I think I'm going to test poz... Scared, confused and don't know what to do.

[VersatileBreeder]

I went for a follow up screening after I tested neg at three weeks from a risky encounter I had. Now it's been 6 weeks and the test came back inconclusive (faint line on the OraQuick T). They tested again and we had the same exact result. They told me they have to send the test for Western Blot, but I know it's going to come back poz. I am freaked out, scared out of my wits and don't know what to do right now.

I never wanted HIV or chased it. But now that it seems pretty clear that it's on the horizon for me, I am scared, confused and I have no idea what to do. My health insurance is so-so and I don't know how I would afford treatment. I feel like I have a death sentence awaiting me.

What should I do???

[pozpig]

if your in the states, medical coverage changes are in effect. If you have mediocre insurance, there are programs available to supplement your coverage as long as you are income eligible. The first step you should take when you get your test result and it comes back poz is to take a few deep breaths. It's a BIG lifestyle change, especially if you aren't expecting it. The next step is to contact your local AIDS project if you have one (it may be in another city, but should still be in your county). Set up an appointment with a case worker. This is the person who will help you to apply for programs you may be eligible for in order to get medications your insurance may not cover. I was in your shoes many years ago (2002). For a couple months I had NO IDEA what was going to happen as I had no medical coverage, working minimum wage job, and living at home. Fortunately we had services that I qualified for and got treatment and doctors appointments set up, and even qualified for a program that was no cost.

I'm sure there are others here who can sympathize with what you're feeling.....Your right to feel scared. It's a natural response to something that is sudden and unexpected. If you have questions, feel free to ask here so others can respond, or PM me and I can give you details about my experience and what I did.

[piercedcock555]

when you go back take a friend with you. no reason for you to face this alone.

[TigerMilner]

I remember the week waiting for the Western Blot test to confirm my diagnosis. It sucked. You don't say where you live, but there are tons of agencies that help guys in our situation. The advice to sit down with a case worker who will get you qualified for aid that will at least cover your meds and doctor visits. That has not been a problem for me. I was fortunate that I found an incredible job with amazing benefits so I don't have those worries anymore. After living the life of a freelance artist for the past 10 years, I felt I needed the benefits of a good job. Especially the long and short term disability coverage that I cannot buy as an HIV positive man. Not to mention life insurance. And the meds do work so I don't worry too much about my health anymore either now that it has been nearly two years. Ask about AHF, Aids Healthcare Foundation. They are amazing as far as helping with meds. They are not in all cities, but I'd google it.

One piece of advice my Immunologist gave me is not too read any articles or research dated older than 2012 as things are changing rapidly and advances being made. He told me I was overwhelming myself. He was right. And don't feel like Typhoid Mary. As soon as you are undetectable you won't be able to infect anyone. I went back to raw sex with a neg buddy I've seen for years and he's still neg. We went to using condoms for a few months until we were sure I was undetectable.

The best advice is not to go to this appointment alone. I did and it was a big mistake. Like you, I felt I knew it was going to confirm I was pozzed, but I held out the hope that it was a mistake. So I was devasted when it was confirmed. I went thru three specialists before I found the right one, so do your homework, but don't get overwhelmed. Ask positive friends who they see and don't just settle for the referral the clinic gives you. The one pill a day regiemes are not too difficult to adjust too. I got really sick with the bug and even sicker when I went on meds, but I was taking two regemes at first and it was just too much. You'll find what is right, maybe you will be lucky and it won't make you sick at all. I was told I was the rare 10% that do. But I've been fine for over a year. Anemia is the only real issue I still battle physically.

Most of all, remember, you are going to be ok.

Edited January 18, 2014 by TigerMilner

[VersatileBreeder]

Thank you for the encouraging words Tiger. This whole thing has me feeling totally sick. I have no appetite and have been hardly eating. I am praying for the day that things start looking up for me.

