Tell Me Your Thoughts On Hookup Sites/Apps & Finding Sex

[Guest]

2 hours ago, bluewind said:

Out of curiosity, whatever happened to manhunt? It used to be one of the biggest hookup websites, if not the biggest at least in the US. Nowadays it's no longer mentioned anywhere.

Hey bluewind. Hookup sites are like leaves on a tree. Once they hit their maturity they die off and fall away.

Go back before Manhunt and everyone was either in an AIM Room, a Yahoo Group maybe, or with free gay.com or paid member of gay.net.
When gay.com consumed gay.net, and did away with the members pay option of gay.net, that left an opening for sites like Manhunt. When gay.com turned into free the quality of the meeting and went down.  So for a paid upgrade to Manhunt you were maybe getting a better guarantee.

The more commercial dating/hookup websites like gay.com or Manhunt were always bigger than other sites like Bareback.com or Barbackjacks.com. Even back in the early 2000's Treasure Island Media's website was accepting emails from men who were looking to hookup locally. Someone would take the email and manually put the information on the TIM website.

Manhunt's maturity probably came when gps Grindr came along. But not everyone wanted to have high mobile phone bills so that allowed sites like Bareback.com, Adam4Adam, possibly even NastyKinkPigs.com all flourish more. But even Bareback.com would have competition from Barebackbastards.com and more raw sites. Bareback.com has tons of our profiles sitting like some time capsule.

What's the next evolution of all this?  I think everyone has pretty much summed it up about the Grindr experience.
Their platform must be so money strapped. All I see are two adds for every 3 profiles you attempt to review.

The hookup sites of the late 90's early 2000's were pretty good at scoring something.
These days same people on all platforms. Same one word question Into?

My opinion, too many data points about physical appearance and "role" putting crap into guys heads.

Give me a Saturday night at the local leather/levi bar and I'm going home, or taking someone home with me, 8 of 10 Saturday nights.
Compare that to online profiles stuff, the waiting for a response, the committing to the offer, and then get no Hey I changed my mind. Good luck.  2 out of 10 Saturday's.

The reason for me is obvious.
In person interaction requires people to engage, and then make a decision do we keep this going or excuse ourselves.
What ever data points in a profile are not up to snuff for some, are not an issue in an In person interaction because someone's personality may be a plus not caught in a data point.  Note: We have all met at least 1 "quality data point" man in our hookups who then disappointed on personality really badly.

I'm an In Person hookup guy. I have no problem starting an interaction by talking to someone or initiating a move. If there's no interest then I know I can move on.
Unfortunately the online world has killed a lot of the in person meeting/bar hookup options.

[Guest]

Thank you very much for your detailed answer, very insightful

[BootmanLA]

8 hours ago, bluewind said:

Out of curiosity, whatever happened to manhunt? It used to be one of the biggest hookup websites, if not the biggest at least in the US. Nowadays it's no longer mentioned anywhere.

I don't know how much this had to do with it, but as I recall, Manhunt ran into some serious PR problems when it came out that one of its principal owners (the founder? details escape my memory at this point) was a big GOP donor/fundraiser. This would have been around the time of the Obama-McCain race in 2008, so long before the battles over same-sex marriage were won in our favor, and not long after the GOP had started winning elections based on demonizing same-sex relationships as leading to the downfall of the country. The idea of giving our money to a company that enriched a man working against our basic civil rights caused, to put it bluntly, a shitstorm of bad publicity.

There was considerable backlash and in a lot of progressive parts of the country, the site was abandoned in droves. Add in the shift to GPS-based apps on smart phones in the same time frame and I think that's what spelled doom for Manhunt. 

[Justaholeff]

In my opinion....guys on apps can be so incredibly picky that they will tend to seek "perfection" to the point of not finding anyone at all to play with OR if they do, they tend find something to be upset with their playmate in person.

I used to be the same way and realized I was a flake....once I eased up, I find that my enjoyment of just man on man fucking has increased tenfold....and the fucking things I've learned...wow!!!

