Racism and gay community

[Ranger Rick]

I think I can smell shite.

Edited August 7, 2020 by Ranger Rick
Decided I don't want to go there.

[find91]

17 hours ago, CuriousDallas said:

It's complicated as you're mixing sexual desires against racism, ageism, sizeism, fem/butch, and so on. If you can't get hard for a guy on account of one of those factors there's not a lot you can do...you can't "fake it til you make" sexually. You also get into issues of fetishizing and objectifying which is just as bad. I'm aware of my own biases and preferences and realize that as a result I can come across as a dick or an asshole because of that. But I try not to judge others for their kinks, biases, and preferences. One of the guys I regularly hooked up with in Dallas is a big guy size-wise and he struggled with his weight until he realized that there were guys who loved and desired big guys like him. It was a revelation for him as well as a moment of self-actualization as he realized he was fine as he was and more importantly guys wanted him as he is. We should all be more like that...realize there's someone for everyone and not judging people for who they are.

What people forget is the power dynamic in all of this. Yeah you can like and connect with certain guys ( I myself when it comes to men isn' t attracted to twinks) but you don't have to get on a mégaphone and proclaim it to the world. A simple no thanks works. Furthermore, relegating certain individuals as second class citizens in the community or constantly denigrating them not only fucks with their self esteem but creates a power dynamic of have and have not. This is not preference. 

[Guest CuriousDallas]

5 minutes ago, find91 said:

What people forget is the power dynamic in all of this. Yeah you can like and connect with certain guys ( I myself when it comes to men isn' t attracted to twinks) but you don't have to get on a mégaphone and proclaim it to the world. A simple no thanks works. Furthermore, relegating certain individuals as second class citizens in the community or constantly denigrating them not only fucks with their self esteem but creates a power dynamic of have and have not. This is not preference. 

Excellent point. If you have an opinion you don’t have to share it with everyone. If you’re declining someone make it a “no thanks”...you don’t have to be specific, and nasty, when declining.

[garsento]

There is also the issue that rejecting people because of arbitrary characteristics unrelated to who they are or what they can do is not a winning strategy. It limits options. I am reminded of the gay arranged dating service in Toronto that, faced with a person who accused them of not setting him up with someone, said his requests were hyperspecific enough to make a match unlikely. If I arbitrarily excluded non-white people, or poz people, or people who were not hugely hung, et cetera, how much sex would I actually have had? How many people would I have not had the chance to know because I did not drop my preconceptions?

[Guest RawCunt]

The "gay community" is a fictitious, self entitled, bigoted, vocal minority.

This "community" are simply part of a larger community focused on destroying what allows "them" to be who and what they are, and want to be, by targeting, abusing, cancelling and trying to destroy anyone who doesn't agree with political agenda's.   They will use age, race, sex, ethnicity and any other bigoted view to try and destroy someone for political ends.

You see it on here with the "wouldn't fuck a republican/ conservative" etc.  Even if it's a gay black conservative..... they will be castigated by the "community" as an uncle tom or race traitor,  Milo Yanopolous is famous example.  The "community" might not like his politics, but resort to calling him a nazi, bigot racist etc as the only argument to his politics, even though he is a jew married to a black guy.

The "gay community" lives in bubble and don't represent the majority of gay people.  And they have become so toxic on their own agenda's of dictating sexual righteousness for political purposes, they are beginning to now attack each other.  Only have to see how the lesbian and trans camps are starting to go at each others throats.

I like everyone has preferences.  And I like everyone lets those preferences slide in the bath houses or beats.   But if I was going to date someone, my choices wouldn't be dictated to me by group of social advocates based on skin color, age, race or preferences.  There is a whole lot of other things to consider, be it as simple as location, their own financial standard.  If your choice of hitting the town is watching drag shows, and dancing to ABBA, that is enough to put me off, whatever you skin color is.

"Racism" has become an over used political tool, and an authoritarian weapon.  Just as BLM has become.

