Gay sides on hookup sites and in in person sex venues?

[Pumpinmyhole]

 

15 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

Others have given nicer definitions than I have. The simplest definition who consider mild foreplay as the main event. I can happily avoid them on the apps, I wish I could say the same about in person.

I never would have guessed it was a new word for an old activity.  I asked 2 different guys in 2 different cities over the last few months and got no reply.  But  now I know I can avoid all the "side" guys

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

cuddle groups and events have sprung up in large numbers

I want to make sure I understand this:  Do you mean that several guys get together - in the flesh - to take their clothes off and just cuddle with each other?  That's it ??? 

Who would bother with the slightest taste of an appetizer, and not chow down on the whole meal ??? 

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

Although cuddle groups and events have sprung up in large numbers in large numbers in Portland, and I understand they are spreading to other areas.

Sounds more like a new bug.  We just got through with monkey pox, now we have to deal with cuddle pox !!!

[NWUSHorny]

30 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

I want to make sure I understand this:  Do you mean that several guys get together - in the flesh - to take their clothes off and just cuddle with each other?  That's it ??? 

Who would bother with the slightest taste of an appetizer, and not chow down on the whole meal ??? 

I don't know if they take their clothes off. They are heavily promoted on Twitter and if you Google Portland Cuddle Parties or Groups you get a long list. They have both mixed and single sex events. The only things I noted was that they all seem to forbid sexual contact at their events, and that it is trend that is expanding to other areas and were listing new events in other US and Canadian cities. It doesn't sound like my cup of tea.

Not exactly a cuddle party, but one of the baths have massage night every Tuesday night and monthly parties where they take off their clothes and just massage each other,  that the other patrons on those nights have let me know are not intended for sexual contact. I haven't received any warnings from the bathhouse employees, but I scrupulously avoid those events. As far as I know that concept has not spread to sex clubs in other cities.

I haven't been yet, and am unlikely to ever go, but the other bathhouse has started hosting dildo play parties every Thursday night. I hope that concept doesn't spread.

Edited January 5, 2023 by NWUSHorny

[tighthole64]

My understanding of side wss oral only.  As you may or may not know, Orlando has 2 bars with back yard play areas.  A good majority of them just looking for oral, although anal does happen there; a lot less common than oral only. 

[NWUSHorny]

22 minutes ago, tighthole64 said:

My understanding of side wss oral only.  As you may or may not know, Orlando has 2 bars with back yard play areas.  A good majority of them just looking for oral, although anal does happen there; a lot less common than oral only.

I agree that at least part of them do oral, but most of the hookup apps have long had an oral only option, so I'm not sure why they would need a new designation.

One of the local bathhouses holds "blackout" parties where they provide color coded glow stick bracelets by position, they have different colors for top, bottom, versatile, they eventually added oral, and have now added one for none of the above. Until the last couple of months there were more guys choosing the oral color than any other (probably at least 50% since they started offering it as an option, until recently). At the "blackout" in mid December, none of the above had to have surpassed oral, with less than 25% combined picking top, bottom or versatile.

Edited January 5, 2023 by NWUSHorny

[Baretop4ever]

55 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

now we have to deal with cuddle pox !!!

It could be worse… Such a cuddle parties have been popular here around (Germany) for years, even if not in both houses or dark rooms, but at least in private gatherings, but still widely known. Apart from the cuddling and non-penetrative action, it’s all about touching each other, feeling other men’s physical warmth, candles, dimmed light, chill out ambient sounds or songs of gay iconic divas and all other things wanna-be-romantic. And yes, they talk - about intimacy instead of practising it. I mean, good for those who prefer that, each to his own! Years ago, I once attended that and it was quite a toxic vibe there… everyone thought of himself to be better or kind of elite, “because there are so many more important things than sex”. Needless to say, you could notice the one or the other two or more guys sneaking out to fuck in secret. 

Although it’s still popular and widely known, that hasn’t really spread in comparison to actual group action in venues like bath houses or dark rooms. But such concepts always will find new followers (who take themselves to be everything else than slutty), so beware of cuddle pox!! 

[Baretop4ever]

The term “side” is also quite new here, but here it was considered so far, no fucking, neither active or passive, but also no oral… Just everything else beyond that (e.g. frotting or other things….). Meaning, everything beyond anything, penetrative… but hey, new terms always took awhile to spread, and for people to be understood, and to get its meaning on a common level… I didn’t know with connection to oral sex, but maybe it will take some time here as well, to get its meaning, right…

[ellentonboy]

Cuddle?  I don't mean to be sarcastic but I thought that went out in the late 90s or early 2000s.  The other item, kissing.  Sure it happens, but in today's world of PNP it seems as if men are willing to really push the envelope as to what they will do, but try kissing once and you are likely to get punched.  I have had very nice incidents, where after everyone is cleaned up, gathering their things, I have received some genuine hugs.  But to cuddle, kiss, I don't see that often.  The only time has come up with me is when it was a preplanned "date", one of us was staying at the other's place for the night, and there was some cuddling and kissing.

