AversiveSublime

So, just ended a three month relationship with a POZ Portuguese guy that just couldn't quit with the mind games. I took his loads often deep in my hole and we had an open relationship but he pretty much had a hard time respecting me and ultimately that led to him and one of my good friends having a bitch fight after a night of drinking together. So I punched my friend for being a cockhead to my boyfriend and then dumped the boyfriend. Just because a guy is a bottom and takes loads is no reason to treat them badly or disrespect them (unless they are into that). The bottom is providing a service to the top, for which the top should be grateful to receive. As a bottom we are not freaking pathetic junkies that will go through withdrawl if we don't get cum in us! I am just so sick of people's bad attitudes about this. Sex is meant to be fun, bareback sex is meant to be kinky. Where we got into this "its ok to treat other human beings like shit" is really beyond me! So far my tests have all remained negative. If my next test comes back negative I think I am going to just give up this lifestyle and find a nice caring human being to share my life with on a casual level. I am done with drama queens and bitches trying to control me and treating me like I am less than a person. I deserve better! If I come back positive then I will most likely just let the disease wither me away into death and be thankful for my end because this world is so full of shitheads and losers and I'd rather not be on it anymore if I can avoid it. Oh, and I now officially off going anywhere near uncut cocks again, they are UGLY fucking weird! Get yourself clipped already it's NOT pretty!

So, there has been quite a bit of dramatic encounters involving drugs and small minded people who can't seem to get into breeding a hungry hairy hot hole without getting high. A few needy bottoms that are so desperate to get fucked they would beg a fellow bottom to do it, leading me to fisting a nice sexy guy a week ago, which was interesting and kind of hot to have my hand in his tight hole, I liked his experience and that I was able to get in rather fast and move it around. The guy over my shoulder, actually more of a mental midget, was irritating, I know what I am doing as a FIST TOP, I find nothing more irritating than some idiot know it all that tries to coach during something like that though, its dangerous and if I didn't have my hand swallowed I would have pimp hand slapped the tart! The bottom loved it and I am considering setting up a fisting booth, similar to a Lemonade stand or that Psychology booth Lucy from Charlie Brown has, I figure $5 is a fair price, no? LOL Ok, the reason for my playfully humorous blog is because I met a wonderful guy this weekend! Easy going, sexy, sweet, horny as a goat, well hung and European. He gave me 8 of his own loads, organized a gang bang for me which went OK, but really we both enjoyed each other so much that it didn't matter if that happened or not. He originally found me off BBRT, through rawTOP's blog about "My First Gang Bang" hosted by him here in Phoenix. There was some petty drama with two bottoms that were, at one point, asked to fill in for me due to some second thoughts and fatigue I was experiencing earlier in the week, but I pulled it together and made it. They tried to sabotage the event by sending out an email/message to the party attenders, but thankfully these dramatic fucks have very little if no influence when it comes to bareback sex parties and who shows up! All in all it was an amazing weekend, about 21 loads total (eleven guys including my EuroSTUDtop, some guys came twice) in my insatiable hole and no regrets whatsoever! I now see that in the future the party drug (tina) scene is a waste of time and the real men only use poppers to FUCK! Anything else is for losers and wankers who haven't got a clue about what good sleazy sex and hot times are all about!

So, this last weekend I was cruising and had plans to meet a few PNP Tops, always kind of have two in the works in case one flakes out. Well they BOTH flaked out which was fine, I am kind of at a point where yeah, I love to party but not going to just do that with ANYONE who comes along, there has to be some kind of chemistry there, something I think will become apparent in this blog if not already so. So it was Friday night, my car was in the shop and I knew it was going to be costly. I was down and out and lonely and as usual I looked to my escape, my outlet of getting out of my life for a night and becoming a willing cum cunt for a sexy man, taking every load he can squirt into me. I always felt that deep down inside the right man would see this as a sort of selfless public service and rather than been seen as a trashy slut maybe someone would see me as I am, someone who just likes to give pleasure and feels it is my duty as a bottom to offer that to tops who require the service. I never have come across an attitude of arrogance about it and think that is misplaced in many ways because, while yes there are an abundance of bottoms out there, people seem to not realize that out of all those 200 bottoms in your area, how many of them are actually willing to let you fuck them?? Of the ones that you fucked, how many come back for more or are even willing to talk to you afterwards? The following week after a fuck is usually the most critical for that with me. The way a guy will regard contact or whether they are thankful or appreciative for the use of a hairy hole that, lets be fair and realistic here, is pretty damned hot and hairy and hungry, it is clean and takes dick well and the rest of the package is not that bad either! Anyways, a one time fuck is fine, but it better be appropriately labeled as such or I will assume there is potential for more, and if it is labeled as a one timer fuck, well then that's fine but don't expect me to meet again because I set my mind to that is all it was and there is a method to the madness and the way I process sex. So I met this guy, beefy and cute and seemed pretty outgoing and ready to party and whatever else comes our way! I am going to call him Toes for a reason that will only be known to me, sorry!, I just prefer to keep a little anonymity there. So, Toes picks me up and we get to his place... Right away I wanted to show my appreciation for his hospitality and stripped down naked and sucked his dick a little bit. He packed the pipe and we smoked a good amount which got us ready and hot for what was going to come next. It was slow at first, just smoking and getting relaxed with each other, and to make a long story short we fucked and partied all night long pretty much. I was pretty spun out and he had to direct me into position at times, after his second load was shot deep in my hole he thankfully rimmed me for a while and was also into some kissing as well. Midway through the session though my hole began to have some problems. I have had issues with Silicone Lube in the past and sometimes it just slips my mind to mention that it can cause an issue. I noticed some slight soreness and burning down there and it prompted me to ask if he was using silicone based lube, which he was and well being the trooper I am I kind of tried to go with it, because he had just lubed up again with it and I am not into wasting good lube. It burned and made my hole real tight which is not good because it is pretty damned tight to begin with it and made it hard for Toes to get back in. We did manage to get two more loads out of him that night but it just was a little rough for me, and I felt bad because we were on such a good roll I bet I could have gotten six loads instead of four from him if not for the issue. As far as the night went, I know I talked too much and it was because I was very attracted to him, I wanted to give him a complete and full sexual experience, not just a meaningless night of fucking. I know that perhaps he just wanted a meaningless night of fucking but it was hard to know what he wanted beyond a good fuckhole to breed. We have stayed in contact and just yesterday I finally got through the sarcasm and wall of defense to know he did have a good time, yeah shooting four loads is a sign maybe but still nice to know and not just assume!, and wanted to hang out again. The only problem is that my hole is STILL sore, like is has a rash or something that I thought was going away but has taken its time this time. This has happened before and I guess a week or sometimes two is about right but its a mystery as to why it even happens in the first place; maybe its something else entirely that the silicone triggers??? He did let me taste some of his nasty Chempiss in the shower and have it all over my chest and crotch, which I towel dried and wore the stench of while he spent the next 6-8 hours fucking me! Which was hot and unexpected. I definitely like the kinkiness this guy has and hope we can do more one day! Anyways, I got dropped off and spent the next few hours writing emails and messages to everyone I could, at breakneck speeds to the point my fingers were so freaking sore! Around 1am, I was starting to feel like I needed a rest and was considering taking a benadryl to knock me out for some R&R when I got a message from a guy who wanted to party and rim my ass in his rimchair. I find it incredibly coincidental that I probably told a dozen or so people I couldn't meet because my hole was sore only to finally be approached by the "perfect" scenerio, I sit in the seat, have my hole tongue scrubbed and washed and attented to in the hopes that it might eventually make its recovery happen sooner and possibly get another load. Plus we'd party so it seemed like a win-win situation. Unfortunately, the guy was less than handsome, his car stank like a musky gym bag of socks but without any of the sweetness of the socks belonging to sexy jocks, it was stale old man gym bag smell if there is any other better way to phrase that it is beyond me. He seemed like a nice enough easy going guy though, he had a HUGE cock, way thicker and longer than the guy from the night before and that sort of was a weird theme for the weekend, hole gets sore, boy finds a thicker dick than the one before. I honestly didn't like being in that situation, I miss the days of guys having an average dick, using spit or water based lube and breeding me till their nuts hurt! This giant dicks and sore hole business is definitely not my cup of T! So, I spent literally 10 hours on his uncomfortable rim seat, I know he enjoyed my hole and tasting the muskyness of it although he did catch the sore spots a few times and my legs were REALLY cramping up. It seems no one like to give a massage anymore, which goes a long way for me being able to handle different positions and just not get as many cramps. Towards the end he seemed different. He originally told he'd rim me as long as I wanted and we could party hard and there was no time limit for the most part (of course I didn't want to stay until Monday or Tuesday, but I sort of was ok with the attention my hole was getting and all the nasty dirty talking we were doing about trying stuff and whatnot). He finally got off, and managed to fuck me a little bit, I honestly was so numb from his rimming and the soreness I guess that when I sat on his cock I wasn't even entirely sure it was in me, until I went to get up due to a leg cramp and then I felt it come out, fast and hard. I had to stop and collect myself for a minute. He then had me on the seat while he rimmed me and stroked up a load and quickly got up and plunged his dick into my ass as far as he could, seeding my hole that only a day or two ago has rested enough to open up and start to feel like normal somewhat. It was pretty quickly after that somewhat painful experience that he decided he would take me back home. On the way home he said something that sort of made sense and will most likely curb a lot of my nervous chatterin when I party in the future. He said, "Most of the time when he parties, the guys hang for 2 hours and then its done with, not for 14 hours". It was his way of saying it went on longer than he wanted it to, although he approached me, knew my hole was sore and that I was looking to hang out and not have a rushed time. He was the one driving also, so he could have ended it any time before that too. Plus he was misleading because he was talking about hanging out again and me coming by to drop loads from my ass into his mouth on a regular basis. It had all the misleading appearances of a possible friendship and ongoing thing but in reality he revealed that he was just talking shit and trying to get his cock in my ass to breed it. Which is cool, just say that, I was willing to try that midway through the night but honestly wasn't going to suggest it because I was sore and knew it would be uncomfortable, but far be it from me to make anyone have a not fun time too! He did tell me how much he loved my hole so I took it at that, and told him a few times I just talk sometimes and you don't have to stop eating my hole to answer. I know that is a nervous/anxiety thing, I want the other person to have a good time and not feel like they are just hanging out with an idiot or something, which sort of defeats that intention I know. Anyways, I am looking forward to June 9th, where I meet a top that is going to host my second gang bang in Phoenix! It should be a lot easier and less stressful for everyone because I won't feel obligated to make the small talk like I normally do! I have a listing for it up in the Southwest section of the forum if anyone is interested in the details.

