PhoenixGeoff

I'm 40, so I guess that qualifies me as "older" now. I'm versatile too. Basically, I love being versatile because that frees me to get into just about any kind of sex. So if I find a man I'm really attracted to, I don't have to worry about what kind of sex we'll get into. I get a lot more focused on the guy I'm with and adapt to doing whatever. Not too many hangups here about having to do one thing or another. That's probably one reason it's so easy to be open about my HIV status too. I'll accept pretty much any kind of restrictions on activities from guys who are neg, other than using a condom. Which includes no fucking at all, if that's what he wants.

I'm 40 and spent my teenage years in the Pacific Northwest, so I've always been comfortable hanging out with Asian guys (most of the ones I knew at the time were either from families that had emigrated from China in the 19th century or recent emigres from Hong Kong). As a matter of fact, my inspiration to come out of the closet was a friend of mine who hung out in the same group who was originally Taiwanese who came out first. That being said, I've generally not found myself attracted to Asian men, mostly because they tend not to have the kind of traits that really turn me on, body or facial hair being a big one. There are a few who do, like Sonny Chiba, who I think is a very handsome man and has a very sexy voice (something about the sound of Japanese gets me going). I haven't noticed my tastes changing too much over the years in this regard.

Any top who suggests that I have a cunt is liable to end up finding out just how good my cock feels buried in his ass. Try making me your bitch and I will make you mine. You want to fuck a pussy? Go find yourself a woman. If you've got the balls to fuck a guy instead, then you damn well better treat him like a man.

Wasn't it Genghis Khan who was supposed to have fathered hundreds of children from all of his wives and concubines? I think I remember reading somewhere that a significant part of modern Mongolian DNA is shared in common because so many of them have Temujin back as a common ancestor.

This is exactly why I say that if you're feeling pain, you need to at least stop and probably back off and take a break. Pain is a signal that there's something wrong; failure to pay attention can end your career as a bottom.

I was hanging out with some straight guys once and they were talking about a girl they knew being a real slut because she'd been with 30 or 40 guys in her life. I just kept quiet and hid my laughing at the thought. By my standards, she was practically a nun.

I have to kind of disagree with this. Pain is a signal that something has gone wrong. Especially when you're dealing with toys, you really need to pay attention to what's going on down below. It's possible to do serious damage to yourself, even, under certain circumstances, to the point of death, depending on the activity (this is why I tend to stay away from toys and only get into FF scenes when everyone's 100% sober). Soap's a bad idea. It dries out the skin and can make the problem worse. Basically, just use it to clean yourself (outside only) and nothing more. Lube and patience are the keys. Even better if you have an experienced top. Basically, your ass is trained to close up tight when something is trying to go the wrong way. You need to be relaxed and comfortable to allow a cock to get inside you. That means being in a good environment, a nice position and with a guy you trust. Yes, lube definitely helps. And yes, if you get fucked enough, you'll eventually train yourself to open right up whenever a guy wants to fuck you. But it's a matter of being patient and having good experiences with sex. Forcing things won't help and pain absolutely will cause the opposite of what you want to have happen. The mental process is kind of hard to describe but it's more a sort of letting things go and relaxing and allowing the sex to happen...but even that's not quite it because you can also be very active in making it happen at the same time. But I guarantee, it really is largely in your head.

Here's my attitude on the question of medical treatment: You absolutely have to educate yourself as well as you possibly can before making any decisions. Do not rely on what the doctor is telling you. Sometimes they're wrong. Sometimes they're incompetent. Sometimes they don't have the best, most up-to-date information. In most cases, you have ample opportunity to take the time and make a good decision. But it's your responsibility to take advantage of it. It's also your responsibility to keep the lines of communication open with your doctor. Tell them exactly what's going on, what you feel, how you're doing. Ask questions. Ask what the alternatives are. You have to be proactive. Don't just blindly do what you're told but be an active participant in your own treatment. Note: that also includes being VERY proactive about STD testing and treatment, especially if you're barebacking. Head in the sand does not work. You need to tell your doctor that you're in a high risk category and that you need routine testing for things like syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc. Pulling the trigger on when to start treating should be something you yourself consider very carefully. Learn how to read the medical journals and understand what they're saying. Or at least go to the sites that will translate them into layman's terms for you. Do your research and then consult with your doctor and figure out what your treatment plan will be. Note: this is very much similar to the advice I give to people about having sex: learn the relative risk factors, figure out what level of risk you're comfortable with and have sex accordingly. The one thing I can't stand is people who allow themselves to remain ignorant and then complain with perfect 20/20 hindsight. Obviously different people will come up with different treatment plans. Some will be more aggressive with meds than others. Hell, some will decide that garlic is the miracle cure. There's precious little we can do to change that. And probably not much that we should do. What we can do is take responsibility for ourselves.