Edited August 12, 2020 by Justaholeff

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Justaholeff said:

In my opinion....guys on apps can be so incredibly picky that they will tend to seek "perfection" to the point of not finding anyone at all to play with OR if they do, they tend find something to be upset with their playmate in person.

I used to be the same way and realized I was a flake....once I eased up, I find that my enjoyment of just man on man fucking has increased tenfold....and the fucking things I've learned...wow!!!

Exactly!!  

Maybe they should remake that movie about 5 different types of people sent to detention.
It would have the jock in his 20's (still), the over 40 guy, the bear, the over 55 leather guy,  and the tweeking twink.
They could all be court ordered to appear on a Sunday to do community service to help clean the city pools for a day. Call it The Brunch Club.
Maybe Simple Minds will regroup to redo the song too...

[BgChsr35]

I can only speak for me in my area but it seems the apps are allowing ppl to be more open about what they want or are into. Mostly due to filters and hashtags and such that can help specify. It has def made it easier for me at least. Plus things that were shunned 10 years ago are becoming more acceptable. Idk.

[BgChsr35]

On 8/12/2020 at 5:10 PM, Justaholeff said:

In my opinion....guys on apps can be so incredibly picky that they will tend to seek "perfection" to the point of not finding anyone at all to play with OR if they do, they tend find something to be upset with their playmate in person.

I used to be the same way and realized I was a flake....once I eased up, I find that my enjoyment of just man on man fucking has increased tenfold....and the fucking things I've learned...wow!!!

I agree and disagree. I dont think im picky per say, but if im into something like idk BB i dont want to be lumped in with a bunch of guys who are safe only.

On the other had what grinds my gears are guys that are "open to anything and anyone" as long as it fits in this small box of criteria, then get all snooty when you message. 

Communication is key. Dont say "open" if your not.

But for all i know it could just be Illinoisians.

[Guest]

On 8/13/2020 at 12:10 AM, Justaholeff said:

In my opinion....guys on apps can be so incredibly picky that they will tend to seek "perfection" to the point of not finding anyone at all to play with OR if they do, they tend find something to be upset with their playmate in person.

I used to be the same way and realized I was a flake....once I eased up, I find that my enjoyment of just man on man fucking has increased tenfold....and the fucking things I've learned...wow!!!

Same here. We all have our standards, but dropping them a little bit almost always helps.

[ErosWired]

[Readers: Apologies in advance for length - this post turned into an essay before I realized it, but I found I had a lot to say]

In light of recent experience, I wanted to add to this thread, especially as @rawTOP started this requesting info for development as competition for BBRTS.

As a platform concept, I found BBRTS probably the most workable of the apps for me. Its format enabled and encouraged an extended profile and flexibility in user images, ease of keeping track of positive contacts (buddies, notes), ease of managing communication (robust message system and the ability to save a set of canned messages, not just phrases) - and many of these features weren't even paywalled. The extras that you received for subscribing were actually value for money. On top of this, the QuickConnect feature was gold for a cumdump to announce his service.

I had quite good results from BBRTS, and assembled a number of regulars who would visit me on the basis of my presence there.

That's the way it used to be. Now, unfortunately, BBRTS has begun word-filtering to the extent that even longstanding usernames (like mine) are summarily banned, accounts shuttered, privileges revoked, QuickConnect ads bounced. Worse, any complaint results in treatment that ranges from rude to draconian from the site owners and support, regardless of whether the member is a six-month subscriber or riding for free. Reports of abysmal customer treatment continue to surface.

It's not the failure of fellow barebackers to play that has caused me to largely abandon BBRTS as a platform (though there have been some prizewinning prcks on there, and not in the good way) - it is the failure of site management to keep faith with its customer base. Any enterprise of this nature, failing that, will suffer the same inevitable decline, in my estimation, for neglecting a basic principle of business.

