Gay Guys are too picky

[Breedingandseeding]

I feel like as hooking up continues to become easier and we’re all flooded with so many options on apps that guys have become unnecessarily picky. In the end they’re limiting themselves. I don’t mind people having some preferences for what turns them on more than others but some people have such strict hang ups. The only thing that I really do need in a guy is for him to be reasonably height/weight proportional ( a little bit overweight is fine but not obese), good hygiene, and a slutty state of mind when hooking up. If I’m in a bottom mood I don’t care about cock size although most bottom guys these days seem to demand hung guys. If I’m in a top mood I don’t care whether a guy is smooth or hairy. I feel like everyone would have more fun if they learned to have reasonable standards instead of ones that severely limit their fuck pool. Kind of wish someone would make an app that is explicitly for people okay with average guys and not just hung guys or super fit guys or super attractive guys.

[BlackDude]

1 hour ago, Breedingandseeding said:

I feel like as hooking up continues to become easier and we’re all flooded with so many options on apps that guys have become unnecessarily picky. In the end they’re limiting themselves. I don’t mind people having some preferences for what turns them on more than others but some people have such strict hang ups. The only thing that I really do need in a guy is for him to be reasonably height/weight proportional ( a little bit overweight is fine but not obese), good hygiene, and a slutty state of mind when hooking up. If I’m in a bottom mood I don’t care about cock size although most bottom guys these days seem to demand hung guys. If I’m in a top mood I don’t care whether a guy is smooth or hairy. I feel like everyone would have more fun if they learned to have reasonable standards instead of ones that severely limit their fuck pool. Kind of wish someone would make an app that is explicitly for people okay with average guys and not just hung guys or super fit guys or super attractive guys.

You just names of three requirements thought. And two of them prob eliminate about one third of the guys. 

[Breedingandseeding]

I don't see how two of them eliminate a lot of guys since 1. asking for good hygiene (i.e. showering, douching out, etc) shouldn't be a big ask and 2. most guys have a slutty mind anyways. When it comes to weight I also don't think it's unreasonable to say that severely obese guys don't get me hard since that's something that can easily be changed by personal behavior unlike other things like cock size, race, age, hairiness. If there's one thing that's almost universal among men and women, straights and gays is that we naturally want people to be in reasonable shape. I'm not looking for abs or super thin but there is a difference between someone who's 20-75 lbs overweight and someone who's 150+ lbs overweight. 

I'm also not arguing for no preferences at all. I'm simply saying some people have VERY specific requirements.

Edited September 20, 2021 by Breedingandseeding

[BlackDude]

3 hours ago, Breedingandseeding said:

I don't see how two of them eliminate a lot of guys since 1. asking for good hygiene (i.e. showering, douching out, etc) shouldn't be a big ask and 2. most guys have a slutty mind anyways. When it comes to weight I also don't think it's unreasonable to say that severely obese guys don't get me hard since that's something that can easily be changed by personal behavior unlike other things like cock size, race, age, hairiness. If there's one thing that's almost universal among men and women, straights and gays is that we naturally want people to be in reasonable shape. I'm not looking for abs or super thin but there is a difference between someone who's 20-75 lbs overweight and someone who's 150+ lbs overweight. 

I'm also not arguing for no preferences at all. I'm simply saying some people have VERY specific requirements.

Thanks for clarifying, Because it sounded like you were just looking for breeding jocks, and more than likely a lot of guys don’t fit into that criteria.. 

However, I’m not knocking your preferences, we a have them. I don’t even think they are unreasonable. But There is a huge gap between A little extra padding and obesity. Also, I think all guys are kink, I agree, but most are going to be vanilla unless you are in their “10%”’. 

 

 

 

[gwmxyz]

On 9/20/2021 at 9:58 PM, Breedingandseeding said:

…we’re all flooded with so many options 

I’m guessing you don’t live in Hong Kong then. But I know what you mean. The thing that gets me is spending hours messaging online guys it would take 20 mins just to go and meet - and get a much better answer to all the questions. 
I can’t say I’m too picky myself. My question is usually just “Will you fuck me?”

