How to accept what i am and just let go?

[Binyfiken1500]

Hi there guys.... Just been thinking a lot and would love to hear stories from others around this thing.....

I have considered myself bisexual for quite some time but for the last 2 years i've been exclusive with a 66yo fwb and we have been BB only.

I know i love cock and cum and cant really get used enough, he knows it too.... The thing is that i would love to just let loose and search for more hook-ups or pump-n-dumps since him and i only meet up every other day.

 

I dont know what to call it but im on the fence about accepting that i am a cock and cum loving submissive fag and just cant get past this odd feeling i have that keeps me from fucking around because fucking around and getting used as a analslut is something i think about everyday.

 

Can someone relate and describe/tell me how you got past that hurdle? I dont want to get "pozzed" nor am i bugchasing (that part is just really hot as fiction and fantasy) but would love to just remove that mental hurdle thats holding me back since i know what i am and what i love but still cant just do it!

Thank you very much if you take your time and reply to this! 

 

 

FYI; Im only sexually interested in men, im leaning towards women if we talk about romance but love the feeling of getting fucked, feeling someone else using my ass to relieve themself and such and would probably be a pussyfree cuck in a serious M/F relationship.

[PozTalkAuthor]

Being homosexual and hetero-romantic maybe? Always assuming that labels make sense, I do not think so, as sexuality is a complex subject which can't be caged in judgmental fences. 

That said, what to do? Consider getting on Prep if it's available or you can afford it; if your attitude for barebacking grows as you think of, taking HIV prevention pills is the right path in order to avoid bad surprises... And, yes, serosorting and trust are not an appropriate mean of prevention! 

How to accept who you are? Maybe the fact you're asking to confront, means you've crossed the line: denial, admission, confront, accepting. I'm not (and don't want to be) a psy, but these steps come from my own experience. 

I have had big fantasies since more than a decade, and I have hard worked to repress them for years, circumstances forced me to face them, till now. With more effort I have managed to confront with others here, and embrace them totally, as science allows me to fulfill them without actually harming others. 

Medicine is our most precious ally, so, if you want to hookup and bb around... First consider prevention steps. 

Hugs. 

[viking8x6]

36 minutes ago, Binyfiken1500 said:

and just cant get past this odd feeling i have that keeps me from fucking around

OK, it seems clear that you mostly know what you are and what you are interested in. Labels don't matter at all, as long as you know. You feel romantic toward women. You feel sexually attracted to men. You are mostly a bottom in that department... you "love cock and cum and can't really get used enough".

But. You have an odd feeling that keeps you from acting.

Seems to me you need to spend some time, on your own or with help (professional or otherwise) unpacking that "odd feeling". It could be a lot of things, and until you know something about it, you won't have much idea of how to change it. Is it fear (of disease, etc.)? Shame? Concern over others' judgment of you? Guilt/self-judgment? Anxiety over how you'll perform when it's time for action? Could be any or all of those. Each would require its own strategy to get past it and have the life you want.

One suggestion I have for actual action is to just try it and see! You have a great FWB who understands your drive - get him to help out, maybe by helping to organize a 3-way or group scene where he's present as a participant and gatekeeper. That kind of scene might address many of the potential inhibitions you are feeling, and be fun for both of you as well.

Enjoy!

[Binyfiken1500]

18 minutes ago, viking8x6 said:

OK, it seems clear that you mostly know what you are and what you are interested in. Labels don't matter at all, as long as you know. You feel romantic toward women. You feel sexually attracted to men. You are mostly a bottom in that department... you "love cock and cum and can't really get used enough".

But. You have an odd feeling that keeps you from acting.

Seems to me you need to spend some time, on your own or with help (professional or otherwise) unpacking that "odd feeling". It could be a lot of things, and until you know something about it, you won't have much idea of how to change it. Is it fear (of disease, etc.)? Shame? Concern over others' judgment of you? Guilt/self-judgment? Anxiety over how you'll perform when it's time for action? Could be any or all of those. Each would require its own strategy to get past it and have the life you want.

