I don't understand the desire to get pozzed

[Iker80]

It's not something I'm seeking. I dream about a future without any STDs where sex is more free and simple.

But I understand kink and I think it's a kink for some guys. I think some kinks are better as an idea and not a reality. All changes to our bodies, like catching something, or taking medicines, come with a chance they'll go badly.

PrEP is a medicine though and I'm willing to take it so I can bb sometimes. So do I have a bb kink? I don't know. Can we call sex like our ancestors always had it a kink? Maybe it is with modern context of STDs? But I figure PrEP was a minor risk for the benefits, I mean it's not like I have to keep taking it if there's ever a problem.

I guess how willing we are to go for our kinks and wants is a very personal thing. I think it's good to remember though sex is just one part of our lives, and there's a massive range of things to enjoy and not every kink has to happen for us to have a great time. It's also good to have a good understanding what something is before doing it.

[Teeslad70]

I don't want to be pozzed, but I do need to keep taking it bare.

[hntnhole]

For some guys, a "kink" implies some particular act (or set of acts) that they find satisfying (B/d, S/m, piss, on and on).  I don't think the sense of wanting to become poz is a "kink", I think it's the result of a behavioral urges, i.e. a guy wanting to feel "free" to have as much sex as he wants/needs, and not think any further than that.  

What a lot of guys seem to do is focus on their being drawn to pigsex, without doing the intellectual work beforehand.  It's not like PrEP is such a big bother, a pill a day isn't all that tough to manage, for the protection it affords against serious illness, and a sense of freedom to fuck any guy, any time, any place - whether they actually do that or not.  PrEP allows a guy to minimize his chances of paying a costly price and live out his most wanton sexual desires.  Why a guy wouldn't do that is beyond me. 

[hairyone]

On 10/16/2023 at 11:44 AM, hntnhole said:

I think it's the result of a behavioral urges, i.e. a guy wanting to feel "free" to have as much sex as he wants/needs, and not think any further than that.  

I think you are right on, @hntnhole.  There is also another aspect I've seen from many of the posts from chasers on this forum. They are looking for a "brotherhood".  

I get it. Men can get lonely and want the other company of men for sex and/or camaraderie. With some men, you can have both.  With others you have one or the other.  All is great.  But having HIV is NOT a brotherhood!  If you want a brotherhood, join a club.

I joined a gay fraternal club and I found all that without having an agenda of sharing a vicious virus. And those needs mentioned as a gay man are met. 

[NWUSHorny]

4 hours ago, hairyone said:

They are looking for a "brotherhood".  

I get it. Men can get lonely and want the other company of men for sex and/or camaraderie. With some men, you can have both.  With others you have one or the other.  All is great.  But having HIV is NOT a brotherhood!  If you want a brotherhood, join a club.

That is the biggest reason I hear. Ironically I've heard from at least a handful of online profiles that never want to have sex again after they have joined the "brotherhood". 

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, hairyone said:

Men can get lonely

This problem is surely true, and it's made all the worse by dependence on the sex apps.  Depending on a "virtual" connection with one's peers is in no way comparable to physically interacting with other human beings.  Folks become isolated, alone with their apps, and can't figure out why they're not happy. 

We depend on interactions, in-the-flesh contact with other folks for our sense of stability, human-ness.  We are not very good at insularity, we don't thrive when we deny ourselves physical interaction with other folks, whether it's friends, neighbors, service-providers, on and on.  

It's entirely healthy and useful to be a part of the community, and not just the gay community.  I belong to a number of organizations (community, activism, cultural, interest-specific organizations), and those are all in-the-flesh interactions with others who share the same interests.  It's healthy to physically be a part of something.  

Even if it's only sex-related, it's healthy to take part in activities, causes greater than ourselves.  For instance:  every time I hit Slammer, I stop in the darkroom first, and the same bottom is always in the same place taking loads.  He doesn't even need to look around - he knows it's me.  Even that small measure of connection is a healthy thing.  I caught a little bug over there a while ago, and had to abstain for a while.  After I was cleared by the doc, the following night I went over there, and as soon as he felt my mouth on his Hole he asked where I've been, etc etc - this in the pitch-black of the roomful of breeding men.  It was more that his normal pattern had been disrupted, and he wondered.  

Regardless of what connects us, when it's disrupted for some reason, or not entered into in the first place, it's no wonder that folks get lonely.  Human, in-person interaction with other humans is important to our sense of well-being. 

