Fucked a guy (25 y/o) the other day and later realized he was my student 10 years ago

[Cumming4u]

Hey all. I’m not posting about this to fetishize what happened- more to ask how you gents might handle the situation because I’m a little bit fucked up over it. 
 

Here goes- last week, I was on Sniffies and I got hit up by this guy who lives nearby. He’s 25, a bottom, good looking guy. We chat for a few days and finally nail down a time to meet. He comes over, we chill and chat for a little bit, then get right down to business. We had a hot session. I topped him and we went for a good long time before I bred him.

Post breeding, we’re sitting on my couch, chatting some more. He’s a chill guy, easy to talk to. Every time he smiled, I got a sense of familiarity about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it until after he left. I kept telling myself I know him but could not place how. Finally my brain started putting together the pieces. His name, where he went to college, certain things about his family that sounded very familiar. Finally it hit me.

This guy was my student 10 years ago when he was 15 years old. If you’re wondering how I didn’t recognize him, you have to understand that he only stayed at my school for one year and when he was 15, he still looked very young. Short, chubby, high pitched voice… Now he’s tall, lean, has a goatee, looks like an entirely different person. I did not recognize him even a little bit when he came in. 
 

The reason I’m fucked up over it is because I don’t shit where I eat. If I had known beforehand that he was my former student, I never would have fucked him. But now what’s done is done and I can’t put the spilled milk back in the bottle. 
 

He made no mention to me to even hint that he knows me but there is no way he didn’t know who I was. Unlike him, I still look much like I did 10 years ago, plus a little maturity of course. I’m beating myself up over it even though I had no way of knowing. I’m mad at him for not saying anything, but I’m not going to confront him about it. I’m kind of hoping this was a one time thing but something tells me he’s going to want to come back for more. I don’t know how to approach the situation if he contacts me.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you also be pissed or am I overreacting? 

[Jbarrrr]

You’re over reacting luv

[str8mature5]

11 minutes ago, Jbarrrr said:

You’re over reacting luv

I agree, he's an adult now and  know's what he's doing. 

[wyobtmbnk]

I wouldn’t be bothered by this. 10 years is quite a while. And he is 25 now. 

[FunCheerSlut]

There is nothing wrong with having a brief moment of panic followed by a moment of reflection in order to talk ones-self down. I share @Cumming4u´s concern about not wanting to "shit where one eats". When you want to maintain a low-profile and not raise any local eye-brows these are the types of precautions one takes.

From the way in which you describe the event, I can see why other responses are reassuring you and encouraging not to over react. The points presented are valid. This man is an adult, he consented, and it sounds like you gave him exactly what he wanted. As such, I think it is prudent that you give this some thought. He will likely hit you up again, as it isn't always easy finding a good Top.

There are so many "what if" scenarios that could play out; however, perhaps you could casually probe this concern with the young man further...

1. Perhaps you could let him know he seems familiar and ask him if you know one another, let him piece it together for you? Then confront it, tell him you want to continue getting together, but not if it will be a problem, etc. and you are counting on him to be discrete.

2. Ignore the elephant in the room and continue to have fun...just impressing upon him you want to keep this discrete and hope you can trust him.

3. Any other ideas guys?

Good luck!!

[pozsewerpig]

Unless you are afraid of the consequences to your reputation or career if he tells a mutual acquaintance about what happened, you shouldn't fret about it. And if you are already out, or basically so, there shouldn't be any damage to you personally.  @FunCheerSlut has some very sage advice for you and I concur with it.

[twoguyssssss4fun]

i have sucked and fucked ( more of the sucking) and more recently fucked by former students. Usually just wait til they have graduated.  Then it's legal, and though some may frown on it, most of the boys don't tell their parents who they are playing around with.. of course, there were also a couple of dads of students I played around with too. It's slightly [banned word], and probably why its even hotter

[BootmanLA]

A number of people have commented that, ethically and legally, you're in the clear - he's no longer a student, you didn't hit on him when he was one, you didn't use the school connection to make contact.

