Healthy coping with risky-sex thoughts

[WhatWeThink]

 The purpose of this thread is to collect/share measures for those who:

1. Have risky-sex fantasies (e.g. fucking bare without prep, bugchasing, etc.)

2. Don't want the consequences that are associated with an HIV-infection

 

My background on this topic 

1. I have had thoughts to fuck bare without prep for a long time. - And I also do not want the consequences. So I have developed measures to successfully encounter my risky sex fantasies. Maybe they do not work for everyone, but it is worth sharing them.

2. For me and others it needs more than the "just go/stay on prep" advice. The roots for our fantasies are much deeper and not everyone can get it.

 

Here is what I do to encounter my risky sex thoughts

Measure 1: Accept risky sex thoughts as something natural instead of feeling guilty. Scientific research is very clear about risk: Risk taking was very advantageous for our species through its evolution. In times of scarce ressources, those groups survived who have tried to eat a new fruit/entered some new area or have had sex more risky. And there is a part of our DNA that encodes something about our risky behaviour: The DRD4 Gene. Which can even be different between humans. Of course the evolutionary advantage  of our risk-arousal is not valid today. Theworld has changed. But our DNA has not adapted yet. 

References:

Goldstein S., Wired for Risk: The Genetic Roots of Bold Behavior

Garcia et al., Associations between dopamine D4 receptor gene variation with both infidelity and sexual promiscuity.

Measure 2: Talk with people outside your risky-sex bubble. I can highly recommend to talk about your risky-sex fantasies and fears with a trustworthy person outside your bubble. This can give you a feeling of being accepted and not alone. Of course it is not easy to find one that listens without judging. But you shoud give it a try. They can be your hero that guide you when you get crazy in between arousal and fear. 

Measure 3: Still allow risky sex fantasies. You can still have risky sex fantasies / roleplays. You can imagine/talk about risky sex but it does not mean that you do it in real life. Many people play with these fantasies in a way that does not have unwanted consequences. 

Measure 4: Go and stay on Prep. Of course I list this measure. But it can never  be the only one. Because if you do not encounter your risky-sex thoughts in other ways, you will probably start "missing some Prep pills from time to time"... For those wo are lucky, the long acting Prep is a better option. Unfortunately: Not available/affordable in many countries.

Please feel free to add your measures. You are not alone. If we share what we know, we can help each other 🙂