In need of a father figure

[DarkroomTaker]

I wonder if this will go to a TV mini series? Make sure you keep the copyrights OP.

In my view, ErosWired has it summed up in all his posts very clearly and positively. Whether you take this advice is your choice, for some reason I dont think you will.

[Omnivac]

@ErosWired

I agree with u but I need to clarify some things. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. I'm not a phd student, I'm a post doc. That means I'm not a student  at all, just a worker who works  for the university until the project is over (and most possibly after that I will have my private office and the academia part will be over cuz I'm fed up with these people). So he's not in a position where somehow he will judge me or anything. He's not even in the same department. So there is not such a conflict of interest. We have worked in related projects but it was just a collab.

About doing all these with students well.. with me he spent several hours the past 6 months. People who would play around with students as a habit I doubt they spent such an amount of time. Students in general like him, they say he's a cool guy and many girls are into him (I suppose  guys as well but most are closeted here).

So if i was to imagine myself in two years from now (that's when my contract ends) I see thee possibilities

a) Find a new contract and work as a researcher (Heaven forbid)

b) Become a professor myself (I can't decide if this is a good or a bad joke)

c) Work in my private office/work in a clinic (yeah!)

About getting noticed.. I believe it's already happening

 

@DarkroomTaker

Maybe I could make good money out of it, wish I could do the casting

[Omnivac]

So I have one, maybe the last, update on this story.

He told me that since he met me, he was cheerful again and that he felt like a teenager (is this a good or a bad thing I wonder). He felt naughty and in love at the same time.

But he said that this won't turn well. He has a wife and two sons and that this is not the right thing to do. He also said that I'm a very talented young man and I should find someone at my age who can love me to the fullest.

Oh he also said that this is the best for us and he does it because he's also thinking of me, not only himself.

Pretty much he dumped me.. which has made me very sad. And now it's all clear for me, I am in love with that guy.

[viking8x6]

That's a sad ending. And I suspect that in Italian culture a happier solution is out of the question. 

Very sorry for your loss.

[hntnhole]

On 6/20/2022 at 4:34 PM, Omnivac said:

Pretty much he dumped me.. which has made me very sad. And now it's all clear for me, I am in love with that guy.

I too am sorry to know this.  I do have a question though:  how has this experience impacted your relationship with your bf?  Or did you not tell him in the first place ...... 

[Omnivac]

On 6/22/2022 at 1:13 AM, hntnhole said:

I too am sorry to know this.  I do have a question though:  how has this experience impacted your relationship with your bf?  Or did you not tell him in the first place ...... 

I'm not sure I follow, I don't have a bf

[hntnhole]

On 6/13/2022 at 10:54 AM, Omnivac said:

I wouldn't like my bf to cheat me,

From your post of earlier this month ...... 

 

[BannedWord]

On 6/20/2022 at 4:34 PM, Omnivac said:

Pretty much he dumped me.. which has made me very sad. And now it's all clear for me, I am in love with that guy.

"It's not you, it's me." Sorry to hear, but it seems he recognizes what would have inevitably happened. Good luck searching for someone who won't mistreat your feelings.

[Omnivac]

3 hours ago, hntnhole said:

From your post of earlier this month ...... 

 

oh i meant that theoretically. That if i was in such a situation, I wouldn't like to be cheated. I'm single.

 

@TheSRQDude

well.. it's not the first time it happens and most possibly, not the last either. I will cope with it.  For now, I'm just sad. But I love that guy. I won't annoy him again, I hope he is happy.

[backdoorjimmy]

On 6/20/2022 at 4:34 PM, Omnivac said:

Pretty much he dumped me.. which has made me very sad. And now it's all clear for me, I am in love with that guy.

I’m so sorry that it ended this way. Everyone deserves someone special in their lives, and it sounds like he was and still is very special to you. 
 

On 6/20/2022 at 4:34 PM, Omnivac said:

But he said that this won't turn well. He has a wife and two sons and that this is not the right thing to do. He also said that I'm a very talented young man and I should find someone at my age who can love me to the fullest.

Sadly, he’s right about most of this because he made a decision to stay with his wife. It’s sad because he’s probably very unhappy with her, but values his relationship with his sons too much to hurt her. Take solace in the fact that you filled his heart with joy and brought happiness to his life. 

About the other part - you don’t have to find someone your age, but you should find someone who will love you to the fullest. You seem like an amazing guy and whoever you fall in love with next will be lucky to have you. I hope your heart heals quickly.  🫂

[tallslenderguy]

On 6/20/2022 at 1:34 PM, Omnivac said:

So I have one, maybe the last, update on this story.

He told me that since he met me, he was cheerful again and that he felt like a teenager (is this a good or a bad thing I wonder). He felt naughty and in love at the same time.

But he said that this won't turn well. He has a wife and two sons and that this is not the right thing to do. He also said that I'm a very talented young man and I should find someone at my age who can love me to the fullest.

Oh he also said that this is the best for us and he does it because he's also thinking of me, not only himself.

Pretty much he dumped me.. which has made me very sad. And now it's all clear for me, I am in love with that guy.

