PhoenixGeoff

Bottoms who just lie there and don't react...I like a bottom who'll do his best to work at having a good fuck as I do. I'm also not a fan of demanding bottoms who try to tell me my business as a top. Telling me what you enjoy is perfectly fine (in fact I want to hear it and if I can I'll try to work it into the mix), as is telling me if something I'm doing isn't working for you (I want us both to have a good time) but ordering me around isn't my idea of a fun time.

Damn...I can't possibly choose. I've had guys who hit exactly the right note at pretty much every point during sex, from getting undressed to lying next to each other bathed in that warm, happy feeling. Some favorites: a moment like the one rawTOP describes, when I know the top, whoever he is, has recognized me for the pig I am and is turned on by it. One top I used to know was a master at working me to a frenzy, teasing my ass with his cock and leaving me begging for him to put it in. I won't say the rest of the sex was anti-climactic because it wasn't, but that moment really sticks out in my mind with him in particular. Another had the perfect size and shape and curvature and technique to hit me just right and make me cum multiple times without touching my cock. Another guy had the perfect ass...I'm usually pretty damn good at edging and controlling exactly when I cum...this guy's ass took control of my cock and could get a load out of me anytime he wanted to... So I guess the moment where I know I've crossed the line and can't hold back my load any more but right before I cum is a damn good one too. But then, so is the actual moment of release when I first start spurting. But there's also the moment when the other guy shoots, which I love to feel as either a top or a bottom (and don't make me choose between those two either...the experience is really different for me depending on whether I feel it with my cock or my ass). And I do really love lying there basking in that after-sex glow too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need more research with more men before I make up my mind!

That's actually pretty close to my routine as well, except I try to get the fruits, vegetables and whole grains all the time...it's not just good for keeping clean, it's healthy too! The biggest culprits causing problems with cleanliness in my experience are unfortunately things in plentiful supply in the American diet: meats, cheeses, fats of all kinds, etc. However, the whole routine is only necessary if I'm going to be getting into some serious assplay or gangbang action, or if you're going to be a bottom in a video. If you've been keeping up on your fiber (and yogurt or acidophilus; good bacteria in your gut helps keep you healthy and clean too), then as long as you've recently taken a shit, you're probably good to go for good fuck or two. Obviously, it's better to have a quick clean-out if you can, but sometimes opportunity comes knocking when you can't. Mind if I ask the purpose of the Imodium and the Midol? The Midol in particular seems strange to me...it's just an OTC painkiller. If you've been doing things right (nice and gentle and relaxed, as you say) there shouldn't be any pain, and if there is pain, that's a sign that something's wrong and you should probably stop.

It's kind of a shame that we can't do more complicated polls: see some crosstabs. For instance, I'd very much like to see if people's attitudes are any different if they've converted recently vs. converted 20 years ago. I know HIV has cut some time from my life expectancy. But I think the amount of time you lose is partly dependent on how old you are when you convert. Guys who convert at 20 may have a shorter life expectancy than those who convert at 50. After all, if you convert at 50, you only spend 25 years living with HIV to reach a normal life expectancy. If you convert at 20, you would have to live with HIV for 55 years. That's an incredibly long time to make it, even with new meds (and new classes of meds) coming out fairly routinely. But this also means that there's a diminishing risk associated with contracting HIV as you age. If I contract HIV at 20 and only live for 20 more years, I die right in the prime of life. If I contract HIV at 50 and live 20 more years, that's really not so bad. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that the older I get, the less and less likely I'd be to worry about converting. All of that being said, converting has changed me in ways both subtle and gross. If I were offered the ability to change my past so that I had never been infected, I'm not sure I'd take that opportunity; I wouldn't be the man I am today. All in all, I rather like myself as I am.

Not to derail the thread, but what is it with the pretty boys who are sexually incompetent? I guess it stems from spending all your time in the bathhouse throwing attitude around instead of actually having sex (and learning how to be good at it in the process).

