Starting a new relationship

[anonfuck28]

When you guys meet someone new who you have the hots for, and it looks like its got potential to turn into something more serious than just fuck sessions, do you set out rules from the beginning of it being totally monogamous or youre still free to play around

For me it'd be a tricky situation, its nice to have that one to one closeness with my partner and not share him but at the same time I think i'd struggle with not having the different variety of cock. I try to justify it to myself as noone eats the same breakfast for XX amount of years .....

[rawsatyr]

In private, I have guys on here who are promiscuous, highly contagious fuckers try to tell me that my 'open relationship' would be INTOLERABLE to them. "IF I had a BF, I would NEVER allow him to run around!" I was told! "When did you last have sex with your man?" My seconds moment delay reaction was enough to jump to a premature conclusion! "Yeah that answers it right there!"

    You think you know it all? Yeah right! IF, you said, IF you had a BF!!!!! But you ain't got no BF Blanche! Probably for good reason! A selfish, self-centered, disrespectful personality typically has a way of radiating outward and drive potential BFs off. The whole 'gay thing' was after all about 'EQUALITY'. (those who want to be OWNED, used and abused have their own deal)

    My man and I share our stories of cruising, chatting, prospects and actual hooking up like hunting buddies do. We tell each other blow-by blow and EXPECT all-out bareback play. No fears, no regrets, no blame game! As we recount the most recent exploits, we get so turned on we get boners and tell each other how 'proud' we are of the others conquests and 'taking his load', sniff each other, maybe have sex or just hold each other and jerk off... no script...

    Unlike in the old days of 'emulated monogamy, steeped in secretive one-sided cheating and hypocrisy' (the norm in many gay relationships) we made a pact. A PRENUP! Gay marriage doesn't have to lead to monotonous fat-and-happy, progressively-asexual coexistence. With a secretly-jealous bitterness towards those out there... 'still being whores'.

    My man and I have this arrangement: ALL SEX IS SPORT, the more the better, alone, as an action hero or with a side-kick or him and me together as a commando! Promiscuity rocks! RAW ACTION IS EXPECTED and ENCOURAGED! No points for 'safe sex'! BORING!!!! The transition went surprisingly smooth!

    Looking back on the DARK AGES of HIV-related fear and loathing and serial monogamy: I have been in about FOUR 'count-worthy' long-term relationships of more that a few months. All had elements of flirting with others (openly) but also deception with cruel intentions in it. I wonder if 'straying' cheating and deception is the NORM of human nature, or is it a sign of individual weakness and fickleness or an indicator for some mental issues; not just 'pathological' ones but insecurity, need for validation, thrill-seeking and need for 'drama'???

    Whatever it is. The bottom-line is that most of us don't court coy maidens and fair princes in small hamlets of a 'happily-ever-after' dream-world. The more we bring to the table (looks, personality, COCK-AND ASS, level of sex drive) the more popular and contested we become. It's a RODEO out there! We are essentially SLUTS-among-SLUTS out in an open competition with few 'rules'. We hook up, fuck bare, move on and REPEAT again... often several times in one night! We are therefor THRILL-SEEKERS and risk-takers and an adopted alley-cat doesn't stop hunting mice when you serve it fancy feast one day with promise of a never-ending supply....

    Any of us who are POPULAR and who are out there 'getting action' expecting to be 'monogamous' with that one SERIOUS ONE is a delusion. It is futile to lock that PRIZED TROPHY BOY down, domesticate him, SCRIPT your daily routines with him and making your lives miserable by imitating straight, monogamous 'Christians' (with the 'patriarch-factor included' where both secretly think 'taking a MISTRESS' is ok but in reverse it makes the other a WHORE, LOL ). You  sanction each other with drama and occasional fits of jealousy and suspicion, discrete surveillance and running HIS friends and friendly strangers off. Some gay couples invent ever new pathetic ways of making their lives miserable and abruptly ending relationships that COULD HAVE WORKED.... IF... promiscuous ground-rules were accepted.

It IS POSSIBLE to HAVE YOUR COCK AND EAT IT TOO! No need to have the same serial, the same cock, the same jizz for year and years.... with predictably declining frequency!!!

    You find a guy you want to be 'serious' with and he agrees, you may have to lay it out on the table: "Men are pigs, we met on a hook-up app, in  a sex-club, we each have fucked so many people and we can't help LOOKING! Chances are - you AND I are NOT going to change overnight, or EVER! Celebrate your liberated sexuality and accept promiscuity as a bond with all of bareback brotherhood!"