Wow, I just did my first one when rawtop was here recently, in Phoenix, but only 8 out of the 9 cocks actually gave me a load. Second gang bang is scheduled for June 9th, 2012 in Phoenix and looking to at least double that! You guys are fucking awesome though! Have all of you worked your way up to that or are these your first gang bang stats too ? LOL I think for me 20 would be a good record to hit, get my hole slowly trained up to take 100 loads one day! That would be incredible and if I survived I could die a happy man knowing I took 100 cocks/loads.... !

I am being whored out again for my second gang bang on June 9th, 2012 in Phoenix, AZ. Looking for TOPS that want to drop by dump their load in my ass and take off. This is not an orgy and only looking for pump and dump and go TOPS! If interested the best way to sign up is on BBRT.com. The host is "bigdick4you" and it is listed under his name. My screenname there is the same as here. The ad should be posted on or about June 1st, so you can reply or keep an eye out here for updates. I will post a link or comment here when it is up to let everyone know. There WILL be a filtering process so if you don't get accepted (or you do but then it is retracted) sorry in advance, it's just due to time and ensuring that everything goes smoothly and as planned.

Was a hot fucking time being the only bottom for the Friday gang bang! I am always up for meeting anyone that missed out and wants to get a little action though! Phoenix is fucking awful when it comes to finding decent tops, though I have met a few. Would love to meet a super horn dog top that is looking for an Open LTR to wisk me away from this dry heat! Accepting applications, send me a mesaage here, on bbrt or adam4adam; same user name as this site...

In the end, I tried to make him see that the fact he didn't ask how my hole was doing, if it hurt & if was all right, opened my eyes to the lack of respect he had for me as a person. Then when he showed no remorse for having left me pretty sore I knew he was just a AAAsshole! He twisted the entire situation around on me & tried to say that my perceptions of what happened were not "grounded in reality" & that I was crazy for feeling the way I did. Again, I was naive & took the g, & did not protest to what was happening, but I don't think that makes me crazy, that makes me under the influence of a drug that makes people less inhibited & he knew that. As for not being grounded in reality, I am fairly certain that my interpretation of everything, as hazy as some of it is, was pretty good & he is just a manipulator who does this to guys all the time. He mentioned that he is artsy & likes to "manipulate things" when we were at Tex's place, & then he also admitted that he "likes to slam guys & do things" to them, something that fortunately we did not end up doing because god knows what would happened! He also had a costume room, & he told me that he likes to dress up the guys that he slams, sit them down on the toilet & take pictures for a coffee table book he is putting together. There is just so much there that he said that kind of registered as freaky weird but in the end added up to the conclusion that this guy is not a good person & has no respect for people. He uses the power of persuasion and suggestion to get guys to go along with it all. He had a way of sidestepping topics & issues long enough to distract a person from anything that is of concern. I know that I will not attempt to try ass play with toys again unless they are normal sized & I feel comfortable & at ease with the other person. I also now know that I can't feel comfortable being blindfolded or having bondage done to me because I won’t trust that someone won't try to do this or worse again, OR that he doesn't have a buddy trying to meet me to get me tied up so he can finish the job or do worse things to me to hurt me because of the way we left things. Its paranoid & sad, but I honestly feel like I am better off safe than sorry. I really do wish that things had gone differently and that this is all a huge misunderstanding and he is the decent guy he tried very hard to convince me he was. I am so tired of meeting guys that are just not what they seem. I know I am simple minded and not the best conversationalist, but I don’t think that warrants being abused or mistreated. To me there is a HUGE difference between taking 10/15/20 cocks & loads in my ass in a night, than a fist or a dildo the size of a fist. Just because someone says they are submissive doesn't mean "anything goes", it means they are naturally passive and get off on submitting to a dominant, but it goes without saying that limits and desires are discussed first. I thought these things to be self-evident & basic, they should be, but in this case this guy just didn’t care. He lacked respect & thought just because I am a cum pig that I would be an easy hole to fist if he got me under the right influence. I really hate that there are people in this world like that. It has been the story of my life that I have tried to do something new but then the top administering it takes it too far or lies & says "it won't hurt, don't worry, I will be careful & take it slow" only to end up having it cross the line Then there is no fault there of their own or responsibility for it. It’s not so much about blame, it’s about respect, & I can accept that sometimes things get out of hand & accidents do happen to some small degree. I probably could have given him that benefit of doubt if he only could have shown some kind of compassion & sympathy towards me & the situation. If he had taken the time to give me an apology for taking it too far & making me sore/hurt, I might have been able to walk away with a sense of "well I didn't get hurt permanently, & it was experience & now I know my limits with ass play & toys", but the denials, & defensiveness, the way he tried to make it somehow my fault or desire to do that stuff, & telling me I was not in sync with reality just completely destroyed that possibility. Any desire I might have had to try that again with anyone is gone now for a long, long time to come! I regret that, I wish I had the confidence to not let it bother me, but we learn from our experiences and when we are hurt or wronged by someone that leaves an impression that gets carried over on to future experiences. I know what I like, being fucked bareback & taking loads. I know that I like the idea of group sex as the bottom & I wish I had a trustworthy companion to protect me from stuff like this happening. I know I like toys in moderation, but I don't need them to be so large that it leaves me sore. When I did the gang bang with rawTOP a month back, I felt comfortable & safe, (even though we had never met before), & when I left I wasn't sore at all. It was within my ability to stretch to the various cocks & handle them pumping me, at times pretty hard & deep, but there was nothing in my hole that was bigger than anything I had previously taken. It was well within my limits and abilities at that space in time. Also, rawTOP respected my request that they start off slow so I could adjust & loosen up to take it rougher. There is just a disconnection with a guy like AAA, he sees pictures like the one I have posted on this blog & his twisted mind goes immediately to fisting. I get that, I understand that, I just am not into that. He knew it, I told him in our chats before meeting I hadn’t been fisted and was not looking for that. He just didn't care. He saw “submissive” & thought that meant he could do whatever he wanted. Surprise! You were wrong & now you totally fucking ruined it for the other guys out there that do like to pnp & gang breed a willing bottom! Great job AAAsshole! You are a credit to the gay population & the world of kink-sex & dom/sub play!

