PhoenixGeoff

Honestly, getting over the fear isn't something you do. It's something that happens to you. Before I ended up barebacking all of the time and taking random loads up my ass without worrying about the consequences, there were several years where I did actually worry about the consequences very much. And it did prevent me from barebacking. I remember one time early on when I was drunk and hanging out in a bathhouse and a guy came in and fucked me bare and came in my ass. I fucking loved it (which I felt horribly sick and guilty about) and was terrified for the next three months while I waited to have the final confirmatory test that I hadn't been infected. After which I felt such a sense of relief at having dodged a bullet and I swore never again to let it happen. Which, as I recall, didn't last terribly long. Then there were the times later on when I would get fucked bare and take loads without asking but afterwards, once my sexual frenzy had died down, I'd be worried enough, not to come out and ask the guy his status, but to sneak a look inside his medicine cabinet to see if he had any HIV meds there (yeah I was a bit of a coward as well as a horny bastard). But basically my secret was this: I was a pretty huge slut. I really got turned on my anonymous sex, with or without condoms. And, as it happened, a certain percentage of the times I had sex, it would be bareback. And through simple force of repetition, the fear gradually went away and only the hotness remained. It also helped that pretty much the only way I could top was bareback. If you're a horny bastard like I am, it'll happen sooner or later. No need to force it. Take your time...getting there is 99% of the fun. Just have lots of sex with any guy who's even remotely attractive and you'll get there.

Total show off here. I love it when others watch me have sex, in person, online or in a video. And frankly, I look at it as being advertising for my sex life. Anyone who's turned off by the stuff I do in my videos (like barebacking or being a slut) probably isn't a good candidate for a playmate anyways. Whereas the guys who like what I'm doing are exactly the kind of men I want to play with. My main problem is that I got a little spoiled by having professional cameramen and editors for my Bear Films scenes. Just parking a webcam on a desk across from the bed and hoping you capture at least some of the action seems lame by comparison.

LOL no shit. Hell, I didn't say anything at the time, of course, because, hello! Free money! But I would have made my porno scenes for free, or more accurately, just fror the experience. Don't get me wrong: I'm glad porn stars get paid. It is real work. But I got so turned on by the thought of being in a picture and knowing that guys all over the world would (hopefully) be watching and getting aroused by watching me having sex. It powerfully appealed to the exhibitionist in me, and I've never once had second thoughts about doing it. Hell, I'd gladly appear in another video if anyone ever cared to invite me, especially for one of the bareback studios.

Congratulations! I love how our sex lives develop and grow over the course of our lives. When I first heard the word "fisting" in my early 20s, I was horrified and repulsed. I could never possibly get into that! Flash forward to today, and I'm a reasonably decent FF top, have managed to take a hand a few times, and am seriously interested in seeing how I can work more practice in with good teaching tops.

I'm 41 and the only thing I've noticed is that my recovery time is a bit longer between loads. My sex drive hasn't changed much in years. And I'm thinking I would really love to hang with all of the hot 40+ tops posting here. I discovered a long time ago that my attraction to older guys was one of the biggest blessings of my young, gay life. Those guys have been been fucking around, having all kinds of sex, for years and years and years. You learn so much more from sex with them. Given the choice between that sexy 20-something guy everyone goes gaga over and someone like Topper, who's been fucking ass for 40+ years, I'll take the master every single time. And yes, Topper, that's a standing invitation to have at my ass anytime you get the chance.

Don't you dare try and pull that shit with me! If you try to weasel out of giving me your load on the basis that 7.5 is somehow "small", I will physically hold you down, get you hard, sit on your cock and ride it til I get your seed LOL. Which isn't to say I wouldn[t return the favor. Hell, it's hot when both guys end up with cum in their ass and it doesn't happen nearly often enough!

Yeah because that's what the world needs, more bottoms and fewer tops. Personally, I think no-one should ever waste their load if they can help it. Jacking off into a rag or busting your nut after getting fucked is wasting cum that could be swallowed or bred into a grateful bottom.

That's really odd: when I've noticed a clothing differential between us, it's typically been the bottom who's stripped naked and thus rendered more vulnerable, while the top only pulls his cock out. When I would hit the cruisy park in Phoenix looking to get bred, I'd frequently end up only wearing shoes while the guys who were giving me their cocks would typically just unzip their fly and pull out their dick for me to suck and to shove into my ass.

I usually like playing with the bottom's cock (stroking it and/or sucking it; swallowing his load) even if I'm in the role of total top. There are some circumstances where that won't happen, like if I'm fucking him through a glory hole (in which case, I won't see much of anything at all about him). But in general, I really enjoy playing with other guys' cocks and wouldn't want to forgo that pleasure. Nor am I interested in emasculating my bottom by ignoring his dick. Personally, I like to say it takes a real man to take cock up your ass (look at how scared straight guys are of it). I'm attracted to men, not boys, not women, not girls. That implies being attracted to my partner's cock, among many other things.

