Sling Lizards - What Do You Do?

[ErosWired]

We’ve all encountered this creature at one time or another - the common Sling Lizard (Slingasaurus obnoxious). This is the guy who looks for a chance to climb into the unoccupied sling at the club or bathhouse and stays there for hours, refusing to give anybody else a chance.

In my experience, such specimens are often overweight (sometimes to the point of overflowing the sling), sweaty and/or greasy, and in general the sort of men who would attract, shall we say, only a very particular sort of clientele for a random sling fuck or fisting. Their fantasies of being descended upon by a large serial crowd are almost certain to remain fantasies.

Worse, some of these sling lizards appear to do this as a way of getting out of paying for a room: Instead of getting a room, they pay the lesser fee for a locker and then basically commandeer the sling room as “their” room.

I have personally never had any luck attracting Tops in a sling - I guess my ass looks more choice the other way up - so lizards aren’t a direct problem for me. But as a carryover from my BDSM training I always go inspect the sling for others’ safety when I arrive, and it just chaps my ass to see the venue be essentially wasted for an entire evening or event because one inconsiderate reptile won’t clear out.

What do you all do when faced with these sometimes surly brutes? Any tried-and-true pest control methods?

[bbzh]

Hook up with a guy right in front of the sling lizard, essentially forcing him to watch you get fucked but also blocking others from getting to him to fuck him. 

I'm petty. I admit it. Petty Labelle. LOL.

[mjapie1]

@ErosWired: “slingasaurus obnoxious” - an excellent turn of phrase!

I’ve posted on this site about this exact same issue before referring to those that occupy slings unnecessarily as “sling hogs”. I even recall once asking someone to vacate the sling as he wasn’t using it and we were ready to do so and he replied: “no, you can fuck me”, we then decided to take our party elsewhere.

I like bbzh’s suggestion and may resort to it should I be so unfortunate to be caught in a similar situation in future.

[ErosWired]

I’m wondering if, after having asked nicely and having been refused, if anyone has ever resorted to grabbing hold of one side of the sling and simply tipping the oaf out onto the floor like spilling someone out of a hammock - since for the slingasaur, that’s basically what it is.

Otherwise, has anyone had any luck addressing the issue civilly with the management of the venue, especially at bathhouses?

[ErosWired]

3 hours ago, mjapie1 said:

I’ve posted on this site about this exact same issue before referring to those that occupy slings unnecessarily as “sling hogs”.

The sling lizard Slingasaurus obnoxious is easily confused with the sling hogs Slingasus rotundus and Slingasus immovabilis. The latter two may be positively identified by the bristly nature of the hair and the propensity for grunting and throat-clearing. Sling hogs are not as prone to falling asleep in the sling as sling lizards.

[Treehugger]

On ‎6‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 2:03 PM, bbzh said:

Hook up with a guy right in front of the sling lizard, essentially forcing him to watch you get fucked but also blocking others from getting to him to fuck him. 

I'm petty. I admit it. Petty Labelle. LOL.

You are brilliant!!! I love it. If you ever run for president you have my vote.

[Treehugger]

On ‎6‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 10:22 PM, ErosWired said:

The sling lizard Slingasaurus obnoxious is easily confused with the sling hogs Slingasus rotundus and Slingasus immovabilis. The latter two may be positively identified by the bristly nature of the hair and the propensity for grunting and throat-clearing. Sling hogs are not as prone to falling asleep in the sling as sling lizards.

What about guys who "occupy" the fuck bench? I am like you, for some reason I don't have as much luck in the slings so I don't use them as often. I go for the fuck bench. Now I have to wonder if I am guilty of being a 'bench slug'. I submit that term for your approval.

[Read1]

I wish when I lay in the sling at times that I, as a daddy, would get fucked more often by the youngins. I'm still tapping my shoes together to see my wish experienced in future. What can a daddy do to improve this?

[drscorpio]

Would you guys who have more bathhouse experience share your wisdom?

Is it always wrong to climb in a sling to see if you can get a passerby to fuck you? If not, how long is too long to wait? How do you know? 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, drscorpio said:

 

Would you guys who have more bathhouse experience share your wisdom?

Is it always wrong to climb in a sling to see if you can get a passerby to fuck you? If not, how long is too long to wait? How do you know?

 

I would never say it’s wrong to climb into a sling you find unnocupied - I mean, fortune favors the bold.

