I think I'm falling for someone

[ErosWired]

I think what  suggests to those reading here that you may be fantasizing somewhat are expressions like “we almost slept together”. That implies a whole raft of possibilities, but to the outside observer, what you actually describe is simply you falling asleep and him leaving you very much alone. Indeed, we understand that he would have actually departed without waking you if it had been possible for him to lock your door. Conflating that into “we almost slept together” smacks of wishful thinking. I understand that you very much want something to be there, but there simply isn’t any evidence of it.

[Alchemist]

22 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I think what  suggests to those reading here that you may be fantasizing somewhat are expressions like “we almost slept together”. That implies a whole raft of possibilities, but to the outside observer, what you actually describe is simply you falling asleep and him leaving you very much alone. Indeed, we understand that he would have actually departed without waking you if it had been possible for him to lock your door. Conflating that into “we almost slept together” smacks of wishful thinking. I understand that you very much want something to be there, but there simply isn’t any evidence of it.

I'm sorry if i sounded like that, i didn't intend to. I just try to describe the facts, so as to listen ur opinions. He didnt quite leave me alone, he must have watched the movie for about an hour i think. but u are rght about the "almost slept together". We were in my bed though.

That "want something to be there" reminds me of a song that said "there's something there that wasn't there before (love)" hehe. Although it's a bit "tormenting" I do like this thing. It somehow led me to study more and to work out more (although i do work out almost daily, i just try harder). And bcz i had some rough times.. even being able to fall in love, makes me feel alive again.

Should i feel guilty that i like someone who has a gf? Regardless if he likes me back. 

At least i'm more certain now. I'm not falling, i'm fallen.

He bid me goodnight (for tonight) and he told me he'll see me tomorrow. Which okay, i suppose everyone would have said that but still it made me happy.

[BootmanLA]

1 hour ago, Alchemist said:

I'm sorry if i sounded like that, i didn't intend to. I just try to describe the facts, so as to listen ur opinions. He didnt quite leave me alone, he must have watched the movie for about an hour i think. but u are rght about the "almost slept together". We were in my bed though.

That "want something to be there" reminds me of a song that said "there's something there that wasn't there before (love)" hehe. Although it's a bit "tormenting" I do like this thing. It somehow led me to study more and to work out more (although i do work out almost daily, i just try harder). And bcz i had some rough times.. even being able to fall in love, makes me feel alive again.

Should i feel guilty that i like someone who has a gf? Regardless if he likes me back. 

At least i'm more certain now. I'm not falling, i'm fallen.

He bid me goodnight (for tonight) and he told me he'll see me tomorrow. Which okay, i suppose everyone would have said that but still it made me happy.

So in one breath, you tell us you're not fantasizing, just happy to have a really good friend, and in the next, it's "i'm fallen" (presumably in love). You talk about "bromance" and then immediately shift to actual "romance".

Dude, wake up and listen to yourself. Or not, for all I care, but honestly, the idea that you're hoping for something romantic or sexual with this guy is just no longer credible. At all. 

[evilalex]

Feel things out, but prepare yourself in case he is actually straight. 

[hntnhole]

2 hours ago, Alchemist said:

Should i feel guilty that i like someone who has a gf? Regardless if he likes me back

NO.  You should never feel guilty about who you are, what your (fantasies?) are.  Guilt is surely one of the most destructive characteristics we can hold onto.  You definitely should tread very carefully (in terms of real life, I mean), but you simply may not learn to feel guilty about it. 

Now.  Obviously this guy likes you on at least some level.  I  think you should follow his lead -  let him make a "first move", if there's to be one.  If it's you that makes a faux pas, then it's you that will have to carry that unfortunate event.  

I am ill-equipped regarding the so-called "gaydar" thing ... I must have been porking something in the john when they handed out the gaydar.  If you possess any, use it carefully.  

I'd let him do the advancing, and be happy if it comes.  Be happy you at least have his friendship for now.  Friendship is great, even if you wish it were more.  Given that you found BZ, you already know a little something about fb's as opposed to friends.

Good Luck !!!

[Alchemist]

Hello again guys. For some reason the system only allows me 2posts per day, dunno why. Am i that annoying? 😄

@BootmanLA I was basically making theoretical hypotheses.

