JakeTurner

A fuck buddy of mine just came over for a quickie pump-n-dump. He told me a while back (after he had fucked a few loads in me) that he'd recently converted and wasn't on meds yet. Today he finally told me his viral load was a bit over 100,000. So I've got that percolating in my ass right now. The guy isn't all that hot, but it seems like he's always up for giving me a load.

A month or two ago I did a couple weekends where I took a bunch of loads. Didn't actually get as many as I hoped. In one case I sorta got sick half way through the weekend. In the other case I just took it easy and didn't push too much. Then there was a month or so where I didn't get fucked at all. But today I figured I'd get back in the swing of things and take some more loads. First load was from a hot fuckbuddy of mine. We've been fucking for a while now but time before last was over one of those weekends and I let him fuck me and give me a load. He's really hot and I'm totally into him. He was actually a little disappointed I wouldn't let him fuck me last time we fucked - after being a sub bottom for me so many times it was sorta cute how disappointed he was. Thing is, in all the times we've fucked we've never discussed HIV status. His A4A profile says neg but his BBRT profile just says "Ask Me". I don't believe he's neg and I don't have any clue whether he's on meds or not - or whether he's even been tested. Anyway, this time he came over, we got naked, and started playing with each other. Our sessions are usually really quick - pretty much pump-n-dumps. There was maybe 2-3 minutes of foreplay and then he was bent over taking my cock. I came a few minutes later and then I started playing with his dick to make it clear I was up for bottoming for him. You could tell that made him happy. I got on all fours for him and he tried fucking me like that, but it was painful for me since I hadn't been fucked in over a month. So he told me he wanted me on my back, so I flipped over. Then he started doing these short little stabs at my ass. His dick is nice, but not all that big. And with me not having taken dick in a month those short little stabs really hurt. But I was good and put up with the pain. Eventually he got in there and stayed in there and it started feeling a lot better. He cums about as fast as I do. Pretty much just when I started getting used to how it felt he was cumming in my ass. The second guy who fucked me also fucked me one of those weekends when I was being a whore. I'm not sure what to think of his HIV status either. He contacted me a couple weeks ago to tell me that he just tested poz. And he's said he's not on meds. Thing is he doesn't fill that in with the usual details. I've repeatedly asked his viral load and he never gives me an answer. And the other thing is that I tested neg about a month after he fucked me last. So if he was so high viral load why didn't the two loads he gave me previously do their job? So he's a huge question mark too. The other thing is, I'm not really into him. Actually, that's being nice - I'm really just not into him at all. I mean I appreciate the loads he gives me (he came twice the first time we fucked). But there's zero connection. However, he does seem to have a big hardon for me. He's always texting me telling me he wants to fuck me. So anyway... His dick also isn't all that big, but he is thick. When he want to fuck me it hurt like hell even though I just got fucked. Took me a while to get used to it. Then since he's got a pretty short dick and my ass is "beefy" (to put it nicely), he kept coming out and he'd have to find my hole. Finally I reached under and started guiding his cock with my hand when it would come out of my ass. But as things would happen he started staying in so it wasn't necessary. And about that time things started feeling better. The other load in me started lubing his cock and I stretched enough so that it didn't really hurt. And then a minute or two later I hear his breathing change and he came in my ass. After he pulled out he told me he'd been saving his load and I should have a really big load up there. (BTW, that was load 27 for the year - plus 4 loads that I got "indirectly"). He wanted to wash up so while he was doing that I looked down and saw a little light brown cummy gob on the towel. So after he left I figured I'd check to make sure I was still clean 'cause there was another guy who said he'd come over (actually two of them). I figured I'd shit out the load into a little container and then (if I was clean), I'd dump it back in my ass using a funnel. The loads were mostly clean, but they were really watery. I got out the funnel and did all sorts of contortions to get my ass up high so gravity could do the work. I put the funnel in my hole and dumped the loads into the funnel and waited a little bit. Then I took out the funnel but held my finger at the bottom and it was a good thing I did. The loads seemed to still be in the funnel. Plus I wasn't sure I had the funnel in my hole right the first time. So I tried again. It hurt going in my hole that time (sharp plastic edges), but when I checked again it seemed like I had gotten about half of it in my ass. So I tried a third time and got all but the last bit in. Thing was I think a lot of the cum wound up outside my hole for one reason or another. I think the neck on the funnel wasn't long enough. The end of it wasn't big enough (which is a problem with something as thick as cum) and it seems I didn't get it in there quite right. So my funnel experiment was a bit of a failure. Next time I think I may try putting the load(s) in a condom and then dumping from the condom into my ass. After all that one of the tops who said he'd come over didn't get back to me, and the other one couldn't get here in time. Plus my desire to be a cumdump was dwindling for today. So I just called it a day... But I did manage to get two loads. Though I'm not so sure I want to be fucked by the one guy anymore, and I wasted a lot of cum by checking if I was still clean.

I've given 14 and taken 25 this year. Gotta get those numbers up higher.

I think a lot of you who responded are poz - it's different for you guys... The doctors won't look at you quite as crazy for taking poz loads. Anyway, I went to the gay health center here for their Saturday morning STD clinic. The questions were minimal and I could tell she didn't really care too much what I said. I'm not sure she even noticed my records say I'm neg. The issue has been that lately I've been going to DOH clinics and they ask all sorts of really detailed questions - like precisely how many guys you've had sex with...