So, I was online surfing on A4A & bbrt, not really looking but open to something. It was my last week of class before finals so I knew I could get away with partying if it happened. I had been talking to a guy who I was very interested in meeting. He seemed like was interested in helping out with a fantasy of taking a rig & getting gang banged raw by a group of guys (about 10 max). He seemed to be on the same page as me. I realize that my definition of submissive is different than most people, something that seems to happen in my life, but usually the right thing to do is to try to clarify so there are no mistakes or hard feelings. I did tell him that I wanted him to be in charge & that he would have complete control because I'd be in his sling & blindfolded as well possibly bound. AGAIN, this doesn't necessarily mean "anything goes" to me, & I was pretty clear about that. He disagrees, & seems to follow a doctrine of "If I have the control, I get to do whatever I fucking want", which is just simply not a good way to treat a sub in my opinion, especially a nervous novice sub who is trying something new. I did tell him I wanted the rig to be a surprise, & that I would “forget” that we discussed it. The truth is no matter the slight miscommunications I noticed, I liked the guy, he seemed to be on the same wave length with me & also seemed to have the experience I was looking for to give this a try. I didn't want to get hurt or go to the hospital, again (first time I rigged I was given way too much & it lasted for 4 days, my kidneys were damaged slightly & had to get treated with I/Vs as well, so there is some hesitation & needs trust. I told him this.) He said he would have it all "set up" for Saturday night. The next day we got into a conversation about it & he mentioned money. I was at first caught off guard because there was no mention of money and I did express my financial situation was pretty non-existent at the present time & I assumed that he'd have the supplies needed because most of the guys that pnp usually do & don't mind sharing it. I admit it is a little presumptuous to presume that and did feel bad for doing so. He then proceeded to refuse to do it & meet up unless I "chipped in", I told him I wanted to but I had no idea of what it cost or how much was needed, and could maybe come up with like $10 if that would get enough to make a rig. I told him I MIGHT be able to get up $20 but to be honest that would have cut into my gas & cigarette fund for the week. He seemed non responsive & distant & I sort of just decided to let it be & move on. I knew I was being risky doing the rig & I didn't know him very well, just seemed like I might have been better off leaving it alone & saving that experience for a better time, with someone I felt more comfortable, trusted & in a setting that was more ideal, i.e. a CCBC type resort with a sling room, on a busy weekend so I could maximize the number of loads in my hungry hole! So, as I was saying above, I was surfing the hookup sites, seeing what was going on & then I get this message from a recent Texas transplant asking me "Do you want to parTy?" I said sure if he didn’t mind sharing because I didn’t have any cash at the time & he was what I look for in a guy, decent build, white, cut, vers or top, open to raw... I had planned to meet a top @ 8ish that night, & told him I could call him when I was done. He agreed & ended up texting me first because the top took longer than I figured. I went over to Tex's place & we immediately got into the clouds. He was one of those fun guys that encouraged big hits & lots of them, which is a turn on though I kind of don't understand why. Maybe someone reading this can explain that to me? We started to play but, as usually happens, he was on his phone checking out Grindr for other guys. He seemed very specifically to be only finding & showing me black tops, something I am not against per se, but is not my preference. I know he knew that & probably got a bit of a rush getting me twisted & taking a BBC for him to watch. I get that. I find that kind of hot too on some levels. It’s fine in moderation. So, we found one, & invited him over. I got the immediate vibe that they knew each other even though they said they didn't. Then I get a text from rigGuy, asking what I was doing. I was interested in meeting him & so I asked if he could come by & the TexasTwister said sure. He wanted me to send pictures of what we were doing, so I posed with both their cocks on hole and sent it to him. It took rigGuy a little while to get there & then he refused to use mapquest for directions so we had to literally tell him step by step how to get there, which he did not do correctly & got lost a few times. At one point he was kind of aggressive & a little rude to us as we tried to give him the right directions (which he must have written down wrong initially). Anyways, he FINALLY got there & he got into the clouds & offered us some G that he had. He had NEVER mentioned that previously in all out conversations. Even when he said he had "a little t" that he would save for Saturday night, which changed to “how much money you got” a day later, he made no mention of even being into that. I agreed & we did some. It seemed like a rather high amount, 2.5 or 2.7 on the eye dropper tool, but I had done that much before & been ok. We all played around, the black shot his load into me & took off. They all took turns raw fucking me and I was in pig heaven for a while, feeling good and getting my hole plugged like I need it. The other two seemed more interested in laying back after a while, so I kneeled on my hands & knees, ass facing them & rigGuy played with my hole with a decent sized but not abnormal dildo. We did that for a while until the g started to kind make me lose my focus and make it hard for me to balance. It seemed like they were just lying there waiting for me to pass out or something. They also seemed to know each other, which they pretend/claimed they did not; I honestly can't say, but there were a lot of coincidences that night. They both fucked me a little more, I honestly don't recall if Tex came in me or not, I think he fed me a load or two orally. I thought I saw a little wireless type camera in an oddly placed bushel of flowers in a large vase on a column pedestal that was placed right outside the bedroom door & in direct view of the bed where we did all the partying & fucking. I meant to take a closer look but never got the chance. Things kind of winded down, they had a few brief conversations while I struggled to maintain my attention to it. I could catch some of what they said, in a sort of code about things that seemed to pertain to me, but I really can’t say for sure what they were talking about. This has happened before a few times & I know it’s not imagined. I sort of just let it go though, because I know if I call them out they will deny it & try to make me feel crazy & imagining it, & I just didn’t have it in me to argue. There was enough inflection in their voice & careful pronunciation in their delivery that told me something was probably up! It doesn't take a genius to put that much together. So rigGuy, or better yet, AAAsshole with the GHB, aka AAA, texted me from the bathroom with "L you'd should bum hole with me" which he corrected to "Come home with me & let me duck you some more I want to cum & I want to give it to you" I was eager for it, I wanted his load earlier! I really did think he was kind of a nice guy even if at times he seemed to be mocking me with Tex. I also find that silence that these guys give off, with no activity, but silent staring that makes me uncomfortable; like they are waiting for something to happen, like for me to pass out. I ask what they are thinking about and get nothing usually. I ask what can I do to please them and they sort of just laugh and say nothing. Just something about the way it is, not all the guys do it, but there is a smattering of similarity there that goes beyond just being high, these guys are definitely thinking something they don't want to say to me. We get to AAA's place & undress, he stopped at a QT & got us both a Gatorade & we chatted briefly while he ate. He said let’s go upstairs & to leave my stuff there. I did leave my clothes behind, worried they would be gone or items removed from the pockets. We got upstairs & he began preparing another dose of g for us in little cups. It was hard to see what he was doing but I did noticed it looked like he mixed three things into at