[Carlos1881]

All your opinions and preferences  are valid and lives matter 

Edited August 8, 2020 by Karl8181

[SpectreAgent]

On 8/6/2020 at 7:35 PM, BlackDude said:

I think I might make some enemies for this reply but it is what it is. First as a black person, I have seen more racism from Asians and Latinos in the gay community then from white guys. (I e posted about this before). Also,  I think it is funny how when we talk about racism in the gay community it always boils down to sex and preference. No one ever mentions the other aspects of gay life that are affected by racism. I.e. how you are treated at bars, by other gay people on the job, or even in a group setting. Also, as a black person, I find most of the “preference” people are really insecure and mediocre and have nothing going for them but their whiteness. Most of them. They talk about preference, but it even bothers them when one of their friends date  a black person. They won’t talk  the other areas because in truth it is not a preference at all it is just racism. They just boil it down to sex  so they can hide behind preference. Which is fine by me. Rarely do I see a hot white guy who is racist . But I can’t blame them white guys. We as Black people, and I also say Latins and Asians (Who don’t classify themselves as white), need to stop literally begging for every white man who is out there even when they do not want us. That’s why the ego of some of these dudes is so inflated. If you want a white guy, there are plenty out there who are hot and got it together that won’t require you making a fool out of themselves. 

Such an intelligent, thought post. Years ago, when I was much prettier (possibly) I cruised a black guy in central London. The attraction was immediate although I feared he was way out of my league. But he made it very clear that he was interested. He walked on, but stopped to make sure I was following. I did follow for what felt like bloody miles. We eventually got to a house and I didn’t know what to do. But he lingered at the open doorway and made it clear what he wanted me to do. I obliged. 
The sex that followed was incredible. Afterwards, he asked why I’d followed.

”Because I think you’re as fit as fuck,” I said.

”And you don’t find me intimidating?”

”Why would I find you intimidating?”

Now let me explain that this guy was Jamaican. About 6’3”. Late 20s. And had possibly the best body I’ve ever got my hands on. It was the kind of encounter you remember all your life. I know I will. 
But he explained that he only enjoyed sex with white guys and because he looked the way he did, he found it hard to find sexual partners. I found it extraordinary that this perfect man in so many respects had few sexual partners. But I’ve subsequently figured that it was his sheer power and, yes, masculine beauty that must have been the barrier. How sad that preconceptions can get in the way of intimacy.

For my part, I think I’ve shagged my way around the world, certainly slept with someone from every US state. Don’t think I’ve had a Russian unless it was in a darkroom. But I’ve certainly sampled every religion apart from maybe a Trappist Monk. I couldn’t care less how someone votes or if they’re rich or poor. I must confess, I suppose I get that everyone has preferences. It’s just that mine are a very broad church (as if were...)

[SpectreAgent]

On 8/7/2020 at 1:41 AM, drscorpio said:

A lot of it comes down to not being an asshole. You don't have to be rude about your preferences, but you also don't owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't into them. 

Putting "no blacks, no asians" in your profile because you can't be bothered to say "no, thank you" to people who don't do it for you seems like being an asshole to me. Repeatedly asking "but why won't you give me a shot?" is definitely being an asshole. 

The only caveat I put on other site profiles - not here obviously - is that anyone who refers to their or anyone’s else status as “clean” will be ignored. 

[BlackDude]

On 8/6/2020 at 7:13 PM, takingdeepanal said:

You're correct. There is a LOT of racism directed by Asians at non-Asians. I used to remotely run an Accounts department that was based in Asia - and found that they were non-cooperative because I was white.

Judging by the number of Asian women married to “conservative” white men (Mitch McConnell, Richard Spencer, etc.) I think it is safe to say that there is not a serious racism problem between the Asian and the white community. Just based on my experience, and the many conversations I’ve had with Asian people, I suggest this experience was more due to the fact that they believe you had nothing that could benefit them. I think This was more based on culture than race. Not to stereotype again this is just based on my conversation that I’ve had with Asian people. Sure they’ll throw some sex out there for an average white dude or some BBC, but They are really not going to do business or get in a serious relationship with somebody Of any race (including Asian) unless they feel it is going to be beneficial. Don’t believe me? Ask the average Korean or Japanese person with they do business or marry  with somebody from Cambodia or Laos

[blackrobe]

My regular dom breeder likes to share me with other tops. He likes to watch, control, and enjoy my sexuality even when it's not his cock fucking and breeding me. He has given me an open-ended instruction to find tops to breed me (with him) at his place. On one occasion, I found a straight guy looking to fuck that seemed an ideal fit, as he liked to share a hole with another top too.