Likewise, I think any attempt to run a BBRTS-typs site in the paywall-heavy mode of sites like Grindr where all but the most basic features are paywalled is doomed to flakery. Though my experience with website development is more on the technical than the economic side, my impression is that enduring success relies on a grass-roots (read: non-paying) user base reachng a certain critical mass, and if you want men to invest more in of their identity in a site than a faceless profile, you have to give them the ability to stake a little claim to the place and make it their own. Then, as they want more, and better privileges, subscriptions become effective and worthwhile to the user. But I'll be the first to admit that I think poorly in terms of monetizing for profit - my entire career was spent in government and nonprofit public service - and somebody has to pay the electric blll to keep the servers running.

There's no question that site owners and developers are under pressure right now -  the imposition of FOSTA/SESTA poses a significant challenge to site owners like @rawTOP trying to provide open spaces like this and a future potential BBRTS contender. Were it not for the risk of legal jeopardy, it's probable that BBRTS wouldn't be trawling its site with word filters to net perfectly good English words like 'Wired' for banishment. Were there reasonable indemnity protections for internet platform providers, there might be no need for constructions like 'a$$', 🍑, or '👀 4🍆'. (Who knew eggplant was that popular?) Because of it, it's almost become necessary to invent a new kind of doublespeak to post an ad on DoubleList. But then, if weren't for FOSTA/SESTA, we'd still have Craigslist.

There's an app based specifically on GPS locating so you can find guys in real time for hookups, but the profile guidelines stipulate: "No sexually explicit, revealing, or overly suggestive photos of any kind. No nudity or physically revealing clothing of any kind. No skin showing below the hipbones. No exposed undergarments of any kind visible in the photo. No sexually explicit or overly suggestive text. No profanity or curse words, including abbreviations, masking or fill-ins." The app is called "Cruising". Yes - "Cruising". Your profile can only be something a kindergarten teacher could wear on a t-shirt to school, and yet they expect you to use it for "Cruising". More and more sites are narrowing their requirements to the point that only a clothed shot or a face pic will do, presumably because site owners are under pressure from outside entities, ranging from civil authorities to credit card processing banks with ties to conservative political groups, to rein in the smut or face consequences. I find it notoriously difficult to write an effective ad for DoubleList that won't be rejected out of hand.

Until legislative relief comes - and we must actively work toward that end - we have to realize that developers like @rawTOP are going to have their hands somewhat tied, or at least are going to have to become shrewdly creative, and will need our cooperation and forbearance. We as site users must accept that some restrictions, which seem like censorship (and are, as imposed from the outside) are unavoidable for the time being to prevent forces that would shutter our sites from doing so through direct legal assault and indirectly through bankruptcy. We have to adapt, as we have always done under siege from the 'moral' opposition, by developing new codes to communicate under the radar of official scrutiny, and work around the limitations placed on our apps.

But not to the extent that we tolerate behavior such as that now emerging from BBRTS.

Site owners and developers, for their part, must be acutely aware (as I'm sure most are) of the balance that has to be struck between prudence and capitulation. Turning site users who are using a site into instant violators without notice or recourse due to a change in censorship rules is unacceptable practice for any manager attempting to operate a website intended to facilitate open communication. It could be argued that any throttle on a vector of communication runs directly counter to the core mission of a site dedicated fro free and open communication, and it is incumbent on any site owner, developer or manager to realize the need for balance. I'm sure most do. Decisions and policies cannot be made, much less applied, capriciously or unevenly. If they are, the membership will rebel, members will begin to abandon the site, and if enough do so, the critical user mass required to make a site viable will be lost. Customer relations 101. Given that users are having to take unusual/clever/devious methods of getting their message across and making their profiles racy enough to be at all useful, management of a successful site, in my opinion, cannot be looking for any opportunity to crack down. Rather, site developers should be working with users to create novel ways to meet mutual needs while keeping the site safe and functional until minds, and laws, change for the better.

