Inter-racial sex

[SpectreAgent]

19 hours ago, Blkmuscbreeder said:

I think in threads like this, very few men are going to come forward and say "I'm not attracted to this race or that race". It's become too [banned word] to say things like that.

Personally I wish it wasn't. I remember when I first got on the apps, say 10 years ago, when guys use to let everyone know on their profile which races they were and were not attracted to. I miss that. I don't want to waste my time hitting up a guy that's not into me 🤷🏿‍♂️. I understand as a Black man I'm not everyone's cup of tea (no one is), and perfectly ok with that!

That’s a very interesting viewpoint. You’re absolutely correct that not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea. But, for me, that’s down to personality more than anything else. 

[viking8x6]

I wouldn't even have thought to ask the question, let alone be so shockingly rude as to tell the host (before or after the event) that I wasn't attending or had issues with the other attendees because (to put it bluntly) I was racist.

For a one-on-one encounter (or even a pre-planned small group), it seems reasonable to me that one's personal tastes or hot-buttons as far as sexual attractiveness would (and even should) be considered - no one wants to show up and have their trick go limp because they happen to be green, or have three eyes instead of two 😉  But at a group/party affair, it's unreasonable and inappropriate to expect that some attendees won't be your idea of the perfect man. After all, there are other people there who may well find those same people to be their cup of tea.

I'm pretty sure this is not rocket science.

[hntnhole]

^^^    What The Viking said ... 

[bluedragon]

I'm lucky enough to be able to be attracted to pretty much all ethnicities and races: hot guys come in many forms, and I've probably had sex with someone from most of the world's diverse peoples except maybe the Inuit.

That doesn't mean I like them all equally: I have many types but if you come from around the Mediterranean basin (Spain, Italy, Turkey, North Africa) you definitely catch my attention, and so too do nicely mixed-heritage guys from places like Brazil. After that, I like both blond viking types and very dark West African types, and I spent a full year in Beijing during which I pretty much only fucked Chinese.

Having said that, I don't believe people necessarily should be demonised for having and stating a racial/ethnic preference, depending on how they do it (we could all let other guys down more gently).  I do think that we all have a responsibility to think hard and seriously, if only to ourselves, about why we have the preferences we do, and to what extent they could be shaped by racial or other prejudices. To some extent I've done that myself with regard to feminine guys. @Blkmuscbreeder makes a fair point that perhaps it's better for people like this to label themselves so others can more efficiently avoid them.

This discussion also needs nuance. When someone has told me that they are not interested in meeting black guys, this has usually come from... other black guys. I've often felt sorry for guys like that - does this come from living in a racist society, is this internalised? - but I have usually not pushed them to discuss or explain it, in case it drags up some uncomfortable/difficult feelings and ruins the sex I'm trying to arrange. I'd be really interested in hearing someone like that explain why though. I am whiter than spilt milk, the driven snow, and Karen Pence - I don't even tan - so perhaps I attract guys like this who prize whiteness. Some of them clearly get into race-based dom/sub kink.
People also adjust their preferences according to where they live: in a majority-white city, you won't generally see people say 'Asians only', rather 'Asians to the front' but when I lived in Beijing I did come across some white guys who only wanted Chinese and had no interest in their own race.

Final thought: I do sometimes wonder about the culture that hookup apps, especially Grindr, are creating amongst gay men. I feel like it's much more common now to  dismiss someone out of hand if they aren't perfectly your type: just like it's part of the culture now to constantly block profiles on the apps to make room for new ones that you might like better. Not surprising that these apps are supposedly having such a bad impact on our mental health.

 

[badubydo]

Is it being racist to have a racial preference though?

Sexually, I am bi-sexual but I am heteroromantic meaning I’ll only date women. 
 

Does that make my homophobic? 
 

when it comes to women, I prefer white girls and latinas. I don’t have a preference to date Asians (even though I’m 1/4 Asian Pacific Islander) or black women. But how does that make me racist?

Not having sex with somebody because of their race/ethnicity  doesn’t make one racist, it’s a preference. 
 

now how they go to say why they won’t have sex with a different race can show if they are truly racist or not….