Before this year I only took a load here and there - I was mostly a top - just took 18 loads over 5 years - not that many. So when I'd go in for STD tests I'd just say I was 95% top and that was enough to keep the doctors happy. But so far this year I've taken 29 loads - some of them from poz guys who weren't on meds. I'm sorta overdue for an STD checkup and wondering how I should handle it when they start asking details - which they do here in NYC. I'm thinking I'm going to just flat out lie and say I've only taken a couple loads from regulars who I knew were neg. I really don't want to hear the lecture of "what is a neg guy doing taking poz loads from complete strangers?" Thoughts on how to handle it?

Just had a black daddy come over. He dumped two loads in my ass. That's after my fuckbud yesterday came in my ass 3 times... So I'm on a streak for getting multiple loads With the black daddy I was a little worried when he showed up. I started sucking him and he didn't get hard. But playing with his nipples was all that it took and then he started sporting a big 'ol boner.

I'm neg (recently tested) and looking to take as many loads as possible this weekend. Pretty much no load refused. I can host or travel in the 5 boroughs and Westchester (and maybe just across the river).

A guy fucked me yesterday and came 4 times in about 30 minutes - the first three were in my ass and there were a couple minutes between each load. But the 4th load was from him jacking off while I was fucking him - but it was just a little bit. So it was probably two proper loads and two small loads...

Just had an awesome hookup with a fuckbud of mine. Usually we swap loads or he just bottoms for me. Today it was mostly about me bottoming for him. While he was getting naked I started sucking on his dick. He REALLY seemed to like that and soon he was grabbing my ass and fingering my hole. When he was hard I got up on the bed on all fours and lubed up my ass and his dick. He's got a BIG thick black cock and it always hurts going in, but he took it pretty easy. The first load came pretty quick -with me on my belly. Then he pulled out and fingered my cummy ass and that got him going again, so he went back to fucking me. He wanted to fuck me on my back, so I flipped over for him. It really hurt when he slammed in deep, but I just grunted and put up with it 'cause I wanted the load. He pulled out a bit and jacked his dick and when he was close again he shoved back in did a few strokes and gave me load #2. I thought that was going to be it - he pulled out and laid on the bed and jacked his dick slowly. I started sucking on his nipples and that got him going again. I told him not to waste the next load, so when he was close to cumming the third time he jumped up and went back to fucking me. Amazingly he came a third time. The whole thing only took maybe 20 minutes. I need to find more tops like him. I then tried to fuck him. I gave him a decent fuck, but my head wasn't really in topping, so I couldn't cum. Then he got on all fours with my dick in his ass and jacked off AGAIN. But it was just a little moisture - not a complete load... I think he and I might whore around at the sex parties this weekend. He's really turned on by the fact that I'm neg and love taking poz loads... Should be fun...

It's Black Party weekend - seems like there are a bunch of sex parties going on... Which ones are you guys going to? I know I won't have the stamina for all these, but these are the ones I'm thinking of... Friday Night... Spurg (Hunter's party) or Testosterone (at the Duplex) from 10ish to 1ish - not sure which is better... Blackout @ The Eagle - from 1ish to 4ish Encore @ Paddles - from 4ish to 7ish Saturday... JOC party in the afternoon Omega Room or Darrell's Dungeon that night - not sure which is better Encore @ Paddles - from 4ish to 7ish (depending on if I'm still out and have energy) Sunday... Darrell's Dungeon in the morning CumUnion in the afternoon Omega Room that night The Cock from 1ish to 4ish I suspect The Gallery will have some parties - they sound pretty piggy - so would be fun to go to, but don't know when they'll be. So which of those do you guys think are the best parties for taking loads? Are any of those not worth going to? Any I'm missing in that list that I should go to instead?

Venue Name: Bear Party @ Grammercy Duplex How many times have you gone? Once Location: Grammercy Rough percent of guys barebacking: Less than half (lots of oral, lots of condoms) How easy is it for bottoms to get loads? A little difficult How easy is it for tops to fuck bareback? Not too hard, but some bottoms will only fuck with a rubber How many guys go? 25+ How exclusive is the crowd? Not exclusive at all - the crowd tends on the chub side of bear Best times to go: I had best luck early in the party - being one of the first bottoms bent over getting fucked Other Details: An afternoon party. There were a lot of guys who refused to bareback, but others would. The crowd was a pretty even mix of bottoms and tops and oral guys. A lot of the guys were pretty heavy (more chub than bear), and a lot of them had pretty small dicks, but a few were really hot.

The one I used to like was probably 4 inches long, an inch and a half wide and sorta flattened.

Back in the day there was this one lube I'd always buy that had this skinny little bottle that was perfect for sticking into your sock or in your pocket. I'd refill the bottle with my favorite lubes when the bottle ran low, but I long ago threw out that bottle, and not sure what other brand might have something similar these days. Basically, if you're going to a sex party and want a little bottle of lube on you - what do you use?