1) I want to finally break my record for the number of men fucking and breeding me in a gangbang and the number of loads I take. 2) Find a decent job 3) Get out of town more and take my ass (and cock) on the road.

As a former escort who was willing to get into quite a bit of kink (for the right price), I can absolutely attest to the fact that married bi guys on the DL are often some of the nastiest pigs out there. I think it's because they have to play the straight arrow husband and father with the wife and kids, so they go to the opposite extreme when they can get away and indulge their gay side. I kinda did the same thing when I was in the Army. I was very professional by day and concealed my sexuality as best I could. But when I got off post, I'd really go wild with lots of raw anonymous sex, kink, etc.

And that reminds me of another favorite of mine, when you've got two real pig bottoms with cum-filled asses and the top(s) goes back and forth between them without cleaning his dick in any way. Kind of a way for bottoms to share with each other.

I don't keep track but I know my lifetime loads taken up my ass not counting repeats by the same guy is well over 1000. Probably by a large amount. I've probably seeded far fewer asses because of the recovery time and number of loads I can shoot in a day. Maybe 500-800 or so.

Took me several years and hundreds of loads from different guys (wasn't a chaser, just loved cum and didn't ask questions) before I converted. Some guys convert on the first load. Others never do. But odds are if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll be poz sooner or later.

I think I've always been pretty sexually adventurous. Right from the beginning, I thought one of the coolest things about being gay was how easy it was to hook up with another guy. And I thought all gay men were like that (I still think they should be, but that's another question). So the moment I knew I was a pig was when I realized how much more of my life I spent fucking around compared with other guys. And realized I wouldn't have it any other way.

Back when I was doing it, I didn't really have that much of a problem with getting a hardon. But I think that's mostly because I'm attracted to a very wide range of men. It was very rare for me to run into a client who had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Perhaps part of it was because I also took the time to get to know many of my clients (a lot of them seemed to enjoy conversation before and after sex almost as much as the sex itself) and found them to be have interesting and attractive personalities. Most of them seemed to be hiring escorts because of circumstances in their life (lots of work, deep in the closet, etc.) rather than any inherent unattractiveness. For whatever reason they simply found themselves unable or unwilling to put too much effort into finding a partner. Also because I kinda got off on the idea of being an escort too...that turned me on big time.

Most of the ones I've been to have been advertised on BBRT or somewhere similar. The rest I hear about through word of mouth.

Personally, much as I love swallowing loads of cum when I suck cock, I think eating cum out of a hot ass tastes even better. I think the hottest felching experience I had was in a porno theater. I'd wandering into the darkest part of the theater, and walked past a guy on his knees who was working hard on sucking two other men. I didn't linfer because I spotted a figure by himself stroking his cock. I walked over and bent down and the waist to suck his cock. As I did so, I dropped my shorts to the floor around my ankles so I could stroke my cock and expose my ass. To my intense delight, both of the guys who were getting sucked walked over and fucked my ass one after the other. It wasn't long before two nice big anonymous loads had been deposited in my hole. I was in hog heaven. But the guy who'd been blowing them was apparently pissed that not one but both loads he'd wanted had, at the last minute, been given to someone else. His solution? As soon as the second guy pulled out of me, I felt the cocksucker's mouth furiously working my ass...licking up the cum that had leaked out of me, opening my hole and eating as much cum as he could right out of my ass. If I was going to steal the loads he'd worked so hard for well then, by god he was going to take them right back! (In reality no words had been exchanged in the whole scene...the tops had walked up behind me and fucked me without saying a word to anyone and the cocksucker just went at my ass like it was open for business for anyone, which of course it was). I made nice with the guy though. We ended up kissing so that he could share some of the cum back with me, and then he sucked my cock (and was rewarded with a huge load) while the guy I'd been sucking took his turn breeding my ass. I love a story with a happy ending

Regardless of my own preferences, my general observation has been that the overwhelming majority of the participants in the bareback parties I've been to are poz. Most of the remainder fall into the "don't know, don't care" category, i.e. likely poz, but they haven't gotten a definitive test yet. The only real exception I run into are total tops who are neg but bareback. But frankly, guys who never ever get fucked at all are fairly rare.

Here's my take: sooner or later, someone's going to figure out what's going on. Maybe someone who knows your bf will see you. Maybe you'll pick up an STD somewhere along the way and you'll give it to your bf. Whatever. And even if it never comes out, you're going to be worrying that it will (exhibit A: the fact that you're posting here about the problem). So I'd say you have some decisions to make. What's more important to you? The relationship or the fucking around? If you really need it bad, there are plenty of guys out there who are at least as slutty as you are (exhibit B: the men on this site). Some of us are even pretty decent guys. I guarantee that if you give it time and patience and effort, you can find yourself a man who'll not only tolerate your piggy nature but get actively turned on by it and participate (imagine a bf who would go online and invite random tops to come fuck you). You need to consider the possibility that your current bf is not the man for you over the long haul. And that's OK. Hell, you're 21...chances are pretty good that the relationship won't last in any event. Out yourself as a happy pig. Enjoy your sluttiness and live your life with integrity.

