PhoenixGeoff

Another vote for the Phoenix here. Definitely the hottest bar backroom I've ever been in. And the atmosphere is perfect: dark, sleazy and dirty. I really miss the days when most cities would turn a blind eye towards backrooms. Nowadays, it's really hard to have spontaneous sex in most bars. It's definitely killed a lot of the fun (along with the Internet, which has almost totally moved cruising and hooking up online and out of the bar).

When I was in the Army, I had a roommate in the barracks who decided to take advantage of me passing out from too many shots of tequila (he had no clue I was gay). However, it turns out I wasn't as passed out as he thought. I woke up about halfway through as he was fucking me. Fortunately for him, I love getting fucked, so he ended up with a regular fuckbud rather than a rape charge. But while I do really love anonymous scenes and/or being restrained, I really want to be there to experience the sex. If I were unconscious, I'd be happy to have been bred, but disappointed to have missed out on the fun.

Back in the '90s, when I was in the Army and gas was a lot cheaper, I used to road trip a lot to get away from the closet I lived in on post and indulge my need for man-on-man sex. And I discovered the best part about road tripping is in unexpected fun along the way. For one long weekend, I'd decided to head down to New Orleans. I'd heard about the bars there and decided I wanted some of that backroom action. My plan was to drive straight to the bar without stopping, grab a beer and hit the second floor on the Phoenix for some action, then hopefully hook up with a guy who'd take me back to his place for the night so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel room. So, I decided to stop at the last rest area before the city to do a quick washup before I got to the bar, and to change into more appropriate clothes. I stepped up to the urinal to piss and saw fresh graffiti telling me to show hard at the door to the men's room. Well that was something I couldn't resist. My cock quickly sprang to attention as I pulled up my shorts. I stepped out of the building and grabbed at my cock through my shorts, hopefully with enough subtlety that I only attracted the attention of the horny bastard I hoped was out there. I stepped around the back of the building and waited. My cock jumped when I heard a car door slam. From the other side of the building stepped a red headed otter, about ten years older than me, rubbing his cock through his jeans. He whispered to me to follow him and led me into the trees at the dark end of the rest area. I dropped my shorts and my cock fell out. I started stroking it while looking at him. He grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch. Needing no further invitation, I undid his fly (no underwear of course) and pulled out a beautiful thick 8" uncut cock. I immediately bent over to start sucking on him. As I worked the head, slipping my tongue under his foreskin and slobbered on his rod, he groaned, "Oh yeah, get me hard and wet". As I sucked him, he reached over and started rubbing his hand in my ass crack. I moaned in anticipation. Suddenly, he grabbed and spread my cheeks with both hands. I felt a presence behind me, and heard someone spit. I felt the stranger's cock head rubbing up against my hole. I had no clue who he was but I knew I needed him in me. He grunted in surprise as I pushed back on to him and wrapped my ass around his raw cock. But he recovered quickly and started fucking my ass as the otter fucked my face. It wasn't long before I felt the stranger thrusting deep and filling me with his warm load. A few more thrusts and he pulled out. The otter kept me busy sucking his cock, so I never did see who that stranger was who'd just cum in my ass. Finally, the redhead couldn't take it any more and spun me around and shoved his cock into my asshole. Between all of my spit on his cock and the cum in my ass, I was well lubed. He drove that cock into me aggressively, but I just begged for more. Soon I felt him deep inside, with his thick cock swelling as his load flooded into my guts. After squeezing out the last drop in me, he pulled out. My ass felt warm and wet and I struggled to keep all of the cum in me. Again I bent over to suck his cock, now covered in cum from two men from my ass. I greedily licked him clean, savoring the taste of my well-fucked ass. Then with a "Thanks man", he buttoned up his jeans and walked away. I pulled up my shorts over my throbbing hard cock and leaking ass and decided I was ready for the backroom. I walked to my car and drove on into the city.

