Healthy coping with risky-sex thoughts

[WhatWeThink]

 The purpose of this thread is to collect/share measures for those who:

1. Have risky-sex fantasies (e.g. fucking bare without prep, bugchasing, etc.)

2. Don't want the consequences that are associated with an HIV-infection

 

My background on this topic 

1. I have had thoughts to fuck bare without prep for a long time. - And I also do not want the consequences. So I have developed measures to successfully encounter my risky sex fantasies. Maybe they do not work for everyone, but it is worth sharing them.

2. For me and others it needs more than the "just go/stay on prep" advice. The roots for our fantasies are much deeper and not everyone can get it.

 

Here is what I do to encounter my risky sex thoughts

Measure 1: Accept risky sex thoughts as something natural instead of feeling guilty. Scientific research is very clear about risk: Risk taking was very advantageous for our species through its evolution. In times of scarce ressources, those groups survived who have tried to eat a new fruit/entered some new area or have had sex more risky. And there is a part of our DNA that encodes something about our risky behaviour: The DRD4 Gene. Which can even be different between humans. Of course the evolutionary advantage  of our risk-arousal is not valid today. Theworld has changed. But our DNA has not adapted yet. 

References:

Goldstein S., Wired for Risk: The Genetic Roots of Bold Behavior

Garcia et al., Associations between dopamine D4 receptor gene variation with both infidelity and sexual promiscuity.

Measure 2: Talk with people outside your risky-sex bubble. I can highly recommend to talk about your risky-sex fantasies and fears with a trustworthy person outside your bubble. This can give you a feeling of being accepted and not alone. Of course it is not easy to find one that listens without judging. But you shoud give it a try. They can be your hero that guide you when you get crazy in between arousal and fear. 

Measure 3: Still allow risky sex fantasies. You can still have risky sex fantasies / roleplays. You can imagine/talk about risky sex but it does not mean that you do it in real life. Many people play with these fantasies in a way that does not have unwanted consequences. 

Measure 4: Go and stay on Prep. Of course I list this measure. But it can never  be the only one. Because if you do not encounter your risky-sex thoughts in other ways, you will probably start "missing some Prep pills from time to time"... For those wo are lucky, the long acting Prep is a better option. Unfortunately: Not available/affordable in many countries.

Please feel free to add your measures. You are not alone. If we share what we know, we can help each other 🙂

[CumloverDE]

I don't tolerate PrEP well anymore. So I have to switch back to having sex with guys with Tasp as I had before PrEP. So I have sex with HIV positive men without taking the risk. Perhaps this could be a way for you to get closer to your fantasies.

The bad thing about it, you cannot have sex with casual encounters at a cruising area or anything similar.

PS: Your cock is great. I love it, when it is a little bent.

[Olderkinkybiguy]

Everyone’s risk assessment will vary greatly. What ever works for you and you feel comfortable doing is great. The notion of “risky sex” in itself implies some level of “risk”. If we remove all risk factors, than it no longer is considered “risky sex”. If it’s more of a fantasy based implication, than you can make it whatever you want, or need it to be. 
 

although I have been undetectable for over 20 years, I still mostly get with guys who are undetectable or on PrEP. Not so much because of risk of HIV infection, I am already infected. But because I feel more comfortable if someone takes the time and energy to look after themselves and their health. I understand I can catch other things, and that is part of the allure of engaging in risky sex. I am comfortable with the consequences and possibly needing a round or two of some medication. The risk outweighs any desire for a safe and boring sex life. 
 

if you are anything like me, my sexual fantasies eventually become inadequate to sustain my satisfaction. Eventually I seek out a physical presence in order to quench my risky needs. But that is an individuals choice. As long as people can be satisfied with how they handle their desires, great. To each their own. 

[princemb95]

15 minutes ago, Olderkinkybiguy said:

if you are anything like me, my sexual fantasies eventually become inadequate to sustain my satisfaction. Eventually I seek out a physical presence in order to quench my risky needs. But that is an individuals choice. As long as people can be satisfied with how they handle their desires, great. To each their own. 

Your reply perfectly describes my experience and mindset. I have many sexual fantasies that involve “risky” sexual behavior. In each instance, I eventually succumbed to my fantasies and just went for it. At first it was bareback sex after talking to a guy for a while and asking for STI results. Then, it was bareback sex with strangers at public places, which eventually led to me being a cum dump at the bathhouse. Now I’m hooked on the rush, which for me means being used and bred by strangers in bathhouses, sketchy places, and not refusing any load ever. So, my mindset now is harm reduction— I’m going to do this and can’t stop myself, so how can I keep myself safe? 

[Olderkinkybiguy]

17 minutes ago, princemb95 said:

Your reply perfectly describes my experience and mindset. I have many sexual fantasies that involve “risky” sexual behavior. In each instance, I eventually succumbed to my fantasies and just went for it. At first it was bareback sex after talking to a guy for a while and asking for STI results. Then, it was bareback sex with strangers at public places, which eventually led to me being a cum dump at the bathhouse. Now I’m hooked on the rush, which for me means being used and bred by strangers in bathhouses, sketchy places, and not refusing any load ever. So, my mindset now is harm reduction— I’m going to do this and can’t stop myself, so how can I keep myself safe? 

If you have become a no load refused hole for strangers, you can’t be safe all the time. I suppose PrEp and Doxy-PrEP are your only options. Or, you can just accept fate and keep doing what you are doing. Back in the 1980’s, I accepted the risks fully. My desires and needs outweighed the need to be “safe”. Although being mostly a top offered a little more protection, it was not without risk. 
 

I fucked everyone raw. I fucked anything that caught my eye. Back than, I even fucked women knowing they could possibly get pregnant. I suppose my need for raw sex overrode common sense. Eventually my luck ran out and I tested HIV+; but I was fine with that. I made my choice based on my needs. If you are doing the same, then enjoy yourself and be a slutty and take every raw cock and load you can get. Life life to the fullest with little or no regrets. Just remember, the only safe sex is no sex. The next level of safe sex is sex with the same partners exclusively who are 100% clean. Personally, I choose being a slut. It’s what works best for me. 

[princemb95]

33 minutes ago, Olderkinkybiguy said:

I fucked everyone raw. I fucked anything that caught my eye. Back than, I even fucked women knowing they could possibly get pregnant. I suppose my need for raw sex overrode common sense. Eventually my luck ran out and I tested HIV+; but I was fine with that. I made my choice based on my needs. If you are doing the same, then enjoy yourself and be a slutty and take every raw cock and load you can get. Life life to the fullest with little or no regrets. Just remember, the only safe sex is no sex. The next level of safe sex is sex with the same partners exclusively who are 100% clean. Personally, I choose being a slut. It’s what works best for me. 

Fuck that’s hot… got excited reading that. Most definitely love the slut life and being a total cock whore. I’ve accepted the risks and have experienced the consequences (STIs and other negative outcomes). I just can’t help myself. Like you, being a slut is what works for me and I’m satisfied with that choice.