Is there really such a thing as a "gay relationship?"

[tallslenderguy]

Okay... if it's not obvious, that title was written tongue-in-cheek.  i'm sure it exists, i see it in movies, read about it. i even see profiles of guys claiming to want relationship on gay sites, and only half of those are obvious scammers.

i know i've broached this topic on BZ before, so please forgive another similar post, but BZ is the only gay site i know of that has a forum/discussion setting where gay guys actually have serious discussion.  Which is kinda ironic for a site dubbed: "Breeding Zone."  i actually know of no other gay site where guys actually discuss and communicate at length? If there are others, help me out, i'd like to know. There are chat rooms, but those are to me are awful, usually a constant blur of un-substantive  three word sentences. 

Is there such a thing as a gay meeting site that is not dominated by guys only wanting to hook? Don't get me wrong, hooking up is great, but the hook up scene for gays is already well covered online, is there such a thing as an online place where gay guys socialize and maybe even romance each other? Or is that just a fictional notion? 

[hntnhole]

To the OP, of course there is ... hope you didn't poke a hole in your cheek !!!

To the rest, of course there are.  To the point though, BZ is the only site I know of wherein we're given the chance to discuss all kinds of topics - sexual and otherwise - each guy getting his say, offering commentary, perspective, differing ideas, and all in a (mostly) polite, genuine, interesting way.  When I was still using the fuck-apps, I don't recall ever having any kind of conversation about other issues of the day.  I don't think of Breeding Zone as merely a hook-up site* - I think of it as a meeting-place, where men like me can talk freely about whatever is on their minds, without concern for antagonistic, thoughtless replies (well, mostly anyway).  Guys like you, for instance.  

For me, the opportunity to discuss widely ranging issues, from raw gay sex to politics to almost anything conceivable is a fantastic "find", which is why I visit almost every day.  Sure, some of the topics I never bother to read, but those I do have content by educated, serious men who happen to love the same kind of sex I do.  Win/win, in my book.  

*like bbrt, manhunt, a4a, all those kinds of sites.  I know guys on BZ do hook up with each other occasionally, and that's great, but I wonder what percentage of members that would be .... 

[blackrobe]

It's not at all surprising that a defining difference between gay men and others is that we can be highly focused on sex. After all, I heard sucking someone's cock referred to as "the gay handshake".

When someone has historically been vilified for gay sex, is there any wonder that doubling down on gay sex was the response? As a result, we tend to start with sex and work our way to other things. I've lost count of the "hookup to friend" and "hookup to boyfriend" stories I've come across. I think we tend to do things in a different order, but I think we tend to go through the same stages as other humans in relationships.

But we also are less likely to be slaves to the myth of romantic love, a relatively recent invention historically. 

[NLbear]

I don't know any other site site where you can discuss topics from how many loads you are getting/giving to politics to travel tips or advice on whatever topic.

[PozBearWI]

Good points @blackrobe

WRT hookups for sex, hell yes, I would probably hook up, or at least attempt to with everyone posting on this thread so far were our proximity favorable to that.  We engage our brains here, not just our dicks and asses.  One reason we can hang in there here in cyber land is to bring our brains along with us.  And our wide spread community makes the option of "hooking up" more a challenge than two guys in the same town.  Hence one of the why's BZ has evolved to be more intellectual.  

For whatever reason, we've evolved here to more of a thoughtful community than a dozen years ago.  The fact that BZ has been around for a long time makes it a fixture in cyber.  Yeah, thinkin with our dicks is wonderful, but we don't all have opportunities like our city living brethren have.  Each of us also "has a real life" outside of enjoying the delights of skin to skin.  Perhaps it is in fact because we enjoy skin to skin so much; we connect intellectually while physically.  

I am not sure there is a whole lot of distinction of "gay" vs "straight" relationship aside from the pair being same gender.  (and man, I shudder to even use that word).  Rich and I are in our 24th year and truly, we'll keep going until one of us dies.  Back when we started what made "gay" committed relationships different was that we needed multiple contracts to pretty much accomplish protections for each other from our common investment in our long term financial lives.  Legal marriage solved that.  The word "committed" used to mean that.  It would appear, all gender aside, many relationships are committed with strings.  Thus, easy to end should one or another "rule" be broken.  PreNup central...  

For Rich and me, That we haven't a long list of expectations is I am certain a factor of our longevity.  We don't "own" each other.  We do have a common interest in each other; but we know that as death marks the end; it is inevitable.  Understanding that now has in other relationships (parents; siblings) made those transitions something we planned for.  We know that day is gonna suck; but we know what our short and long term options are.  It helps to have a view of "when my relationship ends" and be ready for it.  There is no IF about it.  

