Bottom shaming

[hungry_hole]

On 12/11/2020 at 3:13 PM, subBottomKink said:

Bottom isn’t a sex position for me, it’s a state of mind. Beyond the physical feeling, being penetrated just makes me feel alive, whole, fully human.

 In the heterosexual world there are tops and bottoms, men and women. But in the gay world we can choose the role that gives us most pleasure.  Top and bottom is not fixed and many guys who were total tops become bottoms. I've known several tops that later become bottoms.

If a guy can keep his cock hard and can fuck holes for long times, that guy is probable a top or at least versatile because fucking is pleasurable. I've been a bottom for many years and I have fucked occasionally. If I could enjoy fucking holes and last for a long time fucking different holes at a sauna, I would at least be versatile.

Many guys don't bottom because getting fucked and taking it up the ass is not something all men feel comfortable with.

 

[kinkysuBB]

4 hours ago, hungry_hole said:

 In the heterosexual world there are tops and bottoms, men and women. But in the gay world we can choose the role that gives us most pleasure.  Top and bottom is not fixed and many guys who were total tops become bottoms. I've known several tops that later become bottoms.

If a guy can keep his cock hard and can fuck holes for long times, that guy is probable a top or at least versatile because fucking is pleasurable. I've been a bottom for many years and I have fucked occasionally. If I could enjoy fucking holes and last for a long time fucking different holes at a sauna, I would at least be versatile.

Many guys don't bottom because getting fucked and taking it up the ass is not something all men feel comfortable with.

 

Yes, I’ve heard this opinion lots of times, and I do believe that a lot of gay people, probably most, are more versatile than I am, for whatever reason. I really was only giving my experience. It won’t apply to everyone.

Me, I’m a bottom. As I said, it’s a state of mind. Perhaps that state of mind will change at some point, for whatever reason, although it’s showing no signs of doing so so far.

I love the dynamic of strict top and bottom roles. I play with vers guys all the time, and don’t get me wrong, a lot of them have been excellent fucks. For me, there’s just this awesome connection when I get a top who sees things the way I do, but from the opposite side. 

[Ozpig]

On 12/12/2020 at 7:13 AM, subBottomKink said:

I’ve tried discussing this with guys and a lot who aren’t total tops or bottoms just don’t get it. Bottom isn’t a sex position for me, it’s a state of mind. Beyond the physical feeling, being penetrated just makes me feel alive, whole, fully human.

I’ve been asked if I “can’t step up to the plate and be the top when needed.” I can, physically. I’m awful at it and get little to nothing out of it. Last time I did it was at Cumunion. I enjoyed the physical feeling, sure, and the novelty value. I enjoyed the look on the bottom’s face as I penetrated him (poor guy mustn’t have had many good tops!) But was it fulfilling, in the way that bottoming is got me? Hell no.

I’ve been called lazy. I am not lazy. I’ve been to group fucks where I’ve taken cock all night long, and the next morning I’m being ordered up on the new arrival’s cock. And I ride it with as much enthusiasm as 12 hours earlier, while he sits there. I’ll keep going and will power bottom if needed as long as there’s a top to penetrate me.

I’m just not a top.

exactly the way I am and exactly the way I feel. Never have been interested in topping and never will be - it is my life to be a bottom and I am proud of it.

[gwmxyz]

I'm bottom. My cock's small and I like being fucked.  Easy decision.  The problem comes when one of my fb's decides he wants a 3sum as he does from time to time  Funnily enough its always bottom guys who end up coming over.   He then gets pissed off because I fuck them.  I keep telling him that there's a very obvious answer to that one - but listening's not one of his strengths.
And while I don't admit it to him,  saying "make sure you don't fuck this guy who is coming around" doesn't really work  either.   
If what he said was  "I expect you to do your share of the topping when this guy comes over"  he would see an almost magical softening of my cock.

[drscorpio]

On 12/14/2020 at 5:06 AM, RawPlug said:

I’m reminded of what one guy once told me: “If it wasn’t for us bottoms, tops would be wandering around with their cocks out wondering what to do next...”