I've thought about it, most seriously about running a bar, but also considered other types of businesses. Here's why I don't: 1) Whenever I've thought about running a place, it's been in the context of wanting a bar like there used to be back in the day when I first came out. Well, between far greater government and police intrusions (back rooms are a thing of the past in most cities) and the Internet, which has turned cruising into a lost art, and bourgeois values creeping into the gay community, I don't think it's possible to run the kind of place I would like to run. 2) The problem with running an adult business is that it's a business. I think it's a fine thing to patronize such places, and it's also a fine thing to work on the fringes of them. But once it's a business, you're no longer doing it just for fun.

No-one is suggesting that ARV drugs don't have side effects or that those side effects aren't often severe and difficult to manage. Of course those side effects would go away if you went off them. The general consensus is that the benefits of treatment (longer lifespan, basically) outweigh its costs, both financial and in terms of quality of life. And, of course, one reason we have such a wide range of different ARVs is to have the ability to tailor your treatment program to minimize those side effects. I can understand your new doctor agreeing to let you remain off medication based on your numbers. What I cannot believe is that he or she would agree not to have your CD4 and VL counts checked at all. Not watching them is basically like sticking your head in the sand. We all know the progression of HIV infection: an initial bout of flu like symptoms that goes away on its own, followed by years where there are no outward symptoms as the virus slowly multiplies and destroys the immune system, followed by the immune system reaching a point of catastrophic failure where opportunistic infections occur and eventually kill you. This has been well understood for decades, and is really only challenged by denialists. It's also well understood that the whole point of ARVs is to keep you in that second phase, where there are no outward symptoms. It's also well understood that ceasing ARV treatment does not result in instant AIDS, but merely allows the virus to resume its slow progression. That was established by the experiments with medication vacations (which are now generally discouraged because of problems with resistance that can show up and because the virus seems to rebound very quickly). In other words, your experience is not surprising in the least. It does not mean that you can live indefinitely without treatment however. In which case, I'd advise you to see how HIV patients are treated in other countries with either government-run health insurance (e.g. Canada) or health care systems (e.g. the UK). These non-profit systems, all of which have much greater incentives to hold down costs than the US system does, all treat HIV in pretty much the same way.

I'm not sure I agree with this. At least not all the time. I'd say that the HOST should be the one to set the ground rules. Sometimes that's the bottom, sometimes that's one of the tops. This, I get. I don't care if you're at a gang bang, an orgy or fucking in a bar or bathhouse. I'm cool with other guys watching and giving some verbal encouragement. But when two guys are having sex, you can look but do not touch unless you are invited. I've had very hot public scenes in baths ruined because some third guy could not keep his hands to himself and would not take no for an answer. I understand a lot of bottom guys will say they're versatile, but still, that's a bit drastic. I'd frankly love working over a hole with ya and giving that slut plenty of both of our cream. And I got the manners to stand back and watch you do your thing without any interference. No guarantees I wouldn't ask for your number afterwards if I liked what I saw though. But like I said, let the host set the ground rules for the fun. If you don't like em, don't go. If another guy breaks them, then you got a legit complaint and you can feel free to bitch slap his ass.

This is mostly true, but there is one small caveat: recent research on aging seems to indicate that life expectancy can be tied to cumulative damage done over the course of years by the combination of different, otherwise unrelated factors. For instance, have HIV by itself may not be deadly, but it does put a certain amount of strain on the body. Add to that strain (through, say, smoking or drinking or poor diet or through other chronic diseases like diabetes, or even the chronic side effects of HIV meds) and the toll increases to the point where perhaps you don't die of HIV strictly speaking, but you might have a heart attack a bit earlier than you otherwise would have. So the point is, yes you can have a completely normal life expectancy with HIV. It is a manageable condition. But if you start piling several manageable conditions on top of each other, you start running into problems. Short answer: make your vices few, and choose them carefully. BTW, congrats on the article!