least one of the cups, I am not sure if he had just a small amount of g in one bottle & then had to tap into another stash or not, but I did get that feeling of uneasiness again. I was still pretty buzzed though so the uneasiness was easily dismissed & I took it. He then wanted to put on music & we fumbled around for about 20 mins trying to get it going. Then he said "If you want to do a little more g, now is the time". I considered it but there was something about the way he said that that bothered me enough to decline it. He then proceeded to pull out a tripod & a light & an umbrella to set them up with his webcam. I was feeling kind of buzzed from the g & found myself having trouble expressing that I was not comfortable with camming & even though I wanted to ask can we NOT, I ended up going along with it. He set up a pillow & a towel on the bed & positioned so that my face would not be in view of the cam at least, & he fucked me for a while. A few guys watched us but then we took a little break. We started to chit chat about Religion & the Sumerians culture. It was interesting and engaging, even though I had a hard time conversing intelligently because of the g; which I think perhaps was his way of seeing how buzzed I was before he moved on to the next phase of his plans for me. I am unsure if the cam was still broadcasting but if it was I know my face was definitely visible at times, which makes me uncomfortable. He woke up his screen and shortly after he had guy in a leather vest with leather armbands camming with us. The guy did nothing and just seemed to be watching, if it was a still image I do not know. AAA said "This guy is fucking crazy" & I now know that he was referring to me to leather guy! What a fucking AAAsshole to be like that! Then he suggests we set up his sling. I helped him with it, thinking he was just going to fuck me some more & give me that load he offered, but once the sling was up he broke out four or five various sized toys. 3 or 4 of them were huge dildos, the biggest one just about the girth of a 1 liter soda bottle. The others were slightly smaller & he had two sets of boli beads. I got that feeling of uneasiness & tried to say I wasn't into it, but the g made me of easy & I ended up going with it, thinking that if/when he got to the larger sized ones I would say I wasn't into it & he'd be cool about it. We got through a couple of the smaller dildos, & fucked he me a little in-between, then he worked on getting the beads in me. He told me to push out & being that I have zero to little experience with ass muscle control & play I had a hard time pushing instead of squeezing. Eventually I sort of got the hang of it, but it was difficult. He told me that was my "training". I can't say it was unpleasant. I was actually pretty turned on with it & it was hot watching from the mirror above me. He then got to the second to bigggest of the toys, & I was very unsure about it, I wanted to say no, but I also had confidence that he would take it easy & I might be able to handle it, which I did & it made me feel hot & sexy. I had to ask him to slow down a bunch of times but he did & it was going pretty OK, I would have been content to just leave it at that & just relax & let him play in my hole with that toy, but instead he pulled it out & then moved on to the largest one. Immediately, the last dildo strained my hole at the slightest pushing in. I knew it wasn't going to make it all the way in without really hurting me & was getting ready to stop him, putting my hand up a few times to tell him to slow it down! I was getting more & more uncomfortable & I knew I had to put it to an end. He did manage to get the head it in me, & gave me a few strokes of it for a while, but he kept trying to get further in & it was starting to hurt & feel more uncomfortable. I finally said to him that I had to pee, & quickly got up & went to the bathroom. I was glad that I had the sense to NOT let him tie me up like he wanted to, if he had, I am SURE he would not have stopped, & he probably would have given me more g & then just did what he intended to do all along. I am fairly certain that after the last dildo he was going to try to fist me & that is NOT something I was looking to happen. I am not saying I might not be open to it one day, but this was not the way that it was going to happen. I need to work my way up to that, over a series of weeks or months & do it with someone I know & trust. I didn't have any of those things with this guy, they were illusions, & in my opinion he should have stopped at the beads if he was any kind of decent & respectful person. I realize that may sounds funny to some reading this because I let the webcam thing slide & amongst the other things that happened & were said, he obviously played me. I don't know if the cam was still broadcasting during this, but there were mirrors on the wall behind the bed that the cam could have easily gotten in view & showed what was happening, I am guessing it was. I only came to that conclusion several days ago, having put together everything that happened and logically concluding that “fisting a virgin hole on cam” was his intention the whole time. When I got back from the bathroom, he wanted me to get back into the sling, & I hovered a distance away from it because I didn't want to. I told him that my hole is really stretched & that it is sore. I didn't feel comfortable doing anymore. He accepted that & suggested that we just cuddle instead. I went over & we sort of cuddled with an emotional distance, I knew he was disappointed he couldn't fist me & he knew I probably wasn't going to come back or let him ever have that chance willingly. Yet, we did cuddle. He seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly, & I did my best to pretend to be asleep. I could hear noises coming from downstairs & was fearful that people would come up & do god knows what to me, but thankfully that never happened. I pretended to sleep, waiting for the morning to come so I would be sober enough to drive & get the hell out of there. He was very distant to me in the morning, he slept through his alarm & I did try to wake him asking if he had an appointment or not, to which he said "I don't care about that" & went back to sleep. His eyes were open & he seemed to be awake, but when he woke up three hours later he was distraught about missing it. He was just very distant & non-communicative so I got myself together and left. As I was leaving he avoided a hug/kiss, but said "see you Saturday". I told him "yea sure" & left. There was pretty much no way I was going back. I did like him, I did wish that things had gone much slower & I could have kept a sense of comfort & trust towards him, but eventually after a few days I realized that, no, this guy didn't give a shit about me. He didn’t respect me & I just couldn't take my chances & hope he didn't hurt me next time if he tried again. The next day I texted him, "So how much do you get for your cam shows? Do they buy credits or pay by the minute or hour?" Which I know was a pretty ballsy accusation, but let’s be realistic here, people don't do that sort of thing, so meticulously, just to broadcast a free show for "fun", there was an ulterior motive there, & either he was making money or there was something else happening that he would not admit to. Then, about three days later he tries to call me. I ignored his call. He sent me a message & left a voicemail that was cheerful & full of ignorance that something was wrong or bothering me. Seriously?? You are that naive & aloof that you really believed that everything that happened was consensual & OK? You aren't even going to ask how my hole was feeling?? I was kind of pissed by that & so it got ugly. I told him what I thought of him, how I felt taken advantage of by him & using the toys on me without even asking if I was into trying them & that I was offended that he exploited me by broadcasting it on his cam. Yes, I can hear some of you saying that I had it coming maybe, & I admit that there is blame for both of us I guess, I just feel like if he had asked me I would have said that I was unsure and we could have discussed it some, at least I could have walked away with it having been a real choice & not that I set up like I was. This is NOT something a decent person does to a novice without having discussed it first & NOT on the first meeting. If he really wanted to see me again, he would have been more respectful of my limits & the fact it was my first time. cont below