God damn it kwhotboi, why the hell couldn't I have had teenage years like that? Some people have all the luck ;-)

I think my ultimate decision to pretty much only bareback would have come about sooner or later no matter what, but my delay in reaching that decision might very easily have saved my life. If I'd been infected when I first came out instead of about ten years later, there's a good chance I would never have lived to see the revolution in treatment the protease inhibitors brought about.

There are two separate but related questions here. The first is using condoms or not. The second is promiscuity generally. Eliminate one or the other and your chances of remaining negative are probably pretty decent. I sometimes wonder about why I find both barebacking and promiscuity so hot. They both turn me on immensely. I've got a minor fantasy where Dawson cums in my ass, not because I find him attractive (he's not really my type) but because the idea of getting bred by a guy who's such a notorious slut turns me on immensely. It is undeniable that barebacking, either as a top or bottom, feels better. But not "you'll die if you catch HIV from this load" better. For me, I think the risk itself, combined with the knowledge that I was doing something that most people, gay or straight, would consider inexplicably unhealthy and bad. It's a form of rebellionI guess. The promiscuity is probably a combination of a cultural holdover from the pre-AIDS days and that same rebellious attitude against all the people out there who say gay men should never have sex and that marriage implies monogamy and that sex should only be reserved for one context: within the bounds of matrimony for the purposes of procreation. Anyways, what's the progression like? Mine involved a number of things. Visiting the forerunners of this site was one (I went to the #gaybareback channel on IRC expecting to find hot cowboys and discovered hot men who shared my secret love of fucking without condoms; prior to that, I thought there was something severely wrong with me because all the gay men I knew seemed to have no problems with using condoms and thought they were great). Another was "slip-ups"every now and then. Maybe I went to the bathhouse after a night of drinking and some guy took advantage of my inebriation to top me raw. After both of those, the next step was deliberately blinding myself to the potential risks. I stopped asking guys their status and just assumed they were neg if they looked healthy and if I hadn't heard anything to the contrary. I just didn't talk about status, unless of course, if asked I was always negative. I didn't even get tested as often as I should. This was the "head in the sand" phase of things. I'd still feel guilty and scared after getting my ass bred by some stranger, but those feelings were fading, and I'd do stupid things to reassure myself, like assuming that everyone would both know their status and be honest about it. Or sneaking into their bathroom after having sex to rummage through the medicine cabinet looking for HIV meds. Finally, even that token amount of resistance to barebacking faded. In part, it was because I was sleeping around with whoever I could find as often in possible, so the familiarity and regularity of the experience with no bad consequences made HIV seem to recede as a threat. It was only after that point that I decided that I was tired of whatever guilt and fear I was still feeling each time I had sex. The last step was letting a guy I knew to be poz cum in my ass. I'm actually a bit ashamed of the story of how I realized I'd crossed that line. I'd driven down to Atlanta from Ft. Campbell for a long weekend of going out and drinking and having as much sex as I could squeeze in. There was a guy in the back room of the Eagle there who was about my age and pretty hot, so I just went up to him and bent over to suck on his cock and get him hard enough to fuck me right there. He immediately told me he had just tested positive within the last day or two. His cock was rock hard and he obviously would have loved to have fucked me but was really trying very, very hard to make to difficult, correct moral and ethical decision. My response was to ignore what he was saying and to keep trying to back my ass up onto his cock because I wanted sex with him and didn't give a damn about the risks. He eventually looked at me inexplicably...he couldn't understand why I wanted him to fuck me so badly and wasn't treating him like a pariah. He finally started getting a little angry with me for being, to his eyes, so patently stupid. I eventually gave up on him and moved on to finding someone else to fuck around with there in the backroom. I do now feel guilty about trying to pressure him into doing something that clearly would have conflicted with his morals, especially when the emotional baggage surrounding being diagnosed was so fresh with him. It was an incredibly disrespectful thing to do. But that was truly the moment I became the barebacking sex pig I am today in full. Being so horny that you'd knowingly take a poz load just because you want to get fucked and won't take even the most basic steps to protect yourself. It's one thing to become a pig after you're diagnosed, quite another to do it before. Oddly enough, having HIV has actually diminished my horizons for men I can bareback with. When you're negative, the only guys who'll refuse to bareback with you are a small subgroup of HIV+ men like that guy in Atlanta who wont do it for moral reasons even if the potential partners aware of his status and has consented to the risk like I did that night. Unfortunately, a lot of HIV+ men do still feel like social outcasts even in well-educated communities like those where a lot of gay men live. And sex will make you feel a bit better for a little while...it's a form of personal validation, that someone else finds you, personally attractive. So there's a strong temptation to conveniently "forget" to disclose if the guy we want to fuck is hot enough. It's taken me a long time to figure out my ethical system for dealing with the disease in the context of my sex life. In most situations, I do my level best to put my status out there as early in the cruising process as possible. As part of my profile, or mentioned in an email message or early in the conversation if we meet in a bar. But unlike the guy whose cock I wanted so badly, if the object of my desire doesn't object to barebacking then I do assume he understands the risks and has decided the same way I did, thus taking responsibility for himself. There are a few exceptions to this, which mostly revolves around anonymous sex in certain contexts (another big fetish of mine). A guy who's ass up in a dark room waiting for anyone and everyone to come by and fuck and unload in him obviously is HIV+ already or doesn't really care. In general, if I'm pretty sure a guy cruising a park or arcade or other venue for anonymous breeding is gay and has a reasonable understanding of what the eventual results will be. A young kid from a small town in Mississippi who's just discovered that men will cruise for anonymous sex with each other in the rest area ten miles away probably needs to be told a bit more explicitly about the risk hes taking