Being hiv positive is a health-related state of being: it has nothing to do with a "brotherhood", which requires personal interaction in a social/cultural setting; i.e. participation in groups organizations not focused on wanton sex.  More, dependence on the ether to supplant physical interactions with our peers will inevitably fail to satisfy our need to "belong".     

I know some on here will read this and be offended, which is not my intent.  Rather, it is to encourage everyone to take part in the wide array of interests/organizations that include group, in-person interactions with other like-minded folks. 

Edited October 19, 2023 by hntnhole

[norefusal]

two reflections: 

brotherhood and belonging: this the the justification I'm most suspicious of. when i first came out i found my tribe with the act-up crowd and formed life- changing bonds w men i no longer speak to. brotherhood is fleeting. also, joining the chaser brotherhood seems a slap in the face to the silence=death brotherhood i was once so committed to. 

loneliness and apps: this cuts both ways. after 20 years of monogamy the acute loneliness i felt as my marriage crumbled before my eyes was overwhelming. just to be able to text with some random guy in another state going thru a similar fate probably saved me from offing myself. it certainly helped me be seen and feel connected and hopeful. and let's be serious, anyone who's gotten all of their courage up to go out on a sat nite only to be snubbed and ignored by snooty gays.. all alone in a packed queer bar.. knows the destructive loneliness of belonging to a group that refuses to acknowledge your validity. 

[norefusal]

On 10/16/2023 at 10:54 AM, Teeslad70 said:

I don't want to be pozzed, but I do need to keep taking it bare.

i want to see this slogan in a descovy add 😜

[Pozzing1]

On 8/12/2023 at 4:15 AM, btmdad said:

Why would someone want to get pozzed?  

Sorry for my English, I was not a good student.
On reflection:
1. Even though we know about the risk of cancer, people eat fatty foods, drink alcohol, smoke, do little sports and rest.
2. We had COVID and people refused to be vaccinated or quarantined. 
3. Why do some people with cancer choose not to have treatment even though it would prolong their lives?
Every person is different and we have a hard time understanding other people's decisions.
About me:
I have a small penis, I'm shy, I'm gay, and I have a quiet voice. From a young age, my parents ordered me to shop, cook, mow the lawn, etc. If I disobeyed, I got beat up. My parents were never satisfied. I was brought up to serve, not to resist, and never to decide. I felt insecure and fearful. At puberty, the first perverted sexual fantasies began and I longed for their fulfillment. I started going to dark rooms and places like that. When I set my ass up, I was beyond a star. The comdome wasn't used. The drier the sex without respect, the more I enjoyed it. Somewhere inside I longed to be something different, exclusive. Someone with a big cock or muscular, with a good figure, etc. I long to get all the venereal diseases. It's infected in my brain. The idea has haunted me for 20 years and I'm always excited about it. If I become HIV+, I have maybe 10-12 years left to live. But happy, fertile and drug-free. Maybe I'm already infected, I don't get tested. This group of people have similar desires and mindsets, they understand these feelings. I thank them for that.

[ErosWired]

On 10/14/2023 at 9:16 AM, Bimarried001 said:

I can more understand guys today chasing because it’s no longer a death sentence.

I think the ‘HIV is no longer a death sentence’ thing needs qualifying. It means that a diagnosis of infection with HIV does not necessarily mean inevitable progression to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), or that AIDS invariably leads to death.

But it still can.

HIV is no less deadly than it ever was; we just have better defenses - when we apply them. When we don’t apply them, we’re just as much at risk as everyone who got a death sentence in the ‘80s. I got HIV probably 30 years later, in 2011, and the medical advances did not save me from getting AIDS. The tests did not detect the virus in my body until it had almost finished its work, and yes, it would have been a death sentence for me in 2014 were it not for one savvy nurse and a quirk of my circulatory anatomy that saved me.

 I was trying to be careful (though not trying hard enough). I wasn’t out actively trying to get the disease and incubate it in my body. Yes, if you get HIV and don’t take the medication you have to take, it is a death sentence.

Think of it like renting a room in your house to a serial murderer. You make sure you always keep all the doors locked so he can’t get at you, so you don’t have to worry about him killing you - but he’s in your house, and on the other side of the wall he’s thinking about it, and if he could, he would. You can’t ever, ever, let your guard down. You have to check the locks every single night, just like taking medicine.

