Cheating Or Not So Much?

[atlfukbud]

Just had this discussion with a pal and am curious about what others think -- I tend to think of anything less than penile penetration and the exchange of body fluids as 'sexual' but not really SEX, and therefore things like sucking, jacking, maybe FF probably doesn't constitute as 'cheating' on your partner unless there's some emotional connection -- assuming you happen to be in an exclusive situation. My pal on the other hand disagrees and says any sexual contact equals sex and would be cheating. Since I'm in an open relationship, I may not be the best judge here, so what do you men think? What do you consider infidelity or cheating? thanks in advance and happy fucking!

[Guest Upstateguy518]

I think cheating is cheating regardless of how far you go. You are still stepping out on your partner to fool around with a side piece. Not that I am one to judge as I have hooked up with more than a few married "straight" guys. I just think that anyone who is cheating and tries to view it differently is normally trying to lessen the moral blow and make themselves out to be less of a bad guy.

[Pozbtm4breeding]

IMO couples should discuss what they consider to be cheating and establish ground rules for their relationship. Being in a long term relationship myself, our rules have changed over the years as the relationships has changed. I don't think one opinion is right or wrong and works for all couples.

[seaguy]

Usually I have found that it is guys in open relationships that are more liberal in what they consider cheating.  I'm sure that helps make an open relationship work.

[SuccessfulChaser]

I have a pretty clear personal belief on cheating.   First, if you would NEVER tell your partner about what you are doing/have done with another person it is cheating.   If you cannot share the info about what you are doing,you know that your partner would be disappointed...you are a cheater.

 

AND...and maybe this is more important, if you are having unsafe sex outside of a relationship with a partner who does not know, you are forcing the partner to accept YOUR risk as their own.  

 

I get the taboo of cheating.....and while I do not encourage it, it may have some role in relationships.   But bringing sexual risk into a relationship where there is/was none is just, in my opinion, wrong.  I fully encourage the idea of bareback/hiv+/sexual freedom--that may be clear by my profile name.   But I simply cannot accept forcing that risk on someone who does not know or understand they are being exposed.  

[not_sure_bb]

IMO, if you are doing anything behind the partners back its cheating regardless of how far you go. 

[bbzh]

First, if you would NEVER tell your partner about what you are doing/have done with another person it is cheating. If you cannot share the info about what you are doing,you know that your partner would be disappointed...you are a cheater.

 

AND...and maybe this is more important, if you are having unsafe sex outside of a relationship with a partner who does not know, you are forcing the partner to accept YOUR risk as their own.  

 

Ding ding ding *winner here*

 

Be upfront about who and what you are. You can still find love and happiness.

 

I'm all for having a zone of privacy....BUT....if the thought of your mate going through your phone, online chat accounts etc TERRIFIES you, you ain't living right.. 

[PERVERSATILE]

My partner and I have been together since 1991, we got married on our 25th anniversary, that night I went to a Cum-union party. We've been fucking  around on each other from day one.  Conversations about our extramarital activities are  usually  about a guy that looks like Harry Potter who I got both my hands up his ass. 

 Unless you're some kind of landed gentry and the patrilineality of your first born son is called in to question,

worrying about monogamy is kinda pointless.

Edited August 26, 2016 by PERVERSATILE

[ALPHAboy]

Cheating is everything that could hurt your partner emotionally if he/she knew about it. 

 

I can only have open relationships cause I could never ever breed just one guy for the rest of my life. Which means I (can) never cheat  

[Guest btchbyl]

cheating is cheating no matter how you try to skirt the issue. it is disrespectful and dangerous to your bf. he should have a choice whether he wants to be infected with a disease, not forced into it because you fucked around on him behind his back. cheating isnt hot at all. it is the sign of a fucked up mind. i love hot risky sex and getting fucked bb by anonymous men in public places and risky situations but i dont have someone in my life to worry about bringing diseases home to. be honest with him. why is that so hard to do? 

[rtpbbcub]

We have to remember we are talking about more than just the activities and perspectives of one person, and that those activities and perspectives can have different meanings and implications in terms of any individual relationship.

