Stigma, Meet Slut-Shaming

[ErosWired]

So I’m lying on the hotel bed, naked (not ‘nude’, the hotel’s only 3-star with a 6.2 rating and there a leak in the ceiling), ass hoisted with two loads navigating their way past the S-bend into my descending colon, watching one of those ersatz cumdump ‘hypno’ vids to remind myself just how perfectly suited I am to being a service cunt for Men, and once again appreciate the way the Universe sometimes puts us in exactly the role we’re meant to fulfil.

Suddenly: BooDOOP! A message on Grindr. It has been an unusually dead Friday night for Indy, so I hope for good things. I’ve changed my Grindr profile name to ‘TwoLoadsIn’ to head off the ‘how many loads’ inquiries, and have announced that I’m hotel hosting Tops, no one refused. As I always do, I add ‘+/U’ at the end.

The message I receive reads:

Gee, I wonder how you got HIV.

He slut-shamed me with generous helping of HIV stigma, and threw in a ‘Gee’ as the cherry on top.

My first reply was an opening salvo toward education, but his response made it clear that changing that heart and mind would be like clearing all the shit out of the Augean stables, and I wasn’t wearing my Hercules suit. Or a lion skin. Or, indeed, anything at all except a ball weight and a pair of white athletic socks.

Anyone who’s tolerated my ranting about the Enemy Virus on this forum knows that I don’t miss many opportunities to tell people about some of the hard truths of living with this plague in our midst…but this time I was just tired. His arrogant, smug ignorance made it clear he was going to fight education tooth and nail.

I told him I wasn’t going to waste any more time arguing with a moron, and blocked him.

What made me madder than anything was that he took my mind completely out of cumdump subspace.

And then the Top flaked.

And then suddenly I find myself wondering  if I’m really cut out for this.

 

[Loveitraw]

We've all had moments of doubt. Often with a side-order of realisation. I tend to put both in the basket of deal with tomorrow because, like most advice that comes from tv movies and mothers everywhere, if you still feel the same way later on then you might be on to something. Generally I find after some sleep and then some coffee most doubts about whether I should feel bad about myself or my sexual proclivity are filed under, "fuck it!"

[onlyraw]

I suppose I could kind of understand his viewpoint if this were still back in the days before meds - or even the early days of meds when things were still scary

but I am sorry— this is 2023 and guys by now should know that u=u and there is this little thing called PrEP …. So ya, he should get his head out of his 1980’s ass and get with the times

sorry You had to deal with the jerk - and totally get how that can totally kill and horny slutty vibe you had going 

[OzzieCumdumpster]

You will always have these types of guys, I get slut shawmed all the time for changing my sex, but I have come to wear it as a badge of honor. I look at these people and I know they are jelous as they don't have the nerves to live our lives as cumdumpee or givers that will happily give you there seed. So they become keyboard bullies so they can feel good about themselves.

Time and time again I have mentioned that I was fucked BB all through the AIDS pandemic, never got AIDS back then did pick up my fair share of STI/STD's back then. I do take PReP now just because I am so promiscuous. I also get tested once a month for all the nasty bugs related to sex

So stay strong in your commitment.

[SmoothATLVers]

35 minutes ago, OzzieCumdumpster said:

You will always have these types of guys, I get slut shawmed all the time for changing my sex, but I have come to wear it as a badge of honor. I look at these people and I know they are jelous as they don't have the nerves to live our lives as cumdumpee or givers that will happily give you there seed. So they become keyboard bullies so they can feel good about themselves.

Time and time again I have mentioned that I was fucked BB all through the AIDS pandemic, never got AIDS back then did pick up my fair share of STI/STD's back then. I do take PReP now just because I am so promiscuous. I also get tested once a month for all the nasty bugs related to sex

So stay strong in your commitment.

Exactly. These guys wish they were secure enough to live out their sexuality and be as physically and sexually appealing as you 😉

[hntnhole]

On 7/8/2023 at 7:25 AM, ErosWired said:

And then suddenly I find myself wondering  if I’m really cut out for this.

I don't think any guy hits a homer every single time he's up - it's a shame you received such mistreatment, but there are plenty of morons out there that somehow think shaming others will make themselves feel less badly about who and what they are.  Doing it under the anonymity of the web is doubly damning of their emptiness. 

Try not to take it to heart, and know that there are plenty of men out there that treasure men like you.