Men have been wanting bigger cocks since, well, forever. 99.9% of what's out there is nothing but a scam that's playing off your insecurities. The other 0.1%, as Belfast-Bottom said, is surgery. And that might work! But there is also the risk of complications. And those complications could range from disfigurement to impotence. Do you really want to risk that? The surgeries discussed were all invented to help men who have a condition called micropenis. That's generally considered to be less than 2 inches long when fully erect. Only if you happen to fall into that particular category would I even consider recommending surgery to you; the potential risks are too serious otherwise. Now: from your chosen screen name here, I'm guessing you're a bit overweight. And as the body deposits fat under the skin, it will cause the apparent length of your cock to shorten (it's still all there, just partially buried under suprapubic fat). Start losing body fat and you'll start gaining apparent length. You also said you wanted bigger loads of cum. My experience is that my own loads vary in size, but what seems to work best in my experience is all of the normal health advice: eat a healthy diet, exercise (this definitely increases both my libido and my loads), keep yourself hydrated, avoid drugs (including alcohol and nicotine), get enough rest, etc. I've also noticed that whenever I've been in a particularly good mood, my sex drive and my loads get bigger, but that's not something we have as much direct control over.

People choose barebacking over safer sex for a wide variety of reasons, usually more than one. Some do it because it's how they were introduced to fucking. Some do it because it just feels better. Some do it because it can be more spontaneous or because fumbling for a condom and lube breaks the mood. Some do it because they get off on breaking the rules. Some like the thrill of the risk. Some do it because they're in love (or heavy lust) with a guy who barebacks so they follow his lead. Some do it under the influence of drugs. But I've also noticed that some guys seem to bareback out of a sense of low self esteem, depression and/or internalized homophobia. A big part of the thinking here seems to revolve around both the increased risk of STDs and the idea of completely giving yourself away cheaply. I've got no idea whatsoever if this applied to you, but if, at some level, it did, the act of coming out to your family, which would have helped resolve a lot of the anxiety and perhaps guilt and shame you were feeling over being gay, may have brought you to the point where you feel better about yourself and so don't feel the need to act as you did while you were in the closet. You know, this is definitely one side effect of being very sexually active. After a while, activities that were once incredibly exciting can lose a lot of their interest. When I first came out of the closet, cocksucking was amazingly, intensely hot. Now, for me anyways, it's just a means to an end...getting the top hard and ready to move on to the next thing. Part of that is simple experience...I know a lot more about sex now and know that there are tons of other things that guys can do together. But I also think it's possible to actually get almost bored with some sex acts if you do them all the time. I think that's a part of my creeping interest in different kinks. I remember a time when watching guys in the bathhouse get into a public fisting scene would both fascinate and repel me, but I'd tell myself, "There's no way in hell I'd ever do that!" Now, I am one of those guys. I look at men in their early 20s who get into all kinds of kinky shit, and on the one hand, it's hot, and I'm kind of jealous. But I also ask myself, "How are these guys ever going to grow any further sexually, when they're already doing everything imaginable now? Where will they be at 30? 40? 50?" I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of them might very well end up turning their back on sex altogether because it's all old hat and boring, which would really be a shame. And the real danger of that is if a lot of the attraction comes from breaking a taboo, as it often does for barebacking. Break a taboo once, and it's exciting. Do it repeatedly, and it's no longer a taboo. Remove the social repression, like we used to have back in the '90s, and that part of the attraction can disappear completely. I sometimes wonder just what I'd have to do to start raising eyebrows again (which, in my case, used to be something I really loved about being gay, back before we became the latest "in thing"). I don't know, maybe take a vow of celibacy and join a Carthusian monastery.

Somebody needs to re-read his Schopenhauer. I think you can be temporarily exhausted. And I've noticed that if I have really good time at the bathhouse, I'll kind of be over sex for the next little bit. I also think you can, to a certain extent, get bored with sex, which tends to push you towards more and more extreme acts in order to keep things interesting. Finally, I understand that the sexual drive lessens as you age. Some have considered this to be a liberation from the sexual drive.

