How often do you lie to doctors about the sex you're having?

[JakeTurner]

Before this year I only took a load here and there - I was mostly a top - just took 18 loads over 5 years - not that many. So when I'd go in for STD tests I'd just say I was 95% top and that was enough to keep the doctors happy. But so far this year I've taken 29 loads - some of them from poz guys who weren't on meds. I'm sorta overdue for an STD checkup and wondering how I should handle it when they start asking details - which they do here in NYC. I'm thinking I'm going to just flat out lie and say I've only taken a couple loads from regulars who I knew were neg. I really don't want to hear the lecture of "what is a neg guy doing taking poz loads from complete strangers?"

Thoughts on how to handle it?

[rawcardiff1991]

I always tell the truth as it's in medical confidence and I'd rather they had the full picture. Just me.

[fillmyholeftl]

I am with rawcardiff on this. You can't expect proper treatment from a health professional if you don't give the facts. Go to an anonymous testing site/clinic, if you just want validation.

[mspButtMunch]

I know every time I request an HIV blood test from my primary care physician, I get the "safe-sex talk". I can't wait to see her face if I turn up poz one of these days, I'll probably get the "I told you so" scolding. hahaha Don't have the 'guts' to tell her I gave up on condom-sex years ago. LOL..

[AlwaysOpen]

I have a great doc here in Ft Lauderdale- he is on Kink Aware Professionals listings as a matter of fact. I am anything but reserved in the sex I partake in, and every visit with him I make sure to let him know, not in gory detail- but in general terms- what all I have been doing. He no longer has to ask if I have been getting fisted or piss, or if I took 10 or 100 loads - he knows. And as such, he also knows what to look for and what to test for. If I have any issue, all I need to do is make an appointment and see him- never a judgement or lecture- he does his job and I am cared for. I think open, honest conversation with your doc is the absolute #1 factor in any care and treatment plan. I could care less if he has a flat screen TV in the waiting room or granite counters in the exam room- as long as he has open ears and no judgements

[Bear4Breeding]

@AlwaysOpen: I am with you on what you said about your doctor. I love mine too, she is the best, she doesn't really ask anything specific, she always new that I had an HIV test yearly and when I would tell her I was due for one she would put it on the lab script for me. She only ever asked once or twice about my sex life but I just gave her the truth as it was at the time she asked me, she never really said much or judged me in anyway, maybe a disapproving look now and then. She really only scoldes me on my cholesterol and my sugar...lol

Again, finding a Primary Care and even an ID doc that you can talk to without judgment is great, if you find one Hold on to them as they are rare and difficult to find these days. Most docs rush you through the appointment to get you in and out so that they can meet a quota or something. That I can't stand, left several PCP's because of that.

[straycowboy]

Unfortunately, I no longer have a doctor, they've all retired, or died themselves over the years, but I was always honest, even with embarrassing topics. They can't do their job if they don't know. The last dr. I saw was over my new bones, about 15 years ago. Damn that's been awhile. When I get tested for stds, I go anonymously to the Special Health services, here in town. Not that they don't know who I am, but I like the lack of records. Least tests& explaining medical records I have to do the better.

[hungry_hole]

My experience with the Sexual Health Clinic is great. I find that if I show them clearly that I understand the facts about HIV transmission then they won't bug me. But if they think that your behavior is due to ignorance then they will give the lecture. With me they don't bother. I find that they are used to hearing outrageous sexual behaviors.

I met my doctor at the Sexual health Clinic many years ago (25+) and I've been his patient ever since. We've both agreed that I better get tested at the clinic. So he doesn't have to know about my sexual behavior and how many men I've had sex with.

[not_sure_bb]

Id never lie to my doctor

[whoai]

I hadn't heard about the "Kink Aware Professionals" list before but that's awesome. Now, if I just didn't live in the boonies of the bible belt.

[straycowboy]

I hadn't heard about the "Kink Aware Professionals" list before but that's awesome. Now, if I just didn't live in the boonies of the bible belt.

The bible belt will get you every time. What I always found crazy are the ones that cruise the park for bjs/fucking with/ from boys, then go to church sunday for forgiveness, then be back out there by the end of the day to repeat their indiscretions.

[AgentColby]

As a gay man you should have a primary that you feel comfortable with. One you can be honest with and not feel any judgement or embarassment. I have a primary that is gay and I am honest with him. He knows my sexual lifestyle. My first appt, he asked series of questions and I laid it out for him. I was honest I exclusively BB and have been for years. Since he knows my history, he knows what to look out for on every visit and what tests to do.

At the end of the day, doctors are professionals. They have seen it all and heard it all. Importantly, they must remain professional and provide a safe space.

If you feel you need to lie to your doctor, you may not be getting the best care.

[TigerMilner]

I have to have a doctor I can confide in. If I feel i cannot, then I find a new one. I've had a gay doctor since I was 21 and I've always been open about my sexual habits. They can't properly treat you if they don't know. My first HIV Specialist asked me if I used condoms 100% of the time. "I wouldn't be here if I did now would I?" I knew right then she was not the right one for me.

My current Immunologist is awesome. I can, and do, tell him everything. I even told him in January that I was shooting bareback porn and would be taking loads from at least 3 men. He is also smoking hot! I've seen him out at gay bars. I wonder if he uses condoms when he fucks.

[fuckboy20]

This is actually refreshing to hear. When I tested poz and got the testing at a counselor like center everything I filled out was basically gone over. I was honest about barebacking but when it came down to "how many guys you played with". I don't like lying. I hate it. But I put 20. Because off the top of my head 20 is what I remember..that being in the last 3-4 months. He said, "Well that is a high number but the good news is if you stick to condoms you are young and you can have as many partners as you want and be safe and have fun". He was basically trying to sell safe sex to me. And when I did confirm poz he insisted now that I'm poz I don't go to just bareback and still use condoms. And when I got tested the first time he told me, "Well go have fun this weekend and don't worry about it. We can even give you some condoms so you can have some safe fun." I wanted to choke or slit my wrists when I heard that. I told them I don't need them and that I was too devastated to have sex for a while. Partially true.

But it's like those guys on some online sites who say, "Play safe but play hard". It's really useless trying to sell safe sex like it's trendy, hipster, and cool. Doing it that way fails harder than the US Sex Education Classes.

But with a center like that I can't be honest with them. It was just be too much lecturing and the jesus condom speech. I am going to see a doctor soon and I actually was a little bit nervous about what to tell a doctor that I might see more often. I'm just gonna straight out say, "Yeah..a month or two ago I had 9 or so loads up my ass before I went to sleep and most were poz/und/unknown." I just felt that if you are honest about bareback, taking loads, and etc. that they won't want to give you meds, tests, or care because you are viewed as part of the problem (which maybe, technically we are) but maybe this only applies if you are trying to get meds for free or discount and don't have a higher income or good insurance.

[BiAggieGuy]

I never do, not in a long time. If I have a health problem, I'd rather my doctor know everything he needs to treat it.

My doctor knows what I do, and has told me I should always practice safe sex, but he also respects my decisions and doesn't lecture me about it.