@hntnhole My gaydar is quite irresponsive too, I'm afraid. Several times str8 guys (with which we were friends) used to touch me and I was thinking they could be gay, but they weren't. He asked me if i wanted to see the second part of the movie (we watched "It" 2017 pt1) and I said yeah. He also asked if we could have dinner too and i said yes (of course). I agree with ur advice, let him do the first move. I dont know, I keep on thinking of him while at first i thought that he was just interesting.

[hntnhole]

Hey, Alchemist

You can't help your thoughts - only your actions.  I have recommended caution, and I continue to recommend caution.  That said, it's interesting that he clearly wants to be at least friends with you.  I see no potential harm in compliance with going out for supper, watching a movie at his suggestion, whatever.  Maybe even suggesting some event you and he would both like to attend (no, not an orgy ...lol).  But, I still think you'll be safest by letting him take the lead.  

It's the weekend (finally) ... go to some joint (without him, obviously) and blow off some steam with men you know will appreciate it.  Your balls are probably packed full by now, and they'll thank you for it.  

Per the "0 messages for 24 hours" thing:  I only joined this site a couple of months ago, and found that message most frustrating.  We're supposed to make comments, start threads, etc etc, but are then prevented from doing so.  There are these "badges", which we apparently "earn" by creating posts, replying to posts, maybe clicking on the little heart and choosing a reaction. All I can say is, at some point it will get less intrusive, and you'll wind up in the BZ clink fewer and fewer times.  

It's all about Cock/Hole/Sperm

[tallslenderguy]

On 11/16/2021 at 8:34 AM, Alchemist said:

I'm 29, he's 32. We work together. Not exactly colleagues, we just happen at times to help each other. By chance, we found out that we're neighbours. From the first time I saw him, I liked him. Not sexually (at least not only sexually). I don't know how I should put this. Looking at him makes me feel nice. Since then we talk quite a lot, we even partcipated in a sports even together and took a photo together that we posted on social media. However, he does have a girlfriend with whom they live together (not married though). So I said okay he's str8, you should "protect" urself. But.. I don't know. It feels like he wants to contact me. No sexual hints involved but we have fun together. We make each other laugh, we hold nice conversations. We even talk at night via messenger. And I'm confused.

Yeah, it does read like you are falling for this guy.  i'm not going to repeat what some others have said, of course, there are practical things to consider... but, it feels pretty great eh?  To me, the feeling of falling for someone, whether it gets returned or not, is pretty special and sort of magical. It can be analyzed and discussed up one side and down the other, but i think there will always be elements of mystery when it comes to the feelings you describe.  

i hope you get to keep the feelings and that they are returned in some way, or at least acknowledged and respected.  Even if the guy is straight and doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, if he has some maturity, he can still respect your feelings. And even if he has a girlfriend, there are more than a few Bi people out there in open relationships, so one never knows till they know. It's the 21st century, this guy is educated and as a ER doctor has been exposed to a lot of diversity, i'd be surprised if he would be offended if you shared how you feel. You don't have to come on to him to tell him you are interested, it would be just you being open and honest about who you are and how you feel.  Yes, that is risky, but being open and vulnerable for the chance/potential of connection and bonding always carries risk. 

 

i wish you the best. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by tallslenderguy

[Alchemist]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

Hey, Alchemist

You can't help your thoughts - only your actions.  I have recommended caution, and I continue to recommend caution.  That said, it's interesting that he clearly wants to be at least friends with you.  I see no potential harm in compliance with going out for supper, watching a movie at his suggestion, whatever.  Maybe even suggesting some event you and he would both like to attend (no, not an orgy ...lol).  But, I still think you'll be safest by letting him take the lead.  

It's the weekend (finally) ... go to some joint (without him, obviously) and blow off some steam with men you know will appreciate it.  Your balls are probably packed full by now, and they'll thank you for it.  

Per the "0 messages for 24 hours" thing:  I only joined this site a couple of months ago, and found that message most frustrating.  We're supposed to make comments, start threads, etc etc, but are then prevented from doing so.  There are these "badges", which we apparently "earn" by creating posts, replying to posts, maybe clicking on the little heart and choosing a reaction. All I can say is, at some point it will get less intrusive, and you'll wind up in the BZ clink fewer and fewer times.  