I've also found that they really don't like multiple ads (or ads posted in multiple places) from a single email address. They assume that you're spamming the site, or trying to manipulate things so that your ad ends up on top all the time. Be very careful to always delete your previous ad if you post a new one. And vary the wording and presentation a bit if you have two ads running, with each ad coming from a separate email address (which means of course that you'll need multiple phone numbers....ugh). I've also stayed away from creating accounts with craigslist, as then they seem to track your postings more carefully. I only really started running into trouble with posts mysteriously not showing up when I was assured everything was fine after creating an account. I've not run into problems with specific words causing my ads to not work, but occasionally there's been some trouble if you try to put too many numbers because craigslist will think you're trying to post a phone number. So if you're putting stats in your ad, I'd suggest having a general description in the posting, with a note that you'll send specific stats and pictures via email. Do be aware that some users of craigslist will take it upon themselves to flag certain ads for removal. These usually involve drug use or prostitution, but sometimes you'll get people who don't like barebacking. On the specific question above, I've always just selected "dating, romance, long term relationship (ltr)" on the first screen and then "i am a man seeking a man" and it seems to work OK for me.

Color me skeptical. The latest, best polling I've been able to find puts Johnson at 7% nationally. And I think that reflects the weakness of the GOP field more than any inherent strength that Johnson brings to the table. If the Libertarian Party actually reached 7% in a general election, I think they'd be justifiably ecstatic. I've not seen any polling that places Johnson in the lead in a three-way race in New Mexico vs. Obama and Romney. The highest polling I saw for him there put him at about 23%, very respectable, but still in third place. And that's in a state where he's got good residual name recognition from his time in office as governor. If you have different figures, please feel free to post. I'd love to see a more viable Libertarian Party. I just don't believe it's actually going to happen.

Again, looking at things solely through the lens of gay politics, it's really hard to say Obama hasn't pushed through pretty much everything he promised to. As far as I'm concerned, the repeal of DADT is huge (that one really affected me, however, since I got kicked out of the military under DADT. Actually went to the recruiters last year to see if they'd let me back in, and they would! But I'd have had to go through basic training again. At 40. Plus, they didn't know I had HIV, so I'd have failed the physical.) It's true he hasn't done much on the marriage front, although one could argue about choosing not to defend DOMA in court. But on the other hand, he didn't promise to push for marriage rights either. I like both Buddy Roemer (whose big issue is corruption and crony capitalism) and Gary Johnson (who's running basically with a fiscal conservative/social liberal vibe I find very attractive), but let's be realistic here. Neither of them are likely to crack 5% in the general election. They'd legitimately consider it a real accomplishment to get half that. Like it or not, the two party system here in the US is here to stay. You simply will not get third parties big enough to make a difference here or force coalition governments like you see in Western Europe for structural reasons. Although you could argue that our division of powers generally results in de facto coalition governments here in the US (since the Republican control the House right now and the Democrat have the White House and a bit of an upper hand in the Senate).

Here's my problem with Ron Paul: he's not really a libertarian, he's a federalist. What's the difference? Libertarians would like to see the choices on issues like gay marriage (and abortion and other hotbutton social issues) returned to the individual and to private organizations. If you want say you're married to an eggplant, libertarians have no problem with that. Libertarians basically want to render the argument over government recognition of marriage moot by removing all government recognition of marriage, including repealing laws and regulations that provide tax benefits to married couples, social security, health insurance regulations, etc. So, yes, libertarians have a good position on same-sex marriage. They just arrive at it by having (IMO) a pretty bad position on a lot of other things. But that's not what Ron Paul's all about. He's been involved with the libertarian movement off and on for decades, but really, he's a federalist. What the difference? Yes, he wants the federal government out of the marriage business. He wants the federal government out of a lot of businesses it's in. But Ron Paul doesn't return that power to regulate to the private citizen, the way a libertarian would, he turns it back over to the individual states. This ends up tossing out a lot of federal law that's poised to become very favorable to us. For instance, Ron Paul would permit states to reenact sodomy laws if they wanted to. Right now, the federal government prevents people from being arrested for having sex with someone of the same gender. Ron Paul would hand us back to the tender loving mercies of states like Alabama or Texas. So if you're looking at gay rights alone (and I don't suggest you do), you want a candidate who will best push that agenda at the federal level. Ron Paul is not that candidate.

