Cheating

[Cumslutbottomm]

Just curious for those of us in relationships of any kind, whether just dating or married, how many cheat and how do you not feel bad about it? my current partner has cheated on the past but has been to my knowledge faithful. (i unknowingly go through his phone. ) yesterday however, i was on sniffies out of pure curiosity and ended up letting some college kid cum in my hole understall on campus. i feel horrible but i also want to do it again. any tips for having the best of both worlds? 

[Roughme101]

Everyone is different.for me love and sex are seperate things so can compartmentalize. Just don't put them at risk.i don't have sex with them anymore, so that sorted, just be discrete so won't popup and embarrass them.

 

I'm not condoning cheat, but we don't live in a Perfect world and everyone has to make there own Choices

[atlfukbud]

In my experience it just takes time and honest communication about what you want... After 25 years, I'm still completely in love with my husband and we have an awesome live-in boyfriend that we share. Plus, we are fully open to have sex with anyone else we want -- but we started out Monogamous the first 8 years, then started having 3-ways and small groups, and some cheating on the side. But, we chatted about the jealousy, saw a counselor a couple of times too and worked it out so that we have security, support and emotional side together and are free to play otherwise. Men are hunters, I don't know a straight or gay pal that hasn't had sex on the side after 8-10 years in a mono-relationship. As gay men we get to define our lives, relationships and sex a bit more openly perhaps? Maybe start with fantasy talk -- when your guy is super horny and had a drink or two, watch a video where two tops share a bottom and get him thinking about how fun/hot that would be to share you... evaluate the outcome and try again 😈 No pushing or rushing -- Best o Luck and have fun!!

[MuscledHorse]

"Cheating", like sexual monogamy, is a concept manufactured by religions like Christianity, Islam and Mormonism. It has zero basis in reality or nature. The sooner males embrace this and live by it, the better their relationships will flourish without a cloud of jealousy that hangs over most monogamous relationships. Sex is the ultimate male Pleasure sport in my view. My other half and I both play and he not only encourages my promiscuity, he is often the camera guy on my porn shoots. There's none of those toxic behaviors of  going through each other's phones when the other isn't looking and so forth. It's just sex. We can focus on our commitment to each other without having to worry if the other might be "cheating" sexually with someone else because the concept is rendered null. 

[Konrad]

5 hours ago, MuscledHorse said:

"Cheating", like sexual monogamy, is a concept manufactured by religions like Christianity, Islam and Mormonism. It has zero basis in reality or nature. The sooner males embrace this and live by it, the better their relationships will flourish without a cloud of jealousy that hangs over most monogamous relationships. Sex is the ultimate male Pleasure sport in my view. My other half and I both play and he not only encourages my promiscuity, he is often the camera guy on my porn shoots. There's none of those toxic behaviors of  going through each other's phones when the other isn't looking and so forth. It's just sex. We can focus on our commitment to each other without having to worry if the other might be "cheating" sexually with someone else because the concept is rendered null. 

Well said!

[Konrad]

10 hours ago, atlfukbud said:

In my experience it just takes time and honest communication about what you want... After 25 years, I'm still completely in love with my husband and we have an awesome live-in boyfriend that we share. Plus, we are fully open to have sex with anyone else we want -- but we started out Monogamous the first 8 years, then started having 3-ways and small groups, and some cheating on the side. But, we chatted about the jealousy, saw a counselor a couple of times too and worked it out so that we have security, support and emotional side together and are free to play otherwise. Men are hunters, I don't know a straight or gay pal that hasn't had sex on the side after 8-10 years in a mono-relationship. As gay men we get to define our lives, relationships and sex a bit more openly perhaps? Maybe start with fantasy talk -- when your guy is super horny and had a drink or two, watch a video where two tops share a bottom and get him thinking about how fun/hot that would be to share you... evaluate the outcome and try again 😈 No pushing or rushing -- Best o Luck and have fun!!

I agree 100%!

[PozBearWI]

Similar to @atlfukbud @Konrad @MuscledHorse.  I've been in my open, respectful and loving relationship for 23 years.  We encourage each other to enjoy sexual pleasure however we find it.  We had both experienced mates who insisted on absolute monogamy; we eventually discovered were anything but.  

[tallslenderguy]

Wow, some great responses!

i was one of those (not rare) gay guys who was conditioned by both religious and straight culture to believe that being gay is "sinful, broken, sick, etc.", ad nauseam.  That was really hard for me to process out of, especially when one equates such belief as equal to "God."  A trick of some forms of religion (fundamentalism) is to transfer human agenda onto an invisible and unaccountable being one cannot nail down.  Long story short, as a result, i married (a woman). Seven years into marriage, i had my first sex with a Guy and  after that, there was no going back. i tried to be straight. i was still mind fucked thinking i was wrong, so i stayed married and cheated, all the while going to 'reparative therapy' and trying all the voodoo stuff my religion proffered as a 'cure.'  

Personally, i think the reasons for cheating are destructive and a waste.  i too am for deconstructing the notions that result in lying and cheating vs staying imprisoned by ideas that do not fit reality, that result in fake or dishonest living.

[PozBearWI]

Indeed @tallslenderguy  It is easy to conflate the idea of an open respectful relationship with 'cheating'.  They are very different things.  