When it comes to the insurance thing with the meds, I know my insurance will cover SOME of the cost, how much I don't know. I'm scared to know. It's a high deductible plan and not the greatest in the world. I am already working two jobs to make ends meet and pay off some debt, the last thing I need (or can afford) is another big monthly expense. So that's one big fear I have right now.

As for my location, I am in northern New Jersey, near New York City. I am sure there are plenty of resources there but I would prefer to find them in my area.

[seaguy]

Many drugs have a discount program or similar visit thier websites for example Stribild has the http://www.stribild.com/paying-for-stribild:

The Gilead Co-pay Coupon Card

Insured patients may be able to save up to $400 off their monthly co-pay for STRIBILD with the Gilead Co-pay Coupon Card.*

Edited January 18, 2014 by seaguy
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[VersatileBreeder]

Well I did my research and found out what the drugs might cost me through my insurance. I have to cover a $1,500 deductible in the beginning of the year, after that, it's a $70/month co-pay for the meds.

Does that sound reasonable or should I explore other options?

[abearinsac]

I'd say, $70 a month isn't that bad.

[VersatileBreeder]

abearinsac, that's $70 after I pay $1,500 for the year, so it's a big hit in the beginning. I'm just trying to get an idea what other guys pay for their meds.

[billybtm]

Deep breath kiddo - Get tested, get yourself a counselor or case worker at your local AIDS network - google it, there are several in NNJ. Take another deep breath. Here in Michigan I make about 40 grand a year. The state - through my case worker - actually covers everything - EVERYTHING - that my insurance doesn't. They will walk you through the whole process. They can also connect you to some amazing support groups for men around your age in the same situation! It will be wonderful to walk though and talk through the process. Deep breath...you WILL be just fine. You can do this. You will become stronger and grow stronger. You will do well.

[VersatileBreeder]

billybtm, thank you for the reassuring words. I have always kept a positive (no pun intended) attitude in life and I don't intend to quit now. I keep telling myself. One pill a day, one trip to the doctor every couple of months and everything will be fine.

PS- hot ass in your profile pic!

[BearOKC69_Poz]

poptronic: the worst thing is fear of the unknown...you can and are literally making yourself sick with worry...find out and do what you have to do to deal with it if you are Poz...yes it can be expensive esp if you don't have insurance or not great insurance but as others have pointed out there are probably other options out there. in my case, I take a 3 drug combo (Atripla, Isentress & bactrim) without insurance they would run over $3,000 per month. With my insurance, I just have a co-pay (no deductible on meds) of $25 on two of them. As someone mentioned the drug companies have copay free plans that can cover the copays. In my case my total out of pocket is $4. a month

[BearOKC69_Poz]

also, check to see if the deductible applies to meds...with my insurance it doesn't...and dr visit copays and med copays don't count towards the deductable either.

[Top4CumSwop]

Making sure that your support systems are in place and having as much information as possible is so important. What I wanted to comment on is my surprise at the cost that our BreedingZone buddies in the USA have to pay for medication. I am so glad for the National Health System which we have in Europe where it is FREE at the point of service so I am not charged for my meds. I go twice a year for my checkup / blood reviews ( more if I need) and I don't pay and then have my meds delivered by specialised courier to me with a 6 month supply.

[rawTOP]

Definitely take a deep breath. Things WILL work out OK for you. If you're poz (and it's still an if), you're catching it early. When caught early, life expectancy is completely normal and possibly higher than if you stayed neg (because poz guys do a better job of taking care of themselves).

You don't have to go on meds right away, but I'm guessing you'll be like my best friend and hate the concept that HIV is in your body and want to battle it from day one - but if you can't afford it and you wait a year or two to go on meds chances are that won't be a problem. You just need to make sure you go on meds before your t-cells drop below 300 or 350.

The worst case scenario is that you move across the river into New York City where coverage for HIV-related issues is really good. That's not a horrible prospect. So again - take a deep breath - it'll all work out and you'll be fine.