It amazes me what a guy will do with his body, but you try to show some affection and they look at you like you need to be institutionalized.  Am I the only one? 

 

[viking8x6]

I don't have anything against cuddling (I love to cuddle), against j/o and frottage (again, I enjoy these things), or against oral sex (though it doesn't do all that much for me, especially if I'm the one getting sucked)... but they certainly aren't the same as my default concept of "sex". That includes anal (which I love) and oral, and other things that involve genitalia (but clearly as also-rans). So I agree that the increasing number of people looking for "not sex" in venues I presume to be about "looking for sex" is discouraging.

Are human beings getting less interested in "sex"? It might be instructive to see what's happening in the "straight" world. One could hypothesize that as the human condition deteriorates (crowding, disease, lack of availability of the necessities of life), the impetus for reproduction (and by extension forms of interaction that mimic reproductive sex) might decline. Now all I need is a government grant and some graduate students... 😈

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, viking8x6 said:

So I agree that the increasing number of people looking for "not sex" in venues I presume to be about "looking for sex" is discouraging.

It isn't new here, they have been very much a presence in places guys go to hookup for the entire 16 years that I have lived here. What has seemed to change is how far my local bathhouses have gone to accommodate and encourage them, even to the point of holding special events (or at least more special events, massage night was on the schedule 16 years ago), which seems to be mirrored in the hookup apps which aren't local.

I'm not traveling as much recently, but have the horrible fear that it has spread and I will encounter it other places. I'm hoping to relocate in the next 6 months, hopefully to an area where "sides" do not make up the majority of guys that are looking for hookups.

[Baretop4ever]

1 hour ago, ellentonboy said:

It amazes me what a guy will do with his body, but you try to show some affection and they look at you like you need to be institutionalized.  Am I the only one? 

No, you aren't the only one. I'm astonished about that as well. No matter how liberal and freer we may have seem to become, there's still that phenomenon of sex-shaming that can be noted at many places, surprisingly, and that still seems to affect people in one way or another. Here's also the "fashion" to seek for buddies to join going somewhere clothing optional, like beaches or nudist hotels or so... but dare you even think of touching or go beyond... as I said before, each to his own, but even at this point of spending time together naked, you can notice a kind of sex-shaming an can be stigmatized as a slut if you even think of getting raunchy. It's crazy, it's one extreme in the middle of another one. They can't understand why the hell you even can think of sex when you spend time naked with someone else..

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, Baretop4ever said:

No, you aren't the only one. I'm astonished about that as well. No matter how liberal and freer we may have seem to become, there's still that phenomenon of sex-shaming that can be noted at many places, surprisingly, and that still seems to affect people in one way or another. Here's also the "fashion" to seek for buddies to join going somewhere clothing optional, like beaches or nudist hotels or so... but dare you even think of touching or go beyond... as I said before, each to his own, but even at this point of spending time together naked, you can notice a kind of sex-shaming an can be stigmatized as a slut if you even think of getting raunchy. It's crazy, it's one extreme in the middle of another one. They can't understand why the hell you even can think of sex when you spend time naked with someone else..

That is very much true in the Pacific Northwest of the US, it is probably the most liberal and accepting part of the country, which even extends to nudism, sexual fetishes and kinks. When it comes to engaging in sex physical acts they are the more inhibited and repressed than anywhere else that I know of. There is a lot of slut shaming, even in the bathhouses.

[tallslenderguy]

"Side" seems an appropriate term, and side dishes can enhance a good meal,  though my hunger would never be filled without the main entree.  

[hntnhole]

18 hours ago, Baretop4ever said:

And yes, they talk - about intimacy instead of practising it

Hi Baretop4ever .... good to see you back with us !!!  We've missed you.  

Per the quote above, this kind of behavior is common as dirt.  Whatever the particular subject happens to be, some folks always prefer running their mouths about it rather than doing it.  They must be terrified of their inborn nature, completely corrupted by the cultural shit they were raised with.  I feel sorry for these folks - only able to "live" vicariously through the fulfillments experienced by others. 

18 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

One could hypothesize that as the human condition deteriorates (crowding, disease, lack of availability of the necessities of life),

Now this ^ is a fascinating notion.  If the availability of wanton sex - gay or otherwise - is substantially reduced (Gov't restrictions, etc), does the reaction of those who either have been practicing wanton sex for many years, or those who crave it, but for some reason cannot fulfill it, become reduced?  I would say not, and the preceding applicable only in certain circumstances (debilitating disease, etc).  Substituting caviar with vanilla wafers just won't scratch the itch.  But this assumes that the social order we experience today continues on into the future.  If that order were radically changed - acting against the liberalism that allows almost everyone to follow their own path - I suppose it's possible that our perception of what actually is possible (or attainable) could be altered as well.