Ghosting nonsense

[DumpUrPOZinDEEP]

The GenZ and GenY can't take rejection because they've never experienced it before and they don't know how to react and act towards others it's pretty pathetic what kind or upbrings has done to them;and for them to realize they're gay OMG that's a whole other ball of wax of problems.

[BBBxCumDumpster]

8 hours ago, SFCumdog said:

I find that gays can get easily offended when they think they are being judged. And to many, saying "I'm not into that" regardless of how you yourself meant it, feels like being judged, especially the further away from vanilla that kink they divulged to you tends to be. Additionally many still feel a certain amount of shame about themselves and about their sexual tastes that can stem from a very young age. The "I'm not into that" statement triggers those old feelings of shame and rejection. And they block you so that they don't ever start that same conversation over with you again and have the same thing happen. 

This is a very insightful response.  My snap judgment-there's that word-was to assume the ghosting was due to youth and lack of manners. Your explanation is kinder and probably more accurate. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by BBBxCumDumpster
Grammar and clarity

[PozTalkAuthor]

Rejection is a topic we've discussed for long, here. Everyone has their way to deal with it, many of us have been rejected even by their biological family so, it's easy to be more sensitive to feelings. And, if you feel a piece of trash yourself, being rejected even in a chat could be very very heavy to handle. 

There are people like me who manage to get rid of their vulnerability and after bad experiences become stronger. Others who feel bad by a ghosting from an Internet contact you had no friendship with. 

[Badguy56]

The thing i dont understand is if you have hooked up with a guy a couple of times and had a great time, then arrange to meet on a certain day and time and the guy just never shows up and totally ghosts you.   It’s  especially mind boggling  when he says he hates when people ghost him. Is this person just playing mind games or is he not good with confrontation? i would rather he just say that it was no longer working or something.  its the total silence that hurts so.   it is very cruel.

[PozTalkAuthor]

3 minutes ago, Badguy56 said:

The thing i dont understand is if you have hooked up with a guy a couple of times and had a great time, then arrange to meet on a certain day and time and the guy just never shows up and totally ghosts you.   It’s  especially mind boggling  when he says he hates when people ghost him. Is this person just playing mind games or is he not good with confrontation? i would rather he just say that it was no longer working or something.  its the total silence that hurts so.   it is very cruel.

Agree! "I hate ghosting when I receive it but who said I hate making the giving part?" 

Clarification, even if it's sex-only. At least you know who you're hooking up with!

[tallslenderguy]

14 hours ago, Sfmike64 said:

It was some rando who didn't even have a profile (or wouldn't give it to me when I asked to see who I was talking to). That should've been a red flag to start with. 

Technology has influenced and evolved the mating ritual, eh?  This reads to me like a part of you already knew you were dealing with someone who had minimal potential for deep connection lol. As you note, "rando...  no profile."   And, fetishizing STD's, which while not all that rare, still isn't mainstream.  You didn't like it, but a part of you saw the "red flags."   Or, at least, you see them retrospectively.  i suspect, with time and experience, those things will mold you to some degree and you (all of us really)will develop new responses to new situations? We adapt or respond and are a part of the social evolution. 

The thing about aps/online is it's a worldwide melting pot. There really isn't one set standard. Online is still sorta unprecedented as a social environment to the point we have terms with new meaning like: "IRL," "virtual," "ghosting."  Such terms, and what they convey with their current meaning,  didn't exist prior to the internet and "social media."  

[ellentonboy]

I believe "Ghosting"comes in all forms.  Before I moved to the "big city" of Saint Pete, I lived in a more rural, yet accessible, part of Florida.  Right off I-75, near some colleges, blah blah.

Several years back, I met a very polite, very handsome young man who was in his first year of college.  The friendship was not one sided, it wasn't just about sex.   He was struggling with his sexuality, his religion,  his parents, etc.  He would come by once or twice a month, mainly oral sex, and I never pushed for anything more.  We met off of Adam4adam,  and in that geo area that app was very popular.  He told me about his part times job as he navigated an ambition computer and engineering degree.  He worked for organizations like P.A.L., as well as the as the Geek Squad at Best Buy.  Not only did we have a sexual relationship, I was willing to listen to his concerns regarding being a Catholic and how his sexual orientation was really upsetting his parents.  I told him he was welcome to come by, as long as he called in advance.  That worked fine for us.   He did small favors for me, driving me to Walgreens to pick up scripts, even putting a new router on my computer in the middle of the night, as he had the keys at Best Buy. Computers were definitely his thing, and I needed all the help I could get in that area.  He would never accept money from me, telling me rides and installing computer items are things friends do for other friends.