Pozbear, if I may, a directly personal, if public, appeal. Find a way to get yourself back on the meds. I know these ways exist (like I said, I have an HIV+ ex I'm in touch with living in Toronto). I don't know your personal reasons and won't ask what they are, but I do know that choosing a slow-motion suicide in the form of not treating your HIV doesn't help anyone at all (and I know this because I've had to look at some of my own past actions in a similar light). Dammit man, if it means I have to go back up there myself to be a half-decent barebacking poz top, tell me. The world needs men like you who actually lived through what it was like. Maybe not to reach the thick-headed numbskulls like me--I'm beyond hope--but to help keep living memory of what AIDS did to us alive. We've already lost too many guys like you.

I'm glad I read through pozbear's posts. It's particularly interesting to me because I came out in Toronto around 1990. My first partner (we lived near the old Maple Leaf Gardens at the south end of the "gay ghetto" for a time; he still lives in T.O.) almost died from untreated HIV some years ago (he's doing much better now but lives on disability). I have to wonder if the difference in age between us (and date of diagnosis) plays a huge role in our different approaches to HIV. I was just beginning what would become my coming out process around the same time pozbear was diagnosed. The men I met knew people who had died and did their best to impress upon me the need for safe sex. But I was also insulated from the direct experience of the disease. I wasn't close to anyone I knew to have HIV (although I did learn that a couple of former co-workers in Toronto had died during a brief visit back after joining the Army). So I got what I saw as well-meaning hectoring without any direct experience of the consequences of "unsafe" sex. My time in the Army insulated me as well. I had no close gay friends between 1995 and 2000 and only a handful of acquaintances that I hung out with with any consistency at all. And so, again, I had no direct experience of anyone dealing with HIV. Of course, by the time I left the Army in 2000, treatments were much, much better. So I have mostly missed the entire AIDS crisis and its lingering effects in one way or another for my entire life as a gay man. I always knew that it was out there; I always knew my behavior was becoming more and more reckless; but there's something about me that kept me from listening to what I was being told by those who had lived through it. Or maybe I just got tired of hearing it. One huge difference between us is that disability was never offered to me as an option. It was simply expected that I would continue to study (I was diagnosed while a college student after my discharge) and then work. My coverage has always been provided by either the VA or private insurance through work. I've also not worried about losing health insurance; I've had the VA to fall back on or, failing that, locally administered programs that specialize in HIV treatment. So all in all, my experience of HIV has not been the huge, earth-shattering thing that friends who were out in the late '80s remember. That's not to say that my diagnosis didn't inspire a great deal of introspection (it was the first time in my life that I knew--really knew--that I would someday die). But it proved to be something of anti-climax, compared with everything I'd heard about AIDS in the media of the '80s and from gay men I'd met when I first came out. To me, now, it's simply one of any number of manageable medical conditions. The medications can be annoying. It's a pain ensuring that treatment is taken care of. But it's not turned out to be this big, huge, scary thing that's completely marred my life.

Well I've decided to venture out a bit so I'll be flying to Palm Springs for a long weekend at the end of this month. There's going to be a bear event in town apparently. Hoping to have a really fun time!

"Hunk" to me refers almost totally to physical appearance. (But I personally rarely if ever use the term) "Stud" has more of a connotation of virility and sexual prowess. Maybe a bit more likely to be a top rather than a bottom (truly straight guys are pretty much never "studs" to me) although a masculine vers-bottom can be a stud too. Perhaps also something of masculine appearance and bearing too.

