How to give in

[jthegay123]

Hello, I have been reading stories on this site for the past couple months and I want to give in and become a bottom boy but every time I get to that point to meet with someone on grindr I can’t. Anyone have any advice on how to break this nervousness?

[NLbear]

What holds you back? Having sex with a guy (getting fucked) or have something in your ass altogether? Something else?

[blkboibtm]

Are you talking about bottoming for the time? Hooking up with a stranger? or something more extreme?

[Piggyybttmm]

You gotta get to the bottom (pun intended lol) of that nervousness and fear and why it's stopping you. You gotta make sense and rationalize those fears and think of ways to get around them. Break those fears down. 

[BreedingTop71]

The problem is that you may be thinking of jumping in the deep end of the pool right away. Start with the shallow area of the pool. Find a top you’re comfortable with and have spoken to, instead of thinking of hooking up with strangers right away. 
 

there is a path to your fantasy scenario, find it by identifying what’s a tolerable INITIAL, basic step into it and slowly progress into your ultimate dream, which is what you always think of every time you JO. Maybe even try being mentored by an older top who can be patient with you to show you the ropes. Or rope, depending on what you’re into. 

Edited August 2, 2022 by BreedingTop71

[PigBoyDallas]

You're overthinking it and in your head too much. Do some CBD or have a joint first and relax. Go into it with no expectations. Don't hype it and more importantly don't even think about it. Think about other things. Then when you get there focus on being present and enjoying being with someone new, not what happens next.

[phukhole]

Some good advice above.  Wade in slowly instead of jumping in the deep end.  Bottom for someone you already know. Play with your hole when making out with someone.  You've got to get past what's holding you back, whether it's fear or shame or anxiety. Whatever it is, the sooner you overcome it, the sooner he can cum inside you. <oink>

[Hairypiglet]

This account just joined 17hrs ago...

[hntnhole]

First, Welcome to BZ !!!  This is a great site for all kinds of reasons, as you may already know.

My advice would be to turn Grindr off for a while (I'm assuming that's possible?)  

Go to a gay bar, or some other somewhat neutral gay joint like a social-service agency, maybe a legitimate (i.e. real) bookstore, gallery, whatever - meet some guys - find one or two you like, and have a conversation with a couple of real guys.  Try to make friends with 1 or 2 real actual guys who are doing what you're feeling, what you need/want to do.  

The point is to talk/share your thoughts with other men that have been in your place, ventured forth, and done it successfully.  We've all been there, and a lot of pitfalls can be avoided if you find a buddy to talk to.  Actually, we're a fairly generous lot with new guys, despite all the hoo-haa some guys come up with.  

Best of luck, and be sure to let us know how things are with your journey.

[ErosWired]

22 hours ago, jthegay123 said:

every time I get to that point to meet with someone on grindr I can’t.

Let’s make sure you’ve got your terminology straight to start with. Unless there’s a physically insurmountable obstacle that inconveniently pops up every time you try to set a Grindr hookup, it’s not that you can’t - it’s that you don’t. Because for whatever unnecessary reason, you won’t.

Several of the posts above lead you in the right direction by suggesting that you dig into your head and figure out what your actual hangup is. No one here can fix this problem for you. You have to have a sit-down with yourself, confront whatever fear it is that holds you back, and resolve to push past it. You can agree with yourself to try it once and if you don’t like it, you never have to do it again. But at some point, you simply have to try.

[verslut]

Maybe you're just not interested in getting fucked by a stranger (yet). Try out more causal play like oral or cuddling with a guy, then get more serious over time.

[jthegay123]

Thank you everybody for the great advice. I am trying to go to deep too quick. I’m having my first meet tonight and I will keep everyone updated.

[jthegay123]

It went really well. Can’t wait to start my journey as a bottom and start my fantasies. 

[BootmanLA]

On 8/2/2022 at 10:10 AM, PigBoyDallas said:

You're overthinking it and in your head too much. Do some CBD or have a joint first and relax. Go into it with no expectations. Don't hype it and more importantly don't even think about it. Think about other things. Then when you get there focus on being present and enjoying being with someone new, not what happens next.

I downvoted this because I don't think it's good advice to tell a first-timer to do drugs (even mild ones like pot) before his first time. It's also kind of contradictory to tell someone to take a mind-altering substance and then to focus on being present. I'm not saying pot can't enhance the experience (for some, obviously, it will), but it certainly doesn't help you to focus on the here and now.

I also get that inhibitions can be lowered that way. But for a first-timer, inhibitions are a safeguard. They're the body's way of telling you this is a new and unfamiliar situation, and they keep you alert. Particularly with a hookup who may not know a novice's lack of sexual experience, knocking down those inhibitions might well lead to harm (not from the drug, but from the hookup).

[amanwithaplan333]

On 8/3/2022 at 6:18 PM, jthegay123 said:

It went really well. Can’t wait to start my journey as a bottom and start my fantasies. 

So glad to hear it!  There’s no rush to anything. Go as far as you like and feel good about! I hope you continue to feel more and more comfortable sharing and exploring.