So I went to a bear sex party the other day. Started out really well. For maybe 20-30 minutes it felt like I was the center of attention and everyone wanted to fuck me. This one guy fucked me - it felt pretty good, then I fucked him (but not for long - since that wasn't was I was there for), then he fucked me some more, but he didn't cum. Then this daddy fucked me with a big THICK cock. It took a while to get used to it - and it sorta hurt, but he fucked me good. I kept telling him to cum in my ass, and even though it was early in the party he did indeed blow his load up my hole. And from what I could tell it was a HUGE load. My ass was totally cummy after that. (Thank you daddy). There was stocky Latino with a nice uncut dick who fucked me, but he didn't cum either. I think he was more of a bottom. Then things got a bit more competitive and I wasn't the center of attention. And too many of the guys wanted to fuck with rubbers. Some I just refused. I did let a few guys fuck me with a rubber. The problem was tops last longer with rubbers and often don't cum. I wasn't there to get fucked. I was there to take loads. A top fucking forever and not cumming is the worst scenario for me. One top who fucked me with a rubber I did manage to convince to cum. He looked a little puzzled when I wanted the rubber after he pulled out. But then I dumped the load from the rubber into my ass. Another hairy daddy wanted to fuck with a rubber but he was enjoying the blowjob I was giving him, so I suggested he could blow the load in my mouth - which he did. I then spit the load into a condom and used the condom to push it up my ass. Someone else did cum in my ass after fucking me raw. Funny part is I don't remember who it was. But I was keeping count. By the end of the night 6 guys fucked me raw, 3 fucked me with a condom. I got 2 loads from the 6 raw fuckers, one from one of the three condom tops, and then the oral->anal load. 4 loads up my ass wasn't bad, but I really wish I didn't have to deal with all the guys wanting condoms.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point, but I think I'm finally there... For the longest time I just couldn't get into the mindset of being a bottom. A little over two years ago now there was one hookup at MAL where a guy fucked me - I wasn't into him and afterwards I was like "why am I doing this?" After that I didn't get fucked for a year and a half. Then the end of last summer I let one of my fuck buddies fuck me. Then I waited another 5 months and let him fuck me again, but I still wasn't really enjoying it. I mean I felt like I needed it, but one of the problems is that my fuck buddy is like 9 1/2 or 10 inches and thick - it hurt like hell and just wasn't enjoyable since I almost never get fucked and I'm tight. I think it was also psychological. In the past, while part of me wanted to be poz, another part of me wanted to stay neg. Now it's hard to find the part of me that wants to stay neg - I'm all in - I just want to be poz. These days my arguments for staying neg are things like "I'm going on a trip in a few weeks - it would be really suck if I had fuck flu and couldn't go". Even when I went to IML this year - going into it I wanted to get back into bottoming and taking loads, but something held me back and I didn't. Finally I decided to just jump back into it and decided this weekend would be the weekend I'd do it. I researched all the sex parties, bathhouses, etc. and came up with a plan. Friday came and I did a deep cleaning and created some new profiles on the hookup sites. Almost immediately one of the guys in the neighborhood who's fucked me before and hit me up (TonyRedux on here). The problem is Tony has a big cock and he's not gentle at all. Getting fucked by him is PAINFUL. Well, a couple hours later he came over and fucked me. He was a little gentle but it hurt like hell. I had used a butt plug before he came to try to loosen up a bit. I'm glad I did, but it wasn't enough. As he was fucking me and I was literally screaming in pain I was thinking "why in the hell did I start getting back into bottoming with him?" But I got his load... That night I had dinner with a friend, then came home, checked that I was still clean and decided to get fucked some more. There was this guy not far away who wanted a scene in his pitch black apartment. His pics were hot and his dick was nice, but not huge, so I figured what the hell... I thought it was a little weird that he only told me what block he lived on, not his exact address. I showed up on the block, texted him, and didn't hear back, so I left after 10 minutes. Later he got all huffy with me - saying he couldn't respond because there was a delay and he didn't get my texts for a half hour. Whatever. That's exactly why I asked for his address earlier. It's his fault he didn't give it to me. But from a safety perspective, it just didn't feel right. A pitch black apartment, and a top who wasn't completely forthcoming... So then I headed over to a sex club I'd heard was pretty hot. Given the neighborhood I expected it to be a mostly Latin and Asian crowd - my being bearish might not count against me with that group. I get there and explore a bit. There's a dark area with a bed, but 3 bottoms were already camped out there asses up. But no one was really paying attention to them. So I walked around a bit and explored some more. Unfortunately 9 out of 10 guys were more interested in my dick than in my ass. And when I did find a guy who was at least somewhat interested in my ass he didn't want to fuck raw. But eventually things got busier and the crowd got more uninhibited. There was this one masculine, sorta rough-neck Latino who wanted to fuck me. He had a bit of a pencil dick but I didn't care - in fact given how tight I was that seemed like a good thing. We went into a booth and I bent over and he fucked me but he didn't cum. As he was leaving I told him "I really want your load" - but I think it was too early in the evening for him to blow his load. I had brought a condom just in case I could get someone to give me an oral load - I figured I'd spit it into the condom and then dump the contents of the condom into my ass. So I tried sucking guys - but nothing ever came of it. There was this one hot young guy with a thick tapered dick who I sucked. His balls were drawn up so tight I don't know how he managed to not cum, but he never did. At one point I turned around and impaled myself on his cock. But as I figured out a few minutes later - he was a bottom and wanted to get fucked - so he pushed me off his cock at which point I went back to sucking his dick (my first ATM). But as I mentioned - he never did cum - no one came when I sucked them... It was sorta disappointing. But what did happen was that while I was sucking the hot guy all of a sudden I felt all this wetness on my back. Someone in the crowd had blown a huge load all over my back. So I scooped up as much of it as I could reach and then fingered the load into my ass. It wasn't the best way to get a load, but at least I now had cum in my ass. Later the rough-neck Latino was over in the dark area by the bed and wanted to fuck again. This time there were only two bottoms on the bed and he pushed me between them. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they had to respect that I wasn't just ass up waiting - I was actually getting fucked. The top fucked with a lot more intensity this time. All of a sudden he stopped and just held his dick inside me. I knew that meant I got his load. A moment later he pulled out and disappeared into the crowd. I got up and let the bottoms have their bed back. But seriously there should be a "no one on the bed unless you're fucking" policy. After that I walked around some more and discovered a room with booths with glory holes - really big ones that you could back your ass up to. One guy did fuck me briefly that way. I think he was Asian, but not sure. His dick wasn't all that big and kept slipping out of my ass. I had to hold my hand just under my hole to make sure when he pulled out too far that he went back in my ass. But it didn't last and I didn't get his load. Then another room I discovered had couches. I got on all fours and presented my ass for whoever wanted to fuck it. This one guy came up who had a big mushroom head. He was completely hard - I just lubed him up with some lube I had and he slid right in. The couch was too low, so I had to position myself in this really awkward way to get things to work for the top. He fucked for a while, but then stopped. But then later I saw him again in the same room and he fucked me some more. The position was so uncomfortable for me that I almost didn't make it to the end, but I hung in there and he did finally cum. One of the things that struck me the first time the guy with the mushroom head fucked me was that I'm actually pretty good at bottoming. I don't know what's changed - maybe it's just psychological. Maybe I just needed some practice and my hole stretched a bit. But it felt good to bend over and let guys fuck me. I'm finally a bottom - or rather I'm vers. I still like to top and did manage to fuck a bunch of guys that night, but that's another story... The point is, I've completely embraced being a bottom and taking loads.