 

I’ve bottomed for asians, black guys, Hispanics and white guys. As long as they can get hard, aren’t creepy and we can have a good time - I don’t give a fuck. 

 

Edited April 25, 2022 by badubydo

[Guest]

For me it wasn't race related.

I lived in S.E Kentucky and the town I lived in didn't have any AA people living in it.

I just recently gave my first handjob to a large beautiful bbc.

[ellentonboy]

On 4/23/2022 at 12:23 PM, viking8x6 said:

I wouldn't even have thought to ask the question, let alone be so shockingly rude as to tell the host (before or after the event) that I wasn't attending or had issues with the other attendees because (to put it bluntly) I was racist.

For a one-on-one encounter (or even a pre-planned small group), it seems reasonable to me that one's personal tastes or hot-buttons as far as sexual attractiveness would (and even should) be considered - no one wants to show up and have their trick go limp because they happen to be green, or have three eyes instead of two 😉  But at a group/party affair, it's unreasonable and inappropriate to expect that some attendees won't be your idea of the perfect man. After all, there are other people there who may well find those same people to be their cup of tea.

I'm pretty sure this is not rocket science.

Exactly, which is one of the advantages of a group party, more variety.  However, I have seen recently where someone was attending and he stood literally across the room from a person who was not the same skin color.  It' s funny, he was the "doorman" (there were maybe 10 of us), but he wouldn't even bother to address the other guy, which was unfortunate.  Since this wasn't my house I really had no say in the matter, but I knew both individuals personally so that was awkward.   When the "doorman" locked the door, that was the end of who could join us and I imagine if he was so upset he could have left at that point.  I only found out later being the doorman came with a "reward" or "reimbursement" of a certain item.  Then it made sense in my mind.  I spoke to both guys separately after the "party" and the "doorman" made it clear it was based on race and he tried to convince the host not to include the individual he found so offensive.  The host refused and he decided to stay and participate (to an extent) because he was being reimbursed.  I have been back to that same house for additional parties and to be honest, the "doorman" had been relieved of his duties and new people of color had been included.  What I found most surprising, is that a short while ago I found  the host online and he and his husband were looking for a "third".  What I noticed is that the host had married a guy who the "doorman" would not have ah, even spoken to.  I am going to miss those group parties now that the host has married and they only want a third, but I hope my experience with the subject of racism at group parties is something my fellow posters will not have to deal with.

[ellentonboy]

22 hours ago, bluedragon said:

I'm lucky enough to be able to be attracted to pretty much all ethnicities and races: hot guys come in many forms, and I've probably had sex with someone from most of the world's diverse peoples except maybe the Inuit.

That doesn't mean I like them all equally: I have many types but if you come from around the Mediterranean basin (Spain, Italy, Turkey, North Africa) you definitely catch my attention, and so too do nicely mixed-heritage guys from places like Brazil. After that, I like both blond viking types and very dark West African types, and I spent a full year in Beijing during which I pretty much only fucked Chinese.

Having said that, I don't believe people necessarily should be demonised for having and stating a racial/ethnic preference, depending on how they do it (we could all let other guys down more gently).  I do think that we all have a responsibility to think hard and seriously, if only to ourselves, about why we have the preferences we do, and to what extent they could be shaped by racial or other prejudices. To some extent I've done that myself with regard to feminine guys. @Blkmuscbreeder makes a fair point that perhaps it's better for people like this to label themselves so others can more efficiently avoid them.

This discussion also needs nuance. When someone has told me that they are not interested in meeting black guys, this has usually come from... other black guys. I've often felt sorry for guys like that - does this come from living in a racist society, is this internalised? - but I have usually not pushed them to discuss or explain it, in case it drags up some uncomfortable/difficult feelings and ruins the sex I'm trying to arrange. I'd be really interested in hearing someone like that explain why though. I am whiter than spilt milk, the driven snow, and Karen Pence - I don't even tan - so perhaps I attract guys like this who prize whiteness. Some of them clearly get into race-based dom/sub kink.
People also adjust their preferences according to where they live: in a majority-white city, you won't generally see people say 'Asians only', rather 'Asians to the front' but when I lived in Beijing I did come across some white guys who only wanted Chinese and had no interest in their own race.