[norefusal]

12 hours ago, Cumslutbottomm said:

Just curious for those of us in relationships of any kind, whether just dating or married, how many cheat and how do you not feel bad about it? my current partner has cheated on the past but has been to my knowledge faithful. (i unknowingly go through his phone. ) yesterday however, i was on sniffies out of pure curiosity and ended up letting some college kid cum in my hole understall on campus. i feel horrible but i also want to do it again. any tips for having the best of both worlds? 

cheating can be a fetish with the guilt trip afterward being part of the kink. only u know if this is true for you. 

ive tried open relationships but without much success but that might just be the particulars of those situations. i may try again in future. 

but i can say that i love the thrill of cheating and also find cheaters very sexy so i suspect it's just one of my kinks 

[BootmanLA]

This is sort of a tired, well-worn topic (see: dozens of similar threads in this forum alone), so I'll recap what I've said before, short and sweet.

1. Monogamy is hard. That doesn't mean it's not worth the work, for some; it does mean you can't just declare "okay we're monogamous" and expect smooth sailing.

2. Cheating is not something that ONLY occurs in the context of monogamous relationships. Cheating, literally, is "breaking the rules". If an open relationship has rules (not with a mutual friend, not with a coworker, not more than X times with a single individual, not at home in our bed, whatever) and one person breaks the rules, that's cheating even if they're open.

3. As such, cheating is far more about dishonesty to your partner than it is about sexual monogamy. If you can't live up to an agreement with someone when you're in a committed relationship with him, then either it's the wrong guy for a relationship, or you're just not cut out for an adult relationship, because you're untrustworthy.

4. Yes, some guys get off on cheating. To me, that's like saying "I get off on stealing wallets from other guys' gym bags" or "I get off defacing other people's houses at night." It may be a true statement, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a shit thing to do. 

I simply do not understand why guys so regularly get into relationships while knowing they're completely incapable of living up to the relationship commitments they're making. Just stop. There's no shame in being single and playing the field. There is shame - or certainly ought to be - in shitting on the agreements you willingly made to be in the relationship in the first place.

[norefusal]

lol

to me "i get off on cheating" = "i get off on shop lifting from big box stores" 

you're focusing on the idea that people demand monogamy because it's what they truly want and need. honestly, i believe 60-70% demand monogamy because basic people go w societal norms and don't want to either think for themselves or be judged by the crowd for straying from the conventional path. how "adult" is it to demand fidelity and refuse to even consider an alternative. like finding the right person for a relationship is super easy that none of us ever compromised. it's all too unrealistic thinking to me. 

[PozBearWI]

Both my husband and I have previous experience being in purportedly monogamous relationships.  We created our own "rules" for the two of us.  And mostly it is quite simple; we each want to see how each other winds up; until one of us dies.  We have few if any "expectations".  We have developed patterns with each other.  We enjoy each others "sexploits".  We are each others immediate family.  We co own everything we have in every country where we have stuff.  We have our contracts which we put in place when we weren't allowed to marry.  As we don't view our right to be married as a state we can rely upon, we keep our contracts current. 

I don't need him to "make me happy".  He doesn't need me to "make him happy".  We are happy with each other.  

Perhaps most significant' we don't worship imaginary beings we think provide us with magical outcomes.  So there is no entity above or below we fret about displeasing; that which is the foundation of "social norms".  

[BootmanLA]

6 hours ago, norefusal said:

lol

to me "i get off on cheating" = "i get off on shop lifting from big box stores" 

you're focusing on the idea that people demand monogamy because it's what they truly want and need. honestly, i believe 60-70% demand monogamy because basic people go w societal norms and don't want to either think for themselves or be judged by the crowd for straying from the conventional path. how "adult" is it to demand fidelity and refuse to even consider an alternative. like finding the right person for a relationship is super easy that none of us ever compromised. it's all too unrealistic thinking to me. 

As I said, "cheating" and "monogamy" are not necessarily related. Cheating means breaking the rules. There can be rules in open relationships, and breaking those rules is also cheating.

And look - I don't give a shit if someone says "I can't be monogamous" or "Monogamy is a stupid social construct we should abandon" or whatever. Fine - abandon it. Just don't PRETEND to recognize it, and then shit all over it. Be honest and say "I will not be exclusive with you" and let the chips fall where they may.

Compromise - for ADULTS - means you actually work out a compromise. It does not mean "I promise to do X, but I'm going to do Y instead."

And the guys who brag about getting turned on by cheating? That's not compromise. Compromise is about working out a solution when two people want different things. Bragging about how much cheating turns you on isn't compromise - it's sociopathy.

[Cumslutbottomm]

6 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

This is sort of a tired, well-worn topic (see: dozens of similar threads in this forum alone), so I'll recap what I've said before, short and sweet.

1. Monogamy is hard. That doesn't mean it's not worth the work, for some; it does mean you can't just declare "okay we're monogamous" and expect smooth sailing.

2. Cheating is not something that ONLY occurs in the context of monogamous relationships. Cheating, literally, is "breaking the rules". If an open relationship has rules (not with a mutual friend, not with a coworker, not more than X times with a single individual, not at home in our bed, whatever) and one person breaks the rules, that's cheating even if they're open.

3. As such, cheating is far more about dishonesty to your partner than it is about sexual monogamy. If you can't live up to an agreement with someone when you're in a committed relationship with him, then either it's the wrong guy for a relationship, or you're just not cut out for an adult relationship, because you're untrustworthy.

4. Yes, some guys get off on cheating. To me, that's like saying "I get off on stealing wallets from other guys' gym bags" or "I get off defacing other people's houses at night." It may be a true statement, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a shit thing to do. 

I simply do not understand why guys so regularly get into relationships while knowing they're completely incapable of living up to the relationship commitments they're making. Just stop. There's no shame in being single and playing the field. There is shame - or certainly ought to be - in shitting on the agreements you willingly made to be in the relationship in the first place.