Any pointers on how to make a top cum quickly? Do you tighten up your ass, leave it loose? Is being verbal about wanting the load what does it? I'd love to figure out how to make a top cum quickly...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... First some background. For a while now I've been wishing I were poz. Most times when I fuck neg bottoms the fantasy of blowing a poz load in their ass is what get me to cum. In other words, I want to be a poz top - I don't want to be shooting blanks. Call it fucked up - whatever you want, but it's where my mind has been for a while now. I've been a follower, on and off of Bareback Exchange (gift giving and bug chasing "fantasy" website) for years now. There were even times when I'd wear my PA when it was irritated and sore when going to mostly poz gangbangs hoping some of the poz cum that would be in the bottom's ass would do it's trick. But I kept testing neg. I've thought of getting fucked to hurry up the process. I'm a horrible bottom - I just can't take dick, and my ass is usualy dirty. On top of it all, I have a tear down there that bleeds whenever I get fucked. So I knew it would take long to get pozzed if I found the right high viral load top. The other thing was I wanted it videotaped... I sorta had a fantasy of finding some 20-something recent ex-bug chaser who wasn't on meds yet... So with this one guy I had a lot of those elements... The video camera was rolling, he was not afraid to be videotaped , he was poz, he was hot (but not in the way I fantasized about), and most importantly I knew he'd be up for it. The fact that he had a big load in his ass was a total turn on as well. So when he started playing with my hole, I just let him. And then when he was laying on his back jacking his dick I figured I'd push the point and I got on top of him and tried to push his dick up my ass a bit. He got the message... I saw some lube on the side table so I got up and put some up my ass and a little on his dick and tried again. But I was really tight and it hurt like hell, so he put me on my belly and tried to fuck me that way. Again, it hurt like hell - I could feel my tear down there opening up (at least that's what it felt like). But he was persistent and kept pushing until he was in me. But I couldn't really take a real fuck. He held it in me and then slid back and forth gently. Then he pulled out and laid next to me and jacked his dick. I think he was being polite not wanting to cum in me unless I asked for it. So I told him "if you're going to fuck me, I want you to cum in my ass", so he went back to fucking me. It went better this time. The pain actually subsided for a bit. I kept telling him to cum in my ass - that I wanted his load, but the problem was he couldn't cum without giving me a proper fuck, and I could barely take what he was giving me. So he pulled out and jacked his dick until his orgasm starting building and then he stuck it back in me and blew his poz load up my neg ass. So, I had finally done it and had the courage to take a poz load. He pulled out and we laid next to each other. Then I climbed on top of him and said "you're poz, right?" (I knew the answer.) He said he was. I asked his viral load and he said he was undetectable. I was a little disappointed. Sure, there's a chance I'll get poz from taking the load (especially given my tear), but it's a lot less than if he were off his meds or something. Then I said "you know I'm neg..." He didn't know it - he had assumed I was poz. Then I felt his dick spring to life and get totally hard again. Just as I figured, it was a total turn on for him to blow a poz load up a neg butt (we're similar that way). We chatted a bit more - he told me how he likes topping tops - how he'd fucked a top in just the last day. The one bad thing was that the video camera ran low on battery and shut itself off right before he came in me. So we'll just have to do it again to get a better video of me taking a poz load... When he came in me I didn't really feel him ejaculate, but when I got up my ass felt all wet and as I was walking around afterwards I really had to struggle to keep the load up my ass - it kept wanting to run out my hole and down my leg, but I wanted it to absorb. I knew his load wasn't all that toxic, so I wanted to make the most of it and get every last bit of absorbed in me. As far as how I felt... I felt a bit numb. On the one hand I want to be poz and sorta hoped this load might be the one, but on the other hand I just took a huge step that could have far reaching implications. My mind started thinking about the fact that I've been wanting to get life insurance on me so my bf is OK if anything happens to me. They do these mouth swabs that check for HIV and some other stuff. I need to get that done really soon, before antibodies start showing up. But I'd have to say my over-riding goal in all of this is to be able to blow a poz load up the ass of a neg bottom. I really want to be a "gift giver". I've been thinking a lot lately about who I'd fuck and who I wouldn't when I become poz... There are neg bottoms I fuck on a regular basis - I'd keep fucking them. There should be enough fucks before I actually test poz that I'd infect them. Then I could tell them when I find out and it would be too late. In fact as I fuck them I often think about how when I become poz they're pretty much coming with me. Bug chasers are pretty simple - they want it, I want to give it to them. And there are those who are genuinely trying to make serosorting work - those I wouldn't fuck. But then there's the gray area - the guys who advertise for anonymous neg loads. I'm not going to lie to anyone, if they ask, I'll tell them I'm poz, but if a guy is advertising for neg anonymous loads and doesn't ask my status when I reply, I'm pretty sure I'd breed him... Other than the fact that I want to do another "take" with the guy who fucked me to get better video footage (and actually get the cumshot this time), I don't think I'm going to take loads on a regular basis. Though I'm guessing when he and I hookup I'll let him fuck me. And I might try to find someone younger and more potent. Though he and I do have really good chemistry. So we'll see. It feels like I just made a huge step toward something... More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... So lately I've been fantasizing A LOT about becoming poz. Part of me really really wants to be a poz top. The quickest way for me to cum these days is to jack off to the profiles of poz tops. One in particular, PozBreeder on BarebackRT, totally gets me going... 