Why is there so little versatility in gay sex?

[NWUSHorny]

As someone who has always been at least verse curious, and has been fully versatile since my 1st time bottoming, I can't wrap my head around why so many gay (and bi guys when they have sex with men) have such a strong tendency towards bottoming. While there have been more bottoms than, tops and versatile guys for the entire 30 odd years I have been having sex with men, it seems like the tendency towards bottoming has been increasing significantly over the last 5- 10 years.

I've always enjoyed gay sex as an act between equals, not necessarily fit for that, but with the idea that we all have cocks and balls to be enjoyed as well as holes to be fucked. In 30 plus years I have only hooked up with 2 or 3 guys that topped me on multiple occasions that did not eventually take my dick in their ass, yet I have probably had multiple hookups with a 1000 guys or more who will never top anyone, or "versatile" guys who won't even consider topping a guy once they have bottoms for them. The rarest of the rare, and my favorite are the guys that flip with me on most of our encounters.

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Is there more ED issues than there was in the past? Are the ED issues related to increased drug use? Is it purely psychological?

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

 

[Guest]

I've read that with the rise of easily-accessiblee porn, that expectations in bed have risen to unrealistic levels, thus arise in “ED” which is actually a psychological inability to be aroused by the real thing. Whether or not that's true is or the psychologists, not me.

 

As for me, I was “vers”, but I've learned that I like bottoming more than topping so now primarily bottom. 

[NWUSHorny]

@dmvnewbie I have a slightly different observation on the porn front. Flip fuck scenes had almost entirely disappeared from main stream gay porn before the advent of amateur distribution channels, which could also have had an effect on guys fantasies. Thirty years ago, there as almost a formula for what went onto a gay VHS tape, 5 scenes, 1 JO only, 1 oral, 3 anal with at least one of the anal scenes being a flip fuck. More recently even when all of the performers in a scene are versatile, they stick to just one role within a given scene and often times all of the scenes in the release. I have some slight hope that the amateur internet performers releasing flip fuck scenes and orgy scenes where all of the performers fuck and get fucked might inspire more guys to flip. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be happening yet. 

I'm tempted don a hood and participate in an amateur porn orgy with a bunch of versatile guys. The only things holding me back are that I'm over weight and over 50.

[NWUSHorny]

Another observation, when I started fucking 30+ years ago I had the impression that most guys tried topping before they tried bottoming. I have been told by a number of bottoms that are 15 to 20 years younger than I am, that they have never tried topping and have no interest in trying it. 

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

Flip fuck scenes had almost entirely disappeared from main stream gay porn before the advent of amateur distribution channels, which could also have had an effect on guys fantasies.

That is a very good point. The porn industry has changed quite a bit over the last few decades. They've tried to make it a bit more realistic (with varying results which have been discussed in other threads).

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

Another observation, when I started fucking 30+ years ago I had the impression that most guys tried topping before they tried bottoming. I have been told by a number of bottoms that are 15 to 20 years younger than I am, that they have never tried topping and have no interest in trying it. 

Similar experience in the past 25 years. I wonder if that's also related to the changes in the industry where “actors” were more dedicated to one position or the other. Universally things have gotten much more either/or.

[evilqueerpig]

I can honestly say my experience has been different.  My first man was 50/50 versatile and we both enjoyed topping and bottoming, along with kissing.  Actually, it led to a 3 month fling, culminating on my 18th birthday and we flip fucked before he told me it was time to try my wings and at his suggestion, I went to the baths.  Not to offend others, but when I'm into a man, I'm into the man himself, not his cock or ass and that makes it easy for me to go with the flow.  Still, there are times when I need to fuck and times when I need to get fucked.  That's me in a nutshell.

[KylerIsTrash]

5 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

I consider myself a total bottom although I will find a sloppy ass to breed at the end of a night at the bathhouse.

I cum fast and I am 1-and-done when I cum. When I hit the bathhouse I plan to spend 12+ hours. If I accidentally nut at any point I pack up and go home. There is no getting me horny for several hours after I unload. 