You make a loyalty commitment to each other but you agree on sex being a SPORT! It keeps me and my partner motivated to work out, eat healthy, skip meals (to get fucked more) and we have more fun than ever! It has worked for years and brought us together even closer! And WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!! Not everybody can follow the OPEN SEXUALITY logic but monotonous monogamy is a concept more suitable for peasant societies that has been told to 'shut up', fear a 'god', sit tight and to breed another clutch of soldier/worker bees for the blatantly-fornicating, morality-exempted 'moral authority'...   

 

[Pozlover1]

24 minutes ago, rawsatyr said:

In private, I have guys on here who are promiscuous, highly contagious fuckers try to tell me that my 'open relationship' would be INTOLERABLE to them. "IF I had a BF, I would NEVER allow him to run around!" I was told! "When did you last have sex with your man?" My seconds moment delay reaction was enough to jump to a premature conclusion! "Yeah that answers it right there!"

    You think you know it all? Yeah right! IF, you said, IF you had a BF!!!!! But you ain't got no BF Blanche! Probably for good reason! A selfish, self-centered, disrespectful personality typically has a way of radiating outward and drive potential BFs off. The whole 'gay thing' was after all about 'EQUALITY'. (those who want to be OWNED, used and abused have their own deal)

    My man and I share our stories of cruising, chatting, prospects and actual hooking up like hunting buddies do. We tell each other blow-by blow and EXPECT all-out bareback play. No fears, no regrets, no blame game! As we recount the most recent exploits, we get so turned on we get boners and tell each other how 'proud' we are of the others conquests and 'taking his load', sniff each other, maybe have sex or just hold each other and jerk off... no script...

    Unlike in the old days of 'emulated monogamy, steeped in secretive one-sided cheating and hypocrisy' (the norm in many gay relationships) we made a pact. A PRENUP! Gay marriage doesn't have to lead to monotonous fat-and-happy, progressively-asexual coexistence. With a secretly-jealous bitterness towards those out there... 'still being whores'.

    My man and I have this arrangement: ALL SEX IS SPORT, the more the better, alone, as an action hero or with a side-kick or him and me together as a commando! Promiscuity rocks! RAW ACTION IS EXPECTED and ENCOURAGED! No points for 'safe sex'! BORING!!!! The transition went surprisingly smooth!

    Looking back on the DARK AGES of HIV-related fear and loathing and serial monogamy: I have been in about FOUR 'count-worthy' long-term relationships of more that a few months. All had elements of flirting with others (openly) but also deception with cruel intentions in it. I wonder if 'straying' cheating and deception is the NORM of human nature, or is it a sign of individual weakness and fickleness or an indicator for some mental issues; not just 'pathological' ones but insecurity, need for validation, thrill-seeking and need for 'drama'???

    Whatever it is. The bottom-line is that most of us don't court coy maidens and fair princes in small hamlets of a 'happily-ever-after' dream-world. The more we bring to the table (looks, personality, COCK-AND ASS, level of sex drive) the more popular and contested we become. It's a RODEO out there! We are essentially SLUTS-among-SLUTS out in an open competition with few 'rules'. We hook up, fuck bare, move on and REPEAT again... often several times in one night! We are therefor THRILL-SEEKERS and risk-takers and an adopted alley-cat doesn't stop hunting mice when you serve it fancy feast one day with promise of a never-ending supply....

    Any of us who are POPULAR and who are out there 'getting action' expecting to be 'monogamous' with that one SERIOUS ONE is a delusion. It is futile to lock that PRIZED TROPHY BOY down, domesticate him, SCRIPT your daily routines with him and making your lives miserable by imitating straight, monogamous 'Christians' (with the 'patriarch-factor included' where both secretly think 'taking a MISTRESS' is ok but in reverse it makes the other a WHORE, LOL ). You  sanction each other with drama and occasional fits of jealousy and suspicion, discrete surveillance and running HIS friends and friendly strangers off. Some gay couples invent ever new pathetic ways of making their lives miserable and abruptly ending relationships that COULD HAVE WORKED.... IF... promiscuous ground-rules were accepted.

It IS POSSIBLE to HAVE YOUR COCK AND EAT IT TOO! No need to have the same serial, the same cock, the same jizz for year and years.... with predictably declining frequency!!!

    You find a guy you want to be 'serious' with and he agrees, you may have to lay it out on the table: "Men are pigs, we met on a hook-up app, in  a sex-club, we each have fucked so many people and we can't help LOOKING! Chances are - you AND I are NOT going to change overnight, or EVER! Celebrate your liberated sexuality and accept promiscuity as a bond with all of bareback brotherhood!"