To me, "dumped" sounds to harsh, but it does answer a lot of questions, for both of you. It's a hard one, i'm sorry. i've found that our emotions and reason often to not aline in life. We feel one way, but think another. 

i do not think it's strange or unusual that he "felt like a teenager."  Culture often controls and directs our choices and behavior differently from who we are, what we want/need. i think that causes certain parts of us to be unfulfilled and those parts don't have a chance to grow and develop, so that part of us is stuck as a "teenager" (so to speak).  Now that th cat is out of the bag, it's going to be hard for him to put it back. It's sort of like escaping a prison, and it's going to be hard for him to give up the freedom and joy that part of him experienced.

As to him recommending you find a "younger man?"  He cannot make that call for you, you are attracted to who you are, i think repression of such feelings is what gets us in trouble in the first place, conforming to what "should be" instead of exploring what is. 

[Omnivac]

6 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

To me, "dumped" sounds to harsh, but it does answer a lot of questions, for both of you. It's a hard one, i'm sorry. i've found that our emotions and reason often to not aline in life. We feel one way, but think another. 

i do not think it's strange or unusual that he "felt like a teenager."  Culture often controls and directs our choices and behavior differently from who we are, what we want/need. i think that causes certain parts of us to be unfulfilled and those parts don't have a chance to grow and develop, so that part of us is stuck as a "teenager" (so to speak).  Now that th cat is out of the bag, it's going to be hard for him to put it back. It's sort of like escaping a prison, and it's going to be hard for him to give up the freedom and joy that part of him experienced.

As to him recommending you find a "younger man?"  He cannot make that call for you, you are attracted to who you are, i think repression of such feelings is what gets us in trouble in the first place, conforming to what "should be" instead of exploring what is. 

Well.. isn't it too hard? Pink sung it, it hurts to be human

I suppose it's easier for him to get back to what he had, the way they were. I can't be his wife, I'm a man, I can't be his son we don't share the same blood. I can be a menace for what he loves and that should be enough to walk away.

About the younger man, I suppose his wife has pretty much the same age as him and since their sons are around 18, they must be together from quite a young age. He sees the most fitting for me to be in a similar situation. I haven't figured if he's bi, or just a str8 guy who got confused (can that really happen?). If he's bi or gay the fact that he tells me to find a guy makes me believe that he believes that I can't even pretend to be with a woman (like no one will fall for it). So it makes me believe that he doesn't regard me as masculine enough (although I believe that I am). That's a long story, it's just that in Italy we have difficulties about non masculine guys. Well we have lots of difficulties, that's one of them.

And now I feel kinda empty and sad. I'm pretty sure that it's not easy for him as well.

[tallslenderguy]

1 hour ago, Omnivac said:

Well.. isn't it too hard? Pink sung it, it hurts to be human

I suppose it's easier for him to get back to what he had, the way they were. I can't be his wife, I'm a man, I can't be his son we don't share the same blood. I can be a menace for what he loves and that should be enough to walk away.

About the younger man, I suppose his wife has pretty much the same age as him and since their sons are around 18, they must be together from quite a young age. He sees the most fitting for me to be in a similar situation. I haven't figured if he's bi, or just a str8 guy who got confused (can that really happen?). If he's bi or gay the fact that he tells me to find a guy makes me believe that he believes that I can't even pretend to be with a woman (like no one will fall for it). So it makes me believe that he doesn't regard me as masculine enough (although I believe that I am). That's a long story, it's just that in Italy we have difficulties about non masculine guys. Well we have lots of difficulties, that's one of them.

And now I feel kinda empty and sad. I'm pretty sure that it's not easy for him as well.

i am just guessing, but I don’t think this is over.  He may be trying to do what he thinks is right and most expedient, but love and emotion are powerful things, my guess is he is still conflicted and that will still come out in some way in the future… maybe.

[BlackDude]

I think I’m in the minority here (but that’s usual). Guys who want to fuck, fuck (if that’s what you want). Men who want to fuck don’t turn down sex with guys half their age. 

Yes, there are truly some guys who are conflicted. Unfortunately, or fortunately, honestly is always the best policy. When you’re not upfront, you waste time.

In the gay experience, you’ll have many guys who will pretend to not fuck. They’ll have every excuse in the book to keep you on the hook for whatever reason without actually having to do anything. Alot of times, it’s to keep you in orbit To gratify their personal ego because their partner is not for filling them at home. Don’t let that be your problem. 

You are young, and you need to use that to your advantage. Decide what you want. If he doesn’t like it, move on. 
 

Don’t sacrifice your wants to fulfill someone else’s ego. There will be plenty of time for that. Your young, be selfish 

Edited June 29, 2022 by BlackDude

[Omnivac]

These days were kinda rough for me. It's like God/Karma or mere coincidences are making fun of me. There have been three times in a row in which I was (more or less) forced to attend seminars in which he was a speaker. And they were rather small (with respect to the people that attended). Even worse, we were in my professor's office the three of us for some time and we were avoiding eye contact. So all that just makes me sadder. I suppose this sadness will fade away at some point. But now it hurts. 

I do have to admit though, that having my heart broken (does that sound too cheesy?) is intriguing. I always thought my emotional part was kinda dull and my life would suck but hey I fell in love with someone.

I try to move on, do what I did before, go to the gym, spend endless hours in the hospital (seeing patients helps me forget my problems) and I think I will get better. Nights are harsh though.