Want to start back up again but Im nervous

[JezzabellaCD]

So I've always love worshiping cock as long as I can remember... Right around 19-20 I realized that my backside can also be used for a man pleasure so I always made sure it was smooth and cleaned out whenever I went out cruising to the parks by my house or the ABS's. I never specially went out to bottom but if I felt the need or the anon wanted me like that I would oblige. It turns me on when someone gets pleases from me no matter what hole 😛 Anyways, from 20-30 I was pretty reckless I suppose and would also let strangers slide in me bare... I would always think to myself ok let him enjoy himself for a few pumps and then tell him to pull out... 100% of the time before I could say anything they would be grabbing my hips and spasming inside me and before I could even ask them if there were clean they would be zipped up and down the road and I would be standing there dripping..
So I haven't barebacked in 10 years and I didn't catch anything during my tour of pleasure...

Anyways, So I've been lately liking cross dressing and shaving myself smooth, yada yada yada... I've also been wearing plugs and been fucking myself on the regular with a toy...
Theres a ABS near me that I goto on occasion and I always get dick put in my face as soon as I sit in a booth but Im just not sure if I should take the risk now...  But I just can't thinking about how satisfying it feels to be all squidgy between my cheeks and to be reminded ever time you feel that sensation that you know that guy had the best time and got off in the most naughty and satisfying way... Im also concerned about back to back because when I used to give myself away like that at this bookstore in a span of a few minutes 3-4 guys would have came and went before I could pull my pants up....

Im not a bug chaser and Im married and I rather not deal with anything... I know about PrEP but I don't want to goto my doctor to get it or get it on my medical history at all... So what do you guys think? Should I take the risk  and go down there tonight to see if I can get someone to pull out before they blast inside me?

Im in HB california btw. 🙂

[BootmanLA]

18 minutes ago, JezzabellaCD said:

Im not a bug chaser and Im married and I rather not deal with anything... I know about PrEP but I don't want to goto my doctor to get it or get it on my medical history at all... So what do you guys think? Should I take the risk  and go down there tonight to see if I can get someone to pull out before they blast inside me?

Im in HB california btw. 🙂

Then it appears you have to make a choice, and it appears to me you have three from which to choose.

1. Do nothing, continue to not have sex, and remain perfectly safe.

2. Resume having sex, forego getting PrEP, and continue to roll the dice as to contracting an incurable sexually transmitted infection. (This is what you seem to be seeking other guys' permission for, for some bizarre reason; what other people say you "should" do is a big fat nothingburger and if you follow the suggestions of strangers that readily, I don't think you're ready for sex with anyone.)

3. Get PrEP, and engage in the kind of sex you want, with dramatically reduced risk (almost 0% for HIV, but of course that doesn't protect for other STIs).

You don't HAVE to get PrEP from your primary care doctor, though in most cases your insurer, if you have one, will know (but they're not allowed to share that information with anyone). There are multiple other options besides your doctor. Public health clinics are one option. Another is one of the various telemedicine/online medical services like MISTR ([think before following links] https://www.heymistr.com).

So you have choices. You may not like that these are, essentially, the only options, but there they are. And the choice is yours - not anyone else's.

[PozBearWI]

Or 4. Choose to become a bug chaser

[topblkmale]

5. Get a divorce. (Pursue choices 2, 3 and 4)

[RubberAustria]

PrEP on demand is a possibility. So you only take it during your slutty times. 

[bbdadslut]

5 hours ago, JezzabellaCD said:

Im not a bug chaser and Im married and I rather not deal with anything... I know about PrEP but I don't want to goto my doctor to get it or get it on my medical history at all... So what do you guys think? Should I take the risk  and go down there tonight to see if I can get someone to pull out before they blast inside me?

You can't have it both ways. I'm married, not a bug chaser, but I understand that it will happen at some point the more I play around because I'm not on PrEP.

Pulling out is not a 'plan' to mitigate anything. You can either resolve to accept the consequences of play, or take preventative measures to mitigate the risk (to extreme minimums, but other STIs exist to infiltrate your marriage, so good luck w/that). 

Trying to have both ways you've mentioned is complete fantasy, and maybe that's where it should stay for now to fuel your jack sessions. Only you can pick the way forward.

[VersGuyAnon]

You need to ask yourself what you would say to your wife if you became HIV+. 