There's an extremely hot bear cub in Denver who's the same way. I've always been up front with him about my preference for barebacking and my HIV status. And I know he enjoys getting fucked raw. He just had always had that head-in-the-sand approach of not letting guys he knew were poz fuck him (and he candidly admitted that he'd probably unknowingly taken poz loads already, he just couldn't do it consciously). We've messed around on multiple occasions. Each time, we go a little further. He knows I really want to fuck and breed his ass. Last time we were together, he finally let me inside him to fuck him a bit, but he pulled off me as I was getting close and I shot outside of him. Now, I've received a message from him saying that he's ready and really wants my load. And hopefully we'll be doing it soon, when the schedules work out. I've often thought that every man I've been with has taught me something. This guy has really taught me the virtue of patience and respect. I'm really glad I respected him enough to let him set the boundaries and not cross them. And that's been hard sometimes! I've really wanted to fuck this guy, in part, I think, because he wouldn't let me, though we both very clearly want it. The anticipation has really driven me crazy, and that's an experience very few guys give me these days. It's almost like how it used to be for straight men when women used to wear those modest, floor-length dresses, and a little show of ankle was enough to drive you wild. I get that now

Hey man, DC is a great place to get plenty of bareback sex. As a matter of fact, I don't know for sure but I'm reasonably certain that's where some guy pozzed me back when I was stationed there (I took a hell of a lot of anonymous raw cock and cum up my ass there, and the timing would be about right). Unfortunately, I've heard that a couple of my favorite hangouts are gone. Are you down to just the one bath up by Dupont Circle now?

Gotcha...NW Denver here when I'm in town, I-70 and Sheridan, over by Lakeside. Unfortunately, if anything, I'm on the road even more than you are these days, but hopefully our schedules will align at some point. Maybe we can get that big room in the basement, with the larger bed and the sling all right there.

Sounds like you're doing it exactly right. As long as he keeps up the interest and you keep doing what you're doing patiently and safely, I'm sure you'll get there. The first time it happens, I guarantee his eyes will roll back into his head and every synapse in his brain will fire in a kind of intense pleasure overload. As for lube, I'm a bit of a traditionalist. I like Crisco the best. It's cheap, has a nice consistency and holds up extremely well. The downside is that it tends to get into absolutely everything and is very hard to clean up. Back in the day, you always knew when you walked into a house where guys who liked to fist lived...the miasma of Crisco seemed to get into everything. Don't use it on a bed or in a room with carpeting. Have lots of old towels and paper towels on hand. Anything that gets Crisco on it (including you and the bf) is best cleaned up with Dawn dish soap first. There are other lubes out there that are pretty good for fisting too, like J-lube and Elbow Grease. Neither are quite as good as Crisco IMO, but they'll get the job done and are generally easier to clean up. They're also quite a bit more expensive too, unfortunately.

Alas, I'm on the road most of the time for work these days, but when I'm back in town and hitting the baths, I'd be happy to jump into one of the slings in the basement for ya. That goes double for if you happened to be in there too, though I hope you'd do a hell of a lot more than just watch!

It could also be what he was brought up with. Oftentimes, people will make all kinds of allowances for members of a racial group that they know and are friends, while still making disparaging remarks about the group as a whole. In a similar sort of way, I know guys who'll complain about "n*ggers" but who clearly regard that as a subset of black people. To them, a "n*gger" is someone who's uninterested in working, probably involved with drugs, has some low-level criminal involvement, etc. Obviously, there's a racial component there too; the term doesn't apply to similar whites (they generally get the "trailer trash" label or something similar). I actually think your social class has a lot to do with how you feel about the subject. Middle and upper class people (which I assume includes most of the readership here) don't usually have much exposure to the underclass. Working class people often do; they frequently live side-by-side and are often resentful of their neighbors who are seen as not being willing to help themselves out of poverty getting any kind of extra assistance. Race then becomes a convenient way of expressing that resentment.