6-2 195 9" cut cock. Big heavy nutts full of Toxic Cum . Been Poz and Proud for 10 years. No meds. hit me up boys. Bio-hazard. Want some charged Jizz? . Let me Convert you. He's hot, he's high viral load, and he wants to breed neg guys. The fact that he's been 10 years without needing meds is a big plus too... The other one that I can totally see bottoming for is MickTracy - a totally hot muscle daddy type who's a versatile top and lists his status as "Don't Care". Then there's others I could see bottoming for too... BadApple - a cute poz Latino, RAW4HUNGRYASS - a cute versatile top who's not sure of his status. But while one part of me really wants it, another part of me is telling me not to do it. That part of me is less and less vocal, but the other day I was looking at my bank balances and realizing I'm doing fairly well financially and sort of on a good roll with my life. I just had this moment of clarity when I thought "let's not fuck all this up". But then I get horny and want to get pozzed again... So we'll see... More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... Last fall I took my first poz load, and afterwards didn't really feel like taking more poz loads, but the feeling eventually came back and the last few weeks I've been thinking about it a lot. Going onto BBRT looking at profiles of poz tops, etc... The opportunity presented itself when a guy in the neighborhood I fucked almost exactly a year ago was available... In the intervening time he had mentioned that he's be up for videotaping it, so I asked if he wanted to make a video of our hookup - and he did. When he answered the door he was just wearing a shirt and his cock was hard and thick. He was really non-chalant about it, but it sorta made me want his dick up my ass... He went into the kitchen to finish making some tea. I went behind him and felt him up. He's just a nice relaxed guy. Then I went to unpack the video camera and get it ready. We started playing around a bit, and he was like "let's get you out of these clothes". I knew he really got into bears, so I didn't have a problem getting naked - otherwise I might have been a little self-conscious. We finally set the camera up and I sat down on his futon couch and he went down on me. He's got long hair, so it was a bit of a trick to keep his hair out of his face so you could see who it was giving me a blowjob. My dick was sorta unpredictable as he was giving me the blowjob. It took a while to get hard, then it was nice and hard and thick, but it would lose it's hardness from time to time. I just sat back and didn't think about it and let things happen naturally... At one point he climbed up on the couch and basically got upside down and sucked my dick that way. His feet and ass were in the air, his head down sucking my cock. His ass was perfectly positioned for me to rim and I gotta say I rimmed him good - basically ate out his ass... He loved it. He got up at one point and was jacking my dick and it wasn't completely hard, so he was playing around trying stuff. When he started fingering my hole I didn't stop him like I normally do - just let him do his thing. Having him working my ass got me going again and I really wanted to fuck. So I got him on all fours and fucked him, but the position wasn't quite right so pretty quickly I got him to lay down. Unfortunately the camera had to be repositioned which was a bit of a distraction. It felt good, but wasn't completely doing it for me. I hadn't cum in anyone's ass for over 2 months and really wanted to with him, but just couldn't. Even put him on his back to try a different position, but gradually I was just losing it. I did give him a pretty good fuck, but just couldn't complete the task. So I pulled out and started playing with his dick. He got hard again and then he started playing with my ass again. He had said when I came in that he had put out an ad to make a videotape of him topping someone, so I knew he felt like being top. So I just scooted over him and sorta sat down on his poz dick. There was no discussion of status. Not sure if it even registered with him that I might be neg. I'm not sure... On the one hand he's the type I can see being all about karma. On the other hand there was a glimmer in his eye that made me think he knew he had his poz dick up a neg ass. I had a hard time taking it and at one point he just did a quick jabbing thrust which hurt like hell. In retrospect I think he probably ripped my hole a bit at that point (I'm prone to tearing down there). Eventually I got all of his thick dick up my ass. As he fucked me he seemed to be holding off with cumming. I didn't want to prolong it too much, so I just flat out told him I wanted him to cum in my ass... He finally just let loose. I wasn't jacking that hard and wanted to hold off cumming, but having him unload in me sent me over the edge and I came a fair amount on his chest. I then went back to fucking him. At one point I wanted to switch positions and I had him stand up and bend over, but then I realized he was "dirty". We cleaned up a bit, but long story short he just wasn't clean enough for me to fuck... So I sat back down and jacked off. When I came the second time it seemed like a big load. His mouth was over my dick, so I wasn't sure. But the weird part was I was pretty soft when I came. As I went home my ass hurt like hell and it hurt on and off for like a week and a half. God knows what he fucked up down there... More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... I'm a neg bareback top. Haven't used a condom in years and have no intention of ever wanting to use one. I keep testing neg and when I get tested (about twice a year) I never really worry - I always assume I'll be neg, 'cause I always am. Thing is, I feel like being a top is about being a breeder and I'm not a particularly good breeder 'cause I'm shooting blanks. Then there's the whole risk element of sex - for a while now the idea that I could be pozzing someone is a total turn on. When I fuck a bottom I'm either fantasizing about pozzing