Advice on how to prevent premature ejaculation and be more confident when topping

[JesseAaron1385]

When I started having sex I was traditionally the bottom. I feel this can be attributed to the fact that I am a passive and submissive person rather than an actual desire to be a bottom. Well, at this point in my life I can't bottom due to a combination of various reasons and situations so I am trying to become more of a top in order to maintain a satisfying sexual life. However, I am very shy about topping and have very little confidence when I do get the opportunity, I either cum too quickly or I tend to get lost in my head and overthink every little detail (finishing too quickly, making myself last longer, is my partner enjoying, ways I can be better, what I can do differently, etc) which results in performance anxiety. I have tried:

• Numbing spray with lidocaine - didn’t really do anything
• Numbing lube with benzocaine - more numbed their ass than my dick or numbed too much and couldn’t keep my wood
• Jerking off and cumming before sex so I’m not so sensitive
• Slowing down and pausing to prevent myself from cumming
• Wearing a condom - made it impossible for me to stay hard and cum
• Thinking of distractions/daydreaming - this just leads to me losing my wood
• Focusing on other things around me like music or the tv
• Wearing a cockring - they are generally uncomfortable and make my balls ache but this only results in me once again losing my wood
• Antidepressants - didn’t really do anything
• Downers - just resulted in not being fully hard and making it impossible for me to cum
• Stimulants - didn’t affect my ejaculation any other than making me sweat and feel like I was running a marathon trying to catch my breath
• Being stoned - this was fun but did nothing other than make me easily distracted
• Being drunk - fun but sloppy and usually prevents me from getting completely hard or cumming
• Other pharmaceutical categories like benzos, muscle relaxers, steroids - benzos do nothing until I take enough to fall asleep, muscle relaxers do nothing until I take enough to feel jello-y, steroids not sure what these would do but I’ve tried em
• Poppers - these just make my head swim until I either get nauseated or go soft
• Pain stimuli - to distract me from the feelings of pleasure
• Frequently changing positions - to differ the stimuli as well as have a mini break from the stimulation
• Relaxing myself/muscles to slow down climax - breathing evenly, releasing any tension I’m holding, basically meditating while I have sex
• Tensing my muscles - squeezing, tensing, clenching my leg, groin, and ass muscles in order to prevent myself from shooting

It seems like everything I try either doesn’t work or does the opposite, making me feel impotent, and neither of those results help me gain confidence in myself or my actions. It's really starting to get to me…does anyone have any suggestions or advice?

[yoursinmine]

I don't have any advice, I'm not sure there's much you can do really outside of what you've tried. Personally, I find it incredibly hot when he cums fast. I lot of bottoms just want to make him happy, so don't worry about it and own it. 

I'd love you fuck you

[JesseAaron1385]

6 minutes ago, yoursinmine said:

I don't have any advice, I'm not sure there's much you can do really outside of what you've tried. Personally, I find it incredibly hot when he cums fast. I lot of bottoms just want to make him happy, so don't worry about it and own it. 

I'd love you fuck you

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I know a lot of bottoms are just happy to get fucked and get a load but I can't help but feel like I should be more capable for them. I have a fear of disappointment and this one hits me hard.

[yoursinmine]

I get that. All I can say is that's not my expectation or anything I really think about. I just want to please him.

That being said, you could try edging. Fuck one end of him, pull out, spank him, toy him, make him suck your balls--anything to give yourself time and then go again and repeat

[foryouruse]

You didn’t mention if you tried anything like Cialis to help with the ED aspect of the problem, or anything with Oxytocin which some companies are combining with Cialis to keep you in the mood. Also, sertraline is often used to prevent premature ejaculation. Also, lots of guys want specific porn playing.

That said, some tops make it the bottoms job to keep them excited (it isn’t always your job). If you want them more vocal or more oral or more engaged (do your nipples go straight to your dick?).

Tops that bottom usually understand what the bottom wants, but if topping isn’t “natural” to you, think of what you want to happen to stay excited…and make the bottom make you happy.

[foryouruse]

Also, there are lots of cockrings that flex and won’t kill your balls, and then there are toys and sheaths, and there is fisting.