I'll start with one change for me that's kind of crept up on me. It really struck me as I was making dinner tonight (Steamed broccoli, carrots and peppers; lightly fried onions and garlic; brown rice; my own Asian sauce). In general, my diet is a hell of a lot better than it used to be. I cut out soda and fast food some time ago (I almost always drink water; if not that I drink juices). I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables and high fiber foods (and this coming from a kid who refused to touch vegetables growing up). I really reduced the meat I eat, and that is a lot more likely to be chicken or fish (I love sushi!) rather than beef. I think a big part of it was when I looked around at the guys who survived long enough to make it onto the new meds that came out in the mid-90s. Almost all of them seemed to take very good care of themselves especially as far as diet went. Another part comes from the regular doctor visits, every three months. I probably would not have been paying anywhere near as much attention to my weight, my cholesterol, my blood pressure, etc. if I wasn't going in to get my CD4 and viral load counts all the time. One nice side effect of this is that I've dropped a fair amount of weight since I started eating better, about 30 pounds or so, without really putting myself on a "diet" or watching how much I was eating. I just cut out the crap and upped the good stuff. I think the extra fiber is largely responsible for the weight loss (I started paying closer attention to that when my cholesterol and triglycerides started edging up, probably as a result of being on my meds for a few years as well as simply aging). I eat far less than I used to and still feel full. And the funny thing is, I really don't miss the burgers and fries and pizza and all that too much. Sure, I have them from time to time at a beer bust or a friend's house. But it's now just once or twice a month instead of a few times a week. And I've noticed now that if I do happen to grab a meal at McDonald's because I'm in a hurry, I almost always regret it: I feel kind of sick for a couple of days afterwards. So that's one huge improvement that HIV helped trigger for me. Sure I could have done it while I was still neg, but HIV really gave me the incentive the change in this department.

Since there are a lot of chasers or guys who don't care about status around here, I thought it might be useful for them to hear from those of us who are poz about how HIV has changed our lives, for the better, for the worse, or just changed things period. We've already heard a fair bit about how many guys approach sex and the quality and quantity of sex we may have after converting, so let's keep sex out of this particular conversation. Anything else is fair game though: diet, exercise, spirituality, work, money, relationships, whatever. And maybe nothing's really changed for you. Let's hear about that too.

Another HUGE favorite of mine...I also love the look on a top's face as he slides into my unexpectedly well-fucked ass and feels all that cum! A major reason I prefer barebacking in the first place. I fucking HATE artificial lubes...they dry out, get sticky, smell and TASTE nasty. A good bareback bottom should train himself to get fucked using nothing but either spit or (ideally) cum as lube

I'm technically savvy enough that I could have been downloading porn (as well as other things) for years now. I personally have always chosen not to. It seems to me that if a movie is worth watching then it's worth paying for somehow. There are lots of other options if you object to the price of a porn DVD (and I almost never buy DVDs because of their cost). If you want free porn, there's always xtube and similar sites. Sure, a lot of it's amateurish as well as amateur, but that can be part of the charm IMO. And there is some that's actually really decent quality stuff. Don't like the quality? Well you do get what you pay for. You could also get someone to make a video of you having sex (or jacking off or whatever). I personally think amateur porn shot by a cameraman, especially one with a little practice, looks a lot better than one shot by a participant or from a tripod, but try that too. To be honest, I find watching myself in a video to be strangely erotic. You can also upload your vids and share them with others (see above). If you have some good videos already but you're tired of them, how about trading with some of your fuck buds? I hit the video stores for a while cruising for sex before I discovered just how inexpensive it is to rent a video. As long as you return it on time, the price is really low (they do put a hold on your card in case you end up not returning your rentals). Or, like rawTOP says, most online porn places aren't that expensive given the sheer volume of stuff you get access too. There's really no excuse for downloading stuff illegally, not when consider how much legitimately free porn there is, and how little stuff can legitimately cost with a little creative thinking.

Definitely one of my favorites. Very hot taking loads from guys without seeing or knowing who they are...same applies to getting fucked in a darkroom or through a gloryhole. I know this thread is about what bottoms like, but I also love this as a top too...shoving my raw cock in a random hole and dumping my load into him. The only guarantee is that I know my load will end up in a man who deserves it...any pig willing to get bred completely anonymously is my kinda guy!

Sounds like a challenge to me...have you been whoring his ass out enough?

Or if you've been fucked so hard or so long or by so many guys that you can't hold in all the cum, I'd take that as a sign of a good night. I actually like it (in a sleazy kinda way) when my hole is pretty much beyond my control and leaking cum...if only every night ended with that!