Yup, absolutely. I do best in situations where there's a structure I can follow and an expected outcome. That's why I liked gay bars in the '90s but not so much now. When cruising was done in person, there was a set of rules to follow to get to what you wanted. Hell, you could flag your interests if you were in the leather scene. And I almost never approached anyone I was interested in, but signaled my interest through eye contact and waited for them to make the first move. Now that cruising's moved online, the bars tend to be much more of a freeform social venue. Much harder for me to navigate. It takes me a while to open up to other people. Generally, that's something that needs to be done one-on-one or perhaps with a couple. I find groups of three or more very intimidating, especially if I don't know any of them. I think that has a lot to do with why I like anonymous sex so much. I get what I want without having to go through the ordeal of all of the other social interaction. I even find maintaining the acquaintances that I do have in the bars to be exhausting. I'm much more inclined towards having just a few pretty deep friendships. But mostly, I'm at my most comfortable where I can be self-reliant as much as possible.

I suppose I used to have a bit of a romantic side. When I was growing up, I always really rather liked all of the traditional romantic rituals around dating that a lot of straight people have. I liked the idea of taking someone out for dinner and a show, showing up on her doorstep with flowers or other such gifts, that sort of thing. I probably would have made some woman a very thoughtful husband because I like doing all the sorts of things that women like done for them. I just don't like the women or the sex, which is why most straight guys suffer through all of that sort of thing. Anyways, when I was dating my first serious boyfriend, I was on his way over to his place, and I thought it would be nice to stop and get some flowers to bring along over as a small gift. I got such a look from that, as if to say, "you do realize I'm a guy, right?" We had sex anyways, but I learned that you don't date men like you do women. So I've never really indulged any of that romantic side of me ever again. Once bitten, twice shy I suppose. Sometimes, I do kind of wish it wasn't so easy to get laid, or even to jump into a relationship. If you don't have to work hard to get something you often seem to value it less. If I ever do find myself looking for a new partner again, I may consider putting a "no sex, no living together" policy for the first little bit, just to see if someone can draw out that romantic side of me again. On the other hand, way back when I did try dating women, I did have an huge tendency to put them up on a pedestal. That may have been my way of avoiding taking the relationship in a direction I didn't really want to go, but I suspect I'd probably do the same thing if I were romantically dating a guy too. I do know that I don't really seem to get into getting really nasty and piggy with men I'm involved with. But then again, I've never dated a guy who was a real pig before either.

/jk!

Very strange. I was going to reply to the original post by saying that I don't think I've ever run into a bottom that would turn me down just because I'm versatile (probably mostly a numbers thing...bottoms tend to outnumber tops out there). But then, lo and behold, JustProwling turns up. I can kinda sorta get where he's coming from. Frankly, for some time, I had problems with my own sense of masculinity, both because I'm gay and because I really do love to bottom just as much as top. Often, that's led me into doing a lot of things just to "prove" my masculinity to myself and to others. Enlisting in the Army is a good case in point. And I've never had a thing for more effeminate men. Top or bottom, I like my guys to be guys. But I guess my main response to someone like JustProwling would be that I've found (through extensive experience ) that versatile guys usually make MUCH better sexual partners than total tops or total bottoms. I think that's because you can learn an awful lot about how to be a good bottom by fucking one, and vice versa. Whereas total tops never experience just what it is they're doing to their bottoms, not directly at least, so they're less apt to pick up on all those great techniques and tricks that another really good top might teach them. As far as this goes, I will say that, no matter whether I'm on top or bottom, whenever I'm in the middle of sex, I'm usually focused like a laser on the present moment. It's kind of hard to explain, but when my cock is buried in a hot ass, I am mentally a total and complete top, with absolutely no reservations whatsoever. Ditto for when I'm getting fucked. It's actually pretty rare for me to want to flip in the middle of sex with a guy; when it has happened, he's usually initiated it. My guess is that guys who flip probably prefer one position or the other and view their less favored position as the "price of admission" to get with a guy they like, but they'll revert to their preferred position as quickly as they can. In other words, the kind of tops JustProwling is talking about really want to be bottoms, but for some reason feel like they have to top to get into having sex at all, if that makes any sense.

You have to be a little careful with some of those assumptions. There's a tendency to assume that racism = prejudice towards blacks, which comes from the history of slavery and segregation here in the US. But of course, any race can be a target and anyone can be a racist. Canada's actually a great case in point. Canadians generally pride themselves on their liberalism and open-mindedness when it comes to race. But in some parts of the country, there's a huge blind spot where Natives are concerned.