but have never experienced anything like what is portrayed in the media in real life.  Okay, i know, it's fiction... but isn't some of it trying to portray something real, or maybe an ideal? idk, just cogitating here.

Couple of the things that kept slapping me while watching "Looking" last night was how spontaneous sex always is. True about all the gay movies as well. i have never seen one where you hear the scratch of the record sound and the bottom stops the heat of the moment action saying: "wait, i have to clean out."  Something else i noticed in "Looking" is how they are always  eating yet are always gym fit. Hell, if i think there's a possibility He may wanna breed me, i'm fasting. And there is no way i could eat like these guys. 

Besides the romantic tangles, the media also portrays friendships. i recently had a one year 'relationship' end. At first, it ended sadly/badly. It was tough, we really love each other, but sexually it wasn't working (for me). He has ED and i'm a total bottom, so you can prolly do the math. i wanted to continue having a friendship even though sex was out of the picture, but He is sexually attracted to me and could not have a platonic relationship, so he ended it completely. i get it, but am sad about the loss of all the other stuff we had in the relationship. 

i've tried to have a 'gay' social life, but it's hard to have even gay friends it seems. Most of my gay social life is online, which while i am grateful for that, seems sorta pathetic. What about all those gay dinner parties with lively interaction while feasting those gym fit bodies on unhealthy food?

What are your experiences/desires/wants when it comes to  gay romance and friendships? Are you getting what you want and need? 

I think the key to both (romantic/ friendships) is being open with your sexuality. Many of us on here aren't out and even have wives....kinda hard to build any kind of foundation when you're living in the shadows (regardless of if the reason is justified or not) 

Personally I'm sure I could've in my early - mid 20s as there was a few men that wanted to be with me for more than sex and plenty of people I could've made friends with but I just wasn't there in accepting my sexuality and who I was just yet. 

Nowadays I'm a lil more open (still working on myself but I'm okay with who I am and accept it for the most part) and I would love to perhaps find a boyfriend and a gay friend group but Im either always wayyy too busy with work or the guys I meet only want one thing (which I'm more than okay with) ....I kinda regret not coming to terms earlier, but everything happens for a reason and I'm sure I'll find what I want eventually 

 

[theplayerking]

I agree that geography is a huge factor. I’m a late 40-something gay guy living in Manhattan and Uncoupled is reasonably representative, if heightened, portrait of social life and interactions in certain affluent social circles.