Personally, I very much hope that @rawTOP does ultimately offer an alternative to BBRTS. His management of this site suggests to me that he understands what it takes to make a hookup site like that successful, has an intimate grasp of the pressures and complexities on the technical and economic side of this arena, and understands the needs of barebackers like us about as well as any man alive. If he does, I'll be among his first subscribers.

Besides, at the speed BBRTS is going downhll, we're going to need a replacement...

[Hungbwc]

Seemed a few years ago that if used app or website that someone stop by where host. 

Now if put hosting get some interest, and I guess one is individuals not want to drive a short distance. Next is annoying ones that want endless photos. I guess just want photos for masturbation and no interest in meeting. I reduce number of photos to 3. That generally closeups. I not like how some want more photos. I get how individuals Have different kinks, tastes, but not interested in shaving just because want. If want shaved that I be open to if visit that help shave. Have some want more. I figure meet if want to see more or go watch or view pornhub or similar site if want more photos pictures.

 

I find annoying want face pic and if not like to quiet chatting. At least say not interested.

Find some not read if share can't host or limited travel in want you to still host or travel.

Because of many chat and talk of meet but don't I no longer find want to be waiting for apps, replies. Or put another way can't get yard work done because of the games.

The last one find most annoying in one able to host, a slight delay before could visit. They wrote wanted to suck and be fucked. When finally get there talk briefly, and thought do something. Turns out I guess just wanted to watch together YouTube videos. A couple were ok but not why visited. When said what thought wanted that they was nervous. I get that one can be nervous. I figure not interested and estimate after 40 minutes of watch videos that left.

 

They said maybe next time can do something. I be reluctant to go again as traveled and seemed that could be a repeat.

The only other annoying part is one ask endless questions when too far away and not answer if they will travel or expect you to travel to then.

 

The whole thing of apps and website can be frustrating where delays some apps that clearly not working.

[Hungbwc]

The other annoying part notice on grindr and similar apps is get messages for websites that not into and think not lead to what looking for.

Can seem a limit to apps, websites sign up for that many just want credit card to use to likely talk to a fake profile. 

I do wonder if some become adult film actors or go to prison or jail to just suck, fuck or be fucked for websites and apps not seem to work. 

Or if get so bad that any hosting have to be putting up a gloryhole, or host in a darkroom.

[NWUSHorny]

I would love to find a hookup app that actually had guys looking to hookup, or a place that works for in person cruising.  I have lived in cities where it is easy to find both, and now live somewhere where there is neither.  Since the one bathhouse where you can sometimes hookup closed for the pandemic I have tried several of the apps and been to the outdoor cruise spots with very limited success.  I have no idea how you could create a site for guys actually looking to fuck or even suck here, not just looking for a buddy to hang out with.  That is before even considering the flakes that want to collect picture as and just chat online.

Edited August 26, 2020 by NWUSHorny

[Hungbwc]

Some can seem annoying in keep insisting or they know not work to meet but keep asking.

I had one that not reply and later something about need an hour's notice. I replied as soon as could. However area at is hot and I am not going to be waiting for outside where maybe show up but more likely play games and never show up.

I had spent a few days trying to arrange an meeting and figure when only one day said needed an hour's notice that not mention before decided enough and blocked them.

I want to sparsely use the block feature, but have used when one seemed too pushy, insulting, a beeping picture collector, block when obviously not work to meet in the distance that unless going to city a risk that flake or can't host or visit at time one visits an city.

Nice when can have a meet up and rest of the time can be a headache if not manage.

[Hungbwc]

Figured a while back if one want to hook up will hook up. Otherwise, can find one can mow lawn and app have few messages or no replies so no longer jump up unless meet before, or see actually nearby.

[Daddy78]

I think it would be great to have one where users can review each other, like rent boy websites. So we know if they’re a poser or a proper pig. Could have levels and tags for interest and then filtered by location (maybe top tier would be ‘no load refused’ and we could get some of these pretty boys competing)