So what remains is: do YOU want to continue having sex with him, or not? For this purpose, everything else is extraneous, because if you don't want to sleep with him again - for ANY reason - you don't have to, and you don't owe him an explanation of why, other than "I don't want to." There's no need to justify it to yourself with a rule about not shitting where you eat; if you don't want to have sex with him again, don't. There can be any reason, or no reason at all, and you don't have to supply him with one regardless.

If you do want to sleep with him again, then (as discussed) you're ethically and legally in the clear. At that point, it's just a matter of deciding whether your general rule about sex with former students is ironclad enough to rule this one out (in which case, see the previous paragraph), or whether this situation seems different enough from what you envisioned when you crafted that rule that you think it could be okay.

Which may simply mean revising the rule a bit, ie not sleeping with any former student until he's been out of school long enough to have finished college (whether he went or not). That would mean a guy in his mid-20's is fine, but not someone who was, say, 19 going on 20. 

[TravelGuy1956]

On a rare rainy day in So.Cal. I met a construction worker at an ABS and we went back to his place.  While we were fucking,  his roommate came home.  His roommate was my former jr. high gym teacher.  Long story short,  a good time was had by all.

[Cumming4u]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

A number of people have commented that, ethically and legally, you're in the clear - he's no longer a student, you didn't hit on him when he was one, you didn't use the school connection to make contact.

So what remains is: do YOU want to continue having sex with him, or not? For this purpose, everything else is extraneous, because if you don't want to sleep with him again - for ANY reason - you don't have to, and you don't owe him an explanation of why, other than "I don't want to." There's no need to justify it to yourself with a rule about not shitting where you eat; if you don't want to have sex with him again, don't. There can be any reason, or no reason at all, and you don't have to supply him with one regardless.

If you do want to sleep with him again, then (as discussed) you're ethically and legally in the clear. At that point, it's just a matter of deciding whether your general rule about sex with former students is ironclad enough to rule this one out (in which case, see the previous paragraph), or whether this situation seems different enough from what you envisioned when you crafted that rule that you think it could be okay.

Which may simply mean revising the rule a bit, ie not sleeping with any former student until he's been out of school long enough to have finished college (whether he went or not). That would mean a guy in his mid-20's is fine, but not someone who was, say, 19 going on 20. 

All good insightful advice. Thank you for that. 
 

I’m not really worried about him telling anyone. He’s not in the closet but he is discrete about his activities, at least that’s what I gathered from our conversation. Plus, only being in the school for one year, he didn’t make any lasting friends so he’s fairly disconnected from the sphere of my school. So I couldn’t imagine who he would tell nor why he would feel the need to tell them.

I’m not worried about the legal or ethical side of it. I know in that realm I’ve done nothing wrong.

The only issue is my own personal code of ethics when it comes to my students. I, like many of us, have a functional, professional life during the day and that’s our persona to the general world. By night, I’m a total sex pig (not every night LOL). I never want those two personas to intertwine with someone I have once had a student-teacher interaction with before. 

[Incognito91]

6 minutes ago, Cumming4u said:

The only issue is my own personal code of ethics when it comes to my students.

You can't breach your code of ethics if you didn't know.

I once had sex with a former school teacher. He didn't teach my class but the class next to mine and I would have seen him everyday. He also was my sister's basketball teacher-in-charge.

It didn't click in my head who he was till we were done and were chatting politely, so I wouldn't necessarily say he would have remembered you either.

I of course blurt it out to him which made for a very awkward ending. I concluded I wouldn't blurt it out in future if the deed is done.

[JamesL100]

I imagine he may have recognised you but didn't mention it either. There's probably a post on here from him saying either: hell NO I met a former teacher or hell YES I met a former teacher. He doesn't seem to have an issue with age difference between adults.

[gangbangsuperstar]

On 1/30/2023 at 1:43 AM, Cumming4u said:

Hey all. I’m not posting about this to fetishize what happened- more to ask how you gents might handle the situation because I’m a little bit fucked up over it. 
 