If I could remain horny after cumming in a group of bottoms I’d probably do it more often. IDK, my identity is a BTM and I live for the nights in the sling with loads churning in me ass. 

[NWUSHorny]

My observation is that sex clubs that have higher percentages of versatile guys have a lot more fucking than those that don't. I definitely prefer clubs with lots of activity where I can fuck 15 or 20 guys, hopefully get at least a dozen cocks in my ass, cum 3 or 4 times and leave fully satiated after 3 hours. I find hanging around the bath for more than 4 hours just hoping for activity, to be extremely frustrating. Unfortunately that has always been my reality at the baths in Portland. I quite often spend the full 8 hours and while I nearly always fuck and get fucked more than half of the time, I still usually leave more sexually frustrated than when I arrived. I actually stopped going to my local bathhouses for a couple of years when Steam was the only bathhouse in town. I think I would have gone out of my mind if I wasn't traveling 75% of the time, because there was no way to meet my needs locally.

Edited June 29, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[BlackDude]

I can honestly say I’ve never bottomed. I told a guy I would once but as soon as he pressed the tip, I backed out. I don’t ever see myself being able to bottom. I don’t even like getting rimmed.
 

Even in porn, I like clear roles. Once a guy bottoms, I can’t really watch him as a top unless it’s a quick breed pump and dump situation. 
 

Maybe I’m just the odd ball. 

[NLbear]

5 hours ago, BlackDude said:

I can honestly say I’ve never bottomed. I told a guy I would once but as soon as he pressed the tip, I backed out. I don’t ever see myself being able to bottom. I don’t even like getting rimmed.
 

Even in porn, I like clear roles. Once a guy bottoms, I can’t really watch him as a top unless it’s a quick breed pump and dump situation. 
 

Maybe I’m just the odd ball. 

Nobody says you have to bottom. If you don't like it that's it. If you like your role as a strict top enjoy it! Bottoms will thank you for it 😉

 

[HornyladNL]

I agree that it seems that good flip fucks are disapearing. I really like scenes where men give and take each others loads in their asses.

 

[raw773]

On 6/28/2022 at 3:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

What is your opinion on why does this strong tendency towards bottoming exist?

Is the tendency towards bottoming getting more pronounced?

Have you considered that you're getting older each year... And maybe there's a tendency for older guys to be more bottom?

In other words, maybe what's changing is you.

Just a theory.

[badjujuboy]

On 6/28/2022 at 1:43 PM, NWUSHorny said:

If you are a total bottom or primarily a bottom that does not suffer from ED is there anything (like an almost total lack of tops) that would inspire you to become more versatile?

 

As a total bottom these days I admit when I first came out I did have a few times when I topped but I felt like I was going through the motions and wasn’t really into  it as opposed to being totally into bottoming. I can say that I’ve been lucky to have met up with either total tops or vers guys that wanted to top me. I’ve only had one time where it wasn’t clear. I had started dating one guy and our first night together I made the move to take his cock and he looked at me with a puzzled look for a second and then said “OK” and proceeded to fuck me.  My now bf is vers and we now and then get together with a Daddy that can help out when he needs his cunt filled.  Tho for some crazy reason I do get into the thought of fist topping…

I couldn’t say what I’d do if I was stranded on a deserted island with nothing but bottoms but I do know that I would be making sure there was a double headed dildo around at the very least as it’s one of our favorite things.

Edited June 30, 2022 by badjujuboy

[NWUSHorny]

23 hours ago, raw773 said:

Have you considered that you're getting older each year... And maybe there's a tendency for older guys to be more bottom?

In other words, maybe what's changing is you.

Just a theory.

I'm not planning on becoming primarily a bottom, I intend to be fully versatile until the equipment stops functioning.. I still love topping and bottoming as much as I did the 1st time I tried them.

Edited July 1, 2022 by NWUSHorny