Totally Confused

[PozBearWI]

True @BootmanLA.  But I do wonder if the fact I am many years older now also had lessened my odds.  And of course compared to you young whippersnappers, overlap isn't; gap is.  🙂

Edited August 23 by PozBearWI

[NWUSHorny]

49 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

The only issue I have with this is that my generation (which is close to/overlapping with yours) had more than our fair share of alcoholics and substance abusers in part because "the bars" were the only place to socialize. And a huge number of guys I knew took up smoking (creating another substance abuse problem) because it gave them something to do with their hands while they were standing around talking and drinking. Thankfully in a majority of states smoking indoors is now prohibited, which eliminates (in those places) that nasty reeking odor pervading your clothes whenever you'd go out to socialize.

That said, "the bars" also limited those kinds of casual encounters to evenings and nights, and pretty much weekends or weekend-adjacent nights only, because most people couldn't go out drinking on a Tuesday and get up and be at work on Wednesday morning, especially if they got lucky; that meant either getting in very late and little sleep, or staying over and then having to rush to get home, cleaned up, and changed for work. And in a city with more than one bar you found appealing, there was always the FOMO factor of wondering if the pickings were better at the other place(s). 

For all the downsides, the apps have meant opening up other times during the week, have meant not having to tolerate obnoxious drunks or tweakers or unbreathable air, have meant letting you be in more than one place (ie app) at a time. Of course, you'd think this would improve one's odds, but as we're seeing, it doesn't.

I grew up and came of age in the Midwest, where there were an abundance of gay cruising spots to find quick "casual encounters" any day of the week, that were not bars and did not require significant time commitments for socializing even in smaller cities. Which is always how I envisioned the hookup apps should work. I was living in Dallas and Denver when the hookup apps started entering into the hookup scene, and at least in that time and those places there were both hookup apps and cruising spots. I have since learned that not all parts of the world are like this, but still find in many geographical locations that quick hookups for a fuck are fairly easy to come by using either the apps or finding the in person cruising spots, and other geographical locations where hooking up successfully for a casual gay fuck even 2 or 3 times a week requires far more hours than I have free to devote to the task.

Edited August 23 by NWUSHorny

[PozBearWI]

13 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

I grew up and came of age in the Midwest, where there were an abundance of gay cruising spots to find quick "casual encounters" any day of the week, that were not bars and did not require significant time commitments for socializing even in smaller cities. Which is always how I envisioned the hookup apps should work. I was living in Dallas and Denver when the hookup apps started entering into the hookup scene, and at least in that time and those places there were both hookup apps and cruising spots. I have since learned that not all parts of the world are like this, but still find in many geographical locations that quick hookups for a fuck are fairly easy to come by using either the apps or finding the in person cruising spots, and other geographical locations where hooking up successfully for a casual gay fuck even 2 or 3 times a week requires far more hours than I have free to devote to the task.

Hmm, we share some history @NWUSHorny.  Roadside rest stops in Illinois and Wisconsin were great cruising spots. 

[VersGuyAnon]

On 8/22/2024 at 5:51 PM, Bottom Jim said:

Do I have been on grunt and Sniffies I clearly state I am a bareback bottom I quite often get asked three questions 

1. What you into?  I am a bottom I want a dick in my ass

2. they send me a picture of their ass. Why would I want that.? I want to see their dick not ass.

3. Can I wear a condom?  I state bareback so the answer is NO

Just read before you ask

The problem is a lot of guys don't read profiles. I've started just saying "read my profile", when they ask or say something I've mentioned in what I've written. 

[SpectreAgent]

2 hours ago, AirmaxUK said:

Maybe it's a regional thing but I think prices for bars/clubs/drinks in London are high enough to keep the addicts away.  On the other hand, some might say expense is a problem.

The only thing I would say is a nuisance on the London scene is guys who won't take no for an answer, and bottoms that are competitive to the point of irritation. 

I'm not a smoker, but I never minded it in cruise bars/club - they still allow it in some places in Berlin -  it has the advantage of masking any of the more unpleasant smells from the darkroom and whatever industrial bleach they use to clean it up. One club I know uses a special disinfectant intended for mortuaries.

