Rejection at sex clubs

[drscorpio]

Several years ago, my late husband and I were in Dallas for Texas Bear Round Up. We had gone on a group excursion to Midtown Spa (what a great space - so sorry it is gone). At some point, I stumbled on an adorable young twink who was almost on the verge of tears. He didn't realize two busloads full of big men and their admirers had been dropped off an hour or so earlier. No one in the whole place was interested in him except guys in whom he had no interest. I explained it to him, and he seem relieved. At least, he hadn't lost his charms entirely. 

I am pretty sure there are venues where you are that hold events for guys of your body type. Try one of those before you give up on the experience. 

I am a chubby, middle-aged man. I have had good nights at the baths or sex club, and I have had bad ones. It's always a bit of a crapshoot. Even if you are a young, classically-hot man. 

[partying.hard]

We’ve all had bad nights.  Been rejection.  Numerous times.  By the men we lust over and by the men who are average like us.

[wh0rehole]

Everyone's left some great advice, and I would just add from my own experience that Europeans aren't always that into Americans. I've not been to Germany and the great sex capital Berlin to know your exact experience.

However, as a muscled, conventionally attractive twink in his 20s with the world at his fingertips, I couldn't get a soul to speak to me in London. I went to the clubs, to the pubs, too nervous and naive to hit the "red light" district. Eventually a guy said, look you're just too American, no thanks.

The rejection stings, but in time you may find as you act and appear more European instead of American, you may have better luck.

[partying.hard]

6 minutes ago, wh0rehole said:

Everyone's left some great advice, and I would just add from my own experience that Europeans aren't always that into Americans. I've not been to Germany and the great sex capital Berlin to know your exact experience.

However, as a muscled, conventionally attractive twink in his 20s with the world at his fingertips, I couldn't get a soul to speak to me in London. I went to the clubs, to the pubs, too nervous and naive to hit the "red light" district. Eventually a guy said, look you're just too American, no thanks.

The rejection stings, but in time you may find as you act and appear more European instead of American, you may have better luck.

I’m European by heritage.  (Look at my fat German uncut dick 😈).  Come climb into my bed!

[blackrobe]

37 minutes ago, wh0rehole said:

Everyone's left some great advice, and I would just add from my own experience that Europeans aren't always that into Americans. I've not been to Germany and the great sex capital Berlin to know your exact experience.

However, as a muscled, conventionally attractive twink in his 20s with the world at his fingertips, I couldn't get a soul to speak to me in London. I went to the clubs, to the pubs, too nervous and naive to hit the "red light" district. Eventually a guy said, look you're just too American, no thanks.

The rejection stings, but in time you may find as you act and appear more European instead of American, you may have better luck.

When I moved from Australia to the United States, I had some trouble figuring out who I was attracted to here. The switch from Australian men and archetypes to American ones took some time. To be honest, American men seemed less masculine to me for a while.

More traveled men will be better at seeing past the kind of cultural block that tripped you up. Another way to get around it is to get some more euro clothing with a euro fit and adapt to the local customs as well as you can. There used to be this great quiz website called "Gay or Eurotrash?" with pictures of straight and gay men who were European and American. It was after seeing this that I realized how very obvious and easy it was to pick out where people came from by their haircut and clothes.

I think it's less a rejection of you, but rather an indictment of the provincial attitudes of the people you were meeting. 