Yeah I fucking HATE bareback.com's interface. I have never been able to successfully navigate that site. Anyone remember some of the earlier sites no longer with us? Barebackcity was actually really fun and cool to use, but unfortunately the owners never could deal with the bandwidth costs and the whole thing fell apart because it was a money pit with latency that drove people away. I'm not sure but I think there was another bareback hookup site around at the same time. Or maybe that was the old bareback.com which I vaguely recall liking. The very first barebacking website was one run by a guy out of Texas (I think) that I found in the mid-90s. It not only talked about raw sex at a time when that was a major taboo, but was very frank about deliberately passing HIV around. That site was the first one when I heard about the terms "gift giving" and "bug chasing." It's also been the only (mostly) text website that' consistently got me hard and blowing a load. I know the site folded after a few years; I think the proprietor got sick and is likely no longer with us. I don't suppose anyone knows the site I'm talking about (I forget the name) and if it's been preserved anywhere? I checked the wayback machine a few months ago, but got nothing.

A few hours ago. My boyfriend and I were flip fucking each other. I suddenly realized that I really needed to piss. That was a golden opportunity (pun intended). He climbed on my semi-hard cock and buried it in his ass. Then we relaxed and waited. And I was FINALLY able to give him my piss up his ass (I've never been a successful piss top before because I get stage fright and cannot get started). Very fucking hot! And yeah, his ass was all nice and warm and wet and felt so fucking good...I hope this means that I can start enjoying watersports as a top as well as a bottom now!

Oh yeah and guys who go to the bath, rent a room, and then wander around not having sex because apparently no-one there measures up to their standards. Or those who get all insulted and prissy because another guy approaches them. We're all at the fucking bath to get laid guys! And just by setting foot in the place you've already labeled yourself a slut willing to at least consider sex with a guy you just met. So lose the attitude and jump in and spread some fun while you enjoy yourself.

Wusses who are scared to fuck and breed my ass just cuz I've already got a load or two in me. Yeah I get bred by guys I don't know. Yeah, that's means I'm probably poz or soon will be. But that's no reason not to fuck me raw and give me your load too...the odds of you getting HIV from topping me are tiny (especially considering I'm personally undetectable). You take a bigger risk driving to the fucking bathhouse. Likewise, guys generally who are scared of HIV based on the blind panic leftover from the 80s, not the facts. That includes guys who refuse to fuck without a condom, guys who refuse to fuck poz men, guys who refuse to fuck in a bathhouse or vid store (what, will my HIV magically disappear if you go to your place or a hotel?) and guys who refuse to fuck at all simply out of fear of HIV.

5 - Guys who'll just walk up and shove their raw cock up your hole no questions asked. I love this because it means the top either recognizes that I'm the kind of guy who takes loads and won't turn down a bare cock or he doesn't give a fuck what I want but only cares about finding a hot hole to dump his load. 6 - Mirrors on the ceiling over a sling I love watching my ass get fucked...nuff said

Completely forgot about FTL/Miami...heard good things...tell me, I tend to go for bears (30-55 or so, facial and body fur, bigger guys) and leather/kink...do you get a lot of that crowd down there?

Yeah, I've only been to IML once, back in 1998, when I was still in the Army (drove up from Ft. Campbell). Didn't go quite as wild as I might have, but I did get great mileage out of that uniform. I also discovered that a soldier in his mid-to-late twenties at IML does not need to waste money on a hotel room I keep meaning to go back but never have. Mostly it's a matter of thinking that I need to plan out the weekend in advance and get everything lined up. By the time I start thinking about it, everything's booked. I guess I should really do what I did last time and just GO.

It's very hot, especially when you consider it takes a couple of tops of a certain size to make it work...really love having two men in my ass at once. Unfortunately it's been a while since I've managed this...in the past it's never really been planned out, just kind of happened.

Hell, for a guy like me who's turned on by slutty men, how could I not enjoy this? Figuring out the geometry and making sure everyone's comfortable can be a bit of a challenge, but yeah, this is always fun.