My opinion of the apps is very low (see my previous posts on various threads). It likely varies with which app you use and where you are and what the culture is like. UK wise, most guys seem to be on apps for attention and gratification. Few are there to really meet.    

The apps in the UK have become wearisome and jaded; I’ve more or less given up on them.

You make an interesting point about smoking. I’ve never smoked, but I’ve also never minded it. In fact, I find there’s something intrinsically attractive about a bad boy smoking. 

[PozTalkAuthor]

On 8/22/2024 at 8:33 PM, BlindRawFucker1 said:

People don’t read.

 

They just like to look at the pretty pictures.

 

I read profiles since I can’t see photos.

 

I tell people to read mine before contacting me.

 

But, still I get questions that are clearly spelled out in my profile.

 

What can you do?  Not much.

 

I don't participate in dating/sex-related apps but the same game is played on other networks, general or about specific topics I'm interested in and I've decided to close conversation with people not wanting to communicate, saying "read my profile, come on" is like forcing an interest.

I always say "don't talk to a mule, you waste your time and the beast gets nervous".

Last person I just kicked out with no regret, was the one saying "can I ask a question? Are there real studies on this Undetectable Untransmittable stuff? I can't trust news, there's a lot of fakes".

He just contacted me in a space where I explained it all.

People don't read, but I don't care and select my Internet (and real life) buddies accordingly.

I don't waste my time with those, it's like talking to the wall.

[pupHawaii]

I'm not on dating sites either .. but - my name - on all sites (here, twitter, and all the rest) is pupHawaii .. the number of messages i get on twitter "where are you?"   HELLO .. it's in my name! .. and it's not Hawaii residents asking .. Hawaii locals ask "what island" or "where you stay?"   I've added this to my twitter profile "🌴Yes, I'm really in Hawaii .. many time zones away .. 🌴" but of course, no one reads profiles so that doesn't work .. and i have this on my profile "⭐  NONE of the photos are mine - DM for credit or removal ⭐" .. and the number of messages i get "wow you're so hot" .. okay so the flip side of that is - well at least they like the pictures i'm posting .. 

** rant over **  Happy Aloha Friday!  😉

 

[hntnhole]

20 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

That said, "the bars" also limited those kinds of casual encounters to evenings and nights

Well, I know perfectly well that I lived in a very active city for most of my life, and then moved to another (smaller) one. 

I can't speak for the situation of when the bars/bookstores open presently in Chgo, but when I lived there, they opened in the early afternoon, particularly the bars/fuckjoints in and around boystown.  The tubs was open 24/7*.  True, the "heavy-duty" type places here in Ft. L (i.e. Slammer) don't open until early evening, and then only Wed through Sunday nights, but Ramrod opens around noon here.  That doesn't mean the joint is full - not by any means - but it's at least open.  By mid-afternoon there are plenty of cars parked over there.  

*At one time Mans Country fielded a little "band", and I was keyboard.  When acts were booked in from the coasts (remember Manhattan Transfer?) I'd often have to re-work** charts, since MC didn't provide a full complement of instrumentalists, and went over there to receive the charts for re-working in the late mornings, then head upstairs to the Music Hall to do the score reductions.  There would always be guys sleeping on those huge, whole-body pillows (infested with Gawd-alone knows what) in the Music Hall, and always at least a handful of guys fucking each other.  

**i.e. reduce the scores to keyboard-only 

[hntnhole]

19 hours ago, PozBearWI said:

Hmm, we share some history @NWUSHorny.  Roadside rest stops in Illinois and Wisconsin were great cruising spots

Add me to that mix .... at one time, I drove over to Rockford regularly, and there was a particularly filthy gh joint just W of Elgin by 10, 15 miles .... on rte. 20, if I recall correctly.

Wouldn't it be cool if we "knew" each other - however briefly - at one time long past? 

[hntnhole]

16 hours ago, PozTalkAuthor said:

People don't read

Actually, I don't think the grammar schools teach reading much anymore, and they certainly don't teach writing very much.  Maybe we (as a society) don't depend on physically reading / writing all that much anymore .... except places out in the ether ... like, well ... you get the drift.  