[AlwaysOpen]

Hey, I was in Berlin 7 years ago, and headed over to a Thursday ( naked) night at LAB_oratory. I was older than the bulk of the guys there, and in spite of all those years reinforcing my height by whacking low door frames and plumbing, I stripped down and headed in to the heart of the bar, and the play. I went in with the wonder and excitement of a child, and it paid off. I had a Dutch guy take an interest in me and he began lining guys up to fuck me or get sucked . I was having a blast, he was getting off on the dynamics, and other guys were drawn in by the energy we were putting out (or off) . When I needed a break, I thanked the Dutch man, and walked around more of the club. Just outside of the bathroom area, there was a ceiling light shining down, and in that beam of light was the most amazing guy- likely in his late 20's, the whole blond hair blue eyes, and a body built not in a gym but likely on a farm. And a huge cock, uncut. And not a single dumb fuck had the balls to say hi to him, or to even try to connect. Maybe I was still flying from the earlier play, or as a tourist in town for a week, I could care less if he took offense to me interacting with him. I walked up to his side,less threatening his space, and gently ran my hand over his abs and up to his PECS, then lightly stroked his nipple, which produced an immediate response from his cock. We played in the beam of light, as others stood staring or passing back and forth to see from a better angle. He had been ignored all night- a stud in every sense of the word, and when someone paid him some attention he opened up and let his passion and kink take over. Before it was over, I had sucked his cock, been fucked by it, and then he pushed me up on one of the warehouse storage racks and fisted my ass.

On the other hand, last weekend I did a trip back to a city where I had lived and worked for 19 years, I lost a partner there, lost track of friends, and since it was 24 years ago when I moved, some friends had died. As I drove in from the airport, I was appalled how badly the city had neglected basic things like road maintenance or trash removal. Crime in the city today is multiple times worse than it ever was in the years I was there.  The police reported they only had 3700 cars stolen so far this year !  I went to the leather gay bar my 1st evening, and the bartender was rude and while I was the only person at his bar, found it more important to bitch to another employee about what had not been done. I left after 1 beer. I went back 2 nights later, and the place was busy, but I know i was in a sullen mood and sad  about not recognizing even 1 person there. The result was, no one made any effort to chat or interact with me.  

The long and short( OK, mostly long, I know lol) What you put out is how you will be responded to. Focus only on that pimple that decided to appear, and no one will see you, just it. Keep a bit of humor and levity in your aura, and it will attract others who want to enjoy that .  

[wh0rehole]

3 hours ago, blackrobe said:

 

I think it's less a rejection of you, but rather an indictment of the provincial attitudes of the people you were meeting. 

Thank you! This is what I was trying to convey, and you did it so much better than I did.

I hope OP sees this and understands it really isn't him.

Honestly, he sounds hot af.

[wh0rehole]

On 6/8/2024 at 6:18 PM, partying.hard said:

I’m European by heritage.  (Look at my fat German uncut dick 😈).  Come climb into my bed!

Please, Sir.

Edited June 11 by drscorpio
Backroom content removed

[TrashNoLoss]

On 6/2/2024 at 1:46 PM, Normaldude said:

I went to party in Berlin last night

I was going to answer your three questions, mixed with plenty of empathy, and then I began reading the replies. When I was done reading the replies I discovered my mental attitude had changed about this topic.

...I went to (a) party in Berlin last night...
---------------------------------------
Imagine you're a local butch bar, siting at the bar staring into your cosmo in a cup and the bartender asks you if everything's ok. You begin to tell them about your night last nigh in Berlin at a party you were at and how no one noticed you and how it made you feel. Several of the other bar customers near you hear your plight and they try to console you while telling you how HOT you are.

Two additional guys enter the bar and they see everyone around you comforting you. They say to guy standing along a wall of the bar, with all three looking at you, "What's going on over there?" And they hear...

- The Prince over there went to a party in another country last night and no one talked to him. Life's tough for him. One party. In another country. Give me a break. I'm going to the Lesbian bar where there's less crying. -
---------------------------------------
Welcome to the D List Buddy!  

Here on the D List are normal men who cannot pass the Cover Guy Attendance Requirements as created by the shallow. They tell one too many men at the entrance to parties No and turn them away.

