Gay sides on hookup sites and in in person sex venues?

[NWUSHorny]

I was on Sniffies over the long weekend and noticed that a significant percentage of the profiles are identifying as "sides", which is generally fine in that I know we aren't going to be a match and that meeting up with them for "sex" will do nothing more than increase both of our sexual frustration levels. For me sex has always been about penetration of an orifice below the waist i.e. fucking or getting fucked. I guess my real question is primarily about in person sex venues, I know that the guys now identifying as sides have been present in them for a long time, I frequently get "invited" to participate in what for me are very sexually frustrating activities. What is the situation where you live and how do you deal with invitations to have non-penetrative sex?

Unfortunately for me I live in a city where the local gay sex venues host massage, spa, sex toy and other fetish nights where sex isn't expressly forbidden but is strongly looked down on by a majority of patrons on those nights. To my surprise when I moved here, years ago, there is even a fisting community that has no interest in penetrating or being penetrated by a cock. It is also the city where cuddle clubs and events originated, most of which expressly forbid any genital contact at their events. Before moving here, being versatile and bi, I had always thought I could hookup with almost anyone and have a good time.

Edited January 3, 2023 by NWUSHorny

[Pumpinmyhole]

22 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I was on Sniffies over the long weekend and noticed that a significant percentage of the profiles are identifying as "sides"

I've seen people on Sniffies listed as a "side" and have no clue what it means.  Could you enlighten me?

[topblkmale]

Side use to mean cuddling but now it means just oral sex. People like to reinvent names for the same sexual behaviors to go with the current times.

 

I remember when it was called french and greek (active or passive)

[blackrobe]

58 minutes ago, topblkmale said:

Side use to mean cuddling but now it means just oral sex. People like to reinvent names for the same sexual behaviors to go with the current times.

I remember when it was called french and greek (active or passive)

My understanding is that "Side" was coined by Joe Kort PhD in a Huffington Post article titled "Guys on the 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms" in April 2013.

From his article:

Quote

 

Defining a Side

Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn't getting any more so. Some may even enjoy receiving or giving anal stimulation with a finger, but nothing beyond that.

 

My interpretation based on this definition is that the only thing that's off the table with side men is anal play. 

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

Wow, learn something new every day. Thanks guys!

[NWUSHorny]

3 hours ago, topblkmale said:

Side use to mean cuddling but now it means just oral sex. People like to reinvent names for the same sexual behaviors to go with the current times.

 

I remember when it was called french and greek (active or passive)

I think it is still mostly means cuddling and other light petting activities. The guys that list oral in the list of activities they are interested in rarely seem to list their position as side. It has been a long time problem here that a lot of guys, including the ones in the sex club don't fuck or even suck. They even host events that cater to the guys that prefer other activities, unfortunately for me, more of them all the time.

Nearly everyone besides me, lists cuddling as one of their top likes in their online hookup profiles, yet they still come to the sex clubs and beg guys to cuddle with them. On NYE I was in the sling trying to get fucked and a guy tried to cuddle with me and then invited me to go home and cuddle all night with him.

[NWUSHorny]

2 hours ago, blackrobe said:

From his article:

Quote

 

Defining a Side

Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn't getting any more so. Some may even enjoy receiving or giving anal stimulation with a finger, but nothing beyond that.

 

My interpretation based on this definition is that the only thing that's off the table with side men is anal play. 

Some of them will take a lot more than fingers up their ass. Are fisters that don't take or give cock sides? I would classify them that way. Not that it is my thing anyway, but I have run into several guys into fisting that won't take a cock. I had never met a guy into getting fisted that wouldn't jump at the chance to take a cock before moving to Portland. I now know they are fairly common through out the PNW, but still haven't encountered that elsewhere.

[BBBxCumDumpster]

It's actually in the Urban Dictionary.  And yep, it describes guy with no interest in anal sex .  It's used in lieu of top or bottom.

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, topblkmale said:

Side use to mean cuddling but now it means just oral sex.

Really - I didn't know that.  In my experience, "side" used to mean a part-time fuckbuddy.  As in meeting/introducing the guy on your arm to a new friend/trick:  this so&so, he's not my lover, this is my side(piece of ass).  This definition dates to before hiv came along, when everyone was fucking everyone at the drop of a hat - or 501's

I guess I skipped over the cuddling and blowjob part and never knew it ..... I learn so much new stuff on this site  ... very cool. 

[Webster9]

Side ????  Seriously ?  Never heard of it, until now...

[Twochipigs]

28 minutes ago, Webster9 said:

Side ????  Seriously ?  Never heard of it, until now...

It's in the thesaurus as a synonym for "boring."

[NWUSHorny]

2 hours ago, hntnhole said:

Really - I didn't know that.  In my experience, "side" used to mean a part-time fuckbuddy.  As in meeting/introducing the guy on your arm to a new friend/trick:  this so&so, he's not my lover, this is my side(piece of ass).  This definition dates to before hiv came along, when everyone was fucking everyone at the drop of a hat - or 501's

I guess I skipped over the cuddling and blowjob part and never knew it ..... I learn so much new stuff on this site  ... very cool. 

I much prefer your version. At least here I don't think the sides engage in blowjobs. I usually just call them functionally lesbian.

[NWUSHorny]

8 hours ago, Pumpinmyhole said:

I've seen people on Sniffies listed as a "side" and have no clue what it means.  Could you enlighten me?

Others have given nicer definitions than I have. The simplest definition who consider mild foreplay as the main event. I can happily avoid them on the apps, I wish I could say the same about in person.

[Hotrawbutt4u]

I noticed that on sniffies also.  I asked a couple what they meant by that and they only one came back to say he wasn't sure.

With the way he was hedging around the topic I think he was thought it might mean an ' extra special ' good time

Edited January 5, 2023 by Hotrawbutt4u

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, Hotrawbutt4u said:

I noticed that on sniffies also.  I asked a couple what they meant by that and they only one came back to say he wasn't sure.

With the way he was hedging around the topic I think he was thought it might mean an ' extra special ' good time

I'm sorry to hear this is spreading to other parts of the country. I'm pretty sure these are the guys I've been meeting at in person sex venues, since moving to the PNW that know "1001 ways to have really great sex without fucking" or in a lot of cases without even touching anyone else's dick. They are so prevelent here, that it seems like they should be able to find each other and leave the rest of us alone, but I suspect once you taking fucking and in most cases sucking off the table there is little common ground to find a mutually agreed upon hookup activity. Although cuddle groups and events have sprung up in large numbers in large numbers in Portland, and I understand they are spreading to other areas. One of the regular cuddle parties was ground zero for local monkeypox outbreak last summer. So maybe some of them are finding each other.

Edited January 5, 2023 by NWUSHorny