Can we retire “BBC”?

[BlazeJP]

It's baffling how under attack some people feel whenever a request is made to them to reflect on something and consider changing their behaviour, especially when it comes to racism. Even with a request as polite and succinct as the one which started the thread.

Numerous great responses from different black posters have explained, in detail, why it is they dislike the term and why its usage can be accurately described as racist. Most didn't even ask that people stop using the term, just state their distaste for it. A Cuban poster also described how he too felt this way about how he is stereotyped sexually thanks to his race. Multiple POC saying similar things regarding their negative experiences regarding racial sexual stereotyping.

To react to that by moaning about "PC culture", for some to even categorise themselves as the victim, it just doesn't make any sense to me. If you're standing on somebody's foot, they'll let you know, you'll step off. You were causing pain, simple action to stop causing pain, pain be gone. Why, when somebody explains that use of a particular word, or phrase, is hurtful, why is the reaction not the same? You stepped off a foot, why not stop using a hurtful term? Even if you think it's a stupid request and their reasoning bad, how does going along with it impact you negatively in any way? A big cock isn't going to feel less satisfying to you because you haven't said the magic words. By dropping the phrase other people's lives would improve, yours would be untouched. It's not just a case of why anybody refuse but why anybody would react as angrily as some have here, it just defies sense. 

Nobody is calling you racist for having used those terms before. Our understanding of racism and how we frame people and groups is constantly evolving and deepening, as such our behaviours change to keep pace. I've used quite a lot of racial sexual terms in the past, never in a maliciously derogatory manner and (outwardly at least) never taken badly. But now that I can see how usage of those terms can upset and belittle those it's aimed at, I won't again. 

We have to start listening when LGBT POC say there's a problem with racism in the LGBT Community. It's not being said for fun, for the drama of it all. This isn't being made up to try and control your life. People are being hurt. Step off their fucking foot already.

 

[wood]

On 1/17/2019 at 10:25 AM, nelly26 said:

It won't ever go away. Ever. You just have to deal with it and avoid those who use these terms. 

I wish that:  1 - there were more online kink spaces for black people and, 2 - black men stopped doing porn with non-blacks, period. I honestly think that black men who do studio gay porn have ZERO self-esteem because they aren't even as physically attractive as their white co-stars, and they are basically receiving the short end of the stick.  When black men are casted, it's very noticeable that they will have a nice body and a large penis but lack in the face department (meaning, they're more or less ugly).  White studio porn stars have a nice face, nice body and nice dick - a trifecta so to speak.  To me, it's obvious that studio producers don't care about the face when it comes to black actors (they aren't judged for their handsomeness like white actors are), all that matters is body and dick, and we see this constantly play out in the real world on apps and social gay spaces.  The proof is that black gays complain about rejection from non-blacks but everyone loves a black top with a nice body, right?  

I agree with the first part, but not the second.  There are plenty of very attractive black men in porn, some with large dicks, some with smaller ones.  Additionaly I dont want to see segregated anything, including porn.  

As far as the term BBC is concerned, I'm a white guy the only thing that term means to me is british broadcasting corporation.  However there are many men out there of all backgrounds who use the term.   

The greater issue here is people getting caught up on stereotypes and fantasies, as well as systemic racism.  I have said this multiple times on this site because its all over the place.  Treat everyone the same, and many of these kind of problems go away.

As a tangent to the OP, Id love to see more black bottoms in porn having sex with men outside their race.  One guy I know who does it, and is VERY attractive is phoenix fellington.  https://www.pornhub.com/pornstar/pheonix-fellington   

[wood]

On 1/18/2019 at 12:29 PM, find91 said:

The BBC comments tend to annoy most black men. Black people have had a long history of being hypersexualized, both in gay and straight society. Like what the creator of this thread is saying Fetishization is not a form of respect is boxes the individual in as if they are just that one aspect. In this case all the black man is viewed as being a giant dick mean to serve. Furthermore not every black man out their is hung ( I know shocking LOL) and this further makes them feel isolated because the one thing they are "suppose" to be desired for they don't have. You can be into a certain race or body type or physical characteristic but you still got to treat them like they are a human being; objectification is extremely hurtful.

Spot on. 

 

[find91]

2 hours ago, wood said:

I agree with the first part, but not the second.  There are plenty of very attractive black men in porn, some with large dicks, some with smaller ones.  Additionaly I dont want to see segregated anything, including porn.  

As far as the term BBC is concerned, I'm a white guy the only thing that term means to me is british broadcasting corporation.  However there are many men out there of all backgrounds who use the term.   

The greater issue here is people getting caught up on stereotypes and fantasies, as well as systemic racism.  I have said this multiple times on this site because its all over the place.  Treat everyone the same, and many of these kind of problems go away.