him or I'm getting off on the fact that he's poz. So even though I'm neg, part of me really wants to be poz. But then there's the other part of me... The more sensible side... I know being poz can be a huge hassle and I don't feel like it's inevitable that I'll become poz. If I were a bottom I'd probably not think twice - I'd just take the loads and live with the consequences and be fine with it, 'cause I couldn't imagine the alternative - worrying every time I had sex. But I'm not a bottom - I feel like I've got a choice. Now the weird thing is I've never really wanted to get fucked before but fantasizing about being poz has made me want to take loads so I can become poz. Not that I want to be a bottom, but because part of me wants to be a poz top. So here I am, a top, fantasizing about bottoming and taking poz loads. I've actually taken two poz loads so far - one in the fall of 2008, and one May of 2009. Neither one pozzed me - I know the first guy was on meds and "undetectable" and I'm sorta assuming the same is true of the second guy as well. After I took the first load I was calmly at peace with it, though I wasn't rushing to do it again. But after I took the second load I kept thinking "Why did I do that?" Not that I was beating myself up or anything - just that really had no clue why I did it. I was so horny for it, but then it was sorta a let down after the fact. The reality afterwards just didn't match the fantasy. Since then the whole taking poz loads fantasy has sorta been a bit of a disruption. If my mind goes there when I'm fucking a bottom I have a really hard time staying hard and cumming 'cause my mind sorta goes into this bottom mode. When I have zero interest in having the guy fuck me I actually do a lot better. And thinking so much about taking loads has actually made me wonder if I don't want to be a versatile top rather than a total top... Taking a poz load every now and then could be pretty hot! I've told a few people about where my head's at and have gotten different responses. There's one poz (undetectable) versatile guy who really wants to give me his load. I'm totally on the fence about it. I like the risk element, but not sure I really want to go there. He's the type who would get off on me getting pozzed and I can actually see him going off his meds to make me poz if I started letting him fuck me on a regular basis. The other thing is I'm wondering if the fantasy of pozzing a bottom isn't better than the reality. I mean it's one thing to wish you could poz someone and another thing to actually do it. I'm just not sure I'm ready to actually knowingly blow a high viral load in someone (unless I knew they were bug chasing). Then there's the whole issue that the fantasy will be short lived since it probably won't be long until I have to go on meds at which point I'm shooting blanks again. So I'm really conflicted. Part of me thinks I should just stick to what I'm doing and enjoy the fantasy. The other part of me wants to make the fantasy a reality. Right now I feel like the sensible side of me is winning, but I wonder if in the heat of the moment I'll let a poz guy fuck me and the fantasy will become a reality. More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... I got tested in early January and when I got tested I intended to become poz as soon as possible. Part of me wanted to bottom at Mid-Atlantic Leather, but I didn't. Part of me was still resisting. A little less than a month after my test I told a poz guy I knew that I wanted to take his load. He offered to go off his meds to give me a toxic load, but I told him not to since I wasn't sure I'd go through with it and didn't want him going off his meds for nothing... Even as it was, I didn't know if I'd flake on him or not... I wrote this to him in an e-mail... i'm of two minds on it... on one hand i fantasize about it constantly and when i'm fucking a guy i'm usually thinking about pozzing him or if he's poz about how that's sorta fits with him being a bottom... so i'd be massively turned on if i were a poz top. then there's the misgiving side of it... i think i should just keep things how they are - that being poz isn't worth the hassle of it - especially when (as a top) it's not inevitable. i also wonder how i'd feel breeding some guy who's neg who's just being careless - like tonight a straight guy contacted me - his girlfriend is out of town this week and he wants a dom top to use him. it'll be his first time having gay sex. if nothing else i feel sorry for the girlfriend... Part of me was also wondering whether the chase and the uncertainty weren't hotter than actually being poz. I mean a lot of this is done so I won't be shooting blanks any more, but once I go on meds, I'll be shooting blanks again. He responded to that by saying... I should tell you that the feeling of pozzing someone is somehow hotter when you're not sure. Like when I was just starting taking poz loads and was topping some guy who said they were neg, the rush was hotter than anything because my brain was "what if?!" I just wasn't sure this was a road I wanted to down. Emotion was compelling me forward, but the rational side was wondering whether I was doing the right thing. At the last minute I canceled on him and then uncanceled. Whatever was going through my head I needed his load. I told him I just wanted an anonymous pump and dump. He came, most of the lights were off in the apartment. We undressed with just streetlight coming in through the windows. I got on all fours on the bed and just wanted to get fucked. I was in a really quiet place - very compliant and submissive. He had a big dick and even with a lot of lube it took a while to get it up inside me. He pushed me onto my belly and fucked me. I'd know if I was his type or not, but I knew he got off on the idea of pozzing me, so I egged him on telling him to poz my ass and give me that dirty load. In all honesty I wasn't in that headspace right at that moment. I just wanted the load and wanted it quickly since I'm not very good at getting fucked - so I was egging him on just telling him what he wanted to hear so I could get what I wanted. Even though I just wanted a pump-and-dump he wanted to talk about stuff when we were done. In the conversation I mentioned I bleed pretty easily and he told me later that really turned