One suggestion I have for actual action is to just try it and see! You have a great FWB who understands your drive - get him to help out, maybe by helping to organize a 3-way or group scene where he's present as a participant and gatekeeper. That kind of scene might address many of the potential inhibitions you are feeling, and be fun for both of you as well.

Enjoy!

Thanks for your reply, i think its a mix of a few of them mentioned, fear of disease (even tho i know that i can get prep if i start "fucking around" and know that some if not all of the regular ones are cureable. At the same time im also open to test often to keep my testresults fairly new) shame, yeah a bit, others judgement yeah that is also a thing and maybe a bit of guilt also....

 

Well he is monogamous and dont like the thought of sharing me with others... 😕

[ErosWired]

We get this kind of question frequently. “I can’t stop thinking about taking cock bareback and I reallyreallyreally want to but I just can’t because I’m afraid of disease. What to do?”

The ‘what do I do’ part seems to assume there’s a way to get out of taking the risk.

There isn’t.

Bareback sex is not a safe practice, and it cannot be made entirely safe. It can be made significantly safer, with PrEP, vaccinations, regular testing, and prompt treatment of treatable infections, but there is no Golden Ticket To Fuck. Accepting the risk, even greatly reduced, means accepting the possibility, if slight, that you draw the short straw and end up with a non-curable STD. If you fuck a lot, it also means that you will almost certainly catch one or more curable STIs. It’s an inherent hazard.

So. What to do? Make a decision: Accept that you will face risk, or give up the idea.

As to the social facets of your indecision - shame, guilt, judgment, consent of a jealous/possessive/monogamous partner - that’s a whole other suitcase full of baboons.

[Binyfiken1500]

7 hours ago, ErosWired said:

We get this kind of question frequently. “I can’t stop thinking about taking cock bareback and I reallyreallyreally want to but I just can’t because I’m afraid of disease. What to do?”

The ‘what do I do’ part seems to assume there’s a way to get out of taking the risk.

There isn’t.

Bareback sex is not a safe practice, and it cannot be made entirely safe. It can be made significantly safer, with PrEP, vaccinations, regular testing, and prompt treatment of treatable infections, but there is no Golden Ticket To Fuck. Accepting the risk, even greatly reduced, means accepting the possibility, if slight, that you draw the short straw and end up with a non-curable STD. If you fuck a lot, it also means that you will almost certainly catch one or more curable STIs. It’s an inherent hazard.

So. What to do? Make a decision: Accept that you will face risk, or give up the idea.

As to the social facets of your indecision - shame, guilt, judgment, consent of a jealous/possessive/monogamous partner - that’s a whole other suitcase full of baboons.

 

The thing is that while i am afraid of disease, thats not my biggest concern since i've read up on PReP and know that the others is cureable.........

 

Its the other suitcase full of baboons im more afraid about 😄

[ErosWired]

You don’t indicate your age, but for your FWB to be fucking you every other day at 66 is a not inconsiderable libido for a man his age, and at his age, finding another person willing to accommodate that appetite is like finding a hoard of gold. I’m not surprised that he isn’t eager for you to start getting your bucket filled elsewhere. You may not be able to keep both this arrangement and a free-range fucking lifestyle, which, one might point out, may or may not get you fucked with every-other-day regularity. That’s a frequency that many a bottom would envy.

Ultimately, you have to be true to yourself, true to your nature. You cannot live a lie indefinitely. You will simply grow in misery and temptation until you achieve a personal balance. That may require you to abandon some preconceived notions of dignity and accept some negative judgments of others, and stop giving fucks what other people think about you where it doesn’t really matter.