You make a loyalty commitment to each other but you agree on sex being a SPORT! It keeps me and my partner motivated to work out, eat healthy, skip meals (to get fucked more) and we have more fun than ever! It has worked for years and brought us together even closer! And WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!! Not everybody can follow the OPEN SEXUALITY logic but monotonous monogamy is a concept more suitable for peasant societies that has been told to 'shut up', fear a 'god', sit tight and to breed another clutch of soldier/worker bees for the blatantly-fornicating, morality-exempted 'moral authority'...   

 

So much truth here

[renovers82]

I think there is value in attempting  monogamy until you have a solid relationship foundation established - say a year or two.  I also think there is value in setting the expectation that you cannot see yourself being monogamous indefinitely.  Doing so is almost guarantees cheating.  Simply put, I don’t know of any truly monogamous gay dudes.  I know I’ve bred multiple so-called monogamous gay guys.

Ultimately, opening up a relationship should improve your sex life as a couple.  For example, I love the taste of my man’s dick after he has freshly bred a willing hole.  Or when I travel for work, I’ll take pics of me fucking dudes, or being fucked, and text those pics to my husband.  He needs to see his slutty husband in action.  My expectation is that he returns the favor. 

On a final note, for me at least, being monogamous would be overly selfish.  My man is a fucking amazing top and others need to be exposed his phenomenal skills. Cheers! 

 

 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, rawsatyr said:

Any of us who are POPULAR and who are out there 'getting action' expecting to be 'monogamous' with that one SERIOUS ONE is a delusion.

You have used the word ‘popular’ in other posts as well, referring to men who get a lot of action. I average about 10 fucks every time I host (CumUnions are higher) but I would never think of myself as ‘popular’. I’m not the sort of guy who people name on the “Which BZ Member Do You Want To Hook Up With” thread (and I could not possibly care less), which is essentially a popularity contest. I may have the ass, but not the looks or the personality or the level of wanton pigginess. Could you elaborate on what you mean when you say ‘popular’?

[tallslenderguy]

2 hours ago, anonfuck28 said:

When you guys meet someone new who you have the hots for, and it looks like its got potential to turn into something more serious than just fuck sessions, do you set out rules from the beginning of it being totally monogamous or youre still free to play around

For me it'd be a tricky situation, its nice to have that one to one closeness with my partner and not share him but at the same time I think i'd struggle with not having the different variety of cock. I try to justify it to myself as noone eats the same breakfast for XX amount of years .....

This will prolly be a different, but similar in many ways version of what rawsatyr wrote. 

i came out of a 31 year marriage (to a woman) and out of a conservative religious culture.  i think heteronormative "rules" have a lot of roots in religion.  Having deeply analyzed those "rules" and processed through them, i've developed what i believe is a healthy response to any rules: "where did the rule come from and why is it a rule?"   

Most of us have grown up in heterosexual dominated culture. That's changing, there are gay people out there now who may have been raised by two moms or two dads, trans, etc. etc., or something non traditional, but even those relationships may be colored by heterosexual and/or religious culture. 

For me, a long term, dedicated relationship is more about emotional loyalty than it is about sexual monogamy. This is not a perfect analogy because i think that sex has much more to it than eating, but i see sex as a natural necessity, like eating.  Monogamy is sort of like saying that partners can only eat together and only the food each has prepared for the other.  

my personal desire for a ltr type relationship is more about depth.  For me, anonymous hook up sex is like fast food. Some tastes better than others, it's quick, comparatively easy to get and it helps with hunger. A ltr has the potential of elegant, nutritious dining, so to speak... but it can also be like a constant diet of McDonalds.  

In other words, a "serious" relationship isn't a thing in and of itself, it is what you and your partner make of it.  i can see a ltr going either direction (monogamy or not), that is not central to a relationship for me. What is central is mutual and ongoing care and dedication to each other. Sexually, it represents an opportunity to go much deeper into emotional and mental fucking that just can't happen is a quick hook up. That can go either direction when it comes to monogamy.  For instance, i can easily see myself in a relationship with  Top or Dom guy who gets into whoring me out, and it wouldn't simply be about getting lots of cock for me. For me, i would relate to the experience/s as still being fucked by Him, because He would have the control.  i wouldn't have a problem with Him fucking others,

i'd have trouble with Him hiding or lying to me (or vice versa) about anything because, to me, a ltr is about loving and accepting the person for who they are. If they felt the need to hide or lie, it would be because they felt the threat of rejection.  Remove that threat, and it becomes a non issue (and i know guys  who have found this). To me, if we love each other, we'd take joy in each others enjoyment, not try to restrict it. We'd be allies in helping meet each of the others needs and desires.

i think it's a mistake to assume we can be everything a person needs or expect that from another. i think that false idea ends up creating scenarios of cheating and lying to maintain the illusion that the other is everything. If we don't have that expectation in the first place, there's not an expectation to be disappointed or failed.  