[hntnhole]

On 8/23/2024 at 12:18 AM, KindaBasic said:

but live vicariously on the site. 

If that's the case, it's truly sad.  I think we need actual interaction with other humans, regardless of the purpose. 

There are clubs/organizations for all kinds of interests for a reason.  We need to experience each other, interact with each other, and not just sexually.  Shut away in our own little existence can easily turn us into disagreeable, inward-looking people.  Attempting to "live" via the ether, is ultimately not fulfilling. 

It's Kinda Basic, as you so aptly point out.  

[BlindRawFucker1]

Schools don’t teach much writing anymore.

 

And, when they do, it is becoming more common to not use punctuation.

 

Technology is making us less intelligent.

 

My nephew doesn’t even know how to use a dictionary.

 

Very, very sad.

[fuckyouraw777]

I claim if you don't want anyone to read something, just put it on a dating profile 😮

[BootmanLA]

@hntnhole You make a good point about cruising spots and glory holes and baths and bookstores being available over a greater range of time than traditional gay bars. But I think the type of cruising in the bars was different as well. When you go to a glory hole and occupy one side or the other, so to speak, that's all you want, to suck or get sucked (or in cases where it's physically possible, fuck or get fucked). Ditto for cruisy parks, and of course, in bathhouses.

That kind of single-purpose spilled over to bar backrooms, but (in my experience) those didn't exist in the vast majority of gay bars. Plenty of them had small dance floors, or stages for performances (drag or stripper or whatever), but the socializing was a lot more direct, and clothed, and people *talked* to each other in the bars. Most often they exchanged names, at a minimum - something you don't get at a glory hole or public park or bathhouse (usually). You spent at least some minimal amount of time on small talk, to gauge interest, and more often than not, you found a way to convey specific sexual interests (I want to fuck, I like giving head, whatever). You decide on a place to go. And so on.

That kind of place was seldom open before mid-to-late afternoon, to catch the "leaving work and wanting a drink" crowd, at least in the mid-sized cities and smaller places. It's certainly true that the Chicago metro area is bigger than the Fort Lauderdale metro area, but both dwarf places like, say, Des Moines, IA, or Raleigh, NC, or Boise, ID. Or Baton Rouge, where I live. So yeah, Chicago and Ft. Lauderdale are going to have bars with patrons coming in numbers by mid-afternoon.

It's true that all of these "in-person" meeting locations have declined in the age of the apps and the internet generally (which is helping kill the bookstores). But the bars (especially in smaller places that had no bathhouse/bookstore/public cruising area) were different in the way people had to interact in them - interaction that the apps try, and woefully fail, to replace. They were, in many instances, the only "community center" such locations had. And the culture of going there, seeing one's friends, and interacting with them as well as new faces, is what's disappearing.

(And as I note, it's not that the bars weren't problematic in their own ways. )

[hntnhole]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

They were, in many instances, the only "community center" such locations had. And the culture of going there, seeing one's friends, and interacting with them as well as new faces, is what's disappearing.

I take your point. 

In this area, there are lots of LGBTQ+ places, clubs, i.e. "in-person" venues where gay folk get together for some common purpose other than fucking, such as political action, shared interests, such as theatre clubs, car clubs, musical clubs, etc.   But, of course, after a quick chorus of 'getting to know you', some pair up and leave together.  It's just less overt, I guess, and at least it implies some talking, interacting with others before fucking.  

It's that human connection with each other - in the flesh, but not necessarily overtly sexual - that seems to have withered on the vine with the coming of the fuck apps.  I think that some of the younger guys don't have those opportunities (or take advantage of them), and wind up trying to replace in-the-flesh human interaction with the apps, which can't possibly equate with actual human interaction.  

The sad thing is, in many less populated areas there either never were much group interactions available, or they've withered on the vine by now.  Fortunately though, there are some areas that still maintain a substantial population of "out" gays/lesbians/not yet sure folks where we can actually communicate with our peers. 

Thanks for your input.