him on. Eventually he left and I was left alone to my thoughts. The bottom line was I wanted the load and I got the load. The next day I found out some really good news (long-term, life-changing sorta thing) and wondered whether chasing was such a great idea. But I had chosen to take the load and I was OK with it... I wrote the following to the top... So been thinking about having taken the load. What I like is that I'm no longer 100% confident about being neg. That'll make fucking neg bottoms a lot more interesting But I don't really feel like actively trying to take more loads. It may happen from time to time and I find myself cleaning out before hooking up with vers guys, but then not using my nice clean hole ... I don't really need to go hunting for more complications. If I were mostly a bottom it would be different, but I'm not... So chances are good that you'll be my load for the year... Hope that's enough for you... So that was the first load of 2010. I could feel something changing in me psychologically. More and more I was fantasizing about taking some masculine top's poz load... More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... There was this black guy I had hooked up with a few months ago. His first question when we hooked up was whether I got fucked. I said something indefinite but made it clear I didn't want to get fucked right then and he sorta dropped it. I had asked his status back then and he said he wasn't sure and that he thought he was probably poz. I had thought a lot about him sense then. I figured he was probably high viral load and that if I had him fuck me there was a real chance he could infect me - unlike the "undetectable" guys who had been fucking me. I put off hooking up with him 'cause I wasn't sure whether I really wanted to go to that level. But I finally gave in and told him I wanted to hookup with him again and that I wanted him to fuck me. He told me he wanted to fuck me before I fucked him, which was fine. I sucked him off a bit and then asked him how he wanted me. First we tried doggy, but it wasn't working for him. I think he was freaked out by how tight I was and how much pain I was in. So I flipped over on my back. He kept trying to fuck me, but kept stopping. I wanted his load. He finally got into jacking off, then sticking it in me a bit, then jacking off some more. Finally when he was about to cum he asked where I wanted his load which was an odd question 'cause i had been kept saying how much I wanted his load. I said I wanted it in my ass and he shoved in and unloaded. I felt his cock pulse over and over as he gave me a nice big poz load. That really turned me on it and then we swapped and I fucked him. He had trouble taking it initially since he had just cum, but soon I was pounding his hole and blew my load up him. I think the whole taking the load then fucking the guy works for me. Wanting the load is distracting. Once I've got it up my hole I can concentrate on fucking... Afterwards I e-mailed him and asked if he was still "not sure / probably poz". He changed his story - said he had been poz for something like 3 years and that he consistently tests undetectable even though he stopped taking his meds a while ago. He also said he hasn't 'fessed up to his doc and told him he stopped taking his meds. That story doesn't add up. How can you be off meds and undetectable? Bottom line I have no clue what sort of viral load he has... Which is sorta hot. More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... This one fuck bud I know who's been poz for years but hasn't needed to go on meds told me his numbers aren't so great any more and he has to go on meds soon. I've been pestering him wanting to take his load but he just won't do it (he's almost exclusively a bottom). I had his poz dick right next to my ass in January and didn't have him fuck me - chickened out - should have gone through with it and gotten his load in the heat of the moment. Just contacted another bud who offered to go off his meds for me. Before I had told him 'no' 'cause I figured I'd chicken out and not go through with it and I didn't want him having any negative impact all for nothing. Anyway, just told him I'd take his load and if he went off his meds it was fine with me. Hopefully he'll tell me as he's cumming in my ass... I still haven't taken multiple loads in one day. Trying to arrange that for Monday. More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... I've been wanting to take multiple loads in one night for a while. I've tried to set it up but things would happen and I would only get one load (or no loads at all). I sorta knew I'd need to completely overbook to make it happen. So over the weekend I started lining up fucks for Monday night. By Sunday night I had the potential to take something like 7 or 8 loads. Monday came and I started confirming and it looked like I would indeed get multiple loads that night. First Poz Top, First Load... I saw that a guy I knew had been looking and asked if he wanted to hookup. He only knows me as a top, but when I got there I told him I wanted to swap loads with him. His eyes lit up and he got this huge grin on his face. After little oral I asked him how he wanted me, and I bent over the bed and he started fucking me. I almost slipped off the bed as he was fucking me, but managed not to. And it wasn't long before he was asking "where do you want me to cum?" And I told him to cum inside me nice and deep and I got load #1. I then fucked him, but I couldn't cum and time was getting short and needed to get to poz top #2, so wrapped it up with him. As I left he still had a huge smile on his face - he liked knowing that he had given me a load. Second Poz Top While I was with the first guy a few calls came in, including a couple who was willing to both fuck me. Needless to say I said yes, and scheduled it for a little later (after top #3). The second one didn't go so well. He was an older guy who'd been running around before we hooked up and didn't have the stamina to stay hard and wasn't able to cum. Then he asked me how long I had been poz, and he sorta freaked out when he realized I was neg. That was sorta the end of that, and I was on my way to the next top. Next Poz Top The third guy seemed a little weird when I talked to him on the phone. He was a talker