Gay guy in small village

[Marsian]

Hello everyone. I'm glad I found this community. I've been reading here for some time. I suppose it feeds somehow my full of lust dark side.

I'm 24yo and I live in a small village in Greece (I suppose most of u are from the USA?). I've never had sex with a guy. I was studying medicine in a close city but I was living with my brother, who despite his love for me, is a cute but homophobic military dog. I didn't mind until now. I was cool with watching porn but I'm fed up. There are girls who ask  me out and I hate it. I have to say no but I can't say the real reason. So I'm lying that I  have a relationship. The fact that I'm str8-looking has allowed me to  survive but my family asks why I'm single.

I'm about to start my (no idea how it's called but I can improvise) my rural medical intership which lasts for 1 year (it's obligatory for every doctor) in my village. We have very few places to go there. One guy there, a second cousin of mine (half the village we're somehow related) is my crush. We used to play together when we were kids but somehow we lost touch. He runs in the family (his family) coffee shop. I'm a frequent customer. When there are no other customers he will begin a conversation with me. There is no way I can directly ask him so I'm just daydreaming, dreaming and guessing about his intentions. He is very friendly but we're cousins anyway  why shouldn't he be? I just watch him prepare my  coffee and I fall in love. I can't tell if he's gay. I'm waiting each and every day when I'll go there to get a coffee. I've  got no one to talk to about this. Sometimes I wonderwhy can't I just have someone to love my in my life, is this too much to ask?

[Philatanus]

Why not just invite your cousin over then?  Surely, you can ask him somehow?

You are 24 and you are In Greece, it is not a dictator state.  I was in Crete for 2 weeks, spent time at the beach and

there were so many men sucking and fucking along the beaches treeline.  Surely, there are many gay men in Greece

that would love to pounce on your arse!

[BootmanLA]

22 hours ago, Philatanus said:

Why not just invite your cousin over then?  Surely, you can ask him somehow?

You are 24 and you are In Greece, it is not a dictator state.  I was in Crete for 2 weeks, spent time at the beach and

there were so many men sucking and fucking along the beaches treeline.  Surely, there are many gay men in Greece

that would love to pounce on your arse!

It's true that there are a lot of gay men in Greece - or at least, quite a few visit some of the major tourist areas.

But this guy is describing small rural village life. Those kind of places are far less likely to be accepting of gay men; there's no guarantee it's dangerous, but there's also no guarantee it's safe, either. I think he has a much better feel for what his village will tolerate than those of us who live in more liberal countries.

A country doesn't have to be a "dictator state" to be a dangerous place for gays - especially outside of big cities and tourist draws.

[Philatanus]

Quote

 

Pederasty in Greece is where it all began! And Greece is one of the most popular destinations for the LGBT community.

Even if he is in a small towne, I am quite sure it would not be frowned upon.  He only mentions his homophobic brother, as

being a hinder.

This young man needs to get out and explore, experiment and have fun!  

 

 

 

 

 

[PozBearWI]

5 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

It's true that there are a lot of gay men in Greece - or at least, quite a few visit some of the major tourist areas.

But this guy is describing small rural village life. Those kind of places are far less likely to be accepting of gay men; there's no guarantee it's dangerous, but there's also no guarantee it's safe, either. I think he has a much better feel for what his village will tolerate than those of us who live in more liberal countries.

A country doesn't have to be a "dictator state" to be a dangerous place for gays - especially outside of big cities and tourist draws.

@Marsian In your specific case, sometime when you order coffee why not just ask him to get ahold of you, perhaps text or email, to meet for coffee?  Let him select which coffee venue.  Then when 1on1 at a quiet table, gradually discover how you develop 1x1 as friends.  It can't go wrong.  Just don't open with "I need to fuck your ass!!!"   🙂   

My attempt at restating @Philatanus point; but from a mostly rural perspective.  Invite him to a setting where the two of you can talk 1x1.  Whether it evolves to more candor about sex should be talked about privately (enough) between the two of you.  Outside of hookup apps, and gay bars, I believe few of us commonly jumps into conversations about sex.  We've lots to talk about and appreciate even when sex isn't something either of us is pushing.  What I caution against is developing a reputation that every conversation is about sex.  

[Philatanus]

He needs that cherry popped!  😍

[evilqueerpig]

When you have a free weekend, travel to a larger city where gay men/sex are available.

[Marsian]

On 4/6/2023 at 10:05 PM, Philatanus said:

Why not just invite your cousin over then?

Invite him where exactly? There is no privacy here unfortunately, we all live quite close, even to jerk off is a feat.

 

On 4/6/2023 at 10:05 PM, Philatanus said:

it is not a dictator state

It's not a matter of dictatorship, it's just a rural gay-unfriendly place.

