WTAF is up with some guys!

[Loveitraw]

Ok, so I'm not expecting a major thread or discussion.  I am just venting tbh because I suspect I'm not unique in this situation.

So perspective, its the weekend, I'm all ready for the season and starting to feel festive so I'm checking out the sites. I have received about half a dozen oinks in the space of about an hour and a half. So far so good; so I respond with a, " Hi, how's it going? What're you looking for?" etc. And that's it. That's where each trail ends.

Why the hell hit someone up and then blank them? Did I break some golden rule by responding with an actual message?

Now I suspect that mostly they saw my profile pic and just sent out feelers and only when I responded did they actually look at my profile and decide I'm not exactly what they were looking for. I guess I just wish guys would read first and not waste everyone's time.

Sorry, vent over, I just needed to scream into the void for a bit because its too fucking cold to go cruising instead.

[SpectreAgent]

I share your frustration. It seems to go with the territory online these days. Whenever I’ve felt the same, I’ve always reminded myself that I have met some great guys through the apps/online, a few who have become regular fuckbuds. The percentage is, admittedly, low but it has happened. One has to cling to that!

You also hit the nail on the head about guys not reading profiles. Perhaps they don’t feel the need if they’re knocking one out over their screens, but it is annoying. 
 

[Loveitraw]

Thanks for the response RawPlug. You're right a sensible perspective is key. Not every foray will be a success which makes those that are much better. Still annoyed but tempered now.

[viking8x6]

Certainly many people are rude and do this sort of thing exactly. But also remember that online interactions, though they transmit quickly, are asynchronous. Depending a lot on what platform you are using, you will always have to contend to some degree with this scenario: People jump on to check messages, take a peek at the eye candy while they do it, and send out a few oinks... and then (having checked their messages) log out. If your message doesn't get to them in the five minute window they're on, they won't respond. But (also depending on the platform) you may continue to see them as "online" or "recently online" for quite some time (for Growlr it can be days).

[Loveitraw]

Excellent points viking. It is easy to forget that these are not conversations in any real sense. Especially, if like me, you tend towards impatience.

[versasslover]

I’ve had this as well. Get an oink! You respond with a simple question to start the hookup and nothing.  I completely stopped responding to oinks! with messages. Just oink back and see what happens. If they’re interested they usually send a message back. 
 

But in general it’s so incredibly hard to keep a conversation going to get to a point to hookup on certain platforms nowadays. It’s like conversion skills have gone down hill. 

[BBArchangel]

My list of pet peeves seems to grow longer every year or so. At first it was just the lack of a profile picture. On my profiles I say plainly “no pic, no chat.” But still the little rodents persist. Secondly, not filling out a profile at all.
 Thirdly, hitting me up for conversation when they’re 1000 or 3000 or 4000 miles away. What the fuck is up with that? I’m looking for a hook up not a goddamn penpal.
And fourthly, the newest craze with potential hook ups, asking you to reimburse them for gas money if they come to you. And these aren’t always kids and starving students. Just last night someone hit me up on A4A. Things looked kind of promising until this dude who is only 3 miles away and 34 years old asked me to reimburse his gas. Fuck that!

[BootmanLA]

I think, for what it's worth, that most online users consider "oinks" (and, depending on the site, growls, woofs, taps, etc.) as not conversation, but more akin to catching someone's eye across the bar and smiling/nodding/otherwise acknowledging them.

Sometimes, that can be the start of an actual conversation (whether online or in real life). Sometimes, it's nothing more than a casual flirting acknowledgment.

Like so many things, context is usually lacking online that one might otherwise get in the real world. If the guy kept stealing glances at you, for instance, or otherwise catching your attention and signaling an intent to engage (in whatever), that's different from someone who smiles at you across the room but then focuses on other people and things. It's not the only, or first, way in which online contacts lack something compared with their offline counterparts.

I'll also note that I sometimes woof/oink/growl at guys who are in a city or region I'm planning to visit, even if I'm not there at the moment. I may do the same for someone local even if there's no way I can meet up with him soon. (I do try to avoid doing that with anyone whose profile suggests that when they're online, they're looking for "NOW" - so as not to be accused of leading someone on.)

So - accept it for what it is (presumably, a compliment). And recognize that having complimented you isn't an obligation on his part to do more.