I think my count for the year, including the gang bang with rawtop, is about 50-65 loads. Typically only have time to get about 3-8 a week, due to lack of tops, pnp and time. Just got three today, one deep in my ass, one on my hole that was worked in and one down my throat. Unfortunately, the guy that gave me the load on my ass and in my mouth must have had a sharp fingernail and there seemed to be a sharp pain and some blood afterwards so might need a day or two to recoup before getting more. Not that I care about taking loads with a tear/cut, it just doesn't feel very good and makes it hard to take getting fucked deep and rough. I wish guys would be more aware of stuff like that. I know this guy didn't realize, he seemed kind of dorky and inexperienced in some ways, and he came so fast after just a little sucking and just pushing against my hairy hole he burst.

Mostly I just make sure I douche out a few times the night before and the next day to ensure I am very clean. I tend to jerk off a lot the day before also, so most of the time I won't even get hard which works because then I can go longer and take more cock and loads... I tend to not touch my hole or use any toys to ensure I am tight and not sore when the first cock gets in me. Eventually I will get hard though, if for example the top does me deep and slow or is very verbal about pozing me or refering to my hole as a cum cunt or pussy hole. Other than that, its just a mindset and inner craving to be a total cum whore bottom that is always there and pretty much always ready and wiling to have it happen.

I tend to gag when a dick is big, just something that happens, have tried to get better. I prefer to have the big ones in my ass, but I ALWAYS at least suckle it as much as I can to get it hard. I LOVE a top that is all about business though and can whip it out and plug it right into my ass and breed though. I think it is bizarre that the guy wouldn't even try to suck you, but you did kind of make it pointless to continue negotiating once you said he HAD to. Should have asked why or said ok, and then as BBSeroman said, "force it down his throat anyways", sure he might gag or stop you, but at least you would have had him throat you once then rape breed the hell out of his ass as he chokes from the lack of air and calls you a dick for doing that to him. I guarantee you the next time he will willingly put your dick in his mouth and "try" to make you feel good. Its amazing what a little bit of aggression will do to motivate a bottom.

Seems like this scene is very hard to come across, even if you are willing to travel. I hope you find it bud. I am looking for the same, ownership too.

I wish I could find a top to take me around to these events and help me get loaded up!

I had the pleasure of meeting a guy a few years back that spent the afternoon fucking and breeding my ass, think he got up to about 14 loads before I had to finally admit defeat. He fucked me so wet and sore I was actually unable to get fucked for a week! Wish i had kept in contact with him and could do it again. It was a random craigslist meetup and he was leaving town for a month so didn't save his number and I guess he didn't save mine. Maybe have to see if I can figure out where his apartment was and do a drop by though some day! Rare to find and I need a good top like that in reserve.

I too would sign up for this, but the 20s thing disqualifies me. 35 isn't that old, and its taken me a long time to be the cum sponge I am now. Wish guys weren't so obsessed with age sometimes...

So, it’s been a pretty interesting couple of weeks. Was partying quite a bit on the weekends with that guy I met the day after the gang bang with rawTOP. He is such a sexy guy and he encourages my corruption very well, the small inner voice inside me pales in comparison to my desire to please him when we are together. So, there were two weekend days where it was just the two of us, him getting me spun out and taking his cock and loads in my hole. One younger guy (than me) came by and my Top bud fucked him and then the new guy topped me and bred my hole. He had to take off for a wedding or something. I have never seen anyone puff a cloud like this guy; a sign that wow these guys are probably really hooked. He was Latino and pretty sexy. Then the following week just before I arrived to the house I get a message saying he had someone else over, "just to give me a heads up", I got there and it was just my buddy, lying on the bed clothed and reading a book, an Ethel Waters biography if I am not mistaken... So I asked where the guy was and he said he wasn't sure but should be on his way. Now, I guess he assumed the guy would arrive first, but that is the first thing that happened that night that sort of made me do a double take. I asked if it was the black guy the Latino guy mentioned the previous week. Latino boy told me "He has a huge cock and will destroy your hole", which honestly didn't sound that entirely appealing if it was meant to be taken literally, which is typically how I take things. Never been very good at assuming people are speaking figuratively. Anyways, TopBud (the poz white pnp guy from previous blog) said yep, and I said OK. We smoked and finally the BlackGuy showed up. As he started undressing, TopBud asked if he brought the "green", and BlackGuy said something about the "white", which I then said "Green? Oh you mean like pot?" They laughed at my ignorance and the partying and playing began. As BlackGuy was pumping my raw hole, I told him he was my first black top. He told me he was actually only half black, other part of him is Israeli. Ok, but either way he was my first big black cock, even if it’s diluted. It’s not that I don't find some black guys attractive; it’s just more or less the fact that I am naturally attracted to other white men typically. I am getting better at switching off that preference but really for me there is nothing better than a nice big white cock (or cocks)! Unfortunately, TopBud was sort of being left out, I wanted him and BlackGuy to take turns breeding me but he was off on the other side of the room eyes into his book. I think in hindsight there was more than meets the eye going on there, but I don't know and at this point it doesn't matter anymore, but I will get to that soon enough. BlackGuy pumped a load into me, then TopBud gave me one and then shortly after that he says he has another guy coming over. I thought he meant another top, which would have been awesome, but nope, it was this 30 year old annoying tweeky dude. TopGuy had mentioned something about a gag, jokingly, and when the 30y/o got there I was completely in agreement. He was talkative, needy, smoked like a fucking chimney, and was confrontational towards me being he was another bottom. It went from a fun mindless fucking session with two tops that wanted to cum into my hole to an awkward experience for everyone except maybe BlackGuy. TopBud, seemed distraught for some reason after a while, and I couldn't get a straight answer out of him in any way about what was bothering him beyond a few statements about hosting and supplying favors to people and hitting a brick wall. He then said he was going to just "shut down the party" soon. I was kind feeling badly for him and decided maybe it would be best to just take off and let him have his space, obviously to switch out the present company for some other guys, I may be naive but I am not stupid. I think he was kind of pissed off about that. I got the impression when I left that he might've intended for me to stay while he wanted to get rid of the one or both of the other two guys. I went to another friends place, the same guy I met a month before that got me into the pnp scene and who I’ve been seeing every weekend after partying with TopBud. He had “quit” partying the same weekend I started to, which I really didn’t entirely believe but maybe it’s true. I kind of got the impression he just was partying in the bathroom for whatever reason. It seems like everyone I’ve met that parties actually has a connection to each other, which is something I’d rather not even get into honestly. It is what it is, I always respect honesty and they’d get a lot further with me if they just said outright what their goals or motivations are, but whatever, I can put it all together on my own eventually.