As a tangent to the OP, Id love to see more black bottoms in porn having sex with men outside their race.  One guy I know who does it, and is VERY attractive is phoenix fellington.  https://www.pornhub.com/pornstar/pheonix-fellington   

Have you checked out Black Rayne productions like breeditraw.net most of the brothers there are vers

[ErosWired]

This conversation made me sensitive to two things I observed last night whilst slutting my wares in Louisville. The first was a point at which I had two guys coming to tag-team me (flaked, naturally) and a third unassociatef individual who asked me if he could join in.

Huzzah! Thought I - three cocks to one hole: mine! And to my delight, the other to were agreeable. But when I told the third, his first question was - “Are they black or white?”

What? How the hell did I know, and why would I care? Their cocks were huge. The pics were dark, so it was hard to tell. I told the third guy I thought white but couldn’t be sure, and did that matter?

Previously eager guy #3 did not reply, so I and couldn’t help adding, “I take cock from any man who wants my ass. If he’s got a cock I don’t care if he’s green. If that’s an issue for you I’m afraid we probably aren’t compatible. Never heard from him again. 

This folked after an earlier conversation with a black man bitter because he couldn’t get laid in Louisville because of his skin color.

Yet when I was shutting down my apps when it was time for me to go, I happened across a profile on GROWLR that began with: ???????????

You tell me what the fuck. I just think a lot more people need to be talking face to face and not poking at little screens. These damn little screens are going to kill us all one day...

[jockhrychest]

On ‎2‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 1:55 AM, BlazeJP said:

It's baffling how under attack some people feel whenever a request is made to them to reflect on something and consider changing their behaviour, especially when it comes to racism. Even with a request as polite and succinct as the one which started the thread.

Numerous great responses from different black posters have explained, in detail, why it is they dislike the term and why its usage can be accurately described as racist. Most didn't even ask that people stop using the term, just state their distaste for it. A Cuban poster also described how he too felt this way about how he is stereotyped sexually thanks to his race. Multiple POC saying similar things regarding their negative experiences regarding racial sexual stereotyping.

To react to that by moaning about "PC culture", for some to even categorise themselves as the victim, it just doesn't make any sense to me. If you're standing on somebody's foot, they'll let you know, you'll step off. You were causing pain, simple action to stop causing pain, pain be gone. Why, when somebody explains that use of a particular word, or phrase, is hurtful, why is the reaction not the same? You stepped off a foot, why not stop using a hurtful term? Even if you think it's a stupid request and their reasoning bad, how does going along with it impact you negatively in any way? A big cock isn't going to feel less satisfying to you because you haven't said the magic words. By dropping the phrase other people's lives would improve, yours would be untouched. It's not just a case of why anybody refuse but why anybody would react as angrily as some have here, it just defies sense. 

Nobody is calling you racist for having used those terms before. Our understanding of racism and how we frame people and groups is constantly evolving and deepening, as such our behaviours change to keep pace. I've used quite a lot of racial sexual terms in the past, never in a maliciously derogatory manner and (outwardly at least) never taken badly. But now that I can see how usage of those terms can upset and belittle those it's aimed at, I won't again. 

We have to start listening when LGBT POC say there's a problem with racism in the LGBT Community. It's not being said for fun, for the drama of it all. This isn't being made up to try and control your life. People are being hurt. Step off their fucking foot already.

 

Thanks to the DrrAld for bringing this up. I think we can all be more respectful to each other. We have a way of treating each other as glorified sex objects, and while that is sometimes very hot, there is still the other person to consider. Sex play should be fun, but I think we each have a responsibility to inform each other (in all aspects of life, not just in sexual matters) when we encounter something we don't like or that offends or hurts us. The reasonable human response would be to stop the offending behavior and maybe apologize. The deeper person would try to find out why it was offensive and try not to upset people in the future.  Unfortunately, a common response is to double-down on offensiveness under the guise of freedom of speech, anti-censorship or being anti-politically correct.

@hungry_hole, you are way off base. My background is in psychology. Shamefulness is not the same as being offended by something. The emotions that a black person experiences from being called the N-word, for example, may include disgust, anger, or frustration but never shame.

BlazeJP, I really liked your post. You had a lot of points that I enjoyed reading. That said, I'd like to respond specifically to the following statement you made: "A big cock isn't going to feel less satisfying to you because you haven't said the magic words." I respectfully disagree. When you are talking about a 'certain type' of non-black person, it isn't enough for it to be a big cock; it MUST be BBC as it has a power over some men. CEOs, politicians, pastors, married dads and otherwise responsible men put themselves, families and careers in compromising situations for BBC.  This is the one thing that is not acceptable among his social circles that is he getting away with. He NEEDS to say the magic words.