Let's be clear that cheating is any emotional involvement, physical intimacy, or other activity that crosses the boundry of friendship and sexual partner, outside of an established committed relationship(s).

Yes, you can be polyamorous and cheat.

The difficult part is defining when cheating behaviors and injury to relationship occurs, as it is dependent on the thoughts and feelings of each party in a relationship.

If A thinks cheating injures the relationship at flirting (online or in person), and they would be devastated if they learned that B did so, but B thinks cheating starts at sex and would be devastated if A did so, then they have different thresholds for when cheating injures the relationship. This is not different definitions of cheating, the key is that the thresholds for that are different.

Where it gets complicated is that A may meet C and be given the green light for anything but sex, and even though B may be interested in C as well, A may still maintain their threshold. It is "unfair" and unbalanced, but this can and does happen often.

One person's threshold and the behaviors they are allowed to engage in do not change just because a partner or partners in a relationship are allowed to engage in different behaviors with someone else.

So even though A is doing everything but having sex with B, B would still be injuring their relationship with A if they flirted with C, or anyone else.

You may also run into a situation where A's flirting threshold only applies to one gender, only to friends, family, etc. In which case B can have sex with an escort or a random person they meet online (bareback or not) and their relationship with A is unharmed, but flirting with A's best friend would be injurious to the relationship.

Some people also have thresholds that are subject to discussion. For instance A still has the same flirting threshold, but with discussion before anything happens and subject to their approval anything is possible, B may be allowed to pursue D, E, etc. all the way to bareback sex, yet still cause injury to the relationship if A isn't consulted and gives approval.

This is probably one of the most difficult parts of a relationship that most people don't really understand or take for granted with their partners, or decide that what their partner wants is more of a guideline than a rule, or feel their partner has no right to ask thus of them, or feel their partner has nothing to do with it. While more common in relationships that have a very short shelf life, many people also get into situations that go too far and turn harmful faster than they can talk themselves out of it.

And still others ignore their partners threshold out of spite or jealousy, or as an intentional disregard for others.

Whatever you may want to call it, when you are in a relationship and you interact with someone else, or they are in a relationship and interact with you, it's cheating. The important part is how the partner(s) in valves with the two of you feel about that interaction and whether you respect or disregard the thresholds where injury to the relationship(s) occur.

[Guest 120DaysofSodom]

Who cares if its cheating? Have fun with as many guys as possible. Do what makes you happy and fuck anyone that slut shames you for it.

[cumslut23]

Who cares if its cheating? Have fun with as many guys as possible. Do what makes you happy and fuck anyone that slut shames you for it.

Righty o! I have cheated in every relationship I have ever even in. Why? I love sex. I love hunting for cock and I love being a bad boy!

[suckerboi]

Who cares if its cheating? Have fun with as many guys as possible. Do what makes you happy and fuck anyone that slut shames you for it.

  

Righty o! I have cheated in every relationship I have ever even in. Why? I love sex. I love hunting for cock and I love being a bad boy!

This is why I go for open relationships. I don't give a fuck who I'm fucking or who's fucking me. Whenever, wherever, and with whomever. Don't ever let yourself be slut shamed.

[bbzh]

It's not about slut shaming. It's about being a decent human being. If a person tells you at the start of a relationship that he expects monogamy, then it's on you to say that's not what you are looking for.

 

If you want to be a hoe, be the biggest and best hoe you can be. But people you are intimately involved with should be able to decide for themselves if they want a hoe as a boyfriend/life partner.

 

It's always interesting to see how men rationalize cheating. A great litmus test for how you should approach life is to answer the following question: if I opened up the front page of the newspaper (or for you millennials that would be social media), how would I feel  reading about what I've been doing? If the answer is "I don't give a fuck". Then great, no need to be secretive. Live your life out loud. But if you don't want others to know who you are and what you are about, then maybe you want to have a closer look at who you are. You're probably ashamed of yourself and your behavior - or at the very least don't want to be judged. If that's the case, maybe an option would be to surround yourself with like-minded individuals so you're not reminded of your shortcomings.

 

In my next relationship, if I can't do spot checks of my boyfriend's phone, then our relationship is over. LOL.