Bare Facts: A Personal Exploration of the Risks in the Gay Sex Scene

[Philip]

I want to document my experience when I was a single gay man. I’ve noticed that few people here discuss the health risks associated with gay sex, or perhaps I haven’t done enough research. There’s a lot of talk about the joy of unprotected sex, something I’ve indulged in during what some might call “my slut years.”

I won’t claim to be a saint. In the past, I cheated multiple times out of curiosity for what unprotected sex felt like, but I was too afraid to try it. When my last relationship ended, I began taking PREP, frequented a local sauna (Wet on Wellington in Melbourne, Australia), and spent many hours there having sex with anonymous men. This two-year period also involved hookups from Grindr and outdoor cruising. For a while, it felt great; then, it didn’t.

About six months into this lifestyle, I started experiencing constant diarrhea, and my bottom was quite itchy. I visited the Melbourne Health Clinic and was treated for gonorrhea and chlamydia. A few weeks later, I experienced similar symptoms and learned I had contracted gonorrhea again, along with hemorrhoids.

At this point, I became hesitant about unprotected sex; I didn’t want to contract any more STDs. Nevertheless, a couple of months later, after recurring diarrhea, I tested positive for Mgen and was prescribed three different antibiotics. The increased potency of the medication led to more side effects, including diarrhea. I spent a good amount of time in the restroom, and I’m glad my job allowed for frequent breaks. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). It’s hard to say if my actions and the subsequent medication led to IBS, but I’ve read that it can be caused by changes in gut bacteria.

The last straw in my journey with STDs came when I tested positive for genital herpes. This disease has a negative stigma, and as you may know, it’s a lifelong condition. I’m currently on a two-year suppression medication plan, and I’m fortunate that I haven’t had an outbreak yet.

I’m now in a loving relationship with a wonderful partner, who understands my past and the journey I’ve taken to get here. I sometimes wonder if I made the right decisions during those years, and despite the health issues, I believe it was the right path for me. It made me appreciate my health more and freed me from the nagging “what ifs.” My partner is open to the prospect of me having sex with others, but given the past STDs and us having to use condoms, the logistics of testing and treatment are not sexy at all.

If you’ve stuck around to the end, thank you for reading. Just know that while gay sex can be a lot of fun, it comes with many health risks that I don’t think are discussed enough these days. Different people react differently to the symptoms associated with STDs. In my case, I got the short straw.

[hntnhole]

Phillip !!! 

Glad you returned, albeit with not such great news.  Very sorry to know you've been through the STD mill, but I'm happy you've found a loving relationship based on reality and honesty.  

There are a lot of guys in your same boat, and I hope you keep checking in here on BZ.  You can offer substantive discourse based on reality and experience, and what's more appreciated that that?

😉

[xxbjn2]

Good to see you back Phillip, wow you've been through the wars but am glad you've found yourself in a good place.  I have to confess I enjoyed following your slutty ways (you're a sex as fuck guy) and knowing you were putting your hot man hole out there for guys to flood.  Keep healthy and stay well.  Hopefully we'll here more of your stories sometime.

[cannero]

I think that is a very honest post and I appreciated it. The first thing I would say is I'm glad you have such an understanding partner who accepts your past and doesn't judge. We all come with slutty baggage one way or another and it's not many that accept the past isn't the future or indeed the present.

The second thing I took is that BZ is a place that is wild in it's sexual discussion with a grey border between what is experience and what is fantasy, but at the same time we can have realistic discussions on the real issues of this lifestyle (to use a phrase).

Thirdly I was at my most slutty decades ago when blatant barebacking was quite transgressive and not as common as is really thought. Many the bloke in a park or club was only interested in safe, but a hardcore group of shags was to be relied for me, and decades later I don't even know their names. But the real consequence of this was that wide condom use kept the other bugs at bay. I certainly think Prep is a great thing, but I suspected personally that there would be other consequences. This happened at a time when access to sexual health services in the UK became patchy because of funding pressures, and when I saw my local clubs and saunas posting about super gonorrhoea was in the district etc, I changed my behaviour. My health is cranky anyway these days and I just don't need the kind of hassle that you have sadly gone through and I am now a bit more aware of who I choose to fuck.  I do think that there is a commitment to self checking in aspects of the hardcore pig community, and that isn't refllected in the general gay wider population, especially the young. No judgement, but we all feel immortal at that age, and the creaky body is in a far distant future. But I think Philip's experiences won't be unique as we deal with the non-HIV health issues in years to come. 

 

[Bimarried001]

My only issue with your story is saying that gay sex is risky. I think you could rephrase that to say Promiscuous sex is risky. 
I’ve had my share of STDs from heterosexual sex as I have from gay sex. The key was being promiscuous. 
I’ve been more promiscuous with gay sex so most of my STDs are from gay sex but the risk is not exclusive to gays. 

[Close2MyBro]

I think that STD's are a crap-shoot. I know very promiscuous guys who have never had one, and I've had friends from high school get one after their first time.

[BootmanLA]

On 8/13/2023 at 12:21 PM, Close2MyBro said:

I think that STD's are a crap-shoot. I know very promiscuous guys who have never had one, and I've had friends from high school get one after their first time.

It's true that they're a crap shoot. Except the longer you shoot craps, the greater your odds that somewhere along the way, you're going to roll snake eyes.