He showed up one evening and told me had been accepted into graduate school, and things were going to be tough as he probably couldn't work, the course load was rough.  Again, never asked me for a penny.  Nor did I really offer him anything, other then my time.  He also was becoming increasing frustrated with the quality or the types of guys he was meeting online.  Not one would let him fuck them, for a multitude of reasons.  He has a great body for someone who is maybe 5 foot 5, and a very large dick.  He felt the guys were either too feminine, or he wanted only white guys, or they could not take his cock.  So, I heard this complaint for a number of years, he even talked about becoming a bottom because he thought that would make life so much simpler.  He is Hiv-neg, and I always had condoms in the house.  Magnums for him just in case.  I had a young blonde guy over, who was in my living room, and my friend came into my bedroom upset, telling me the guy had rejected his advances.  I was "feeling no pain", and sort of lost my patience, and told him to just put the damn condom on and fuck me.  He did that, I saw stars, and I think he shot his load in just a few minutes.

This sexual situation continued for about another year or two,  it became more infrequent, but I still would get the occasional phone call asking to come over.  On multiple occasions, he told me "this would be the last time", "no more sex", "I am not gay", etc. etc.  Okay, so I am dealing with a very bright guy who is confused about his sexuality and is now (I pray in his mid-20s) as I realized by that time I had known him about seven years based on pics I had taken.

So fast forward several months, and I am on the work platform Linkedin.  Surprising in my geo area there is my face, right next to his, as well as another guy who has frequented my apartment and we all knew each other.  So I reached out to my young friend, and I say "Hey, Congratulations!  I see you got your M.S. Degree in Computer Engineering, that's fantastic!  At this point we were only texting, and his response was "Well, I would like to know how the hell you know that???"  I was really taken back, and I said well your LinkedIn profile shows where you went to school and where you worked.  All the information he had given me over the years matched his profile.  So he was being honest.  At that point all communication stopped.  No more late night booty calls, no more texts from a gmail account, and he wasn't on adam4adam.  I also watched, before my eyes, as his Linkden profile was deleted.  I would refresh the page and it was gone, I tried every way possible to get it back.  I even called the third guy we knew and he tried pulling it up, he too was unable to find it.

So I left my little city in SW Florida and came to Saint Pete and happened to sign on to Adam4adam.  I noticed a profile, with no photo, saying "This user has blocked you" or something to that effect.  Now I had just moved in, I had not mentioned to him I was moving, I had told virtually no one.  However, after reading the description, he said things like, NO ONE OVER 35.  In caps, like I just typed.  His age seemed to match perfectly if what he initially told me was true when I first met him

Here's my RANT.  So I appreciate other posters and what has happened to them.  I made myself totally accessible to this guy.  I turned down other guys that were more sexually  experienced or would give me what I wanted to a routine basis.  I listened to his problems, and yes he was a good friend to me on several occasions when I would never expect someone I knew from a hook up app would help me.  I was so sick one time, when he drove me, shirtless and without A/C and waited in Walgreens parking, I stuck a $20 bill in his glove compartment for gas money and his time.  I remember he called me, totally pissed off, saying that friends help friends, and don't expect to be paid.  He said I made him feel like a whore.  I never treated him like that, I thought I was just showing some appreciation.

So why after seven or eight years, would someone totally ghost me.  I didn't force him to do anything, I felt I was a good friend, and yes I made sex available to him when he wanted.

Anyone else have a similar situation because I cannot wrap my head around what happened? It bothers me to this day. I do have a gmail account I could contact him with but I don't want to seem like the desperate kind of guy who wants a 20 something to come over.  Should I just drop this and let it go, it does linger in my mind about how much time he spent with me in that first apartment, how much I know about him and I do have questions.  What did I say or do wrong that he would totally blow me off?

 

[Sfmike64]

6 hours ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

Rejection is a topic we've discussed for long, here. Everyone has their way to deal with it, many of us have been rejected even by their biological family so, it's easy to be more sensitive to feelings. And, if you feel a piece of trash yourself, being rejected even in a chat could be very very heavy to handle. 