in sorta the same way that Anthony on Project Runway was a talker. Lots of big stories and exaggeration. I got to his building and called and he gave me hard time 'cause he had told me to call him when I got out of the subway (which I couldn't do 'cause I was walking there from top #2). He buzzed me in the building and then I just had this realization that I was going to hate hooking up with him. He said something (we were on the phone) and I just said "Forget it." and turned around and walked down the street. I wanted to get the load, but just wasn't willing to get fucked by some black drag queen (which is the picture of him that was developing in my mind). I had some time to kill before hooking up with the couple, so walked to a gay bar over by their place and had a quick pint of beer. Poz Tops 3 & 4, Loads 2 & 3 I was a little worried about this hookup actually. I knew one of the tops was pretty "dom" and it was going to be a rough fuck both mentally and 'cause he has a big dick. He had warned me on the phone that I better have cleaned out really well 'cause he was going to get really deep. When I had douched I was surprised how little shit had come out. I was relatively clean to start with, but I was worried I had missed something... He came down and met me on the street and brought me into the building. He was a talker too, but in a very different way - he was "a guy" and totally masculine. His incessant talking was sorta one of the ways he controlled the situation - he controlled the discussion. His boyfriend seemed like a total sub. He hardly spoke a word and was a bit of a wallflower. It was a small crowded apartment with just a single bed. They positioned me doggy style and he used lots of lube like I asked. His boyfriend got in front of me and I tried to pay attention to his dick while the dom top was fucking me, but it was hard. The fuck was totally brutal. He was big, thick and long and liked to try to get past my 2nd sphincter which hurt like hell. I was in excruciating pain for most of the fuck. Some times he's position me so he couldn't get in quite so deep and it would feel good, but he made it clear it was the deep painful strokes that would get him to cum. At one point I had to ask him to stop. He was hitting my bladder which was full of beer and I felt like I was about to piss all over his bed. I went into the bathroom and tried to piss but it was difficult 'cause if he hadn't been hitting my bladder I wouldn't have needed to piss. I used some toilet paper to clean up my ass a bit and it was all pink with a mix of cum, lube and blood. I bleed pretty easily and he was definitely ripping me a bit with his brutal fuck. I even heard his boyfriend ask if I was clean and he said "yeah - it's just blood and some excess water". So he knew he was making me bleed... I went back and endured an incredibly painful fuck, but finally got his load. I think he came a huge amount - and deep too... Then his boyfriend took his turn. He had a smaller dick and it was only painful 'cause my hole had just been torn up. Once I got the boyfriend's load I just collapsed on the bed. I was exhausted, but I got up and took a shower. However, when I got up there was a huge puddle of cum. They thought I had cum, but I hadn't - it was just that there was so much cum in my ass that it was spilling out. As I was leaving the talker/dom top started telling me how he was on extra heavy meds so he was genuinely undetectable. Still, he had gotten me to bleed and his wasn't the only poz load in me... Cancellation The next top I had scheduled bailed on me saying he wanted to go on a bike ride. I contacted another guy who I thought might be available and he said he thought he had syphilis, so that didn't happen either. Poz Top 5, Load 4 I had given up and gone for another beer. Right after I got the beer I got a text saying a guy who's fucked me a couple times before had just gotten home and wanted me to come over. I guzzled the beer and made a dash for the subway. I had to stand the entire subway ride 'cause I knew the loads would leak out if I sat down and I wanted to keep them inside me. When I got to his place it was just like the time before. I let myself in and found him in his bedroom, naked, looking at porn. It was pussy gangbang porn this time. I was worried I would make a mess of his bedspread so I grabbed a towel out of the bathroom. I sucked him briefly and then he fucked me. I was happy he didn't have a big cock, but given that I had been pretty torn up by the dom top even his little dick hurt. But I just tried to ignore the pain. He usually cums with me on my back, legs up, but after starting that way he flipped me over and came with me face down on the bed. Afterwards he was wondering why there was a puddle of cum on the bed and I told him there were three other loads in me... He doesn't really say much but didn't seem turned off by that... More? At first I thought that was all I could handle in one night, but then I got horny and headed over to a park near the last top. I knew guys fucked there, but by the time I got there I just wasn't up for playing the games you have to play in a park. I gave it a few minutes and wasn't connecting with anyone, so I left. It was a bit of a struggle to keep all those loads in me, but I managed it. Felt really good... I cancelled two fucks the next day - the guy who bailed to do a bike ride and the possibly toxic black guy who fucked me previously. I just didn't have the time and I didn't know if my hole could take it. Even so I doubled my load count for the year - from 4 to 8. It was fun, but it takes a lot out of you... More...

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... The last couple days I've been really tired - almost exhausted, and I get sorta hot and sweaty. It started 12 days after the possibly toxic load which is about what you'd expect if it were the fuck flu. But a good friend I spend a bunch of time with is also sick - so I could have just caught something from him... Not sure... It's a bit of a trip to think I could really be poz now. Today I also discovered something that makes me think the top who offered to go off his meds for me may have actually gone off his meds and is trying to get his viral load up before fucking me next time... That's scary and hot at the same time... More...