I have a delivery in Long Beach next week. Just sayin' And thank you both for being so very kind

It varies depending on the circumstances. If he's high on something that suppresses the immune system (as many drugs and alcohol will) when he does it, chances of a spike are much likelier. Matias is correct that he's almost certainly ensuring that his meds will stop working for him. And here's where I will judge, even though Matias is far more polite and well-mannered than I am. This guy is incredibly stupid. Finding effective HIV meds with tolerable side effects is not a trivial problem. When you find a cocktail that both works and works for you, you want to do everything in your power to make sure it keeps working effectively. Which means adhering rigorously to taking your meds as prescribed (as well as all of the other good practices that support your health and immune system like diet, exercise, sleep, etc.) For example, I've been on my current cocktail for about 8 years now and still going strong. There's no reason not to think I won't be able to continue on it indefinitely, which is a good thing because the side effects I deal with are minimal. But more than stupid, this guy is incredibly evil. And I say that as someone who thoroughly enjoys bareback sex and willingly chanced HIV to engage in it (and lost, obviously). I've got absolutely no problem with barebacking with other poz guys. I've got no problem with barebacking with neg guys (or those who are unaware of their status) who know mine; that's their choice and responsibility. I can even see an argument for not necessarily disclosing to other gay guys in a context where they're obviously barebacking indiscriminately, like in a bathhouse. I've got serious problems where someone is hitting a place where he's likely to run into guys who are uneducated and perhaps deeply closeted (like Wichita, KS) who might even have unsuspecting wives, and then taking additional steps to increase the odds of infecting them without disclosure. Quite apart from the criminal consequences of his actions (which will be incredibly serious, and rightfully so), it's guys like him that not only hand ammunition to be used against the gay community by conservatives, but who also encourage people to treat HIV+ guys like me as pariahs. Seriously, the guy needs a swift punch to the head. And if you have any evidence at all that he's actually engaging in this kind of behavior (as opposed to simply fantasizing on the Internet), I'd actually suggest that you have an obligation to report him to his local health department.

Yup yup...agreed. He failed the disclosure test as much as you did. And guaranteed that you're not the first guy he's done this to. Tell him casually, just like rawTOP said. If he freaks, then dump his ass...anyone engaging in barebacking without even having the HIV conversation in advance, who initiates raw sex with you, not the other way around, forfeits the right to react badly when you disclose, IMO. But most likely, everything will be fine. He'll either be poz himself or one of those cool bareback top guys like our host or Brad McGuire, who accept the risks. And the lesson I'd take from this is that the earlier you disclose your status, even before you meet for that first date, the easier it is. Remember what Dan Savage says: being HIV+ is like having a super power that detects douches. If a guy reacts badly to your HIV, then you know he's a douche and not worth dating.

Speaking as a poz guy who will top neg bottoms as long as there's full disclosure and zero pressure, I'm wondering, based on this, if I shouldn't change my mind about my moral position and only have sex (at least as a top) with other poz guys. The key part of my decision to fuck neg guys bareback revolves around informed consent. This poll suggests to me that too many bottoms out there aren't adequately informed. Which means that it would be wrong of me to expose them to HIV even after disclosing my status, because they don't have a realistic basis to make a decision. As a poz guy, this is really, really dismaying to me. I take the ethics and morality of how to behave as a barebacker very seriously. This is, after all, a life or death issue. And I have to be able to live with myself.