There are people like me who manage to get rid of their vulnerability and after bad experiences become stronger. Others who feel bad by a ghosting from an Internet contact you had no friendship with. 

I don't feel bad about it, but it just seemed SO abrupt. As if you were having a conversation with someone (which they initiated) in a bar and you said something innocuous and then they turned and walked out the door without a word. 

If that happened to me, I would simply be appalled (as I was yesterday). But also laugh because the person was so inept.

[partying.hard]

10 hours ago, Sfmike64 said:

I say both of those things. 🙂 Are you inside my head?

No.  But I want up your ass.

[Sfmike64]

30 minutes ago, ellentonboy said:

 

Anyone else have a similar situation because I cannot wrap my head around what happened? It bothers me to this day. I do have a gmail account I could contact him with but I don't want to seem like the desperate kind of guy who wants a 20 something to come over.  Should I just drop this and let it go, it does linger in my mind about how much time he spent with me in that first apartment, how much I know about him and I do have questions.  What did I say or do wrong that he would totally blow me off?

 

Do not underestimate the number religion will do on people's heads.

Plausible scenario: he got tired of not having success at dating (likely because he was kind of messy emotionally) and decided to go back to women and the church. It wouldn't be the first time. And we all know how well this tends to work out for men who do this. They keep fucking men while being married and then end up making a mess of someone ELSE'S life too, probably including children.

Or he was just weirded out that people were making connections between his public/professional life (LinkedIn) and his secret private life and he freaked and blocked you. 

There's no rhyme or reason to this kind of closeted messiness. But this is why the closet is highly destructive to people IN the closet AND the people they drag inside with them to be miserable. Sadly, our culture still stigmatizes getting therapy which could've helped this guy deal with his closet.

Sadly, I think what you ended up finding out is that closet cases are messy and difficult.

Edited September 21, 2023 by Sfmike64

[Sfmike64]

1 minute ago, partying.hard said:

No.  But I want up your ass.

Careful what you wish for. 😉 Filthy pig.

[PozTalkAuthor]

6 minutes ago, Sfmike64 said:

I don't feel bad about it, but it just seemed SO abrupt. As if you were having a conversation with someone (which they initiated) in a bar and you said something innocuous and then they turned and walked out the door without a word. 

If that happened to me, I would simply be appalled (as I was yesterday). But also laugh because the person was so inept.

But Internet is not like a physical place: wanting it or not, it's a different context! 

Every place has its rules; in a bar you could scream, in a church you must be quiet, even on Internet it's not a frank zone - in many forums you might feel free to CAPS LOCK and say swearwords to whoever, hate speech and so, in others you cannot talk sexual, even here you have places where you can treat some topics and others where it's not permitted. It's part of life. 

This said, we cannot compare a physical environment where we may meet people, in there walking away is unpolite. On Internet you can't even know what happened to the person who was talking hot with you till yesterday! 

In an ideal world, everyone is polite but in this world not! 

And in this world there's also someone who doesn't show any interest; I'm frank with people and say "not interested" if appropriate, but no one show same feelings in same way. It's the power, and limit, of Internet. 

[Sfmike64]

1 minute ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

But Internet is not like a physical place: wanting it or not, it's a different context! 

 

That's true, but I don't think it's too much to ask that people not behave like total jerks online. It's a pretty low bar.

[Bttml00king]

Here is another rant of mine. I have chatted with a bi guy married to a woman for the past few months. He seemed to be genuine and really wanted to explore his gay side. However, neither one of us could host and we were about 15 miles away. Our schedule also didn't work out most of time. Finally we could work out a date to meet at a hotel. I made the reservation (thankfully i could cancel until 6 pm on the date of check in). We chatted daily even the night before our hookup. He said how much he couldn't wait... Blah blah. A few hours before we were supposed to meet at the hotel, he blocked me.

I am more upset about wasting my time on this guy for the past few months. I guess it could have been worse if I checked in and he simply ghosted me. I am afraid this won't be the last time something like this happened. 

[Hotrawbutt4u]

I have traveled to different states when I was working. CA, WI, NH, OR, TN and others. I live in Ohio and I doesn't seem to matter. For every 10 guys that say they want to play, I am lucky if I getn1 to show. Was in Indy last month hosting at a hotel, had several guys saying they would fill my ass, only one of them showed up