It's all about Cock/Hole/Sperm

Well i just wait for now, for his move. I am intrigued though by his interest. I don't think there is much going on apart from the movies.. every other day we come in contact with covid cases and our noses are fucked up from the constant PCR testing. So mostly dinner and movies. I dont know what he will do. I hope we fall asleep together this time 😄 

 

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

Yeah, it does read like you are falling for this guy.  i'm not going to repeat what some others have said, of course, there are practical things to consider... but, it feels pretty great eh?  To me, the feeling of falling for someone, whether it gets returned or not, is pretty special and sort of magical. It can be analyzed and discussed up one side and down the other, but i think there will always be elements of mystery when it comes to the feelings you describe.  

i hope you get to keep the feelings and that they are returned in some way, or at least acknowledged and respected.  Even if the guy is straight and doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, if he has some maturity, he can still respect your feelings. And even if he has a girlfriend, there are more than a few Bi people out there in open relationships, so one never knows till they know. It's the 21st century, this guy is educated and as a ER doctor has been exposed to a lot of diversity, i'd be surprised if he would be offended if you shared how you feel. You don't have to come on to him to tell him you are interested, it would be just you being open and honest about who you are and how you feel.  Yes, that is risky, but being open and vulnerable for the chance/potential of connection and bonding always carries risk. 

 

i wish you the best. 

I agree wth you. it feels so nice. Like, I love my job but sometimes I'm stressed for silly things. And now I'm like oh wow nothing stresses me I feel so good. I dont know what will happen with us. Only time will tell. But I had a time that i didnt have a boyfriend or time to have one and I just feel "alive" and a zombie 

[tallslenderguy]

18 minutes ago, Alchemist said:

 

I agree wth you. it feels so nice. Like, I love my job but sometimes I'm stressed for silly things. And now I'm like oh wow nothing stresses me I feel so good. I dont know what will happen with us. Only time will tell. But I had a time that i didnt have a boyfriend or time to have one and I just feel "alive" and a zombie 

i get it, i got it as soon as i read your post, and you confirm it. i too work at a hospital, as a critical care nurse. There are often times when it seems like doctor or other provider is being flirty and i flirt right back. i have no idea if they are actually flirting or not, but i don't care anymore. If straights can do it, why can't we? 

Funny story. A couple of years ago there was this really cute doctor i was crushing on and who seemed to be flirty with me. i had not seen him for awhile and came back on rotation and he had transitioned into she.  It was a funny/confusing moment for me because i was crushing on a person who identifies as a woman... and i'm a total bottom with no attraction to women. i told her and we had a pretty good laugh about it.  

i don't feel the 'falling for' feelings very often, but i am grateful for each time... and hope one day it will be mutual. i'd really like to be 'in love.' 

[Alchemist]

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

i get it, i got it as soon as i read your post, and you confirm it. i too work at a hospital, as a critical care nurse. There are often times when it seems like doctor or other provider is being flirty and i flirt right back. i have no idea if they are actually flirting or not, but i don't care anymore. If straights can do it, why can't we? 

Funny story. A couple of years ago there was this really cute doctor i was crushing on and who seemed to be flirty with me. i had not seen him for awhile and came back on rotation and he had transitioned into she.  It was a funny/confusing moment for me because i was crushing on a person who identifies as a woman... and i'm a total bottom with no attraction to women. i told her and we had a pretty good laugh about it.  

i don't feel the 'falling for' feelings very often, but i am grateful for each time... and hope one day it will be mutual. i'd really like to be 'in love.' 

that's so cool. I believe most people in health have a high sex drive for some reason. I think not even these guys know if they are flirting or not.

btw, the person that has hurt me more than anyone was a dentist. I think it will always hurt. Although it was not his fault, or mine. It was just meant to be I guess.

[ErosWired]

5 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

To me, the feeling of falling for someone, whether it gets returned or not, is pretty special and sort of magical.