[Binyfiken1500]

31 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

You don’t indicate your age, but for your FWB to be fucking you every other day at 66 is a not inconsiderable libido for a man his age, and at his age, finding another person willing to accommodate that appetite is like finding a hoard of gold. I’m not surprised that he isn’t eager for you to start getting your bucket filled elsewhere. You may not be able to keep both this arrangement and a free-range fucking lifestyle, which, one might point out, may or may not get you fucked with every-other-day regularity. That’s a frequency that many a bottom would envy.

Ultimately, you have to be true to yourself, true to your nature. You cannot live a lie indefinitely. You will simply grow in misery and temptation until you achieve a personal balance. That may require you to abandon some preconceived notions of dignity and accept some negative judgments of others, and stop giving fucks what other people think about you where it doesn’t really matter.

Im 30, and i understand that if i want to "fill my bucket" more often or with others my fwb would be a no-go anymore.... 

 

Im just crazy horny pretty much all the time and thinking about cock/getting fucked/used alot during the day and after a session with fwb i just want to log onto grindr and find more.....

[ErosWired]

12 minutes ago, Binyfiken1500 said:

Im 30, and i understand that if i want to "fill my bucket" more often or with others my fwb would be a no-go anymore.... 

 

Im just crazy horny pretty much all the time and thinking about cock/getting fucked/used alot during the day and after a session with fwb i just want to log onto grindr and find more.....

Then you face another type of risk. The reality of a slutty cumdump lifestyle is that in spite of the kinds of over-the-top accounts you read here or what you see in porn, getting fucked/used a lot is by no means guaranteed or even easy. If you read around here, you’re find plenty of threads that discuss the small number of Tops available to fuck an ocean of waiting ass, in which yours will just be one more droplet competing with all the others for a scarce commodity.

Multiple fucks daily is probably an unrealistic notion unless you happen to live in a major metropolis with healthy venues, you’re hot as fuck, and you’re independently wealthy enough that you can pursue sex full-time. Cruising Grindr ain’t gonna cut it. The ratio of looks to actual hookups on Grindr is abysmal, and you’ll swiftly grow tired of getting your time wasted by flakes, ghosts, game-players and pic collectors. Plus, most forms of active sex-hunting come with a cost, whether it’s a hotel room, bathhouse fees, theater entry at the ABS, cover charge at the gay bar, cost of transportation, etc. Your budget may dictate how often you get fucked.

You may look at all of the above and find that having someone who fucks you every other day isn’t such a bad deal.

[tallslenderguy]

On 6/8/2023 at 5:50 AM, Binyfiken1500 said:

Hi there guys.... Just been thinking a lot and would love to hear stories from others around this thing.....

I have considered myself bisexual for quite some time but for the last 2 years i've been exclusive with a 66yo fwb and we have been BB only.

I know i love cock and cum and cant really get used enough, he knows it too.... The thing is that i would love to just let loose and search for more hook-ups or pump-n-dumps since him and i only meet up every other day.

 

I dont know what to call it but im on the fence about accepting that i am a cock and cum loving submissive fag and just cant get past this odd feeling i have that keeps me from fucking around because fucking around and getting used as a analslut is something i think about everyday.

 

Can someone relate and describe/tell me how you got past that hurdle? I dont want to get "pozzed" nor am i bugchasing (that part is just really hot as fiction and fantasy) but would love to just remove that mental hurdle thats holding me back since i know what i am and what i love but still cant just do it!

Thank you very much if you take your time and reply to this! 

 

 

FYI; Im only sexually interested in men, im leaning towards women if we talk about romance but love the feeling of getting fucked, feeling someone else using my ass to relieve themself and such and would probably be a pussyfree cuck in a serious M/F relationship.

Couple of thoughts.

From my read, it seems you have not actually experienced what you are writing about?  I.e., you have pretty much been exclusive with one FB?  

i suggest there is a difference between imagined desire and reality,  and until you actually experience the multiple cocks you imagine, you won't really know the "who you are" part.  Right now, it doesn't seem you are a 'cum dump," it's a desire or fantasy, not an actual reality.  You have an exclusive relationship with one Man who breeds you about every other day, and you are not satisfied by that.  

