Does a white man belong in a sex club geared towards men of color?

[TattPig]

When I go to a gay bar, especially our leather bar, I go there for a reason--to be around similar guys. And when a bachelorette party waltzes through, or a bunch of twinks inappropriately dressed, or a straight couple (usually out with gay friends who aren't into leather--just showing off how cool they are to know about this place), it changes things. And not for the better, in my opinion and that of my friends. We resent the intrusion.

Gay bars exist for a reason. Leather bars exist for a reason. Black bars exist for a reason. Gay bathhouses exist for a reason. Sometimes we just need to be with our own; for some people it's their only time. My guess is that if you didn't have much luck until you went to the dark room, that's a sign that most of the guys didn't appreciate your being there. Like it or not, you were intruding on their space. And just because there was only one of you doesn't make it okay; it's not a gray area or a sliding scale. One person breaks the scene.

Think about it this way--what if a black woman had gotten in? Would that have been okay? I bet not.

I know that I sound like an awful scold in the above paragraphs (sorry), but I've dealt with this in similar situations (females wanting to attend all-male S/M events). We have a right to our own spaces.

[NiceHard1]

Great posts everyone - Tiger and BBZH especially.

I understand your desire to be there. I find places that are white dominated to be, well, very plain, white, and not as interesting as places with a greater variety and diversity of men. Places that promote to men of color can be the same in reverse. I have gone to men of color parties in NYC, and have found the majority of guys to be welcoming, with a small handful not unfriendly, but also not looking to hook up with me. I suppose it can be different at different places or different parts of the country. But I think both extremes are limiting themselves. I would like to find more venues that attract a greater mix and diversity of men. I would travel somewhere to find that, so if anyone has recommendations, please let us know.

[VersatileBreeder]

No, you had every right to go there and check it out. And they did the right thing by letting you in. If they turned you away, it would have been bad form on their part. What does it matter that you were the only white man in the place?

I am surprised that whereas you did get action, you also got turned away by some guys and there were others who didn't even notice you. I would have thought being the only hot white bottom in a club like that might have made you the center of attention.

Even still though, I can totally understand how you felt out of place. A few years ago, I was on vacation in Rome with a friend and we were club hopping one night (dance clubs, not sex clubs). Not being familiar with the club scene in Italy or the area there in Rome, we mistakenly stumbled into a club that looked just like any other on the outside, but inside turned out to be a thrash heavy death metal club. Whereas everyone in there was dressed in heavy rock-n-roll gear, we were just two preppy looking 20-somethings who wanted to bump and grind to some house music in a dance club. We felt COMPLETELY out of place, so I know the feeling.

[VersatileBreeder]

Actually, Tiger, I just checked out their website and I am curious... It looks like this place is a members only club... How did you get in without applying to be a member?

[Pozfetish]

" it was only for men of color. They reserve the right to turn you away."

And if the club was for white men only just how long do you think they would retain the right to 'turn you away' ? I cannot believe you or anyone thinks this can even be remotely ok.

[GermanFucker]

@ Tattpig and Pozfetish:

I think the problem is that black skin is both a racial identifier and a sexual preference. So what is appalling from a societal standpoint (racial segregation) is quite understandable from a sexual one.

Everybody has that one white bottom among his friend, who's exclusively and constantly looking for big black cock - and who, most of the time doesn't realize that by doing so he reduces the African American attached to said cock to his genitals. Nobody wants to be reduced to just a single aspect (Yeah, sometimes it's fun when Americans tell me to "speak German to me" while I'm seeding them, but I wouldn't want to be "big scary German" 100% of the time, sometimes you just want to relax and have a good time). Imagine having that guy at a club like the Den, expecting to be the center of attention. Totally spoils the mood / the scene.

There is a whole lot of discrimination going on when it comes to sex. Most clubs / sex parties expect you to be HWP (height weight proportionate), often discriminating against a large (no pun intended) group of gays.

So - judging by the web site - the Den is walking that fine line quite gracefully. They say they are welcoming men of color and those who appreciate them, but reserve the right to choose and turn away, i.e. to set the scene the way they and their customers prefer it.

@ Tiger

IMHO you showed class by asking beforehand. And you obviously seemed cool enough for them to let you in.

If I were you, I'd just watch that I wouldn't overuse / abuse the privilege. Maybe go there from time to time with some black friends. But you probably wouldn't want to go there every night and in the end become what manyAfrican Americans find annoying: That needy white guy.

[HungBarebacker]

Exactly, if it was a club that advertised as being for white men imagine the uproar & whining from the politically correct crowd crying discrimination, etc.

" it was only for men of color. They reserve the right to turn you away."

And if the club was for white men only just how long do you think they would retain the right to 'turn you away' ? I cannot believe you or anyone thinks this can even be remotely ok.

[TattPig]

It looks like this place is a members only club... How did you get in without applying to be a member?

Membership is a formality at most places, many bathhouses are "member only". It's usually a higher first-time fee to join, then lower on subsequent visits. I don't know the exact policy at the club in question.

I remember a time when, in the Atlanta area, you had to be a "member" of a bar in order to drink--even in a hotel bar. You pay the cover charge, show your ID, and you're a member for the evening.