[Bimarried001]

As a married man who crossed that road I can tell you that you would be playing with danger. 
First off, relying on guys to pull out is frankly the stupidest thing you can do. So rule that out. 
If you are still fucking your wife you are almost guarantee to receive and pass on an STD if not HIV. 

I was in your position and now both me and my wife are poz. 
 

Bottom line, if you’re married and fuck around raw the risk of passing something to the wife is high. Speaking from experience. In addition to HIV I also passed on STDs to my wife. It’s unavoidable. 

[analluv27]

You have to weigh the cost. The cost of what you can potentially get by giving in to your desires both negative and positive and the cost if your spouse would discover of your dalliances.

I’m not gonna judge you on whatever you choose just be aware of the possible consequences. Catching a STI, possibly passing one over to your spouse. Divorce or an ugly protracted divorce, guilt and or nothing but orgasms of various intensities 

Are you a good liar? Because if you choose your desire and do it behind your spouse’s back you best be a damn good liar. Can you deal with lying to your spouse. Honestly I should’ve started by “ask yourself do you love your spouse and how much?” If you answer no or very little go for a divorce and or separation.

 When you cheat on someone you care about you’re being selfish (I’ve done it and it took awhile for me to realize my own selfishness and how I rationalized my behavior) don’t go do something that can totally upend your life with rosé tinted glasses on

[austin_submale]

10 hours ago, VersGuyAnon said:

You need to ask yourself what you would say to your wife if you became HIV+. 

This is something I struggle with.  I am a refuse-no-dick-or-load bareback bottom.  Not sure what I'm going to say if/when it happens.  Probably nothing as long as I can avoid it.

 

[dale38]

Married here also but wife and I do not have sex. We kiss and play together naked but no oral/anal/vaginal penetration. I love sucking cock and getting fucked. Bareback is definitely prefered. Getting fucked bareback is a fantastic feeling that cannot be matched by a cock with a condom. I am also reluctant to go to my primary Dr to get prep. or worry about insurance knowing.  I have been actively seeking poz cock for awhile now and consider myself bi but definitely enjoy cock much more than pussy now

[austin_submale]

1 hour ago, dale38 said:

Married here also but wife and I do not have sex. We kiss and play together naked but no oral/anal/vaginal penetration. I love sucking cock and getting fucked. Bareback is definitely prefered. Getting fucked bareback is a fantastic feeling that cannot be matched by a cock with a condom. I am also reluctant to go to my primary Dr to get prep. or worry about insurance knowing.  I have been actively seeking poz cock for awhile now and consider myself bi but definitely enjoy cock much more than pussy now

Very similar to my situation...  I think a lot of married guys are in the same boat.

 

[hntnhole]

On 1/7/2023 at 7:32 PM, JezzabellaCD said:

Im not a bug chaser

Oh?  You're not?  Well, what do you call it then?  The behavior you describe says one thing, and the introspection describes something different.  It's great that you took a decade off of the hunt while figuring out what to do, so congrats for that.  

I wonder why you don't want your internist to know anything about your sexual proclivities.  Are you concerned h/she will tell your spouse?  Or that it might someday prove embarrassing to snooping authorities?  That's less-than-nothing, compared to the angst once you pass something onto your spouse - male or female.  

Pay attention to The BootmanLA's excellent advice, particularly #3, as well as the input from other respondents.  

To re-work an old saying slightly:  A chaser, by any other name, is still a chaser.  

[kitpig]

On 1/8/2023 at 2:34 PM, Bimarried001 said:

As a married man who crossed that road I can tell you that you would be playing with danger. 
First off, relying on guys to pull out is frankly the stupidest thing you can do. So rule that out. 
If you are still fucking your wife you are almost guarantee to receive and pass on an STD if not HIV. 

I was in your position and now both me and my wife are poz. 
 

Bottom line, if you’re married and fuck around raw the risk of passing something to the wife is high. Speaking from experience. In addition to HIV I also passed on STDs to my wife. It’s unavoidable. 

Out of curiosity, how did your wife take the news of you becoming poz… and also her conversion?

[austin_submale]

10 hours ago, kitpig said:

Out of curiosity, how did your wife take the news of you becoming poz… and also her conversion?

Also really curious about this...  and ways to handle that kind of conversation.