That’s an interesting perspective. For me, it’s quite the opposite. The feeling that I could be falling for someone is always attended with a sort of creeping horror that the feeling I allow to build, amplify, and entrench itself in me will be unrequited, and will turn back inside-out on itself and self-annihilate like some antimatter of the soul, leaving nothing but an emptiness that can’t be filled. At least, that has been my personal experience in life, so that now, if I were to sense such a feeling coming on in such a circumstance, I would instantly smother it.

But mine is the point-of-view of the emotional ascetic; yours, the romantic. Some people have hearts that bend, and stretch, and bounce, while others shatter beyond mending. Only the OP can judge what sort he has, and what his risk may be.

(Myself, this isn’t the sort of thing I like to observe; I find train wrecks poor entertainment.)

[Alchemist]

I'm back again! Maybe the forum doesn't want me to post during daylight for some reason haha

We booked tickets for two theatrical performances (but not just the 2 of us, some other people from the hospital will be there). But still i will get to see him more. We went outside for a coffee after work and it was really nice. I dared to ask him about his gf and how are they together. He said he wants by no means to marry anytime soon. And he also told me that I shouldnt be hasty when I'm about to do this too (so does he think i'm str8?). I dropped a little hint though about a professor we have. He told me he is annoying and i told him he is a DILF and he replied whoever finds that guy sexy should be arrested. So unofrtuately i dont know what he understood. He also gave ma drive home which was so kind of him. oh and he came before to my department to ask me out for that coffee and a colleague came and told me "your new friend is looking for u".

[Guest]

It's endearing to read your posts about how you are falling in love with your colleague.  Sounds like it's the first time this happens to you, but isn't every time that one really falls in love like the very first time?  
* Insert Madonna's "Like A Virgin" *

I don't know where you live, or why you're not 'out of the closet', Nor if there are laws or strong (religious) sentiments against homosexuality where you are - but if so:
Please be careful! 
And in that case, you might want to tone the opening up to this guy down a bit - although it sounds like this could become a very nice friendship. Make sure you will be safe and alive to love another day.
An unsafe situation in a country where your life and freedom could be at risk when people find out you're gay, isn't helped by coming out to a guy you clearly fancy - a lot - and also interact with in a professional environment.

If you live in a safe-for-gays country:
Do whatever you want man. But then you might want to consider being more open about being gay in your everyday life.
I'd say start with family and friends and not the workplace as - in the end - everyone at work is firstly there to do the jobs you were all hired to do. And if it does all blow up in your face - which I hope it doesn't by the way - no harm done but a broken heart (which heals over time) and an opportunity to gain some experience in matters of the heart and possibly a little wisdom. Your career needn't suffer.

It does sound to me this part of you - being gay - and having it a secret is making things difficult. We all should be able to be ourselves, although you might need to be discreet about it. You might want to try living a little more relaxt if that's possible and be more active in your love- and sex-life. Whatever your society's attitude do homosexuality is Dude:  

This means you really need to get laid more, because:

 

On 11/18/2021 at 9:35 PM, Alchemist said:

I dont know what he will do. I hope we fall asleep together this time 😄 

This is very cute. But you're not 13 years old anymore:
You are a fully grown man who's 29.

Besides having started falling in love with a man who is already in a serious relationship with a woman, you are making yourself fall in love even more.
Apparently this guy from work is filling a need in your life. Sounds like those needs have to do something with closeness, intimacy and your sexuality.

 

On 11/19/2021 at 8:36 PM, Alchemist said:

I'm back again! Maybe the forum doesn't want me to post during daylight for some reason haha

We booked tickets for two theatrical performances (but not just the 2 of us, some other people from the hospital will be there). But still i will get to see him more. We went outside for a coffee after work and it was really nice. I dared to ask him about his gf and how are they together. He said he wants by no means to marry anytime soon. And he also told me that I shouldnt be hasty when I'm about to do this too (so does he think i'm str8?). I dropped a little hint though about a professor we have. He told me he is annoying and i told him he is a DILF and he replied whoever finds that guy sexy should be arrested. So unofrtuately i dont know what he understood. He also gave ma drive home which was so kind of him. oh and he came before to my department to ask me out for that coffee and a colleague came and told me "your new friend is looking for u".