[rawsatyr]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

You have used the word ‘popular’ in other posts as well, referring to men who get a lot of action. I average about 10 fucks every time I host (CumUnions are higher) but I would never think of myself as ‘popular’. I’m not the sort of guy who people name on the “Which BZ Member Do You Want To Hook Up With” thread (and I could not possibly care less), which is essentially a popularity contest. I may have the ass, but not the looks or the personality or the level of wanton pigginess. Could you elaborate on what you mean when you say ‘popular’?

yes I can: I try to insinuate that some guys get more action than others. Some call it 'sluts', others call it 'players', again other call it 'unable to have a STEADY relationship' whatever. I use 'popular' as a random euphemism because no matter what angle you try to say it, other, substitute terms are 'loaded' with preconceptions. On BZ we get assigned titles like 'much liked', 'slut', 'whore'... and 'star performer'? I think? I guess you can be POPULAR by looks, by cock-size, by exploits, by your ease to engage in thrill-seeking behavior, personality or here by the level of contribution to a group...

In a high-school environment POPULAR is always a shallow connotation associated with arrogance and entitlements. But as a word popular is overused like DISCO, 'game-changer' and people who use the word 'literally' in every other sentence... I'm easily irritated by game-changer and 'literally'... popular music, popular foods, popular cars! Some of us rather choose something DIFFERENT... like I do most of the time. I hate games, watching sports, but I like lots of weird things like rum raisin ice-cream and reptiles for example...

Personally I could take 'offense' to having the 'whore' title on BZ as I neither charge nor have enough physical sex frequency to warrant that label. I COULD but I don't. I once called one of my friends a slut as a term of endearment after he told me of his exploits. He corrected me with: "I'm not a SLUT, I'm a CUM-DUMPSTER!"

Depending on what city you live in, 'popular' goes with different numbers. I have NEVER had anywhere near 10 guys in a day, not loads nor tricks but I have never even been to a CUMUNION. So on that level i'm a novice, an amateur, for years typically in a relationship with very pretty BFs. UNTIL, my man and I changed teams... to the BAREBACK sports-team!!!

 Being POPULAR at a sex-party has a blow-back! For example, one of my very 'popular' (on Facebook) studly friends from New York read me the riot act after I admitted having had MULTIPLE SEXUAL PARTNERS on a particular weekend, right before him and I hooked up... and I passed something on to him. "If I had only known you were LIKE THAT!", he texted me, and said that "compared to YOU, I must be  saint... something something.... !" Not sure why the hypocrisy because he had complained about 'The South is SO LAME, no action like in New York'. So the first time we played it was a 4-way and he seemed delighted to have found 'THE FUN UNDERGROUND'

I once used the term 'reckless' as a term of endearment when a guy on tumblr described his impressively promiscuous exploits at a certain sex party. He did however take 'offense' and messaged me "I'm NEVER reckless!" 

So really, terms are fluent here, more an effort to make sense of a very new world (for me)

 

Edited July 29, 2019 by rawsatyr
quotation marks

[evilqueerpig]

Even if you both agree that neither of you are capable of monogamy, you need to be fully compatible.  Should you find yourself looking for things in others that you're not getting from him, the relationship isn't likely to survive.  I speak from experience.

[FelchingPisser]

The beauty of being gay is not following the rules of the hetronormative culture.  Every couple, triad or more should (and needs) to set up the rules which work for them.  

[PG1961Canada]

I've had a number of really fun 3sums with couples in the past.  I always ask them if they have an 'arrangement'?  What I find interesting is that the ones who DO have an arrangement or rules or an agreement really seem to be grounded as a couple.  Some say they play together only - and that turns their crank.  Others will go one-on-one with me - because it is their deal and it turns them on ... etc... etc.

Some good advice above ..... come to an agreement.  If you want to have side-fun - make sure you both think that is OK.... or you will end up cheating and that usually ends poorly.  Be honest with one another!

Cheers dudes!

[theplayerking]

It ultimately depends upon each party’s interest and experience in casual sex before the relationship. To me, casual sex is a male bonding activity with no emotional significance. I love sex parties and groups. However, to my boyfriend, it’s very emotional. He’s never had sex outside of a relationship and would never consider a three way. I love him and am monogamous to keep him happy, although a surf the boards and jack a lot.