Do you feel you have identified what it is about being with a Man that feeds your need/desire?  Is it purely physical. i don't believe it ever is, but i think some try to restrict it to physical only and sort of hide from the emotional/psychological reasons that drive them.  i find a lot of guys never dig in and figure out what is driving their needs/desires, and end up feeding  them generally instead of specifically.  It may be you can  get what you need/desire from a couple of FB's, or you may find you're at the other end and never want to be fucked by the same guy twice. 

So, my two considerations would be: try to understand more specifically what and why you want/need with another man/men, and secondly step in vs jump in.  You don't really know till you try, but it doesn't have to be an all or nothing decision or process. 

From where i sit,  you've already identified your main "mental hurdle" right now, it seems to be the two year relationship you have with the Man breeding you.  That kind of arrangement seems very one sided to me.  He is not exclusive, but wants/expects you to be?   In a sense, he is doing/getting what you want, but restricting you from doing the same.

[hntnhole]

On 6/8/2023 at 8:50 AM, Binyfiken1500 said:

on the fence

That's a perfectly good description. 

There's one un-addressed facet in your post that I happen to know about.  Being born in Sweden (my family emigrated to the US when I was an infant) to a city that is virtually a mini-Stockholm in the US.  Thus, there are particular cultural repressions it took me some time to shrug off.  That, and Lutheranism were the initial stumbling blocks for me.  If you've been brought up in the Lutheran Church, you'll need to carefully examine what is fact in that peculiar belief-system, and what is only cultural.  I wound up rejecting Organized Religion altogether, and am the better man for it.  My family went back to visit every other year for decades, and I found it stultifying as I got a bit older. 

The cultural repressions, particularly in a relatively closed society, can be like invisible chains, binding your thought-process, controlling your behavior, and you don't have to accept it.  It took me no small amount of time to flush it out of my system, but with some mental/emotional work I managed to break free, and have lived a better, richer, more fulfilling life for it.  I remember one time we went to visit an aunt of my dad's, over towards Jonskoping (sorry, no umlauts on my computer), but still out in the country.  The old woman was sitting on the front porch of her little house in a rocking chair, didn't so much as glance at us as we drove up in the yard.  She only looked at our family once, as she stood up, and said something on the order of "like the USA so much? So go back there then", and stomped into her little stuga.  What a sorry example of cultural repression; either our way or the highway.  

It could be that it's the cultural repressions that are bothering you.  If you're Norsk, maybe it's not so crushing over there - I don't know.  But reflecting on how deeply cultural repressions affect us can help us realize that they simply don't apply to us, meant only to control us, and thus, makes it easier to shrug them off and become free.  It seems that all social structures are infused with restrictions, controlling mechanisms, and for men like us to be really free, we must carefully consider what the impact of cultural repressions are, how to flush them out of our minds, and move on with our lives.  

Best wishes as you begin the journey to freedom.  

Edited June 9, 2023 by hntnhole
phrasing

[Baretop4ever]

On 6/8/2023 at 3:00 PM, PozTalkAuthor said:

Maybe the fact you're asking to confront, means you've crossed the line: denial, admission, confront, accepting. I'm not (and don't want to be) a psy, but these steps come from my own experience. 

And this process speaks for many among us as well. Can totally relate to that, as well as to the anxiety mentioned in the original post. I was scared, felt guilty of my fantasies (similar to yours, only the other way around, speaking as a top breeder).

 

How to get past your inner limits? Well, buddy, you have already done the first important step - talk about it in a safe space like here to like-minded guys. You'll see with time how your mind rearranges, gets used to accept your fantasies as a part of yours, especially in an environment like here where many can relate to you. You're on the right track!

 

On 6/9/2023 at 9:01 PM, hntnhole said:

there are particular cultural repressions it took me some time to shrug off.  That, and Lutheranism were the initial stumbling blocks for me. 