[viking8x6]

Somehow the first time I read your post, I didn't grok that the message the guy sent was the first thing you heard from him.

That's beyond rude. It's abusive. Specifically and pointedly intended to make you feel bad (and no wonder it was a joykiller!).

So, I wouldn't hang it up just because the world is full of assholes. Although when similarly challenged, I tend to react badly myself. We must try to remember that they're part of this grand Creation... just like cockroaches and spirochetes.

What I might do, depending on my mood, would be either (1) respond with a very pointed comeback turning the insult around (I'm thinking along the lines of "the same way you're going to - by getting fucked by the wrong guy at the wrong time") or (2) report him as abusive (not that Grindr will likely do anything about it, but then again they might, and it might make you feel more peaceful about it in any case).

[norefusal]

i hope you reported him before blocking him. his comment was antisocial, demeaning g and abusive and he should be warned by the admin to start behaving like a civilized person or be banned. 

sorry you had to face that. some people are so damaged they only know how to hurt others rather than heal. 

[Pozguyinchi]

We have all been there. I don’t understand men who act like that. Every male knows that monogamy is for women. Men have an instinctive need to spread their seed. For them to judge or put down someone that is doing their instinctive need to serve is wrong on so many levels. Don’t let it take away from what you know is your purpose. I also have a feeling they are probably the first ones in line for free pussy.

[ErosWired]

I did not, in fact, report the guy, nor did it even occur to me to do so. Yes, it was rude, uncalled-for and abusive toward a total stranger out of the blue, but behavior like that has now become so endemic to the online social sphere that I can’t imagine Grindr raising an eyebrow at it, let alone lifting a finger. If they policed every such incident, they’d be at it every breathing moment, 24/7, and I fear the social media environment is now so bereft of civilized quality that it’s beyond saving. Frankly, with the Supreme Court now ruling that online harassment is free speech, I think our culture is stick-a-fork-in-it cooked.

[onlyraw]

29 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

 and I fear the social media environment is now so bereft of civilized quality that it’s beyond saving. Frankly, with the Supreme Court now ruling that online harassment is free speech, I think our culture is stick-a-fork-in-it cooked.

How very true 

And how very sad- I try and remember that when I approach guys online or reply to them- but don’t always succeed 

your tail is just another reminder to all of us that (except when dealing with toxic assholes like your guy) that we need to be kinder and polite- or at least not rude when dealing with guys online 

[NWUSHorny]

I don't remember ever being shamed for being POZ on either a hookup app or at a fuck venue, but if I had a nickel or ever time someone tried to slut shame me I'd have my fuck club admission fees covered for the rest of my life.

[hntnhole]

12 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I fear the social media environment is now so bereft of civilized quality that it’s beyond saving

Except this one !!! 

Sure, there are a handful of anti-social guys on here, but there's a lot more decency and interesting exchange of thoughts on a wide variety of subjects near and dear to our magnificent community. 

Don't let some calcified road-apple of a guy get too far into your Calling.  You have more worth in your little toe than that idiot has in his entire existence.  Go ahead - flush him - over and done with.

[norefusal]

agree to disagree

perhaps im lucky but SM is not riddled w asshats for me. these jerks are the exception and not the rule and that's why i report them. i also report them as a record. if grindr is or isn't doing its job is not in my control but i'm not going to ignore bad behavior due to pessimism about the world in general. if enough people report the same guy eventually they'll have to stop ignoring the complaints. 

jmho 

and ITA w everyone who says you just keep being you. i wish i was closer so i could come dump a load in you myself you beautiful shameless man slut 😜

[ErosWired]

43 minutes ago, norefusal said:

perhaps im lucky but SM is not riddled w asshats for me. these jerks are the exception and not the rule and that's why i report them. i also report them as a record. if grindr is or isn't doing its job is not in my control but i'm not going to ignore bad behavior due to pessimism about the world in general. if enough people report the same guy eventually they'll have to stop ignoring the complaints. 

Yours is the right attitude, and really, the only way the situation will ever get turned around - if we collectively stop refusing to let it pass. Unfortunately, I think it requires a critical mass of people to change social behavior, and I don’t think we’re headed in the right direction. The sad thing is that this is the age of the ‘influencer’, and if some of those influencers would influence people to be civilized instead of promote hyper-consumption, vanity, and twerking, we might be a little better off.