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

I can't fault people for their fantasy hookup criteria, in the end they are just limiting themselves. And who knows, they may find that unicorn they are looking for. If so, good for them!

When I am online I actually appreciate it when someone lists their criteria because I can go down their checklist and know to either move on or that I won't be wasting both our times by contacting them. I'm not in my 20s and can immediately skip those young age range requirement requests, which are a lot of them. Plus in the cases where the criteria are describing a superman in every aspect, it helps me get a feel for what the person is really looking for. I have to guess that many of the ones that have a way-out-there fantasy list of criteria are not really interested in meeting anyway.

I've had more luck going out in the world and meeting people. It seems to be easier to attract someone when they see you in person. Sometimes they are ready to hookup right then, which is fun and as close as I have gotten to an anonymous hookup. Sometimes the people I meet want to get to know me and we may or may not go from there. Maybe all of them are going over their mental criteria checklist, but I like to think that they are saying the hell with their checklist and are just getting to know me when we are in the real world.

[ErosWired]

Some years ago, the big theme at the Kentucky State Fair was jams and jellies. There was a big tent with dozens and dozens of different kinds from all over the Commonwealth, stacked in tiers, in rainbows of colors. The tent was always full of people milling around. You could buy anything there. But not that many people actually bought much out of that tent.

Nearby, there was another tent that just had four or five kinds, just basic jams and preserves and such, and they sold jars hand over fist.

What was the difference? The people in the big tent were faced with too many options - too many factors, too many decisions to make. But when you only have to choose between the blackberry jam or the apple butter, you can make a choice without much hassle.

The apps are the big tent. All the choices are out there. We spend hours sifting through them - hours in which we could be actually fucking - because there’s just too much selecting to do. (The fact that half the merchandise is being falsely advertised doesn’t help.)

Going out cruising, or to the bathhouse or going ass-up at a hotel and just letting anons come to you is the small tent. The choices are more limited, and get very much easier as the night drags on, until at 2:00am you’re left deciding whether to let the apple butter fuck you or go home unfucked. Simple choice. (You go home with an ass full of apple butter.)

On 9/20/2021 at 10:27 AM, Breedingandseeding said:

I'm not looking for abs or super thin

Actually, we mostly all are looking for abs whether we realize it or not. There’s some science behind this. The hypothesis is that abs specifically - and fitness generally - signal that an individual is likely to have high virility and higher than average reproductive success. In some species, this fitness also translates to a greater likelihood of being able to provide and protect, but males do not serve this function in all species.

In this context, this may possibly hold true more for bottoms than for Tops, who may possibly in some cases take sexual attraction cues from the characteristics more associated with females, such as the shape of the buttocks or a relatively less defined musculature. Obviously this varies widely, and the study I was reading was entirely hetero-based, so I’m definitely extrapolating.

[Guest]

I've experienced  different kind of pickiness. I'm a gay transman and am pre op. I still have my female parts up top and have a front hole. There are plenty of gay men who won't touch me with a 10 foot pole. I don't know if they see me as a man or not. Transmen are men.

[hntnhole]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

Tops, who may possibly in some cases take sexual attraction cues from the characteristics more associated with females, such as the shape of the buttocks or a relatively less defined musculature

I hope with all my heart that the above respondent in PA finds all the fulfillment, happiness, pleasure, and lives a long and happy life.  Our tent - unlike some - is enormous.

[ErosWired]

44 minutes ago, PozthisGuy said:

I've experienced  different kind of pickiness. I'm a gay transman and am pre op. I still have my female parts up top and have a front hole. There are plenty of gay men who won't touch me with a 10 foot pole. I don't know if they see me as a man or not. Transmen are men.