I've experienced this both ways, as one of the tops and as the (lucky!) bottom. I gotta say it's incredibly hot to have a guy on his back, watching another top fuck him while you hold back the bottom's legs. And it's incredibly hot to shove your cock into a hole your top buddy was just fucking (especially right after he's shot in it). And it's super-fantastically hot to double fuck a bottom guy with another top, feeling his cock rubbing against yours inside a hot ass. My recommendation is that if you ever get the opportunity to do these things with another top, seize it. And then both of you come find me and fuck my brains out.

That sounds like a response not so much to being irresponsible as to being gay. What's the issue provoking the disgust? Barebacking? Anonymous hookups? Gay sex generally? If it's the barebacking or anonymous sex, then I think you should examine why it provokes these feelings in you. If it's a matter of fear of HIV or other STDs, then perhaps you can look at ways to mitigate that risk. Maybe you should consider looking for a long term relationship with another guy. That way you could indulge your sexual desires with considerably less risk. You can be both responsible and a barebacker. If it's gay sex generally that's provoking these feelings, you may need to spend a little time with a counselor of some kind. You say you've been out of the closet for 14 years, but it doesn't sound like you've done anything about it beyond having sex, which is great, but hardly the totality of being gay. It's possible you feel your sexuality is responsible for the breakup of the marriage. Or maybe there's some kind of internalized homophobia going on here. Point is, it's hard to sort through a lot of these things on your own, especially if you're coming from having a very strong family life, which is what it sounds like. Your youngest kid is getting ready to head out of the house. Your oldest is already gone. The major part of the responsibilities you owe to your direct family members are all taken care of. You don't really have to worry about your responsibilities towards them any more, at least not as much. So now I'd say your main responsibility is going to be towards yourself. And that means looking into and figuring out whatever personal issues may apply to you concerning your sexuality, but it also means giving yourself license to have a little fun too. And a last thought. You've got a golden opportunity coming up here: after your youngest moves out and goes to college, why not think about selling the house and picking up and moving someplace new where you can devote yourself to exploring who you are a bit more. Get a clean break with the past and head somewhere where you can properly reinvent yourself.

When I was in the military I really did find myself in a situation where the two sides of my personality did not match at all. On the one hand, I was a professional and very focused on my job. I pushed the thought of being gay out of my head as much as possible and did my best to fit in. This wasn't a simple matter of being in the closet. It was a matter not only of preserving my career but also potentially of preserving my life (there was actually a soldier killed by his roommate in my brigade while I was on active duty because the roommate had thought he was coming on to him). On the other hand, when I did get an opportunity to get away, I'd run wild, going on road trips to cities well away from where I was stationed and hitting gay bars, sex clubs, baths and all kinds of other places men like to fuck around. Ultimately, the two sides couldn't coexist, and the fact that I'm posting here rather than sitting in Afghanistan right now ought to tell you which side won with me. I see two things with your situation here: First, I suspect you're kind of doing what I did here. Trying to repress your sexual desires in the name of responsibility which leads them to manifest in extreme ways. One possibility you might consider is finding a mean between the two and living a life of some integrity. It's OK to be a little irresponsible even if you have great responsibilities like raising kids. And it's also OK to have a sex life that you'll find satisfying too. Second, speaking as a guy who has HIV, I think you really should look at the effect becoming infected with HIV would have objectively. One thing it would not do is prevent you from being an active part of your kids' upbringing. With the current treatments available, there's no reason to expect to have anything less than a reasonably normal life span. And as you already know, the kind of casual contact common between parents and children carries no risk whatsoever of infection. Where would it have an effect? Obviously on any relationship with your wife or girlfriend (assuming you still have one or the other). I'd be taking precautions to protect her now, as it sounds like you're already getting into some risky behavior. And sooner or later you're going to have to have that conversation with her about your sexuality (and also about your status, if and when you do test positive). Or you will if you're to have your integrity. Depending on the age of your kids, there may not be any reason at all to tell them what's going on. Certainly young children should not be forced to come face-to-face with adult problems like this one. Which makes it the responsibility of you and their mother to work out a way to protect them. Assuming you do eventually convert, I'd suggest that that's information your kids don't really need until they're adults, unless you become ill (which is highly unlikely assuming you're getting tested regularly).

I'm another darkroom lover...I get so fucking turned on by anonymous raw sex. Feeling a load shot up my ass by a guy I never even see, let alone talk to, feels hot as hell. It's like reducing sex to its ultimate essence...