A friend of mine told me a story about the bathhouse in Austin, TX. He said it would be a regular occurrence late at night that it would become clear to him and all the other tops that they had held off to long on shooting their last loads, and all the bottoms had gone home. 

I started out thinking I preferred to top because I was having a lot of mediocre sex with a lot of other inexperienced young guys. Once I got fucked by an older top guy who knew what he was doing, I knew I was a bottom. I still appreciate a beautiful ass though. Throughout my 20s and 30s I would top from time to time. Eventually, I stopped trying to top. Even when I am mentally turned on by the idea, I find it challenging to stay hard enough to perform, so I just bottom now. 

I think a lot (but not all) of versatile (and versatile-top and versatile-bottom) guys feel like if they can make a choice of role in the moment that anyone can. I get that it is hard to understand everyone isn't just like you. At least the total bottoms and tops understand how each other work. Also, much respect to the vers guys who get it.           

[SpectreAgent]

2 hours ago, drscorpio said:

A friend of mine told me a story about the bathhouse in Austin, TX. He said it would be a regular occurrence late at night that it would become clear to him and all the other tops that they had held off to long on shooting their last loads, and all the bottoms had gone home. 

I started out thinking I preferred to top because I was having a lot of mediocre sex with a lot of other inexperienced young guys. Once I got fucked by an older top guy who knew what he was doing, I knew I was a bottom. I still appreciate a beautiful ass though. Throughout my 20s and 30s I would top from time to time. Eventually, I stopped trying to top. Even when I am mentally turned on by the idea, I find it challenging to stay hard enough to perform, so I just bottom now. 

I think a lot (but not all) of versatile (and versatile-top and versatile-bottom) guys feel like if they can make a choice of role in the moment that anyone can. I get that it is hard to understand everyone isn't just like you. At least the total bottoms and tops understand how each other work. Also, much respect to the vers guys who get it.           

On hookup sites, I usually describe myself “vers-bottom”. For fucking, I’m mostly bottom, but an active one - if that makes sense. But sex for me isn’t just about the loads and the cock inside me (hugely important though they are). It’s the whole deal. And in terms of deep throating and rimming I very much like to take the lead. And, like you, I can appreciate a nice arse. 

[kinkysuBB]

12 hours ago, RawPlug said:

On hookup sites, I usually describe myself “vers-bottom”. For fucking, I’m mostly bottom, but an active one - if that makes sense. But sex for me isn’t just about the loads and the cock inside me (hugely important though they are). It’s the whole deal. And in terms of deep throating and rimming I very much like to take the lead. And, like you, I can appreciate a nice arse. 

It makes sense, yes. Can I ask though, do you top for anal sex? Or is your versatility confined to other areas, like being an active rimmer, as you say?

I think the continuum from top, through vers, to bottom, restricts us a bit. I’ve started thinking about sex position less as a continuum, and more as a two or three axis thing (sorry, maths ahoy). On the x axis you have tops on the left and bottoms on the right. Then on the Y axis you have active at one end and passive at the other. True vers guys are right in the middle of both, and the rest of us are scattered in various parts of the other quadrants.

Then, I think, there’s a 3D Z axis too. At one end there’s subs like me, at the other doms, and most guys who just aren’t into that are floating around in the middle of that one. This is totally different to being active or passive and is more a mental thing.

And then the whole thing is complicated by people being vers for some sex acts, top for others, bottom for others. I guess no classification system truly captures the wonderful thing that is human sexuality!

Edited December 20, 2020 by subBottomKink
Typos

[SpectreAgent]

3 hours ago, subBottomKink said:

It makes sense, yes. Can I ask though, do you top for anal sex? Or is your versatility confined to other areas, like being an active rimmer, as you say?

I think the continuum from top, through vers, to bottom, restricts us a bit. I’ve started thinking about sex position less as a continuum, and more as a two or three axis thing (sorry, maths ahoy). On the x axis you have tops on the left and bottoms on the right. Then on the Y axis you have active at one end and passive at the other. True vers guys are right in the middle of both, and the rest of us are scattered in various parts of the other quadrants.