No. Too ugly. Next.
Ok you can go in. Next.
No. Too short. Next.
Ok you can go in. Next.
No. Too fat. Next.
Ok you can go in. Next.
No. Too hairy. Next.
Hold on.  {Begins yelling}
If you are ugly, short, fat, hairy, thin, bald with glasses, a boy with braces or an old man, and that means all over 28, then please step out of the line and go home. You ain't getting in. {Ends yelling}
That should speed this up. Next
Ok you can go in. Next.

Most feel some empathy towards those turned away....
- That sucks. You know if they just stayed home they wouldn't get their feelings hurt. -

...which is then quickly replaced with joy when they are permitted in...
-  YEAH! Hey bitches. We would have been here sooner if the line wasn't so long. Now who wants a piece of me? I've got extra from an extra day at the gym! -

The D List, a list of people who were turned away time and time again or were never asked on a Friday or Saturday night to attend a party of any kind.
But don't feel too bad for D List Members because come 3AM Monday morning until 6 PM Friday the D List Members become the hot commodity. D List Members are called by all those who couldn't get off over the weekend, for those cheating on their partner, and for those who want to be D List Members but are afraid of what the other Heathers will say.

Again welcome to the D List.
And get used to it like we all have when you first ignored all of us.

[NWUSHorny]

20 hours ago, blackrobe said:

More traveled men will be better at seeing past the kind of cultural block that tripped you up.

I believe this plays a major role, I can go with the flow and do well most places, but get tripped up in a major way in a few places. Unfortunately for me I've lived in one of the areas where I seem to be incompatible for the last 17 years, I have learned to get past the local cultural mores for cruising most of the time, and hookup but the sex is more often than not to my liking. So I really make the best of it when I travel, and fuck my brains out with guys when I find like minded guys.

[LoadHunter612]

On 6/8/2024 at 4:40 PM, partying.hard said:

We’ve all had bad nights.  Been rejection.  Numerous times.  By the men we lust over and by the men who are average like us.

there’s absolutely nothing average about you

[slaveboi]

I don't do too many big events but when I have i think guys get too greedy. They all walk around looking for the hottest guy and end up with nothing.  I remember one club event I watched an older Asian guy with a smaller size cock get rejected by a few younger guys. I went over and asked if he wanted to fuck me. He was so happy. Next thing I know he is telling everyone I was open for business.  

[raw773]

On 6/8/2024 at 8:04 PM, blackrobe said:

There used to be this great quiz website called "Gay or Eurotrash?"

You forgot the followup, Lesbian or German Lady. Martina Navratilova: "Actually, I'm both!"

[blackrobe]

1 hour ago, raw773 said:

You forgot the followup, Lesbian or German Lady. Martina Navratilova: "Actually, I'm both!"

I loved that one too.

[Partyleather]

I feel for you. It sucks to be rejected.  This is the story of my life. I always knew that I am into leather ever since I was in my early teens. The sight of a guy in full leather really turns me on.  However I find that very few leather guys are into a small frame Asian like me.  I still remember those days in the 80’s when I would spend almost every weekend in the leather bar in Toronto. The bar would be packed with guys all dressed in leather but not a single person would show any interest in me. Back in those days, I would almost be the only Asian in the leather bar and I stood out like a sore thumb. I don’t think I am unattractive as I got picked up fairly easily when I went to the regular clubs.  

On the other hand, I had much better luck when I travelled to Europe. I started travelling to London, Amsterdam, Stockholm and Berlin regularly in the 90’s. Perhaps the attitude of Europeans were much more open or they saw me as “exotic” because  again I would always be the only Asian leather guy in the leather clubs. However I had no problem meeting leather guys over there. I managed to have much more sex with hot leather guys in that week of travel alone than what I would have for the rest of the year in Toronto . 
Fast forward to 2024, the society has changed a lot and is much more diverse now. It is not uncommon now to find young Asians who are into leather. I don’t know how they fare. Don’t get me wrong, I still manage to find lots of sex with many regular guys but they are just not exactly what I want.  
These days I hardly travel for sex anymore. I still search for sex with leather guys. I don’t give up.