And even if you take all the medication as directed, you may live, but your quality of life will be less than it could have been, and will decline more steeply as you age. The meds aren’t a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

[ErosWired]

12 hours ago, Pozzing1 said:

If I become HIV+, I have maybe 10-12 years left to live. But happy, fertile and drug-free. Maybe I'm already infected, I don't get tested.

If you are infected and aren’t getting tested to find out, you don’t have 10-20 years. More like 3-4, perhaps, until the virus has finished destroying your immune system. Then you will die. It could be quicker. There won’t be anything happy about it.

If you get tested, on the other hand, and catch the infection early, you can begin treatment, and possibly have a lifespan approaching normal.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘fertile’, but if you mean ‘able to spread the disease’, that’s reprehensible.

[Bimarried001]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

I think the ‘HIV is no longer a death sentence’ thing needs qualifying. It means that a diagnosis of infection with HIV does not necessarily mean inevitable progression to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), or that AIDS invariably leads to death.

But it still can.

HIV is no less deadly than it ever was; we just have better defenses - when we apply them. When we don’t apply them, we’re just as much at risk as everyone who got a death sentence in the ‘80s. I got HIV probably 30 years later, in 2011, and the medical advances did not save me from getting AIDS. The tests did not detect the virus in my body until it had almost finished its work, and yes, it would have been a death sentence for me in 2014 were it not for one savvy nurse and a quirk of my circulatory anatomy that saved me.

 I was trying to be careful (though not trying hard enough). I wasn’t out actively trying to get the disease and incubate it in my body. Yes, if you get HIV and don’t take the medication you have to take, it is a death sentence.

Think of it like renting a room in your house to a serial murderer. You make sure you always keep all the doors locked so he can’t get at you, so you don’t have to worry about him killing you - but he’s in your house, and on the other side of the wall he’s thinking about it, and if he could, he would. You can’t ever, ever, let your guard down. You have to check the locks every single night, just like taking medicine.

And even if you take all the medication as directed, you may live, but your quality of life will be less than it could have been, and will decline more steeply as you age. The meds aren’t a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

Well said but I wasn’t implying that absolutely no one will die of aids ever again. 
We say Covid is behind us though there are still hundreds of people dying from it every day. 
When I got aids in the late 80s I thought I would die because just about everyone that got it was died. 
People aren’t dying of aids in droves these days. 

[BootmanLA]

15 hours ago, Bimarried001 said:

People aren’t dying of aids in droves these days. 

Well, not in the west, at least. There are still places in the world where treatment is scarce and it's still a huge problem.

And to the extent we're not dying in droves, it's because of a lot of work. We take medication every single day. We often watch that medication gradually shred some other part of our biology - our kidneys, our livers, whatever.

I'm all for a message that says "If you become poz, it doesn't have to be the end of the world." I'm very much opposed to the message being "It's not a big deal because if you become poz, you can just take one pill a day and nothing changes."

To me, that second message sounds almost like Big Pharma telling people not to worry about prevention because if something happens, we've got you. At a cost of $2-3K a month for the rest of your life, that is. 

[ellentonboy]

Just to follow up with what BootmanLA mentions regarding Big Pharma and the cost of medication, I looked at my E.O.B from Wellcare and my two medications total over $5,300 a month.  I am fortunate that I have no out of pocket expense for any of my scripts, but my situation is unique.  Not everyone has the kind of financial assistance I have been afforded and I would not want BZ posters to feel that becoming POZ automatically qualifies you for free medication and health care, because it doesn't.  It's been a long journey to get to where I am today, but I wonder about those who follow me, and will they be as fortunate.   Becareful what you wish for.......or chase.

[Bimarried001]

7 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

Well, not in the west, at least. There are still places in the world where treatment is scarce and it's still a huge problem.

And to the extent we're not dying in droves, it's because of a lot of work. We take medication every single day. We often watch that medication gradually shred some other part of our biology - our kidneys, our livers, whatever.

I'm all for a message that says "If you become poz, it doesn't have to be the end of the world." I'm very much opposed to the message being "It's not a big deal because if you become poz, you can just take one pill a day and nothing changes."

To me, that second message sounds almost like Big Pharma telling people not to worry about prevention because if something happens, we've got you. At a cost of $2-3K a month for the rest of your life, that is. 

I hope I’m not giving the wrong impression of what I’m saying. Yes, medicine is the reason the the drop in deaths. Yes medicine is expensive. Yes some people in parts of the world does not have access. 
Im not advocating for anyone to get infected because we have medicine. What I’m saying is because of medicine it’s no longer a death sentence for the majority of us.