That would be a possible second step - analyzing what exactly makes you feel chained and blocks you from living out your fantasies. Culture? Religion? Being Slut-shamed?

In my case, it was culture, religion and growing up in an insane deep heteronormative environment, where even many gay men claim to be out and open, but seem to copy and paste heteronormative lifestyle for them even more than straights would do, with monogamous relationships, constant secret service like observation of each other to make sure if any partner cheats on them, preaching how slutty the gay scene is with full of STDs and how better they are, the list wouldn't end. All of this made me feel like a second class worthless subject that doesn't fit in because of my fantasies to breed around bare every possible hole and to satisfy my sex drive. 

 

Ok, next step for me was about deconstructing all of this:

Culture and religion are there to serve humans - not the other way around. Under the bottom line, culture and religion is there to support you to be a kind person to your fellow people and should limit you the moment you harm yourself or anyone else. Do you harm anyone by giving in to your fantasies? No? Really not? - then this point is ticked off.

Culture and Religion are there to give you a start on how to shape your life. But in a heteronormative culture I would say: I need another place to start as long as I don't fit in, and I choose to not let culture and religion get in my way.

Heteronormativity: I've seen many gay men preaching about monogamy and ending up in broken relationships, very often after cheating on each other. The point is: No one is better or worse than you are. You are on the same level worthy of what you are, with every part of your personal fantasies. That's all you - and no one is in the position to judge you.

 

Next step - how do I start? You always make Baby steps, and just like a Baby, reach out - what you are wonderfully doing now, and many posters before have already given great pieces of info.

 

On 6/9/2023 at 6:01 PM, tallslenderguy said:

From where i sit,  you've already identified your main "mental hurdle" right now, it seems to be the two year relationship you have with the Man breeding you.  That kind of arrangement seems very one sided to me.  He is not exclusive, but wants/expects you to be?   In a sense, he is doing/getting what you want, but restricting you from doing the same.

That was also what I was wondering about. Play a mind game with yourself: what kind of person would you like to be without that FWB, if that man exclusively breeding you hadn't existed? How would you describe the person you would be instead? Do you like your "other self"? Would you like to be him? If you answer with YES, then I'm on the same boat as tallslenderguy and would ask myself if that man may be restricting you from a life that you would love to live...

 

There's no start without practicing. Practice as a test what you are dreaming of, and if possible, reach out to a friend whom you can trust, so that he'd join you, e.g. accompanying you while you live out your fantasies. (I was accompanied by a friend when I made my first Baby steps in a dark room and started to fill up random holes the way I had dreamed of for ages and didn't dare try. I just felt safe with my friend being somewhere near around while my dick was inside of someone else... My fantasy was to fuck randomly cause that was what my sex drive wanted - and I was terrified the first time fucking someone I didn't know or even see in the darkroom...  if I had found out, this isn't what I like or had thought of before, there was always my friend to catch me from falling mentally out of disappointment, and we all know how Sex can either pleasure or disturb you. to know, I'm not all alone there was encouraging. I ended up loving it and kept on fucking other guys as well, and my friend decided to leave at some point... he got it, that I can finally move on on my own).

I don't wanna create beautiful illusions: you will make mistakes, you may have disappointments, it may all appear in realtiy different than in fantasies - we went the same road, maybe at least most of us, and it's part of the process. But what's bothering you seems to be more than a random thought, but the start of a possible road that could lead to something beautiful - what's meant for you to become.

 

Edited June 13, 2023 by Baretop4ever

[hntnhole]

22 hours ago, Baretop4ever said:

Being Slut-shamed?

Nah ... that shit doesn't work with me ... if some stuffed shirt tries, I just grin and say something like "oh? you want some too, huh?" I realize that invites a rejoinder, so if I'm disinclined to engage, rather than get into it, I just say "yup", and move on ...