Edited December 14, 2013 by TattPig

[i69nwind]

I would so do that...my #1 fantasy is to be whored out/Pimped out to make my dark Daddy $$$

[Cherry Hole]

That club is meant for submissive white bottoms you are exotic in a place like that and the attention you get will be from somebody who you are helping fulfill fantasies, I would love to go to the South someday and just find BBCs to fuck all day and night!

[toad2]

So this cums down to will they let you in will they cum to you want to go to this Bar and be a slut for the night

[VersatileBreeder]

Exactly, if it was a club that advertised as being for white men imagine the uproar & whining from the politically correct crowd crying discrimination, etc.

Couldn't have said it any better myself. If it were a club advertised for white men, Al Sharpton would be down there in two seconds calling for a public protest and for the place to be shut down.

[TigerMilner]

Hey GF, Thanks for commenting. I always enjoy what you write. You seem like my kind of man. And you completely nailed what I was trying to communicate. the difference in society's stance on racial segregation and the sexual preference in terms of what a black man is to us is exactly where I was going with this. I actually was born and raised in a small town 45 miles outside Atlanta ( a very white community) so I felt like I was one of them. But Atlanta is a very African American city, both politically and sexually. I find that to be very hot. But I'm not one of those white bottoms who only goes for black men. I go for masculine men. And I find tall, dark and handsome to be a perfect combination. And to be totally self centered for a moment, I do think I look better with a black man. The contrast is hot.

Also, to the posters who asked about how i got in with out a membership? After reading that I remembered something and looked in my wallet and there it was: they gave me a membership card. I'd love to go back, but I am taking the advice I've received here and going to arrange to either meet some guys who will be expecting me or go with one of the members. I can't believe I forgot the membership card. But I was kind of nervous as I was checked in.

@ Tattpig and Pozfetish:

I think the problem is that black skin is both a racial identifier and a sexual preference. So what is appalling from a societal standpoint (racial segregation) is quite understandable from a sexual one.

Everybody has that one white bottom among his friend, who's exclusively and constantly looking for big black cock - and who, most of the time doesn't realize that by doing so he reduces the African American attached to said cock to his genitals. Nobody wants to be reduced to just a single aspect (Yeah, sometimes it's fun when Americans tell me to "speak German to me" while I'm seeding them, but I wouldn't want to be "big scary German" 100% of the time, sometimes you just want to relax and have a good time). Imagine having that guy at a club like the Den, expecting to be the center of attention. Totally spoils the mood / the scene.

There is a whole lot of discrimination going on when it comes to sex. Most clubs / sex parties expect you to be HWP (height weight proportionate), often discriminating against a large (no pun intended) group of gays.

So - judging by the web site - the Den is walking that fine line quite gracefully. They say they are welcoming men of color and those who appreciate them, but reserve the right to choose and turn away, i.e. to set the scene the way they and their customers prefer it.

@ Tiger

IMHO you showed class by asking beforehand. And you obviously seemed cool enough for them to let you in.

If I were you, I'd just watch that I wouldn't overuse / abuse the privilege. Maybe go there from time to time with some black friends. But you probably wouldn't want to go there every night and in the end become what manyAfrican Americans find annoying: That needy white guy.

[ExtremeTop]

So, going back to the original question, yes white men do belong in a club geared towards men of colour, they belong in the toilets with a mop cleaning up. I think tattpig makes the most sensible point in this forum.

[VersatileBreeder]

Tiger, I still think it's bullshit and not even a little bit okay that the suggestion is being made again and again that you didn't belong there. And I'll tell you why... The club advertises itself as that it "caters" to men of color. "Caters..." is very different than "serves only..." and that is not just in the sex club/bar world, that is universal.

Here is a good example. When I was younger and just out of college, I was working in an upscale restaurant that "catered" to people with money. A lot of money, I mean. It was a high-end clientele. Imagine a working or middle class guy who saved up a few dollars so that he can take his girlfriend out for a special dinner where he can propose to her. Should we turn this guy away because we "cater" to rich people and this guy showed up driving a Honda? The answer is no, we shouldn't. And why not? Because he came with the same purpose as everyone else. He shows up with his girlfriend, both dressed appropriately, and he had the money to spend that night.

You, my friend, showed up to that club with the same purpose as every other guy there. You had the naked body, you had the ass, and you wanted to get action. You weren't there to spectate. You weren't there to socialize. You were there to get action and that's what you got. The fact that you're white is neither here nor there. Perhaps there were guys there who are simply just not into white guys sexually and that's fine, we all have our preferences. But to say that you didn't belong there simply because you were white is wrong.

In my honest opinion, saying you didn't belong there because you were white is a statement with traces of racism it it. Not outwardly and obnoxiously racist, but still somewhat racist. I'm also not saying that it's wrong to have a club that caters to men of color either. It's the belief that you didn't belong there that I have a problem with. And as long as we live in a world where people believe in principles such as that clubs like this are necessary to segregate races and a white man just "doesn't belong," then that nasty little social bug we have called racism is NEVER GOING TO FUCKING DIE.