By doing so, he acknowledges that he is accepting big BLACK cock and all of its taboos. It makes him feel like he is better than the owners of BBC, though he can't escape the fact that he needs to get stretched and bred by them on a regular basis. It's his sexual fetish. Saying the words makes him open his hole. He spreads his legs wider and pushes back so the cock can hurt him in that special place that only BBC can hit. It makes him cum without touching his cock. The words take him to that a specific mental place - the horny, nasty place that has access to the brain's reward center. Releasing those endorphins makes the experience worth it every time, if only at that time. Even after he cums, he submits to the pounding BBC until it seeds him. Later, while he drives home, his sore, battered, and cum-filled hole throbbing the whole time, he laments and shamefully regrets that his hungry cunt has yet again reduced him to such a low level as to get fucked by a big black cock, despite having no physical attraction to guy it's attached to. After a while, though, he begins to crave it again.

This kind of bottom has no desire to otherwise acknowledge the BBC's humanity.  He will maintain anonymity at all costs, never having a relationship of any kind with the owners of BBC or ever experience the tenderness or loyalty that many black men can provide. At cocktail parties, he will listen to disparaging remarks made by his friends who "just don't understand the fascination with black guys/cock". But he gets it. He knows exactly what the big deal is, but he will remain tight-lipped, even as his hole still gapes from his most recent fuck. He'll never admit that each time he takes BBC, he experiences multiple orgasms and a deeply satisfied cunt. He knows that even if he's got everything, boyfriend/wife/husband, children, money, career...he will risk it all when his hole starts aching to get fucked. A slave to his own fetish, he'll soon be on the apps and websites looking for BBC to hurt and breed him, and will be backing up onto a thick black anonymous cock.  Sadly, he will continue to enjoy the company of black men while completely eschewing their social plight, using them for one physical attribute then discarding them. Thanks for reading.

[hungry_hole]

On 2/18/2019 at 10:02 AM, jockhrychest said:

@hungry_hole, you are way off base. My background is in psychology. Shamefulness is not the same as being offended by something. The emotions that a black person experiences from being called the N-word, for example, may include disgust, anger, or frustration but never shame. 

You may have a "background in psychology" but you are still wrong because shame hides behind many other emotions. Because shame is such a unpleasant feeling people don't stay on the shame for too long and they switch to other emotions such as anger and depression. Check out The Compass of Shame by Donald Nathanson: https://www.iirp.edu/defining-restorative/compass-of-shame

People don't want to talk about shame so things like "low self esteem" exists but in fact people with low self esteem just have a lot of trouble dealing with shame. "Being offended" is another way of talking about shame without naming it. People who deal well with shame are not offended.

[DrrAld]

10 minutes ago, hungry_hole said:

You may have a "background in psychology" but you are still wrong because shame hides behind many other emotions. Because shame is such a unpleasant feeling people don't stay on the shame for too long and they switch to other emotions such as anger and depression. Check out The Compass of Shame by Donald Nathanson: https://www.iirp.edu/defining-restorative/compass-of-shame

People don't want to talk about shame so things like "low self esteem" exists but in fact people with low self esteem just have a lot of trouble dealing with shame. "Being offended" is another way of talking about shame without naming it. People who deal well with shame are not offended.

I’m not “ashamed” nor do I feel shame for being Black. I’m also not “offended” by privileged White men such as yourself who insist on rationalising your position of self-righteousness by explaining and relegating other people’s opinions and feelings to little niches by which you can allow yourself to feel better about your inability to empathise or even try to understand their issue with men like you. If you want to continue living in your little bubble, that’s your prerogative. Just please don’t be shocked or complain when someone eventually gets fed up and puts you in your place in a less thoughtful way than I and ever other person of colour on this thread has tried to. Check yourself.

Edited February 20, 2019 by DrrAld

[hungry_hole]

2 minutes ago, DrrAld said:

 If you want to continue living in your little bubble, that’s your prerogative.

Did you read about the Compass of Shame? ( https://www.iirp.edu/defining-restorative/compass-of-shame). It's not my "little bubble" as you say. You can also read about Homophobia and shame http://safestsex.org/aboutmen-en.php#5505 and you'll see that is not my "little bubble".

 

[Pozguyinchi]

On 1/17/2019 at 10:25 AM, nelly26 said:

It won't ever go away. Ever. You just have to deal with it and avoid those who use these terms. I'm beyond tired of everything gay catering to white men.  Notice how every single race is sexually stereotyped except white men.  It's pretty simple to understand why and how that elevates white men into a false sense of superiority over others as the most desired group of men for sex and dating. You read about it all the time on this website. 