 

On 4/6/2023 at 10:05 PM, Philatanus said:

Surely, there are many gay men in Greece

that would love to pounce on your arse!

I suppose they are but far off from my reach atm.

 

19 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

But this guy is describing small rural village life. Those kind of places are far less likely to be accepting of gay men; there's no guarantee it's dangerous, but there's also no guarantee it's safe, either. I think he has a much better feel for what his village will tolerate than those of us who live in more liberal countries.

you got this 100%

18 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

Then when 1on1 at a quiet table,

all tables are quiet few people go out (but for some reason we have tourism)

Yesterday we talked more, I asked him what he does on his spare time he loves biking. He asked me to join him sometime, I said sure why not. Thing is I haven't biked for ages. I hope he won't see me fall down the cliff.

[NLbear]

Go biking with him and then again. Just the two of you. That will develop a 'relationship' and you get to know each other better. And maybe at some point while you're on one of your biking trips ask him if the family is asking him too why he's still single. You don't have to come out to him straightaway but for instance say you don't know yet what you're looking for and are 'exploring'. 

You may find out from his answer if he's straight or, if he's vague about it, there's a possibility he's gay too. 

Who knows what may happen if you're deep in the woods or mountains 😉

 

[ErosWired]

12 hours ago, evilqueerpig said:

When you have a free weekend, travel to a larger city where gay men/sex are available.

Take a look at a map of Greece. It’s not as though he can just hop in a car and drive to any number of larger cities in the country. Depending on where he is, there may be a sea in the way. The gay mecca in Greece, Mykonos, is an island, and he doesn’t live on it. We can’t respond effectively to his question if we assume his circumstances and cultural situation are the same as if he were in the U.S. Even here, advice to travel to a larger city means something very different to a person who would have to drive multiple hours to get to one than it would to someone who could make the trip in less than an hour. And as difficult as it is to be openly gay in, say, rural Kentucky, it’s culturally far worse in other countries where it can land you in prison or worse. Unless we’re familiar with the mores of Greek society in this regard, we have to realize that our advice may be of little practical value, and the kind if knee-jerk replies we so often read on here where guys are told to “just do it” may be worse than useless.

[Marsian]

We had a small "date".

We went bicycling for a couple of km. The cool thing was that we went to the top of the mountain the two of us, we had the chance to talk.

He said he feels quite bored there but he doesn't want to leave that place and so somewhere alone. he also thought that I was an albino (lmao) because my eyebrows and beard are almost white (thing is i'm too blonde and that's weird for a greek -all my  grandparents brothers but not my grandpa are like that). Since then we text once in a while but  nothing erotic about it.

[NLbear]

At least it's a first step to get to know more about him. If he's in the closet he won't reveal that on a first 'date'.

[ErosWired]

Going to a mountaintop is a great strategy in Greece. The gods love mountaintops, and it gives Eros a clear shot for his arrows. And you looking all golden and such…

[chipygmalion80]

On 4/8/2023 at 8:57 AM, Marsian said:

It's not a matter of dictatorship, it's just a rural gay-unfriendly place.

Sounds Greek Orthodox.  I also live way out in the country and conservative / religious folks (but in the USA, yes).

 

On 4/6/2023 at 2:01 PM, Marsian said:

There are girls who ask  me out and I hate it. I have to say no but I can't say the real reason. So I'm lying that I  have a relationship. The fact that I'm str8-looking has allowed me to  survive but my family asks why I'm single.

Play the cards that you were dealt in life. 

If girls are attracted to you, be good friends with a girl.  Guys who appear coupled, even to a friend, are strong magnets.  A gay guy who sees you with a girl may feel more comfortable walking up to you both or just asking her if you're single. 

Do you have a girl there you could trust and hang out with?

Sometimes the girl who has the biggest crush on a gay guy turns out to be a good friend.  And lots of girls like to think they can match make.  Whether their matches work, LOL, well it's better than sitting alone at home.

[hungry_hole]

On 4/8/2023 at 9:57 AM, Marsian said:

There is no privacy here unfortunately,

The reality is that the so-called gay scene is mostly focused on sex, which is where different kinds of men come together, gay, bisexual, straight, fetish, etc. Because of this, anonymity becomes the best setup for men to congregate for sex, and small social groups cannot provide an anonymous setup. And they never will. A married guy living in a large city may enjoy the occasional visit to a gloryhole to get drained before going home, but if he lived in a small town he wouldn't for fear of bumping into somebody he knows.

My first experiences with guys were at the YMCA in New York City, when they offered a cheap alternative to a hotel. There were young guys from all over the U.S., guys whom I've never seen and that I never saw again. There was at the time in my city a gay sauna, but I would have been afraid of meeting someone I knew and would have not enjoyed it the way I did at the Y. I travelled to NYC, a large city, a few times and stayed at the Y.