Then, I think, there’s a 3D Z axis too. At one end there’s subs like me, at the other doms, and most guys who just aren’t into that are floating around in the middle of that one. This is totally different to being active or passive and is more a mental thing.

And then the whole thing is complicated by people being vers for some sex acts, top for others, bottom for others. I guess no classification system truly captures the wonderful thing that is human sexuality!

Do I top? Yes. But not often. I have a wonderful top fuck-bud in Manchester, so I don’t top him in anal. And this past year - because of a certain pandemic - we’ve tended to play together, and sometimes with a couple of other trusted mates (we have a bbubble!) who are vers-top.

[RUT2SEED]

On 12/14/2020 at 5:06 AM, RawPlug said:

“If it wasn’t for us bottoms, tops would be wandering around with their cocks out wondering what to do next...”

Behind every happy top, is a hungry bottom. 

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

On 12/15/2020 at 11:55 AM, subBottomKink said:

Yes, I’ve heard this opinion lots of times, and I do believe that a lot of gay people, probably most, are more versatile than I am, for whatever reason. I really was only giving my experience. It won’t apply to everyone.

Me, I’m a bottom. As I said, it’s a state of mind. Perhaps that state of mind will change at some point, for whatever reason, although it’s showing no signs of doing so so far.

I love the dynamic of strict top and bottom roles. I play with vers guys all the time, and don’t get me wrong, a lot of them have been excellent fucks. For me, there’s just this awesome connection when I get a top who sees things the way I do, but from the opposite side. 

I’ve never been a top, don’t care to top and totally am ok with that. I am the bottom during sex, it was how I was created.

[Pozguyinchi]

On 12/15/2020 at 7:49 AM, hungry_hole said:

 In the heterosexual world there are tops and bottoms, men and women. But in the gay world we can choose the role that gives us most pleasure.  Top and bottom is not fixed and many guys who were total tops become bottoms. I've known several tops that later become bottoms.

If a guy can keep his cock hard and can fuck holes for long times, that guy is probable a top or at least versatile because fucking is pleasurable. I've been a bottom for many years and I have fucked occasionally. If I could enjoy fucking holes and last for a long time fucking different holes at a sauna, I would at least be versatile.

Many guys don't bottom because getting fucked and taking it up the ass is not something all men feel comfortable with.

 

We need many more men that don’t like to take cock. It would make it a lot easier for us total bottoms. Lol

[Justaholeff]

Real men take it up the ass!.....now that's not attack on fem guys cause they are real men too..but "homophobic straight men" who think you are weak or less then cause you like it up the ass.

[Pozguyinchi]

On 12/24/2020 at 8:18 AM, Cumfilledbottomboi said:

I’ve never been a top, don’t care to top and totally am ok with that. I am the bottom during sex, it was how I was created.

Amen

[Tanbbottom]

Real men take bareback and don't have their top pull out! Real men also luv to breed! Real men don't shame anyone for anything !

[bbzh]

I envy the heteros because they tend not to lead with their sexual demands first, nor is their identity so seemingly intertwined with what they do in the bedroom like us gays. We will reject (or pursue) each other based on whatever box was ticked on a profile. I sometimes wonder how many times I've missed out on having deeper, longer term connections with men because of this. Sadly, I have to play by these rules because everyone else is. What do we gain by using these labels? Maybe time, and certainly frustration, as soon as we figure out that the guy we are really attracted to has ticked the "wrong" goddamn box on his profile.

Online, I just say I'm bottom, mainly because I know I won't be bothered as much. I think most would say the label I should use is versatile. But I don't like that either because it suggests that I'm willing to assume the role of top or bottom with anyone at the drop of a hat. For me, it's about chemistry. Sometimes I want to top; sometimes I want to bottom; other times I want to flip-flop😈. If made to choose, I would choose bottoming. I get daggers from other bottoms that I contact if my profile says I'm a bottom; if I say I'm versatile, bottoms may think I'm just a bottom in denial. Tops are suspicious too. So, to make everyone's life easier, I'll just say I'm a botton. No shame in that I guess. 😂