[JamesL100]

Also these guys will have oinked/winked/browsed other profiles in the marketplace and will have had other options, especially in medium/large cities, from guys who are:
- closer
- faster in replying
- fitter
- more hung
- wealthier
- 'higher'
- friendlier
and the usual reason:
- younger

[Kayne]

Personally grinds my gears that Inhave a fully fleshed out profile, clearly stating who I am, what I want, what I got and what I'm willing to give. and yet,  I will inevitability, and without fail ask me basic shit I Just covered. 

Ten, they get mad at me when I refer them back to the profile, they obviously had to see before messaging me.

Then, As usual, I wind up in Teacher Mode. Again like... Dude, you're older than me and you don't know what a cock ring is...  or what its for. 

 

 

[Loveitraw]

Thanks for all the responses. I've slept on it and feeling a bit more philosophical. You've all raised great points and given me some needed reflection. Some days and guys just suck but then there are the good ones to concentrate on.

[Kayne]

25 minutes ago, Loveitraw said:

Thanks for all the responses. I've slept on it and feeling a bit more philosophical. You've all raised great points and given me some needed reflection. Some days and guys just suck but then there are the good ones to concentrate on.

Good way to look at it Mate!

[hntnhole]

18 hours ago, Loveitraw said:

I am just venting tbh because I suspect I'm not unique in this situation.

I think you're completely justified in venting, and you're hardly the only one in the same situation.  Here's a potential solution:

Now.  I know a lot of guys don't live in places like Fort Lauderdale - sex (let alone our particular kind) isn't all that easy to get in a helluva lot of places - which is why the cruising apps are depended on so heavily in other parts of the country/world.  That said, I got so tired of it all, that I made it a point to assemble a group of fuckbuds years ago when I still lived back North.  Thus, there was a small "network" of guys - Tops & bottoms - the knew each other and had celebrated raw sex with each other.  

If you can establish a few guys in a similar fashion - get to know them, let them get to know you, trust each other, each guy is invited to bring new guys (once they know them), at some point you'll have a loosely-connected network of guys who need what you need - raw sex.  Since each guy also has sex with other guys, there may be a relatively reliable inflow of fresh meat.  Four or five initial guys can turn into eight or ten.  The Breeding Group can be as tightly or as loosely organized as the group wants it to be.  And then, you can just ditch the apps full of wannabees - pretenders - idiots, etc.  No guy learns everything about a particular Hole with just one fuck.  Repeats can be as much fun as the initial fuck.  

I'm still in contact with the guy I got through covid with.  He still texts me when he's got a hot Hole over there he knows I'll like.  I still text him when there's a Hole at my place I know he'll like.  It can easily be a month+ without any contact - we're fuckbuddies, not best friends - and that's the function we fulfill for each other.  I still love Breeding him, and apparently so does he.  The point is, each of us has met/fucked other guys via this very small (at first, just he and I) group of Breeders.  Plus, it keeps all the action private and off the net - which is also apparently increasingly important these days.

It might work for you - and you can forget about cruising in "bullshit-land".  

[tallslenderguy]

Mostly, i think it's the venue: "online."

Many of us lived and connected sans computers. We have rational and emotional memories and, probably, neuro pathways firmly established in our brains of how stuff should go. 

Online is different. For better or worse, online interaction does not follow all the same 'rules' that face to face does, so it can be frustrating and even confusing when we expect the same behaviors online as we have cum to know and love when we were meeting IRL.   Add to that, we have a whole new generation of people who may not have much reference for what we are frustrated about because this is all they have ever know.  Likely our complaints sound a little like: "get a horse" to them. 

meanwhile, i feel ya. i love the written word and i often have to edit my profiles to remove the venting against guys who write little or no profile. Drives me crazy, and not in a good way. 

[Loveitraw]

3 minutes ago, tallslenderguy said:

Mostly, i think it's the venue: "online."

Many of us lived and connected sans computers. We have rational and emotional memories and, probably, neuro pathways firmly established in our brains of how stuff should go. 

Online is different. For better or worse, online interaction does not follow all the same 'rules' that face to face does, so it can be frustrating and even confusing when we expect the same behaviors online as we have cum to know and love when we were meeting IRL.   Add to that, we have a whole new generation of people who may not have much reference for what we are frustrated about because this is all they have ever know.  Likely our complaints sound a little like: "get a horse" to them. 

meanwhile, i feel ya. i love the written word and i often have to edit my profiles to remove the venting against guys who write little or no profile. Drives me crazy, and not in a good way. 

You could have just called me old 😉