So, the next day and half was with SoberBud, and he kind of leaves me feeling guilty about partying and I realized that there is too much drama with that scene, especially after the experience with 30y/o so I decided that would be my last time partying for a long while. So far it’s been about two weeks since I touched anything, also been two weeks since I had any sex too, well aside from getting a semi-Blow Job in a hot tub last weekend on Saturday. I’ve jerked off several times a day as usual, used my vibrator once or twice, but nothing big stiff and that makes cream in my pie hole… I have tried to keep the contact open with TopBud, but he seems to be “done”, as he only reads my messages but doesn’t reply. I guess his talk about pozing me, making me his bitch boy, getting me tattooed and pierced was just bullshit or contingent on me partying every time we saw each other. I am bummed about that, I really liked him and while I don’t necessarily chase getting poz’d up, the idea of being one with such a sexy dominant man had me really hot and giddy each week. There is no shortage of eager top men, neg and poz, wanting to breed my hungry hole though, and the truth is that while I am into the pnp thing here and there it just is too much to do very often. The recovery period for me is a day or two and I have too much normal stuff to take care of usually to be all worn/run down. So, for now I am just going to focus on finishing my semester of school and then see what the rest of the spring/summer brings me. Oh, and when I applied to Treasure Island Media to be one of their bottom sluts in a video, I sent them rawTOP’s blog post about the Gang Bang, under “previous work” which wasn’t work per se, but it is a review of sorts so I figured what the fuck! Apparently they reposted it on their website The Bottom Prospective – The Other Side of a Gang Bang, which was amazing and flattering! Unfortunately, thesword.com picked it up and tried to say I was lying about it all! His most valid point for claiming my tale was a farce was “it is too well written to be true”, assumedly because all raw bottoms are stupid and lack any ability to do anything but spread our legs and take loads. I don’t know what motivates a person to do that. Aside from that, I found that the owner of the site, Zach, not only didn’t understand some parts of what I wrote, but he also got some facts completely confused and wrong. I tried to set the record straight, but he just continued to cry “liar” and I don’t know if he just has some kind of anti-social disorder or if I remind him of and ex and he is taking out his bad relationship rage onto me or what, but I feel sorry for him. Especially since his site is a gay porn review site and its contrary to the theme of the site to go cyber-bashing someone else’s blog post and stating that you believe it to be fiction without any firsthand knowledge or facts to support your theory! rawTOP is an established gang bang host, we really did meet and both his and my blog are completely accurate and true, from our own unique perspectives. I know there will always be haters, skeptics and hypocritical idiots out there trying to knock me down when I do something most people don’t even dare dream about. I have always approached these blogs that I write as an opportunity to try to translate my experiences into text format so other people can read them and maybe get a feel for what it is like to actually experience it. I am not writing a handbook or suggesting anyone do what I do, but I hope that if someone does follow in my footsteps they take what I say and use that as a source of information to make their experience a good one! The final update is that I have finally submitted my first homoerotic fiction short story for publication. Yes, I do write fiction of ALL types. No, my previous blog was not one of those works. I have not been published as of yet, besides these handful of blogs and a few poems on poetry.com’s site and those anthologies they publish, which is a scam to get poets to buy their book. Anyways, the Novella has been accepted and is under review by an editor as we speak. I am not necessarily expecting it to be accepted per se, but I am hopeful maybe it will be. It is a rough draft; I wrote it in December and just haven’t had the time to revise it, so I imagine there will be some work to be done before it is published digitally. In any event, it is exciting and I will post an update with more on that when I hear back, probably with a preview excerpt or two. Sorry this blog has been so long and boring… I hope to get some good experiences over the next few weeks to write about, my manpussy is starting to get hungry!! If anyone in Phoenix is interested in meeting up and helping me feed the monster, SEND ME A MESSAGE! Peace out! Geo

Usually thats the name of the game. You fuck me, you cum, I go or jerk off, or I go and jerk off alone watching porn, playing with my cummy hole. It can be fun to get sucked a little bit, but in the end I haven't met anyone who works my shaft as good as I do, and I am OK with that. I would breed my own ass if I could, but well, yeah, I can't so...

So, as some of you know by now I had the honor of being the only bottom for a gang bang hosted by rawTOP on his recent trip to Phoenix. As he said, there were two other bottoms that backed out initially, which is common out here. Being a New Yorker myself I felt comfortable entrusting my naked body and raw hole to the care of R.T. I didn't know what to expect and I did have thoughts about backing out like the other bottoms, but it was something I desperately needed to do and knew I might not get another golden opportunity to do so, especially if I flaked out and ended up with a bad reputation. So I swallowed down all my second thoughts, cleaned my hole out real good and threw on my jockstrap to head over. The place was easy to find and it was kind of quiet so I didn't have that "people are staring" thing as I entered the elevator and walked out onto the floor where his room was. I knocked on the door and he immediately answered and I went it, not sure what to say or do he led me in and we made some small talk before he mentioned he hadn't cum at all yet since arriving in Phoenix so we got myself undressed and he let me suck his nice cock, getting it hard. He had me get onto the bed and proceeded to pump away on my hole ultimately seeding it pretty deep, thus sealing my fate as the cum dump of the evening. He gave me my choice of blindfolds and hoods, and it seemed to be pretty quickly after putting it on that the knocks started. It was a unique experience laying there on the bed, totally blind, hearing the guys interact with each other. I knew it was only a matter of time before they dug into the the raw hole buffet that was waiting for them on the bed in a rugby style jock strap. Its mostly a blur of unfamiliar cocks in my ass and mouth, the time seemed to go by very quickly, with the exception of the older top that I had met a few months prior that did not cum. He is a nice guy and all, but I knew he was coming from the party ad listing on bbrt and towards the end before he finally moved aside to let another top pump me, he started to talk to me and established his identity, which I suspected already, and it sort of made time stand still and lose some of its extreme excitement. I guess he didn't get that I was blindfolded so I wouldn't know who was breeding me, and that I wasn't there to chit chat but to get loads... One of the last tops that fucked me, an uncut guy with a nice dick really made my hole drip with cream, between the 6 or 7 loads already in there and his huge load he saved for a few days, I was in a prime mindset to get blasted in the ass the whole rest of the weekend. There is something about cum in my ass that gives me a sort of natural high, it shuts down my over active mind and relaxes my body. I want to do nothing else but feel more dicks in my hole, using those loads as lube and adding more to it. I think if I was in a sling and the chemistry was right I could spend days like that, blindfolded, bound up and just a gaping dripping cum cunt for men to breed endlessly. After I left the hotel, i went to another guys place, we had met a few times and he was at first eager and exicted to see me, and tasted my nasty cum filled hole. I had to pee real badly but he insisted on fucking me first, giving me a load, making it one more. It was a weird experience though, he had expressed his interests in dating and maybe forming a relationship but while I liked him and love his loads in me (he is poz), I just know I am not the type to be able to handle a long term MONOGAMOUS relationship. I am just wired to be shared and bred. I could be with someone emotionally and romantically, do the normal things a lover does with a lover, but when it comes to closing the rest of the world off sexually, that for me is a step backwards to all the progress I've made over the years accepting what I am and what I know is my sexual purpose in life. Suffice it to say, by the time I left that night I was feeling kind of down and depressed. He was very distant and cold after a while it seemed almost as if he was punishing me for doing the gang bang. I did not like the way he made me feel and I decided then and there I would most likely never see him again. I want to be with someone who encourages my sexuality, that enjoys helping me get loads in my ass and mouth and will be man enough to hold me in the night with a strong feeling of love and respect afterwards. I know this man is out there, but it is a long journey to find that if I ever do... The following day I ended up out at another sex party, and did get fucked by two guys in a sling, but neither of them came. The second top, a muscular short masculine guy had me feeling so good swinging back and forth on his cock that I shot my load which kind of made me feel like maybe I had had enough for the night. But I was wrong, I went to the Anvil, Phoenix's only leather bar and had some of a beer while scanning through bbrt. I saw a guy that had invited me over a few times to pnp, but the timing was never right, so I hit him up. He invited me over and I went. We got pretty chemmed up before he started to tease my hole with his huge dick, thick and about 9 inches (poz also). I was so surprised that I could take it after the others, but he was passionate and nasty and there seemed to be a great connection between the two of us. He is the first top to actually get his dick into my second spinchter too which was amazing to feel and have him tell me about. I love a verbal top. Him a total top, and me a total bottom. He came in my ass three times and I literally could have spent another few days just being his fuckhole. Unfortunately, he crashed out and then had an appointment the next day, so I had to take my doped up ass to another friends to let it wear off. That friend let me chill for a bit but eventually he gave me two loads in my ass, bringing the total up to 16 for the weekend. I know now that I am capable of a lot more than I originally thought. I know also that, now more than ever, for me its about pleasing a top with my ass and getting that load(s). I seriously hope that my experiences as a group bottom continue to be as good and exciting. Weds, April 4th, 2012 I went for a HIV and Syphilis test. HIV test came back negative, again and will get the results of the other test next week. I have been taking loads for over 15 years now, from neg and poz tops and I don't know what the reason is but I've stayed NEG in spite of that. I don't have any true desire to become poz or even stay neg. I just know I have no resistance to cum in my ass. I want it, I crave it, it makes me feel good and validates my self esteem. Getting a mans load in my ass is a huge compliment sexually that I have become addicted to. I have tried to do the safe sex thing but in the end it always comes back to bareback. I know screening or serosorting my tops is futile as well because people lie or don't know. With that said, I've been tired all week, with cold like symptoms, running nose watery eyes, muscles are sore. I feel like maybe this time I may end up poz, but then, like all the times in the past, I could end up with another Neg test result, so I just shake it off and figure maybe my body has some form of natural immunity to the infection that is fighting off while I feel this way. Either way, poz or neg, I know I will NEVER stop getting my ass bred bb. I am too far down the rabbit hole to give up on that now... So thank you rawTOP for letting me experience being a blindfolded gang bang bottom and for making sure no one abused me too badly nor brought any harm to me. I wish there were more gentlemanly pigs out there that liked to do this because I really loved it and could get used to being used every weekend!