He asked for some pics of my dom breeder and, when I shared them, he said it was all off because he doesn't play with black guys. He went on to list the color/races of the guys he would play with - white, Russian, and a few other pale races.

I was quite startled.

My dom breeder is black, the straight guy looking to fuck my ass was black, and I'm of pale Irish stock. When I told my dom breeder that he'd bailed and gave the reason as "not playing with black guys" he was annoyed but completely unsurprised. It's not at all uncommon, he said, to find straight black men like that. Some are on the DL and will only fuck white guys well removed from their community and therefore "safe". I'm told that here are also some things about black masculinity at play here, but I understand it imperfectly. 

The idea that a black man wouldn't fuck me because he'd be sharing me with another black man gobsmacked me. Talk about getting discriminated against coming and going... 

[find91]

Just throwing it out there. Just fucking, dating Black/POC does not negate a person from racism and racial bias. Most misogynist are married to women. It's how you treat them that matters. Like a sentient human being and not some tool for your sexual fantasy.

POC need to start loving ourselves and stop trying to access privileged by running after white. It is unfair to truly open minded white person and reaks of low self esteem and self hatred.

If you are into "thugs" there's a big difference being attracted to dangerous men of all races Chavez, gang members etc. Then imposing that label on one particular race, not even taking into consideration that persons personality or how they themselves identify.

[SpectreAgent]

1 hour ago, find91 said:

Just throwing it out there. Just fucking, dating Black/POC does not negate a person from racism and racial bias. Most misogynist are married to women. It's how you treat them that matters. Like a sentient human being and not some tool for your sexual fantasy.

POC need to start loving ourselves and stop trying to access privileged by running after white. It is unfair to truly open minded white person and reaks of low self esteem and self hatred.

If you are into "thugs" there's a big difference being attracted to dangerous men of all races Chavez, gang members etc. Then imposing that label on one particular race, not even taking into consideration that persons personality or how they themselves identify.

I think your first paragraph is spot on, although it can be argued that, to a degree, all sexual encounters involve a degree of sexual fantasy. 
And as a famous playwright once wrote “You’ll regret not having fun with your genitals when you’re dead”.  

 

[blackrobe]

2 hours ago, find91 said:

Just throwing it out there. Just fucking, dating Black/POC does not negate a person from racism and racial bias. Most misogynist are married to women. It's how you treat them that matters. Like a sentient human being and not some tool for your sexual fantasy.

Agreed. My friend and I have talked about how inured we all are in a web of interlocking biases and how impossible it is to make a claim that you're free of them. Being aware and applying "The Golden Rule" is a good start. I also believe in "The Campfire Rule" being broadly applied.

[Cutedelicategay]

Squirt recently sent out a survey asking members of their opinions on how to make Squirt inclusive. Its a no brainer that sex apps and sites should totally discourage people from putting any preferences in their profiles and should do away with their search filters except the area search. When one is looking for sex they should understand or be forced to understand that they need to invest some time looking for a match. Also the block option should force the member to write a message before blocking. The reason these talks about racism are so much discussed in the current perspective is because we as a society have missed the time and opportunity to do away with such behaviors by understanding. Its time to now enforce rules for people who still hide their racial attitudes behind preferences. 

[blackrobe]

15 minutes ago, Cutedelicategay said:

Squirt recently sent out a survey asking members of their opinions on how to make Squirt inclusive. Its a no brainer that sex apps and sites should totally discourage people from putting any preferences in their profiles and should do away with their search filters except the area search. When one is looking for sex they should understand or be forced to understand that they need to invest some time looking for a match. Also the block option should force the member to write a message before blocking. The reason these talks about racism are so much discussed in the current perspective is because we as a society have missed the time and opportunity to do away with such behaviors by understanding. Its time to now enforce rules for people who still hide their racial attitudes behind preferences. 

I did that survey and was a little concerned by how the questions were framed. It makes me think they have a design proposal and are looking for data to validate it, rather than seeking data to drive the design. 

I've done research for software products and services for a few years and I'm really interested in how users will react to having all these search filter options taken away. I'd be concerned about it driving down subscriptions if the perceived utility and value of the app/site is reduced by the change. Unless all the apps/sites make the same changes in a similar timeframe, keeping the search filters could become a competitive differentiator. Alternately, a lone holdout might end up getting some negative PR for not doing the right thing like all the other apps/sites.