Unless your friend is a total dimwit - which he probably isn't based on what you told us about him - he got the hint. He now knows you are gay.

I'm happy that after that he drove you home and you're going for coffee, but be careful bro.  His line "should be arrested" sounds like a subtle warning and it might be a true friend who is warning you to NOT be this open about yourself. You could ask him, if this is what he meant and if he thinks coming out could be bad for your career or if he feels it's dangerous.

And apparently word is out in the work-place. People gossip and when what gets back to you is the frase "your new friend" you can bet your ass that what is being said about both of you behind your backs is more than that.  

Good luck and be safe!

 

Edited November 23, 2021 by Guest

[tallslenderguy]

4 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

It's endearing to read your posts about how you are falling in love with your colleague.  Sounds like it's the first time this happens to you, but isn't every time that one really falls in love like the very first time?  
* Insert Madonna's "Like A Virgin" *

I don't know where you live, or why you're not 'out of the closet', Nor if there are laws or strong (religious) sentiments against homosexuality where you are - but if so:
Please be careful! 
And in that case, you might want to tone the opening up to this guy down a bit - although it sounds like this could become a very nice friendship. Make sure you will be safe and alive to love another day.
An unsafe situation in a country where your life and freedom could be at risk when people find out you're gay, isn't helped by coming out to a guy you clearly fancy - a lot - and also interact with in a professional environment.

If you live in a safe-for-gays country:
Do whatever you want man. But then you might want to consider being more open about being gay in your everyday life.
I'd say start with family and friends and not the workplace as - in the end - everyone at work is firstly there to do the jobs you were all hired to do. And if it does all blow up in your face - which I hope it doesn't by the way - no harm done but a broken heart (which heals over time) and an opportunity to gain some experience in matters of the heart and possibly a little wisdom. Your career needn't suffer.

It does sound to me this part of you - being gay - and having it a secret is making things difficult. We all should be able to be ourselves, although you might need to be discreet about it. You might want to try living a little more relaxt if that's possible and be more active in your love- and sex-life. Whatever your society's attitude do homosexuality is Dude:  

This means you really need to get laid more, because:

 

This is very cute. But you're not 13 years old anymore:
You are a fully grown man who's 29.

Besides having started falling in love with a man who is already in a serious relationship with a woman, you are making yourself fall in love even more.
Apparently this guy from work is filling a need in your life. Sounds like those needs have to do something with closeness, intimacy and your sexuality.

 

Unless your friend is a total dimwit - which he probably isn't based on what you told us about him - he got the hint. He now knows you are gay.

I'm happy that after that he drove you home and you're going for coffee, but be careful bro.  His line "should be arrested" sounds like a subtle warning and it might be a true friend who is warning you to NOT be this open about yourself. You could ask him, if this is what he meant and if he thinks coming out could be bad for your career or if he feels it's dangerous.

And apparently word is out in the work-place. People gossip and when what gets back to you is the frase "your new friend" you can bet your ass that what is being said about both of you behind your backs is more than that.  

Good luck and be safe!

 

i think BareLover666 makes some great points.  Being in a country and/or professional environment where being gay is not accepted, or worse, is important to consider.

It occurs to me that if you are in a culture where being gay is still a closet culture, or worse, unsafe, that your friend may be Bi or gay.

 In unfriendly  or unsafe environments/cutures, it's not unusual for a gay or bi guy to have a girlfriend, or even a female wife.  Look at all the guys in more gay friendly environments who struggle with accepting their sexuality?  

i think the guy is cleary interested in you, as to what he is interested in remains to be seen. 

i was raised in a conservative religious culture and was conditioned to believe i was sick and broken because i am gay. i got married to a woman at a very early age. Late into the marriage, while i was still trying to de-gay myself, i opened up to my brother in law (my wife's sisters husband), actually looking for support in fighting my gayness... we were both of the same religious background. Instead, he admitted to me that he 'struggled' with similar feelings.

 One weekend, we were helping a mutual friend with a house project and we ended up spending the night in a room together.  The sexual tension was so thick, it was palpable. At one point, he got up and came over to me and asked if he could kiss me. For us, a kiss was a big deal, coming from where we were, so i get how meaningful just falling asleep together can be.