I tend to not get hard when bottoming so it has the appearance of being small most of the time. Hate when I get it hard and the top wants to suck it or fuck me, I am just not wired that way anymore. I may be selfish but I just prefer to take loads and then go jerk off alone (or if the top is into it, to jerk off while they finger my creamy hole). Someone went to the trouble of programming me that way, its not going to change overnight!

I'm in! IamYourCondom on the bbrt.com party listing for anyone thinking about attending this... Should be a hot time!

I had been waiting for about a month to attend the Horseback riding meeting for a local group of gay professionals and the day was finally here. Just prior to it I was checking out the possibilities of getting my tight hairy hole wet afterwards and I came across this guy who had been hitting me up on and off for what he says has been two years. I was kind of indifferent to it, he was sketchy, not my type in the slightest (I am into white guys, he is Pacific Islander and Hispanic if I am not mistaken), and well, I have a slightly bigger appetite for cock that just one dick won't satisfy. He mentioned he was partying and had a few buds over and at that point I decided I'd give it a try. It had been a year since I last pnp and I was in the mood to get a little wild and even possibly be so high that they would whore me out to other guys while I was in an unihibited state. I went to the horseback riding event, 90 minutes of amazing scenery and just a fun adventure, a very nice change of pace from the bars and "scene", I highly recommend it! Riding HORSES is such a wonderful experience everyone should try at least once, preferably when you are young! I got off the horse and my legs buckled. It took me a few minutes to gain my bearings and stretch my legs. Little did I know that the next 24 hours would be a recurring cycle of that with no cum whatsoever. Yeah, we partied, we fucked (The two guys managed to get hard suprisingly. The white top was a way better fuck though!). I find that the pnp scene can be hit or miss, this experience was perhaps the most enjoyable because there were hard cocks and quite a bit of pounding my hole once they managed to loosen and open me up. I would have loved to had a load in me though, especially a chem load, and the white top did cum once. He mentioned if he had kept fucking me he would have came from that, and I expressed the sentiment of wishing he had. I will never understand the apprehention some men have to seeding a hole that they have pentrated raw. The sheer fact that the bottom has taken your cock with out a condom is a clear and undeniable afirmation that he wants your cum in his ass, mouth or at the very least ON either of them! Hours went by and I was given way too much t, so high I was such a horn ball and just wanted more cock. The not so hot guy that was hosting definitely got his share of attention even after it was him and I only. As the next day began to wear down, we went out for a bit, which was stupid because I was too high to be in public and I kind of resent that we did that. We went to a bar where I knew a good deal of people and I am sure it was obvious to them we were not sober as we drank our bottles of water. I really wish we had gone to a sex club or something else instead. When we got back to his place, he made some dinner but honestly all I wanted to do was get off. He had told me the night before he doesn't cum in a guys ass or mouth. I accepted it even though I was a little miffed that he lied to me about it prior to meeting because I was clearly looking for loads more than anything else, pnp included. I have always enjoyed a quick pump and dump more than a drawn out fuckfest, especially if its a series of pump n dumps! So, here i am struggling to get myself hard and off, and he is still smoking his ROCKS getting high and trying to rough fuck my mouth and ass. I managed to ignore most of that because what good is fuckng my sore holes if you aren't going to spray them with a nice load, dude? Seriously... It seemed like every fucking time I got it hard and close to cumming he wanted to suck my dick. I allowed it three times, each time he proved he was a lousey cocksucker and ruined all my hard work of getting it hard! Finally I had to be firm and just explain it to him, "We had nearly 24 hours of you and your bud fucking my holes as rough as you wanted and I could take, but now it is my turn to just have a little sensual time and work this load out" He seemed to understand what I was saying but he didn't. He kept going back to the roughness that threw off my stroking and kept talking about sucking my cock which to me is a huge turn off from a top. I don't mind a top sucking me a little bit, but to be perfectly honest I just never got used to the sensation and much more enjoy just stroking myself. I have no real need to put my dick in anyone's ass or mouth. He finally shut up and was kneeling over me on the bed. I had finally gotten him to work my hole just right with his fingers, another disaster at first. It was very weird having him watch me jerk off all high. Moments before I started to cum I felt like I was going to pee, well or that stream of pee was running out of me. I looked up at him, saw his face smiling at me and the tolerable ugliness that was him grew into trollish proportions. It was like he went three levels down in attractiveness. Then the sensations hit me, the pee feeling stopped and my mind and body split into two, I fell backwards into another realm of pleasure and euphoria and the cum came out so thick it kind of hurt. It was the consistency of that slime you can get out of the vending machines, but not as slimey, just thick and clumpy. I felt so freaking good! I wanted to cum more and more, I even thought about next time just taking a little hit and then jerking off to re-experience it again. I know now, that while I am not addicted to it, I can be one day. Fortunately though all of my experiences sexually on the pnp pale in comparison to just being sober and taking poppers or nitrates... I really don't need that kind of stuff to get fucked. I open my legs so that men will slip in and release deep into me. Once they are inside and I am adjusted to them, I can take it pretty deep and hard, whatever it takes to get them off is what I will do. I just don't see the cum rewards when I pnp. Its good every so often I guess though. So, the next day I was feeling kind of hung over in my classes, I think it was apparent in my eyes but I managed to get through it with like 6 hours sleep thanks to a benadryl. I jerked off two times before finally getting to sleep, each time I could have totally gotten fucked and would have enjoyed that highly! I really can never seem to get enough cock in me, even when I am kind of sore. Today I woke up feeling like absolute crap. My whole body aches, my head aches, my body is cold and and I totally bailed out of my classes today because I could barely walk, sore legs from horseback riding (I think, ok and maybe all the various positions I was in while I got fucked! but my legs were sore prior to that from the horseback riding so I am blaming that!). I spent the day, drinking water and watching tv in bed, with my hairy pussy snuggling in a WARM FUZZY BLANKET.