Final thought: I do sometimes wonder about the culture that hookup apps, especially Grindr, are creating amongst gay men. I feel like it's much more common now to  dismiss someone out of hand if they aren't perfectly your type: just like it's part of the culture now to constantly block profiles on the apps to make room for new ones that you might like better. Not surprising that these apps are supposedly having such a bad impact on our mental health.

 

Your remark about someone telling you they were not interested in meeting back guys has usually come from other black guys, is spot on.  It' something I've noticed more so in recent years, and the black men I have been involved with have told me they would never date or be sexual with another man of color.  I don't understand the logic, I think if you eliminate someone solely for their skin color you could possibly miss out on an opportunity to meet a great individual.  It's sad that it has come to this, when I first came out I never heard of something like this.  Only now, with apps making it  possible to screen individuals based on skin color certainly has a negative impact on gay men, especially those new to the lifestyle.  I just feel like we are moving in the wrong direction...

[BannedWord]

Actually, I've ended up meeting more black women who say they have less in common with black males and specifically decline to get involved with anything with them. Not that I'm complaining, I've had some great experiences with black women as well as other POC. 

37 minutes ago, ellentonboy said:

Your remark about someone telling you they were not interested in meeting back guys has usually come from other black guys, is spot on.  It' something I've noticed more so in recent years, and the black men I have been involved with have told me they would never date or be sexual with another man of color.  I don't understand the logic, I think if you eliminate someone solely for their skin color you could possibly miss out on an opportunity to meet a great individual.  It's sad that it has come to this, when I first came out I never heard of something like this.  Only now, with apps making it  possible to screen individuals based on skin color certainly has a negative impact on gay men, especially those new to the lifestyle.  I just feel like we are moving in the wrong direction...

I've had good and bad experiences with people of any race, including my own. Some stick with you, others not so much. When it becomes a really clear pattern, then it's something that I wouldn't ignore and perhaps think about. For example, I could easily say that every (insert cultural group) male I've met hasn't had a sexual compatibility with me. After a while, it would become natural to avoid that group versus trying to fit a square peg in a round hole (ok, bad analogy). Similar, if I had a bad reaction to a certain food, I'd probably not make it a point to eat that because it hasn't agreed with me in the past.

On the surface, it might have seemed that this particular dude might have had a problem with race, I'd wonder though if somehow there was something more to it than that, or if the guy was just a racist bigot.

[BlackDude]

On 4/22/2022 at 8:51 AM, ellentonboy said:

  I do remember the no fats/no fems but it was more of a "be in shape/masculine" wording that came across as less offensive.  I have never seen the words "no blacks" online, but I have seen black men say "sorry only interested in other "men of color".  It does seem to work both ways racially, I think people are just trying to get the message across without being overtly racist. 

I was with you until this. 
 

We have to keep it real. 90% of the no (insert race here) is from non-blacks, including Asians and “Anglo-Latinos.” You may have a few blacks being race exclusive, but that is the exception not the norm. Hell, a lot of black men don’t want other black men either. They can’t wait too line up to be in an environment without black people (see some of posts above). A lot of this black men who hate other black men are trying to “graduate” and find a place outside of black society and it’s a fools errand, but I digress. 

If you have a six lane street going one way, and every once in awhile they open one lane to go in the opposite direction, that’s not a two way street.

Edited April 25, 2022 by BlackDude

[hntnhole]

Thanks, ellentonboy, for having the balls to pry up the lid on this thorny issue.

I started to reply, but it turned into a screed, so I'm limiting it to just this:

We are all One.  We are all Equal.  Despite the cultural/religious bullshit shoved down our throats, we are all on the road to more fully overcoming racism, other, lesser repressions drummed into us as little kids.  We are one thick, rich, lovely, wonderful barebacking stew, and every one of us is an ingredient that tastes magnificently good.  Each of us thrives as part of the Greater We.  Each of us withers somewhat, when we deprive ourselves of the richness of our lives because of a taught, learned, nonsensical hatred. 