[BlueSaphir]

I firmly believe in having a relationship with a man. My work friend has a boyfriend, they been together since over 5 years now. Their relationship doesn’t revolve around just sex. It sharing a bond with their interest they share. They like to play games, play Pokemon Go, eat out, talk about stuff. 

It does exist, your not trying hard enough to focus on non sexual side of relationships. 

[wallacemartini]

I've been fortunate to have a variety of gay relationships from long term intimacy, to fuck buds, to platonic friends. Like with everything, just takes some effort and mindfulness.

I also have a firm rule that I dont "fuck where I eat" so to speak. If we're platonic friends, it stays that way. Some relationships aren't worth tainting to see what that dick does. 😉

[BlindRawFucker1]

Back when it was much more dangerous to be openly gay, the best course of action was to never be to close to a man.

 

Because of that, a quick suck or fuck was the most a lot of men could ever hope to have.

 

Even though times are becoming more dangerous for us again, we can be more open and enjoy to have true relationships if we choose.

 

The younger guys don’t know how lucky they currently are, and need to quickly become beware of the facts that they could lose those rights that they take for granted and could easily lose in the blink of an eye, or vote at the polls.

[Cravetoxic22]

59 minutes ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

Back when it was much more dangerous to be openly gay, the best course of action was to never be to close to a man.

 

Because of that, a quick suck or fuck was the most a lot of men could ever hope to have.

 

Even though times are becoming more dangerous for us again, we can be more open and enjoy to have true relationships if we choose.

 

The younger guys don’t know how lucky they currently are, and need to quickly become beware of the facts that they could lose those rights that they take for granted and could easily lose in the blink of an eye, or vote at the polls.

Amen. As a younger guy, it’s so important for us to realize just how recent and fragile our rights are. Openly holding hands, saying “my boyfriend,” all these things were fought for and earned by past generations of queer folks and allies. 

[Cravetoxic22]

6 hours ago, wallacemartini said:

I've been fortunate to have a variety of gay relationships from long term intimacy, to fuck buds, to platonic friends. Like with everything, just takes some effort and mindfulness.

I also have a firm rule that I dont "fuck where I eat" so to speak. If we're platonic friends, it stays that way. Some relationships aren't worth tainting to see what that dick does. 😉

That’s a lesson I need to learn. 

[hntnhole]

18 hours ago, PozBearWI said:

we connect intellectually

Well said.  It's that "connection" - that makes it all so very worthwhile.  It can happen (admittedly to a lesser extent) with merely a hot fuck in some darkroom, or it can happen fully and completely - and last for a lifetime.  

[NWUSHorny]

I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer the question since I have never formed a romantic attachment with another man.

I don't know of any sites/apps that specifically cater to that, but the number of guys completely ignoring the hookup data points and attempting to tailor their profiles to relationship type information on the hookup sites, would indicate there is some demand for such services.

[norefusal]

i was 21 years with my ex husband, some of the very happiest years of my life. 3 years post divorce and im still heartbroken. 

but we didn't get match-made by doris fucking day in a pristine rose garden. i met him when he was a nameless dude trying to suck my cock in the steam room at the gym. 

stop ghosting guys you have sex with and trying to blame fucking grindr for your being single. it's an app. nothing more. you want a relationship, put the fucking work in. 

[Mkegaymer]

First boyfriend was three years. First partner ten. First husband (still together) 8+ years. I have many couple friends that are 20, 25, 35, and more. Keep your gaydar up at events (non sex related) and you’ll meet real gays like you that may want a serious relationship, or try a lgbt community center in your area or larger metro area. Relationships are very common.

[Piggyybttmm]

On 5/4/2024 at 4:49 PM, blackrobe said:

It's not at all surprising that a defining difference between gay men and others is that we can be highly focused on sex. After all, I heard sucking someone's cock referred to as "the gay handshake".

When someone has historically been vilified for gay sex, is there any wonder that doubling down on gay sex was the response? As a result, we tend to start with sex and work our way to other things. I've lost count of the "hookup to friend" and "hookup to boyfriend" stories I've come across. I think we tend to do things in a different order, but I think we tend to go through the same stages as other humans in relationships.

But we also are less likely to be slaves to the myth of romantic love, a relatively recent invention historically. 

This. I think we as gay men have relationships and friendships just like any other community, I just think the path there is a little different