On any given throw of the dice, the odds of getting a particular result is X. There are 36 combinations you can get from two dice, but not all number combos have equal odds, because there are two ways to get, say, 3 on one and 4 on the other; but there's only one way to get 1 on both dice). But when you're aiming to AVOID a particular result - say, 1+1 - the odds of five hundred throws of the dice never producing that result are low. The odds of five thousand throws of the dice never producing that result are infinitesimally low.

[shyvers]

This post makes too much drama about common matters: almost everyone who has been sexually active has herpes. It’s an irrelevant STD and very easy to manage. Getting Gono or Coamydia 3/4 times a year is not life changing and nothing says that IBS is the consequence of antibiotics. Now with Prep and Doxy prep if properly followed the risk of getting HIV or Syphilis  is much lower as well. So no, promiscuous sex won’t ruin your life. But instead, avoiding sex and intimacy for the fear of getting STDs most likely will. 

[Grschwanz]

i am glad someone discusses how stis are not always easy to get rid of and some cause cancer. that antibiotics can have serious side effects ,especially as we age , and resistance is becoming a world -wide health care emergency. even normal bacteria from other people can cause stomach infections or uti in others.  

[norefusal]

it's a roller coaster ride and i'm just tryin to find that happy medium. 

i held off on having sex w men as long as i could but then once i gave in i went hog wild and i loved it. then the sex for sex's sake routine became a burden and when i gave myself over to monogamy it was great at first. but then it too became a prison of the soul. now i can't imagine ever giving up my freedom. plenty of gay couples prove everyday that it doesn't have to be sophie's choice. 

as for the risks, i think it's a fools errand to factor that in. personally i'm struggling to balance the fear mongering that the safe sex movement drilled into our brains with the information i get here which seems to say it's hard to get infected even when your actively trying to make it happen. i don't regret it all, but there are a couple of exBFs that i regret not lettin breed me. 

but i get that im coming from a place a priv ledge or luck: ive fucked countless random strangers yet im apparently covered in STI resistant teflon. 🤞my luck holds out because i'm not ready to close up shop anytime soon 

[viking8x6]

12 hours ago, shyvers said:

This post makes too much drama about common matters...

...avoiding sex and intimacy for the fear of getting STDs most likely will [ruin your life]. 

The OP states very clearly that what he is sharing is his own experience, and he states why he's doing so. To say that he's dramatizing is completely incorrect. His experience of STDs, as he describes it, is very different from yours.

Your final point, however, is an excellent one, and I agree with it wholeheartedly.

It is up to each of us to find his own balance between risk and living life to the fullest.

[BootmanLA]

21 hours ago, shyvers said:

almost everyone who has been sexually active has herpes. It’s an irrelevant STD and very easy to manage. 

This is incredibly misleading. The vast majority of people who have the herpes simplex virus have oral herpes, not genital or anal, herpes. And most of them did not acquire it through sexual activity (unless you consider kissing, by itself, a sexual activity) .

The actual percentage of sexually active people with genital herpes - the kind you can transfer during actual sexual activity - is far, far lower than "almost everyone". It's more on the order of 15%. 

It's manageable, but not necessarily "easy" to do. 

[PozBearWI]

@BootmanLA I don't quite follow what you mean when you wrote "manageable, but not necessarily "easy" to do".  Perhaps I am just so used to taking my regular pills 3x a day.  Nothing difficult about it.  

[BootmanLA]

7 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

@BootmanLA I don't quite follow what you mean when you wrote "manageable, but not necessarily "easy" to do".  Perhaps I am just so used to taking my regular pills 3x a day.  Nothing difficult about it.  

What I meant is that compared with, say, a single shot of an antibiotic, or a brief 7-day regimen of an oral antibiotic (which is standard treatment for many bacterially-caused STI's, and which ordinarily actually cures them), HSV is managed, not cured. And that management depends on where the infection is, and whether the prescriber is aiming to treat an outbreak or keep the virus suppressed. In the former case, the treatment is more like that of a bacterial infection, except it only knocks the virus back "this time". Any number of things can trigger another outbreak, and some people experience few while others have outbreaks on a recurring basis, sometimes multiple times in a year. That's typically how HSV-1, which has primarily been spread orally, has been treated, but now HSV-1 is spreading by oral-genital contact on an increasing basis.

In the case of HSV-2 (the kind normally spread by genital contact), suppression treatment is more common because the virus can shed even when there are no visible symptoms. One area of concern is whether (as is believed) HSV-1, when spread genitally, can shed without symptoms as well.

So treatment is much more complex (at least in terms of choices made by the prescribing provider), and as HSV-1 becomes more widespread through genital contact, we may see a substantial number of cases being shifted to "suppressive" treatment rather than the traditional treatment of outbreaks only. Those who are already on suppressive treatment, of course, won't see anything new.

And let's face it: adherence to daily medications is something an awful lot of people seem to have trouble with. 

[hntnhole]

On 8/13/2023 at 8:37 AM, Bimarried001 said:

The key was being promiscuous.

Actually, this is spot-on. 

Fortunately, most gay men, and particularly barebackers, are utterly promiscuous, which of course expands the chances of catching a bug occasionally.  A pair of (gay) lovers who are scrupulously monogamous would likely never encounter an std in the first place.  Since most of us here on BZ are the last thing from monogamous, PReP, regular testing, is the next best thing to living a full, enriching sexualy life.