I've got a huge thing for southern rednecks...comes from being in the Army and being stationed in the south much of that time. My first duty station was Fort Campbell, about an hour from Nashville. So yes, I have a major thing for a lot of singers.

I'm definitely not the lovey-dovey type. But the first three answers do ring true for me, especially the exhaustion with worrying about HIV and the delight I take in transgressing boundaries. Beyond that, I like the idea of guys just totally giving in to their testosterone and lust. I like the instantaneous lizard-brain decision to fucked or get fucked without any other considerations. Living totally in the moment of sexual desire. That's why I love cruising in bars or baths much more than online...it's the unplanned nature. It all seems very masculine to me.

I came out around 1990 or so in Toronto. I had fantastic guys who introduced me to the gay ghetto. In fact, my very first adult experience was an online hookup, on a local gay BBS (if you don't know what that is, get off my freaking lawn, whippersnapper!). The guy actually took me out to dinner, took me to my first gay bar and took me home with him. He also impressed on me the importance of using condoms. In short, a real class act! Prior to that, all I knew about what it meant to be "gay" was from news reports (all the gay men were dying) and school taunts (being gay was bad). Between the two, it sowed an element of fatalism in me. When I first admitted to myself that I was gay, the first conclusion I drew was that I wouldn't live to see my thirtieth birthday. I quickly became pretty sexually active, cruising parks, online, bars (yes, guys used to hook up in person back in the day...and going hone usually included an invitation for the whole night! Sometimes even breakfast! ). But my sex life really took off when I discovered the baths. I actually got a job in one, which had the benefit of a free room when I was off the job. My first bareback experiences happened when I was drunk and the top took advantage. I knew what was happening but the alcohol kept me from objecting...lowered inhibitions. The next day, I'd be ashamed, guilt-ridden, terrified. And also turned on. I was ashamed of liking to bareback...I thought I was a freak with a death wish. No-one I knew admitted to liking sex raw. And every time I did it, I'd feel guilty and scared. I'd get tested, wait the three months holding my breath, then get tested again, then sigh with relief thinking I'd dodged a bullet and swear never to bareback again. I was under the impression that raw sex with someone with HIV guaranteed infection. And then, at some point in the mid-90s, I discovered (online again, through IRC and an early barebacking website) that I wasn't the only one into raw sex. That was a huge eye-opener. And I was tired of feeling guilty and scared. And that streak of fatalism kicked in. And suddenly, I didn't care any more. I gradually moved from being willing to bareback if the other guy asked, to preferring barebacking, to insisting on it. I discovered that I could actually top without a condom, which opened up whole new opportunities for sex. And I've been barebacking ever since.

I'll second Toronto as a great destination, mostly because I have a lot of fondness for the city as the place I came out of the closet. One great thing is how close everything is to Church and Wellesley, aka the gay ghetto. You can very easily take an airport bus into town, then hop on the subway up to the Wellesley station and walk everywhere. No need to rent a car. There's even plenty of interesting non-gay stuff fairly close by. The University of Toronto is just a few blocks west of the ghetto, with the Royal Ontario Museum nearby on Bloor and Queen's Park IIRC. And unlike many North American cities, the transit system is excellent and cabs are plentiful.

Man, Fouldawg, you're hot and got the perfect attitude. I wanna hit the baths with you!

Guys, bathhouses have always been social clubs. Heck, before there were gay bars, there were baths which were known as relatively safe places to be gay (this was back when men went to baths to clean up...when indoor plumbing was limited to a toilet and sink in many homes). The bath scene ain't what it used to be. I blame it on the internet first and foremost (this has killed bar cruising too), way fewer closeted guys out there (people now on relationships instead of just having sexonthe down-low), HIV scaring a lot of men away from the hookup culture of the 80s, and, it must be said, meth giving a lot of baths a bad reputation with non-users. All that being said, I still have fun at the tubs more often than not. No, your not going to end up in a scene out of a porno gang bang (at least not most nights). But there's still fun to be had, especially if you have the right attitude.

Yeah, scat's actually one of the very few kinks I don't get into. But this doesn't bother me. I view it as my responsibility to clean myself out thoroughly before hitting a bath or sex party, so if I don't do a good enough job, it's my own damn fault. If I am nice and squeaky clean (usually the case) then there's nothing I love better than sucking a cock that just bred me, especially if I've already got another load or two in my ass. Personally, I think cum tastes even better out of a hot, freshly fucked ass than it does straight from the cock. All of that said, being on the road does bring its own set of complications, since I don't often have the time or facilities to properly clean out. Usually it's not that much of a problem, but in that case, we just clean up with wet wipes. You tops do gotta cut a trucker some slack here.