curiouspuppy429

I honestly feel guilty that I resisted the man that raped me, the first guy I was ever with. I didn't like it, it hurt like hell and was beyond scary, but somehow I honestly believe he had the right to even though we had agreed for him to come jack me off and do nothing else. Somehow he knew he could long before I had imagined touching a guys cock let alone sucking it or getting fucked. I am scared of getting any diseases as I am pretty clean cut, successful and live a 'normal' life. So I avoid it but honestly feel the guys who have fucked me had every right to do so because they could. I remember saying no to one guy and his slapping me and then I just went along. Even the guy who did me bare by taking off his condom and then convinced me when I was drunk off my ass that I would be poz and the only way to get used to the idea was to post an add on a website and take any cock for 24 hours - somehow he knew he could. (Fortunately I fell asleep after a few hours so I was lucky to have only taken a few and not caught anything.) As someone who doesn't like it I agree that tops have the right to some guys' asses, not sure they how they know who, but guys like me have no right at all about the matter.

I think a guy pissing on / in my mouth would be humiliating but would help me get over feeling bad about sucking cock

I have. Years ago a guy I was going to suck was kind of pushy when I was drunk and insisted on fucking which I hadn’t done much before. He had a condom so I didn’t resist much. But he said something like are you ready for my dirty load and I was confused and asked what? When he said it again and dropped the condom he had taken off on my face while he was still fucking me. I tried to get out from under him but he held me down and squirted in me. After he left he was texting me or chatting on a website that I was exposed to aids and would probably have it now and the only way to get over the fact or used to it was by taking other guys’ cum until it didn’t seem like such a big deal. I drank a lot that night but he and some guys in a Chat room made that sound logical and talked me into joining and posting an ad on bbrts and accepting any load. 4 guys came before I passed out midday the following day. When i I woke up I realized I might still be negative (tested negative after) and that the idea didn’t make sense but three of the guys were people I would usually never want to touch. Once those types of guys use you it definitely changes how you think of yourself.

I was raped the first time I did anything with a guy so this might not be normal timeframe, but I only felt confident I wouldn't have to go to the hospital after the 5th day and it was a couple years before I met another guy to try to suck him. Been fucked a few times since, takes a couple weeks before the soreness goes away. One guy on here did it 4 or 5 times but always months in between so it healed each time (good but that just meant it was tight again the next time).

I saw a load on the floor once and since swallowing my first guy years later I sometimes dream about that load on the floor or finding one running down the wall and licking it. Havnet yet thought

Guy jacked off while fondling my ass at a park after dark. Wooded trails, I took a dead end, when I turned back a guy was following me. He stood too close then touched my ass,t hen really started feeling me up and held a bottle of poppers to my nose. I backed away but he pushed them to my nose and then I guess I stumbled, not sure, the next thing I know he was fingering my ass and jacking off on my backside. He nutted an left.

5, I think. First time when raped by a guy, then another time I was drunk and a guy was using a condom but said "are you ready for my dirty load?" and dropped the condom he had taken off without me knowing on my face. It took a second to figure out what he meant by dirty load and then I tried like hell to get him off of me but he held me down and nutted in me. I think I was crying when he left but then he started texting me and chatting online that he was not on meds and I was 100% definitely going to get it now. After a while he convinced me I definitely had HIV then and the only way to get used to my new status and the fact that he had fucked me bare and infected me was to take a few guys' loads until I was used to it and learned to like it. It took a while but I was nervous as hell and kept drinking and by the time I was really wasted early in the morning he convinced me to post an ad on BBRTS that I had been fucked bare by someone poz and needed to get used to the idea of any guy fucking me bare regardless of their status, preferably poz to get used to my being poz, etc. I think I had that ad up for like 6 hours until I passed out, but by then 4 guys had come and fucked me, one or two of which were poz. The next day or so he texted me again saying he couldn't believe how stupid i was, that he was bullshitting about his being poz to freak me out and try to get me to take someone else's poz load to see how low he could take me and if he could get me to give up my life (or health) for his pleasure. He came over a few times after that when I was drunk, not sure if he did it bare or with condoms those times, if bare my total count is probably closer to 10 up the ass. I've tested negative since then and learned that you don't necessarily catch it from one time being fucked by a poz guy thankfully.

Tried to suck a guy last week. Had me come to his hotel room and I did. He was hard and had me open my mouth and before touching my tongue kind of came fast just a bit and said it was pre cum and wanted me to lick it off the carpet. slapped me when I hesitated. so I did, then he pissed a bit through his hardon on me and told me to leave with my shirt wet. Very embarrassing at valet waiting for my car after.

Shit so never have sex again unless you know where to go?

I barely have any idea how to find sex with sites like craigslist. Did people really go into the woods? Where?

I’d do it but be afraid to see what happened.

Being raped, being triggered by hypnosis to get so drunk I dont know what is going on and the guy who triggered me showed up or sent someone else to fuck me - waking up the next day with no idea what happened or who did it. Knowing one of them came in me, and having no idea who it was so looking around at the grocery store every time i go wondering if any of those guys could be him

I have had something along these lines happen to me by three guys. The first got a guy to use hypnosis promising to help me learn to sleep better, but had me get drunk without knowing it and leave my door unlocked. The guy who set that up then came over and used it to do the same thing a few other times mostly him coming but when I moved away he gave my apartment address to a few other guys. He was ver y clean and safe and only looked for guys with condoms but I had no idea anyone was coming over and was ofblacked out or passed out when they walked in Then when I tried hooking up with a guy myself one of the first times the guy had a friend fallow him into my apartment and watched as he forced me to go from sucking him to getting fucked. I didn't know the other guy was there until he stepped from behind the couch to stand over my head while the other guy finished them he held me fodown for his buddy. Both wore condoms though. finally another time a guy was pushy about sex and forced anal then took his condom off and dropped it on my face as he was ready to cum and said get ready for my dirty load. I asked what he meant having never heard about this stuff before and finally figured it out and tried to get him off of me but he butted in me. He texted me or emailed as soona s he left and chatted saying basically that i that I was sure to be positive since he was and the only way to get used to it was to post an ad and take bare cock until I no longer minded getting fucked or taking it bare. Long night and I was drinking as he was telling me all this but by the end it made sense and I let him dictate an add to post on bbrts which was also new to me. He said I should accept anyone and 4 guys later humiliated I finally fell asleep the next afternoon but not before he told me he had just been kidding and really he was negative. Fortunately I tested negative 3 months later but it shows how risky your thinking can be when you work up some liquid courage to try to suck a cock I'm pretty clean cut and still can't believe he talked me into that by convincing me he had already turned me positive just on a joke I'll never see myself the same way again

I don't think I know what is right for me. I honestly don't think I will have a choice.

Yeah. I need to find someone to leave a load for me someplace like that.

Damn

Maybe I'll find a guys load still on the toilet wall sometime,and lick that up. I guess that should be my next goal to take it one step further than I have.

I am hoping if someone forces me to drink piss it will lower my self esteem and help me know / accept what I am here for

Fuck. That is hot. Got horned up by guys on another app sending me hardon pics. Now crazy horny and drinking in my hotel room trying to be good but may look for cock

Thanks bttm2go. I'm going to try that myself.

75. Ashamed

I think you used those once on a rag on me before turning the blowjob I was supposed to give you into you fucking my ass

I had this happen several times buy a member on here who forced me to chug a bottle of wine and fucked me when I was passed out. I didn't remember who or what happened when I woke up, just had a sore ass.

Does it matter if the guy is into it? Ive recently been told the only use for guys like me is that real men can take out their aggression and / or rape me. Why would slapping or spanking be any different?