Here goes- last week, I was on Sniffies and I got hit up by this guy who lives nearby. He’s 25, a bottom, good looking guy. We chat for a few days and finally nail down a time to meet. He comes over, we chill and chat for a little bit, then get right down to business. We had a hot session. I topped him and we went for a good long time before I bred him.

Post breeding, we’re sitting on my couch, chatting some more. He’s a chill guy, easy to talk to. Every time he smiled, I got a sense of familiarity about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it until after he left. I kept telling myself I know him but could not place how. Finally my brain started putting together the pieces. His name, where he went to college, certain things about his family that sounded very familiar. Finally it hit me.

This guy was my student 10 years ago when he was 15 years old. If you’re wondering how I didn’t recognize him, you have to understand that he only stayed at my school for one year and when he was 15, he still looked very young. Short, chubby, high pitched voice… Now he’s tall, lean, has a goatee, looks like an entirely different person. I did not recognize him even a little bit when he came in. 
 

The reason I’m fucked up over it is because I don’t shit where I eat. If I had known beforehand that he was my former student, I never would have fucked him. But now what’s done is done and I can’t put the spilled milk back in the bottle. 
 

He made no mention to me to even hint that he knows me but there is no way he didn’t know who I was. Unlike him, I still look much like I did 10 years ago, plus a little maturity of course. I’m beating myself up over it even though I had no way of knowing. I’m mad at him for not saying anything, but I’m not going to confront him about it. I’m kind of hoping this was a one time thing but something tells me he’s going to want to come back for more. I don’t know how to approach the situation if he contacts me.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you also be pissed or am I overreacting? 

keep fucking that little slut. its hot, legal and fully ethical.

[Guest]

Cute, I was fucked by my English teacher. 

[ErosWired]

23 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

perhaps you could casually probe this concern with the young man further...

I think probing with the young man was what caused the problem in the first place…

Seriously, though, to the OP - several here have suggested that there is really no legal or ethical issue with what you did, or would be if you continued doing it. I would tend to agree. There is, however, a third consideration: Perception, or what people nowadays call “optics”.

If we imagine that, through the young man’s indiscretion (twentysomethings, in my experience, are notoriously indiscreet) that word of this encounter, or encounters if there are more, begins to circulate. The young man may have said to someone, “An old teacher I had in high school ten years ago fucked me. I was a student in his class, but I was only at that school for a year. He probably didn’t even remember me.”

Some people hearing that are only going to come away with the words teacher fucked student. And that, or the sense of it, is what gets repeated. Suddenly the public perception is that you did something decidedly unethical, if not criminal. You don’t say whether you are still teaching, but assuming you do, you might (worst case) find yourself subject to an investigation, in which your practices would come into the open, to wit: This teacher has sex with young men. Parents, being what they are, may then assume the worst and decide that you might be a danger to their darling little cherub in your class, and pressure the school administrators to terminate your employment. The fact that you did nothing legally or ethically wrong will matter not one jot.

The above is, of course, an extreme scenario, but rumors have a way of metastasizing, and humans seem to want to believe anything scandalous, and let their emotions hijack their brains.

None of which addresses how you actually deal with the situation at this point. Somehow I don’t think you can have a conversation with him about him being a former student will be anything but awkward, especially since you already feel awkward about it. Given the potential scenario above, you might be well advised not to say anything, and thereby retaining the plausible deniability that you didn’t know. The fact that he now looks like a different person is in your favor

The problem with this tactic is that since you “don’t know” you have no reason to ask him to be discreet about it, and will have to trust the guy not to blab. You could, I suppose, simply tell him that you’re not fully out, and would ask him to be discreet about it, but that assumes further significant contact with him, which I would think is probably unwise.

As @BootmanLA points out above, just because he may ask for it again doesn’t mean you have to fuck him again, and you’re under no obligation to explain why.

Don’t castigate yourself for having done it - you did nothing wrong. But in the interest of avoiding potential complications, I would advise that you not do it again.

Edited January 31, 2023 by ErosWired