I wish that:  1 - there were more online kink spaces for black people and, 2 - black men stopped doing porn with non-blacks, period. I honestly think that black men who do studio gay porn have ZERO self-esteem because they aren't even as physically attractive as their white co-stars, and they are basically receiving the short end of the stick.  When black men are casted, it's very noticeable that they will have a nice body and a large penis but lack in the face department (meaning, they're more or less ugly).  White studio porn stars have a nice face, nice body and nice dick - a trifecta so to speak.  To me, it's obvious that studio producers don't care about the face when it comes to black actors (they aren't judged for their handsomeness like white actors are), all that matters is body and dick, and we see this constantly play out in the real world on apps and social gay spaces.  The proof is that black gays complain about rejection from non-blacks but everyone loves a black top with a nice body, right?  

I really think you are way off base on this. I find looks to be looks. I am not attracted to all white men in porn any more than I am to all black me. Or all Asian men etc.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was I a long term relationship with a man of color and I corrected him many times when he would say bbc. I would say let’s just call it big. It is true that it is the only term that reflects    On a race only. Pussy, faggot, cunt, hung, daddy etc do not specify race. 

[tallslenderguy]

1 hour ago, hungry_hole said:

Did you read about the Compass of Shame? ( https://www.iirp.edu/defining-restorative/compass-of-shame). It's not my "little bubble" as you say. You can also read about Homophobia and shame http://safestsex.org/aboutmen-en.php#5505 and you'll see that is not my "little bubble".

 

i read it. It supports the contention that several are making about the blindness that often comes with privilege. If you look at the "compass," one of the points is "attack others," and more specifically: "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim."   The OP is from a black person who identified and explained a racist term and further explained how it makes him feel and why it is offensive.  

Some responded by "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim," out of "shame."  

[Guest]

I think everyone is a little too sensitive about this. The world became a darker place when the liberal speech police came out of the woodwork. I think you’re way off base and over thinking and over sensitive. 

[hungry_hole]

On 2/20/2019 at 2:03 PM, tallslenderguy said:

i read it. It supports the contention that several are making about the blindness that often comes with privilege. If you look at the "compass," one of the points is "attack others," and more specifically: "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim."   The OP is from a black person who identified and explained a racist term and further explained how it makes him feel and why it is offensive.  

Some responded by "turning the tables" and "blaming the victim," out of "shame."   

Shame is the emotion most feared because it feels awful, more than every other emotion.  There are parts of feeling angry or sad that feel good, but there is NOTHING about shame that feels good. Everybody knows it which is why when you desire something bad on someone else we use the phrase "Shame on you!" as a way of punishment.

Because of the torturing characteristics of shame the Compass of Shame suggests 4 ways that people use to deal with the awful feelings of shame. When people experience shame, which cannot be sustained because of the awful feelings that it causes, shame transforms into Anger (attack others) or self put-down (Attack self) as a response.

Turning the tables refers to times when someone feeling shame instead of that person continuing feeling shame, they "turn the table" and lash out at what they believe the source of the shame is. A good example is homophobia, which is fear of the shame that being perceived as gay. If you are going down the street and you encounter a group of "straight" guys and for some reason you refer to someone as "you faggot" that man will feel shame of being perceived as gay by his peers so he will lash out with violence against the source of the shame he's feeling. That is the meaning of "turning the table".

The two other 2 poles of the Compass of Shame are also common ways in which people react to shame. Withdrawal represents the case when people confronted with shame want to bury themselves in a hole and disappear.

The most common way people use to deal with shame is Avoidance which takes many forms but very common in religious people where their religious texts guides them to avoid anything that may trigger shame which is why they oppose homosexuality and many other socially shameful: " Out of sight, out of mind." It's the most common way of dealing with shame by avoiding it all together.

Society is so afraid of shame that it presents it as something we should never feel, like sin, so we have invented words to refer to shame like "low self-esteem", "shyness" and "offensive".

I'm sure you've all noticed that in hook-up Apps like Grindr the young hot guys have clear pictures of themselves and feel proud of their looks but many older men are not that eager to show their face or body. Many would say that it's because of Ageism but it's really because of shame of looking old.

 

 

[jockhrychest]

A propos of this discussion thread, see link below. After watching the action, check out the monologue starting at 3:20. Warning, monologue contains language that some might find offensive. 

https://www.xtube.com/video-watch/married-d-d-filthy-garage-fuck-39327651

 

[evilqueerpig]

Having gone through this thread again, I feel compelled to offer my own take.  The comments about black men in porn being unattractive or ugly gets under my skin.  For me, the 2 old sayings, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "beauty's only skin deep" are still true.  Nothing is uglier than hatred and bigotry.  While "bbc" may not be retired in my lifetime, if we as individuals can enlighten others, it can be a step in the right direction.