So, had the place to myself today which is rare and decided to see about getting an impromptu gang bang going on my hungry hole. Started off the day with some stud, slim, handsome, Hans, was his name, handyman/contractor type, a little scruffy but hot! He nutted in me pretty quickly, said he is in the area Mondays so maybe we could do it again, hell yea. From there, I had Greg, he was interesting, said he had t but wouldn't drive with it, he asked my status told him Neg as of last test but have gotten fucked by poz guys and taken loads from them and he said he was going to pick me up and take me to his place so we could pnp, but then got here and wanted to come in. He got right down to it, fucking my hole with meaty poz cock, a few different positions till he finally shot off inside me and took off after grabbing a cola. Some time went by, finally Joe came by, originally he was going to pick me up and take me to the Chute, a bath house in Phoenix and rent the sling room for me to get fucked in. He likes to felch loads from a guys hole, but unfortunately he had to cancel that. I gave him a bit of a guilt trip about being a fake game player and before I knew it he was here eating my cummy hole. He went back and forth eating me out and fucking me until finally Mike, hispanic 25 year old stud, showed up and fucked my hole pretty quickly with his load, spraying it and then pushing his cock in getting me messy inside and out, Joe sucked him clean and Mike left me to get my ass cleaned out by Joe and then he fucked his seed deep into my hole. Joe hung for a while and we talked about the dirty plans for the Chute hopefully next weekend. the plans we discussed: Me in the sling, possibly blindfolded and having a guy's cock in each end while other guys touch, explore my naked body and piss on me. Joe cleaning up the loads from my ass as they are planted. I expect it to be a very hot time if all goes well, with lots of loads in me and my first true semi-anonymous bath house gang bang under my belt. Some time passed, Joe was rubbing my back and chest and neck and head, which makes me melt into submission and Ecstasy, and finally he took off. He ordered me to update him on any more loads I managed to get and told me once we were done getting me whored out at the Chute and he sucked the loads from my pussy I would be his and most likely could expect a regular thing like that. Definitely got me hot and bothered! I took a smoke and dinner break, and texted Greg to thank him for his cock and load and expressed my interest in getting more from him and he obliged by coming back. Again he mentioned bringing me to his place to fuck, pnp and swim, but when he got here he just came in and started fucking me again. At this point I guess my hole was a literal mess and the loads were ready to start oozing out and they did with that fowl tuna stench to it, so we got into the shower and I cleaned out, and was embarrassed to see a little shit came out with the now yellowy loads from earlier. I got myself pretty good and clean and he tried to fuck me in the shower but it was too small and I felt still not fresh so I said give me a min and gave myself a nice good douching with the shower massager, once I was clean he was laying on the bed stroking and told me he wanted me to cum. I layed next to him, desperately craving his dick inside me but I knew I blew it with my messy hole, luckily he noticed my cum desires and allowed me to lap up his second load, chuckling at my piggy eagerness. With his poz load on my tongue and lips I stroked myself off a nice solid load. Either way, he ended up giving me his cum in both ends, finally getting into the dirty talk when I was stroking myself off, saying stuff like "you like those poz loads I gave you in your ass and on your tongue don't you pig", which really got me going because in spite of all my proper upbringing deep down I did like his loads in me, I am a cum addict and have zero resistance to fighting that nature. He had me, I was his cum puppet and couldn't hide my enthusiasm for any of it at that point when I finally came and he let loose the verbal shower which made me cum all the more harder. Like I said, Greg was interesting, a little tweaky kind of, he was looking around at stuff which to me is very unsettling and sketchy to do in someone else's house, but it could have just been curiosity I guess. I just prefer it be all about sex and that alone, use me as a cum slut, don't case my house or come looking for stuff to take home with you, kind of tacky in my opinion. All in all though, four pretty sexy hot guys each took their turns using me the way I was born to be used, I got that natural high I get from taking loads (unless maybe they were partying earlier and didnt mention it), part of me wonders if I was brainwashed at some point in my past to be this cum pig slut. I guess that would make it easier to accept in some ways. I have met a few guys into hypnotism and expressed my curiosities to some degree. When I talk to someone on the phone I get this sort of trapped feeling too, like if they started telling me what to do I would be helpless to resist it on some level, almost like there is a control out there that could find me at any moment and I would just be theirs. UPDATE: Thought I was done for the night, feeling a little sore and the sensation trillions of little semen trying to impregnate my guts and insides, but got a reply from my craigslist ad from a married white male, Dave. Not being too discriminatory toward gay, bi or str8 men, I scanned his stats and he sounded pretty damned hot. Gave him the address and he was in the door shortly after. Firm handshake, no small talk, "Do you want to do it here" he asked pointing the bed I have set up in the garage junk room for play. He dropped his pants and pulled out his meaty manrod, weathered by the fangs of some moody vagina no doubt, I lubed him up and got on my knees at the edge of the bed. Being that I was fucked a few times today, and freshly cleaned out, I was a little tight and tough to get into, but once he was wearing me like a wedding ring on his cock he proceeded to pound away for a good solid 20 mins. There were a few times he seemed to be close or actually coming, but it was impossible to tell. He finally seemed to have his fill of taking out whatever pent up sexual aggressions he had inside on me and adorably asked if he could wash his cock in the sink. I am sure he didn't mean to imply anything negative, but it was hot to me because here is this married guy, fucking my nasty pig hole, not really even knowing the full extent of the days activities, and he needs to wash his dick off because he probably feels dirty and wrong for giving in to his gay desires. It was like saying, "You are such a nasty pig that I need to get your raw hole sludge off my cock immediately" verbal abuse without actually trying can be hot. I know in reality he didn't want his wife to smell sex on him probably, but the idea of his inner mind telling him it was dirty and wrong and his giving into "sin" just really gets me worked up. Did I mention I am 85% certain he is a Mormon? Even if he wasn't, he seemed like a church going possible dad, and fuck that is just hot to me knowing that his bare cock was in my hole and he will probably jerk off (or fuck his frigid wife) to our fuck session for months and years to come! As he was getting ready to leave I asked him if he came and he said "I don't know. It was pretty intense". I feel a little more lubed than when we started fucking, but won't know until later or tomorrow till my hole releases whatever is inside, could just be cum from earlier that didn't get washed out, which is even hotter because then he was pumping my hole using the other loads as lube and probably liked it better than any fuck he's had before. Thank you married Dave! You put a great end to a long day of being a total CUM_PIG_SLUT- to use your own words as you were walking out the door "I had a blast"