But if men continue to walk past the sling without stopping to at least inspect what’s on offer, the occupant should, in my opinion, take the hint within half an hour and change strategies; it obviously isn’t working. Don’t just tell yourself that you’ll stay until someone else asks to use it, either; most people won’t ask, and you’re just depriving other men who paid for same opportunity to use the facility that you did.

If the occupant is asked by a pair to allow them to use the sling, he should vacate at once, with grace.

This weekend I asked my friendly neighborhood bathhouse manager what their policy is on lizards and hogs, and he says that if there’s a problem, patrons should just tell management and they’ll deal with the offender.

[rawloadstaken]

I have a timer on my watch, and -- depending on how busy the facility is -- usually set it for between five and ten minutes. I figure if nobody's interested in that amount of time, it's time to wander around and visit the darkroom, hit the glory hole maze, or spend some time on the outdoor deck with a soda or a bottle of water.

My (personal) rule of thumb: if you're not getting fucked within your chosen time frame, don't hop back into the sling for 45 minutes to an hour, then try again.

[Guest btchbyl]

On 6/8/2018 at 1:49 PM, ErosWired said:

We’ve all encountered this creature at one time or another - the common Sling Lizard (Slingasaurus obnoxious). This is the guy who looks for a chance to climb into the unoccupied sling at the club or bathhouse and stays there for hours, refusing to give anybody else a chance.

In my experience, such specimens are often overweight (sometimes to the point of overflowing the sling), sweaty and/or greasy, and in general the sort of men who would attract, shall we say, only a very particular sort of clientele for a random sling fuck or fisting. Their fantasies of being descended upon by a large serial crowd are almost certain to remain fantasies.

Worse, some of these sling lizards appear to do this as a way of getting out of paying for a room: Instead of getting a room, they pay the lesser fee for a locker and then basically commandeer the sling room as “their” room.

I have personally never had any luck attracting Tops in a sling - I guess my ass looks more choice the other way up - so lizards aren’t a direct problem for me. But as a carryover from my BDSM training I always go inspect the sling for others’ safety when I arrive, and it just chaps my ass to see the venue be essentially wasted for an entire evening or event because one inconsiderate reptile won’t clear out.

What do you all do when faced with these sometimes surly brutes? Any tried-and-true pest control methods?

even the strongest leather and wood can only take so much punishment. one of these days they will either split the sling or yank it out of the ceiling and they will flop hard onto the floor. they will hopefully never come back after that kind of embarrassment. just hope for the best and that the break doesnt happen to someone worthy of the slings use. 

[AirmaxUK]

I go to SOP quite regularly which is a club in London that caters for guys into yellow - but it does attract a number of guys from the sleazier end of the spectrum some not actually into piss at all. Occasionally you get guys who hog the sling and I remember on one occasion a guy was in there for hours and wouldn't budge even when asked. Thing was, as regulars, we knew he was just there for a fuck and wasn't into piss at all. In fact previously he'd had a bit of a drama-fit once when someone accidentally splashed him. So we decided to take matters into our own hands and a few of us went into the dark room for a play where there was plenty of "accidental" splashing. It had the desired effect and we were able to take turns in the sling after that.  Problem solved! 

[Treehugger]

Okay guys I had a new problem crop up at Cummunion this last Saturday. The place was packed and I got fucked plenty. Early in the evening I climbed in the sling with a blindfold on. I love the excitement of being in the dark plus I think more inhibited guys get braver when they know they won't be turned down.  I had fun, two guys fucked me and I blew a third. Mindful more than ever of hogging the sling I got out after the third guy.

     Later in the evening I thought I would try my luck in the sling again. There are two and one was filled with a hot guy. I got in the other one. Two minutes later a hot tattooed guy comes in and asks us how long we had been in the sling. I told him. So he proceeds to strike up a conversation with a guy who had been standing there  jerking. Meanwhile hot bottom has two guys working him over.

    More guys show up and tattooed guy keeps mentioning he's waiting for his turn in the sling. He stood there in front of my sling shooting the breeze like he is at the water cooler. He keeps talking and talking. Guys show up in the doorway see the crowd in front of my sling and move on. It sucked. I gave up.

[bicep]

I’m 5’7 and a top. Slings are hung for taller guys in mind and the slings are too high for me to have a successful fuck. Bottoms often don’t realize that shorter guys could fuck them on all fours or standing but not in the sling.