Embrace each other - support each other - of all stripes and colors and descriptions.  Make love each other.  Fuck each other.  Breed each other over and over and over again.  We're just too special to allow ancient garbage to infect our beautiful, magnificently sexually perverse lives.  

It's ONLY about Cock/Hole/Sperm 

[bluedragon]

4 hours ago, ellentonboy said:

I don't understand the logic

Logic rarely comes into sex. Look at all the bugchasers on this forum. People can get very, very rigid ideas about what they like and don't like, and about the categories other guys fall into. If you have it in your head that bottoming is feminine, and topping is masculine, and you only like masculine men, so you can't fuck any bottom or vers men, logical arguments will find that difficult to shift.

In particular we live in a culture which projects a lot of sexual baggage onto black men, which becomes a reason either to fetishise or to reject them. In particular, a lot of the Black porn I've seen seems to revolve around a particular 'thug' masculine top stereotype. When I encounter and fuck black men in real life, I top more often than I bottom, since that's my preference, just like for other kinds of men I meet. I often find the black guys are especially fun because they can get quite enthusiastic about bottoming. It seems that every other white guy they encounter demands they top because they're expecting some version of the 'Thug' top, so when they get the chance to switch things up and bottom for me they are often quite eager to do it 😉

[communitycumdump]

Nobody is going to admit that they're not into a certain race but reality is everyone is, even the ones who say they are 'equal opportunity' or whatever that means. Most of us are into all races but we're more into certain race more than others, most of the time that race being white or anyone white passing (fair skin Latinos/Middle Eastern). When I first started out as a cumdump, I remember making ads on CL and the first thing people always asked me was "are you white?".

[ellentonboy]

8 hours ago, communitycumdump said:

Nobody is going to admit that they're not into a certain race but reality is everyone is, even the ones who say they are 'equal opportunity' or whatever that means. Most of us are into all races but we're more into certain race more than others, most of the time that race being white or anyone white passing (fair skin Latinos/Middle Eastern). When I first started out as a cumdump, I remember making ads on CL and the first thing people always asked me was "are you white?".

What's sad is that being a white man seems to put you at the head of the line.  I don't view men in that way, but your comment on the days of CL ring true.  The idea of fucking a blonde white guy seemed to get more attention than the latin guy with the 9 inch dick, and God forbid he be uncut!  I just don't see the logic, but as I am hearing from other posters, logic doesn't always come into play.  I've given up trying to write the PC profile because you aren't going to appeal to everyone, and sometimes putting too much thought into your ads or profiles can get a negative feedback.  I've decided just post the pics, give my stats and allow guys to decide for themselves if they find me appealing.

I think now I am confident enough to know that "you can't please all of the people all of the time", or "if you miss the guy, there's another one right around the corner" ideology because my mental health regarding acceptance and approval has greating improved, and I've been actively online now for 17 years and have no plans on stopping.

[ellentonboy]

On 4/25/2022 at 5:09 PM, BlackDude said:

I was with you until this. 
 

We have to keep it real. 90% of the no (insert race here) is from non-blacks, including Asians and “Anglo-Latinos.” You may have a few blacks being race exclusive, but that is the exception not the norm. Hell, a lot of black men don’t want other black men either. They can’t wait too line up to be in an environment without black people (see some of posts above). A lot of this black men who hate other black men are trying to “graduate” and find a place outside of black society and it’s a fools errand, but I digress. 

If you have a six lane street going one way, and every once in awhile they open one lane to go in the opposite direction, that’s not a two way street.

Fair enough, after hearing many views on this subject I have decided just to post my profile and photos and let people decide if they are interested or not.  Even the slightest hint that I was open to all races has caused me more angst and questioning than if I had merely said nothing about the subject.  I've learned, I am glad I posted about this subject because in the back of my mind I knew the answer, I just don't think I was ready to freely admit it to myself.  Thank you.