Yes, they are. My first girlfriend, from high school, is now George. I have no problem thinking of him as a man, even though I was close with him before he chose to pursue his core being. Sometimes I find myself having to think to remember his original name. (It’s interesting, in hindsight, to ponder that my first relationship was, though neither of us realized it at the time, gay.)

The tragic thing about the lives of trans people is that the world thinks and expects that they have to all undergo enormous changes to become someone completely different. Which is of course absurd - they’re just trying to be the same real person they’ve always been inside. It’s all of the rest of us who have to do the changing.

[tighthole64]

Totally agree guys are too picky! I'm no fitness God,but I've hit on guys both bigger and older than me who just wanted a bj, and was told I wasn't their type!  Cum on, it's just a bj! 

[polyglutton]

The apps need to be designed better because there are some people who want to find other forms of connection besides sex i.e. "gay community", while there are others who are looking to date, and still others who want to hook up immediately. These are three different groups with different needs, and while some overlap and that's good, it blurs the intentions. 

I would argue that all of these three groups need different app settings with indicator icons or filters so that people who are on there can understand what the person is actually looking for.

Without these distinctions, people who aren't looking for what you're looking for, are forced to engage with you/not engage with you if you're not looking for what they're looking for. This reduces all interactions to attraction only, thereby not only actively preventing friendship or community but also promoting hierarchical culture of appearance (pretty toxic and the last thing the gay/bisexual/queer+ community needs). 

Another thing about apps is that they're premeditative, which gives people endless time for indecision and procrastination. In comparison time in bars and bathhouses are much more finite, and people are more likely to bend or alter their "standards" when they aren't endlessly browsing. Apps corrode this sense of possibility for urban gays.  

I don't have well defined parameters for what I'm attracted to, but I can say that my "standards" are broadest in a bathhouse, and not just the extreme of ass-up-face-down thing, glory holes, or darkrooms, but also in places where I can see. There is something about the striping away of class (no clothes, just towels), lowering the lights, and the down-to-fuck setting that makes me both bolder and more open to finding pleasure with different kinds of men, men whom had I first seen online, I would have equivocated at messaging or considering scheduling meeting or hosting. I really think we should make a collectivist gay app that funds the construction of bathhouses in more places. 

In rural areas the apps are hell, and not designed for the needs of the gay community in low population areas.

These apps are designed to make the owners money, not for our mental health and definitely not to promote pro-social behaviour. Also we did not evolve to be accessible to an infinite number of people, at any hour of the day.  Talking to strangers can be wonderful but it can also be exhausting when people are socialised to handle rejection so poorly. Reasonably kind can people feel anxiety or burn-out at responding to the profile of someone if they're busy, not in the mood, and this doesn't mean they aren't interested. 
 

 

[polyglutton]

16 hours ago, YourNoLimitsBottom said:

.

I've had more luck going out in the world and meeting people. It seems to be easier to attract someone when they see you in person. 

Personality and body language are underrated sexually attractive qualities 🙂

[polyglutton]

12 minutes ago, polyglutton said:

I would argue that all of these three groups need different app settings with indicator icons or filters so that people who are on there can understand what the person is actually looking for. 

And since a person's mood can change, the indicator/filters should be easy to toggle. E.g. categories with icons or coloured dots for DTF, platonic chat, let's get dinner/a drink right now, let's go do an non-sexual activity now, etc. A user could have multiple indicators up, but ideally just one at a time so others could easily scan/search for them.

[funpozbottom]

I don't think it's limited to gay guys. Everyone is constantly inundated with fantasy depictions of the human body and relationships. So called "influencers" tell you what you need and "stylists" tell you how to fake yourself so you can get it. And then the apps make it easy to sit at home and scroll through thumbnails trying to cherry pick the profiles to read -- which doesn't really work since no one on an app is likely to have a cherry left to pick. Which leads me to say that, I forget the point I was trying to make, but I got a pretty good rant in.