When I was in college, my father (yes, biological) and I had a very brief affair. It was the best sex I've ever had and getting fucked and bred with the same cum, same cock, and by the very man from which I came was the closest to a religious experience I've ever had. I've never felt love so intensely. We were both incredibly relaxed while having sex and we got into some very dirty and kinky things.
But, he started feeling guilty. He told me how much he loved me and that was an expression of that, but we couldn't ever do that again. He owed his wife (my mother) and my brother too much to risk tearing it apart.
What he didn't say was: "It is wrong." and he didn't finish that last statement: "...even if we are in love." That all led me to believe he wanted what I did, to live together as a couple and build a life together... whatever that would have looked like.
I have since given up on the idea. He wasn't budging so I moved on. All the way to New York City. Soon after that, he started getting flirty with me, again. Our conversations became so charged, he would only call me when mom was at work. We began having phone sex, which led to Skype Sex, which led to him bringing back the sexual aspect of his relationship with his older brother. It's a long story, but they were, for the most part, lovers their entire lives until my dad met my mother. They have fucked around only twice since then. The last was after my older brother's wedding about 8 years ago.
And before you ask, no, I would not have sex with my brother. But my uncle and I's relationship has been sexual for quite some time. Something dad did not know about until I told him a few months ago.
Well, I just found out a few weeks ago (as did he and my mother) that dad has stage IV lung cancer. It's in his legs, right arm, brain, heart, liver, pancreas, and who knows where else. No one will tell me the time frame, but I suspect it's not long. He and I have not discussed this, yet... But we do continue to have Skype Sex.
Well, I'll be going home to visit during the middle of next month. I have not been home since I moved here and I thought it was going to be a happy time because he and I were going to be fucking constantly while mom was at work during the day (dad works at night) and discuss our next steps, if we decided we wanted any.
Well, there are no next steps and truth be told, I may never see him alive, again.
But now, I'm not so sure the sex is even a good idea. I feel so selfish for wanting it, but I know he did before his cancer became known. I feel like I should leave it up to him but I know I won't be able to be left alone with him after all we have said over the past year without making a pass, being flirty, or flat out obscenely sexual with him.
I feel, in a way, he's my boyfriend or, dare I say, my husband... And I know him on that level. It would make him so happy to have that full of a romantic relationship with me, even if it is in secret and just for that week. He could recover, he could be gone before I even get there. I feel like I should take what little that one week is and just insist we have sex, at least once, because it's a sure thing and that's the only sure thing we've got right now.
Advice, please!